Advice From The Guy In Gray Sweatpants

By Jake Peroni

He enters in a slow stride, as if seven doves flutter past his head through the entrance of the lowly neighborhood watering hole at 4:36 pm on a Tuesday.

Payday.

Looks around to see if he recognizes anyone, all familiar faces, but no names. Gentle nods disguised as a pop in his step, in case the acknowledgment is not returned from the fellow patrons as he drifts past.

Unshaven, dressed in flip flops, gray sweatpants, and a gritty polo shirt, as if his sporty, collared torso will compensate for the socially unacceptable sweats.

He bellies up to a seat in the back corner of the bar with visible access to a TV and earshot of every conversation within 10 yards.

Keys and cell phone placed on the bar to imply he "might" be meeting someone, or coordinating something important... He's not.

Despite having it memorized, he requests a menu. A distraction, so people don't think he's lonely or crazy... When in fact he's a bit of both.

Bartenders know him by name and bring him his usual drink before he even orders it.

Then he sits.
... And drinks.
... And sits some more.

For hours on end, watching and observing the crowds change around him.

Once the booze mixes with the loneliness, he can't help but intrude on the surrounding conversations with his unequivocal rationalization.

He resides in every dive bar across America and throughout the civilized world.

This book is merely a "collection" of his best drunken insight when interrupting a private conversation with his infinite wisdom and unparalleled perspective... Or so he thinks.

The context of the conversation has been removed, because in all honesty, it wasn't relevant to his solution anyway...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jake Peroni
• Release date: Nov 5, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301831722

Jake Peroni

Jake Peroni was Executive Editor of the satire site, theBISQUIT.com. He was also a contributor to the groundbreaking Movieboozer.com. The “Dadvice” articles have been published on a number of websites. With many years experience working in the book publishing industry, Jake firmly believes that the survival of literature as a form of entertainment will die with us, unless something is done to engage the young, prospective reader. By breaking traditional formatting to create shorter stories at cheaper prices, it is possible. eBooks are the perfect platform for his mission. Evolutionary Men is his debut eBook. For an even lighter read try "Advice From The Guy In Gray Sweatpants" also by Jake Peroni

Book preview

Preface

He enters in a slow stride, as if seven doves flutter past his head through the entrance of the lowly neighborhood watering hole at 4:36 pm on a Tuesday.

Payday.

Looks around to see if he recognizes anyone, all familiar faces, but no names. Gentle nods disguised as a pop in his step, in case the acknowledgment is not returned from the fellow patrons as he drifts past.

Unshaven, dressed in flip flops, gray sweatpants, and a gritty polo shirt, as if his sporty, collared torso will compensate for the socially unacceptable sweats.

He bellies up to a seat in the back corner of the bar with visible access to a TV and earshot of every conversation within 10 yards.

Keys and cell phone placed on the bar to imply he might be meeting someone, or coordinating something important… He's not.

Despite having it memorized, he requests a menu. A distraction, so people don't think he's lonely or crazy… When in fact he's a bit of both.

Bartenders know him by name and bring him his usual drink before he even orders it.

Then he sits.

… And drinks.

… And sits some more.

For hours on end, watching and observing the crowds change around him.

Once the booze mixes with the loneliness, he can't help but intrude on the surrounding conversations with his unequivocal rationalization.

He resides in every dive bar across America and throughout the civilized world.

This book is merely a collection of his best drunken insight when interrupting a private conversation with his infinite wisdom and unparalleled perspective… Or so he thinks.

The context of the