Creepy Crazy Christmas

By Catherine A. MacKenzie

Follow along with the Grimes family as you read about some of their horror-filled, wacky, and comical Christmases. Among the cast of characters are the parents, Elise and Bob; their young son, Jimmy; and Jimmy’s estranged paternal grandmother, Winnie. And, of course, St. Nick, together with some of his friends.

There are eight fun-packed stories in this book, each one more exciting than the one previous. You don’t want to miss any of them.
And don’t forget to come back next year for more breath-taking stories of Christmases past with the Grimes family.

Buyer beware: These stories are quirky and warped. No gore or sexual content, however. Probably not suitable for under 13. Adults only.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Catherine A. MacKenzie
• Release date: Dec 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781927529010

Catherine A. MacKenzie

Contact Cathy if you require services such as editing, formatting e-books and print books, making covers for e-books and print books, or publishing books. She will be glad to help! Cathy enjoys writing poems, short stories, and essays, some of which appear online and in various anthologies, including those published by Chicken Soup for the Soul, Dancing with Bear Publishing, Rebel Ink Press, and Twin Trinity Media. Her works have also appeared in such publications as Sasee Magazine, Magnapoets, and Still Point Arts Quarterly. She has self-published books of poetry and short story collections, both e-books and print books. Numerous other stories and poems are in the works, which she hopes to publish in the near future. Cathy also paints, pastels being her favorite medium and her grandchildren her favorite subjects. Cathy lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, with her husband, and they winter in Ajijic, Mexico, where several of her works have appeared in local publications. Visit Cathy's website (below) for further information about her and where to purchase her books. Please let her know you’ve been by and leave a comment! Connect with the Author: Mail to: [e-mail] Visit Cathy at: http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/

Book preview

CREEPY CRAZY CHRISTMAS

by Catherine A. MacKenzie

Follow along with the Grimes family as you read about some of their horror-filled, wacky, and comical Christmases. Among the cast of characters are the warped parents, Elise and Bob; their young son, Jimmy; and Jimmy’s estranged paternal grandmother, Winnie. And, of course, St. Nick, together with some of his friends.

There are eight fun-packed stories in this book, each one more exciting than the previous one. These stories span eight of the Grimes’ Christmases, beginning before Jimmy’s birth and ending when he’s eight years old. You don’t want to miss any of them.

And don’t forget to come back next year for more breath-taking stories of Christmases past with the Grimes family.

Creepy Crazy Christmas

Copyright ©2012 Catherine Anne MacKenzie

Smashwords Edition

Published by Catherine A. MacKenzie

December 2012

Contact the author at:

[e-mail]

(Thanks to an angel, Angel Sharum, for helping me with the cover.)

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, locations and dialogues in this book are of the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, real places, locations or situations is purely coincidental and unintended.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreword

Beer Turkey

Angel Hanging over Her

Great Balls of Christmas Fire

Naughty Boy

Winnie’s Christmas Goodies

Sprite of the Night

Curious Gift of Christmas

Omnipotent

Afterword

Meet the Author

~***~

FOREWORD

(from the author)

"There’s so much buzz around these stories that I can’t wait to read them.

Just tell me where to go so I can start reading." (a Facebook friend)

This is a book of eight short stories. Each story is a stand-alone story, but reading the book in its entirety affords the reader additional information about the wacky individuals and their quirks. The stories span eight different Christmases—the first story set before Jimmy’s birth and the last story when Jimmy is eight.

Whether or not I am tooting my own horn, I love these stories, but I publish this book with trepidation because I’ve had several readers absolutely hate it. Of course, they didn’t actually use the word hate, but it’s easy to read between the lines. (Read my Afterword for the full explanation.)

I’ve been told the stories are half-baked, bat-shit crazy, creative, interesting, and confusing. Some readers didn’t like the plots, but the plots are what they are—odd, funny, and strange, perhaps border-line sick.

Although I hope I can write wonderful stories, I know I also write garbage at times, but I’m so proud of these stories—I like them THAT much—that I can’t wait to share them.

Perhaps I’m as warped as the Grimes family!

So, without further ado—Merry Christmas! And here’s (what I hope to be) the first volume of stories about the wacky Grimes family.

Enjoy…or not…

Cathy

December 10, 2012

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Beer Turkey

The chicken carcass sat impaled on the beer can. It had no head, of course, since chicken’s heads are chopped off before their poor little bodies hit the supermarkets. No cook wants to see that sad, dead face.

I’d pass that depressive chicken, and many others, when sauntering back and forth from the patio to the kitchen, while waiting for procrastinator husband, Arnie, to start the barbeque. Once the barbeque was up to temperature, he’d set the chicken-topped beer can on the grill, where it would slow bake for a couple of hours.

The steam from the beer permeates throughout the flesh, making the meat tender and juicy. The only drawback to beer-can cooking is that there’s no room for the stuffing, and Arnie loves his stuffing. He also likes his beer, probably more so than the stuffing, because he enjoys drinking more than eating while watching football and other sports. At any rate, he can’t have both. Not with beer-can chicken.

I mulled over the stuffing dilemma one day during the past summer, although how it became my problem, I had no clue. I could add extra gobs