Love & Inspire Your Man After Prison

By Michael B. Jackson

The hundreds of thousands of wives and partners of current, former, and future inmates; families, friends and loved ones of current, former, and future inmates; criminal justice professionals; and anyone interested in the corrections system and/or the betterment of society all will find this book indispensable.

How to Love and Inspire Your Man After Prison is the first definitive self-help guide for women in relationships with men in prison and after prison. It is a potentially life-changing or life-saving manual with powerful insights, practical advice and energizing inspiration.

Topics covered include:
•How to help a man prepare for life after prison while he is in prison.
•How to help a man after prison.
•How to prepare and protect yourself.
•Parole and probation issues.
•Resources and Directories

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael B. Jackson
• Release date: Aug 26, 2012
• ISBN: 9780970743633

Michael B. Jackson

Raised in a Newark, New Jersey housing project, Michael B. Jackson was introduced to a life of crime and heroin addiction at an early age. At 18, he made his first trip to prison, and for the next ten years was in an out of prison for parole violations and new offenses. Like so many inmates, he became more comfortable behind bars than in the outside world. One day Jackson finally “got it” and made a commitment to change his life for the better. Channeling his anger and resentment for positive purposes, he began to put back the pieces of his self-esteem and character. In 1979 he was paroled and has never returned to prison. Today, Jackson is an author, activist, motivational speaker, businessman and the founder of www.Jointfx.com – a website devoted to helping formerly incarcerated people and their families find success during and after prison. He was a member of the planning committee for the Counting the Costs Hearings convened by NJ Assembly Majority Speaker Bonnie Watson Coleman, in 2009-10. This series of history making Town Hall meetings has resulted in legislation being introduced that will bring unprecedented positive reform to the NJ Criminal Justice System. He recently retired, after more than 32 years of employment in the New Jersey adult and juvenile corrections and parole. Having served on both sides of the criminal justice bench Jackson has an intimate understanding of both sides of the issues and circumstances that formerly incarcerated people are faced with. In his books the author gives practical advice and information for taking control of your own destiny and success while in prison and after leaving prison. “How to Do Good After Prison: A Handbook for Successful Reentry” focuses on one changing his way of thinking and overcoming the traditional barriers he will face in society as a formerly incarcerated person. “How to Love and inspire Your Man After Prison”, a companion book to help women with men involved in the criminal justice system, is based on letters sent to Jackson’s online advice column” at www.jointfx.com He also founded and hosts the online radio talk program, “Prison Nation Radio w/ Michael B. Jackson”. Jackson conducts seminars and training sessions on topics related to prisoner reentry success after prison. He has appeared on many local and national radio, newspaper, and television shows, including “Iyanla Vansant Show” (ABC), “Dayside w/Linda Vester” (FOX News), “It’s Your Call w/Lynn Doyle” (CN8), “On the Count w/Eddie Ellis (WBAI AM). Jackson has also frequently conducts workshops and presentations and at seminars and conferences, including the National Association of Blacks in Criminal Justice Conference.

Book preview

HOW TO LOVE AND INSPIRE YOUR MAN AFTER PRISON

A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Incarcerated Men

By Michael B. Jackson

Copyright 2012 by Michael B. Jackson

Smashwords Edition

This book is designed to provide information in regard to the subject matter covered. The publisher and author are not engaged in rendering legal or professional services and assume no liability with regards to the use of the information contained herein.

ISBN: 978-0-9707436-3-3

JointFX Press

621 Beverly-Rancocas Rd

C-2,  PMB104

Willingboro, NJ 06046

Introduction

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. – Serenity Prayer

It’s not easy loving and caring for a man who is in prison. Just ask the hundreds of thousands of wives, mothers, girlfriends, sisters, and other women who do. Sometimes known as the Prisonwife or one of the Prisonwives, she suffers in her own private prison while her only apparent crime is that she loves a man who is caught up in the criminal justice system. Never has there been a more under-appreciated, under-supported and generally misunderstood group of women. But, don’t feel sorry for her. She’s successful, strong, educated, intelligent, and law-abiding. She’s in control of her world and she’s able to take care of herself.

Then there’s that man of hers. He’s a convicted felon, in prison, on parole, probation, or other form of post-incarceration supervision. He has made a lot of mistakes in his life.

She longs to see him do well and succeed and she wants to take an active role in his drive for success. So, if you want to help her, give her something useful and effective in her desire to help her man get his head straight. This book was written for the Prisonwife.

This is not a relationship book, per se. You will not find secret jewels on how to make a man into a better lover, or more faithful, nor will you find advice on how he can secretly be molded into the perfect man. However, if a man does well there is a good chance that the other aspects of his life, including matters relating to his significant others, will also improve.

This book explores the reality of a man’s life after prison based on the author’s personal experiences and the experiences of other felons and their loved-ones. The author shares advice and insight to better understand a man’s transition from prison to freedom and more fully understand how she can be supportive and encouraging for him when he needs it.

Each man’s experience is different. It is impossible to even imagine the blizzard of challenges and obstacles both from external sources and those he creates himself that he will encounter in the days ahead. This book looks to highlight the behaviors and attitudes that are consistent in the lives of those people who make it after prison.

It would be nice if every man coming out of the prison could be successful based solely on the strength of the people who care for him and love him, but it is not like that in real life. In real life three out of five men paroled or released from prison on mandatory supervision go back to prison within twelve to twenty-four months of release. Many if not most of those men have loved-ones who have suffered, sacrificed and supported him for years waiting for him to come home, only to see him transform back into the guy he was before he went in and eventually wind up back in prison.

It does not have to be that way. The cycle can be broken. Many, many people with lengthy prison histories have successfully broken away from a life of crime and made their piece of the American dream happen for them.

Ultimately, the responsibility for whether one is successful or not in his life after prison will be up to each individual man. The people in the life of a man leaving prison can be a big influence on him, but in the end it will be the decisions he makes and how he deals with the realities of trying to make it in the real world that will dictate his success or failure.

Nothing will make a bit of difference if the man is not committed to staying on track and to doing what is necessary so as not to return to prison. The successful formerly incarcerated man has to want to do this for himself. He must commit to himself first before he can even think seriously about making any commitments to others.

This book was written as a companion book to How to Do Good After Prison: A Handbook for Successful Reentry, by Michael B. Jackson.

Do Good was written to assist men to succeed and prosper after leaving prison. The same things that a man needs to know about improving himself and his chances for success after prison are the same things his loved-ones need to know to help him achieve that success. Thus, much of the advice and information has been updated to enhance that success.

This book covers two primary phases:

While a man is in prison, and After a man gets out of prison.

The topics are in response to real email questions sent to the Ask Shakir advice column at www.Jointfx.com. Emphasis is focused on after prison issues, including relationships, adjustment, and parole.

Also included in this book are contributions from two ex-prisonwives, Debra and Storm. Each has found happiness and success with her man after prison. These women tell their stories and offer advice to others.

The information and advice in this book is intended to help someone inspire and motivate a man to achieving personal-growth, self-improvement, self-healing, self-realization, and positive behavior/attitude adjustments in preparation for his successful journey through the prison system and back to society.

Author’s Message

I am extremely thankful and appreciative to Almighty God for all the mercy and blessings He has bestowed upon me in my life. I believe my faith and my personal relationship with God was a major key to my success in life after prison. It was important that I was able to recognize a Higher Power outside of myself to discover the higher power within myself.

Through faith I found the inner-strength to hang in there when things got tough and the strength to successfully create a better life for my family and myself. It’s not necessarily about going to church and joining the choir. One must believe and have faith that God will come through for you as long as you continue to do the right things.

It is going to take all the faith and personal strength that a man can gather to repair, rebuild, and maintain his personal relationships with all the significant people in his life, such as his woman, parents, children, while at the same time trying to overcome his own personal post-prison demons.

Recognition and acceptance of a Higher Power than oneself is just as important to the woman of an formerly incarcerated man. Lord knows it is going to take a saintly level of faith, inner-strength, understanding, tolerance, and love on the part a woman lucky enough to love a convicted felon.

Every man coming out of prison has a lot to be thankful for. Each has personally been blessed by the power and mercy of God many times in his life. Just consider the over indulgences and abuses of a prisoner’s past lifestyle of drugs, alcohol, violence and who-knows-what. The mere fact that he is still alive and in relatively sound physical and mental health is, in itself, a miracle. That alone, plus getting another chance at freedom after all the sins that he has committed in his past, proves that someone or something more powerful than himself has been looking out for his butt over the years.

CHAPTER 1

Effects of the Prison

To help a man succeed after prison you must first have a little understanding of how prisonized he has become as a result of the time he has spent incarcerated.

Today an inmate is likely to have been arrested and in custody several times before and have a lengthy history of alcohol and drug abuse. He is also more likely to be involved in gang activities and drug dealing, has probably experienced significant periods of unemployment and homelessness, and may have a mental or physical disability. A significant number of inmates will have spent weeks, if not months, in solitary confinement or supermax prisons devoid of human contact and prison program participation.

Most everything about the prison experience is designed to drive a man to the point of hopelessness and despair. This way the prison-keepers can more easily control his mind, body, and