Savior

By Bran Lindy Ayres

Body guarding a wealthy, flamboyant young singer is not what Kenta Arakaki thought he'd be doing when he started working at the Firm. Even worse, his charge, one Ryuunosuke Ito, can't keep his hands to himself and needs constant attention and reassurances over and above anything a normal body guard would put up with. Two years into the job and it's still as awkward as ever around the pampered pretty boy, but things are slowly changing as Kenta realizes that Ryuunosuke is the one person in his life who sees passed the tough façade to the lonely young man underneath. This realization changes many things for Kenta, but he's still reluctant to let Ryuu close, afraid of what the past might bring for the future.

Haunted by nightmares of a violently abusive boyfriend, Ryuu's cheerful nature belies his inner turmoil and distrust of others. Always smiling he puts on a front of being frivolous and vain, but Kenta's quiet acceptance and tolerance makes him realize just how deeply he's fallen in love with the younger man. He's determined to get Kenta to understand just how much he's appreciated, wanted and needed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bran Lindy Ayres
• Release date: Apr 22, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476130668

Bran Lindy Ayres

I write gaslight fantasy for MOGAI readers who enjoy excitement, intrigue and romance and want stories focused on characters like themselves. As an avid reader and writer and a member of the MOGAI (Marginalized Orientations, Genders, Alignments and Intersex) community it's my goal to bring the more marginalized orientations and gender identities into the public conscious. I write romance for those of us who are more interested in the emotional journey and who like to see healthy loving relationships grounded in mutual respect and trust. My characters are complex, flawed and true-to-life portrayals of the struggles of being different from society's norms. My hope is that by sharing these stories that readers will find characters and situations to relate to and see that love does indeed come in all shapes and sizes. Having your race, orientation and/or gender represented in books you love is incredibly important to a sense of self-worth and everyone deserves to be represented.

Book preview

Savior

By Bran Lindy Ayres

Copyright 2012 by Bran Lindy Ayres

Smashwords Edition

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

To Aya, my inspiration and partner in crime

and

to my beautiful Misaki, who kept me going.

Table of Contents:

Fantasy

Fault

Kiss

Hot

Tumble

Refusal

Pain

Soft

Date

Misery

Practice

Anticipation

Top

Argument

Test

Bottled

Dawning

Agitated

Questions

Fears

Investigation

RedonRed

Boundaries

Distress

Coma

Regret

Decision

Horror

Absolution

MovingOn

Chapter 1

Fantasy

Ryuu

Stretching my legs out underneath the tiny table the tour bus was outfitted with I looked at my band mates. Akira was texting someone, probably his new girlfriend. Sora was in the process of trying to get himself hit by our drummer.

Stop it Sora. Hasu yanked the handheld out of the bassist’s reach glaring at him. I didn’t bother to hide my amusement, letting a chuckle slip free.

You are going to lose, just let me beat that boss for you.

No, I can do it if you’d quit pestering me. Damn it Sora! You made me lose again.

I laughed softly and slid out of my seat, swaying with the movement of the bus. Hasu didn’t cuss all that often and when he did-

Ow! Owowowow! Let go! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again.

I glanced back over to see Hasu with a fist full of Sora’s long red hair holding his head against the table. Hasu’s eyes were firmly fixed on the small screen even as Sora struggled to get loose. Hasu might be almost a foot shorter and four years younger, but it was pretty obvious that Sora had no chance. Our little drummer was strong enough to flip the tall bassist on his head. Quite literally.

Turning back around, I opened the small fridge and grabbed myself a Coke. The weekend had gone exceptionally well. Both concerts had been huge hits and I’d gotten to hang around my favorite person the whole weekend. Sitting back down, I took a sip of the coke. It was going to be a couple of days before I got to see my dark haired bodyguard again. I already missed those unfathomable dark eyes. The deep voice that sent chills running over my skin. I missed watching that slender graceful figure control the crowds of fangirls with a skill that belied his small stature. I sighed, running my finger along the lip of the can.

Maybe my agent was right. Maybe I was just chasing after a dream. I just couldn’t let it go. Not yet. After all the time I’d spent around Kenta, he’d seen me at my best and my worst and he still was just as patient and kind as ever. I know I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I’m too emotional and act before I fully think things through. At least that is what everyone tells me. I took another sip of the Coke, thinking.

What’s wrong, Ryuu?

I looked up to meet Akira’s light brown eyes. Nothing, was just thinking.

Did you have fun this weekend?

I nodded, Yeah. Hana and I are going to get together this week. She’s got some wicked ideas for new concert outfits.

Akira shook his head blonde spikes whipping around the beautiful face, a wry smile twisting full lips. I used to daydream about kissing those lips. You two knowing each other scares me.

I couldn’t help but giggle at that, even if there was a hint of pain in it. She’s so much fun! Oh my god, I can’t wait to get to work on our new outfits.

Something in Akira’s eyes changed slightly and I looked away realizing it had sounded forced.

What are you hiding Ryuu?

Trust Akira to see right through me. I shrugged, unable to keep the smile in place. Truthfully, I wasn’t looking forward to going back to my huge empty apartment. I loved being with everyone, meeting Hana had seemed to underline the fact that without my friends around I was nothing. That old fear from high school, from before I’d met Sora, always tried to resurface then. What if they only were friends with me because my family was wealthy or because I happened to have a band? What if it was all fake? With Sora I knew it wasn’t. For one, we’d been friends for too long and his family was almost as well off as mine.

Umm, so are you guys going to come over sometime this week? We’ve got that new material . . .

Ryuu, if you want us to come over just say so. You don’t have to make up an excuse for us to come over. Sora’s gentle tone actually made me feel worse. It made me feel like a whiny, needy, self-centered jerk.

Oh no, it’s cool. I was just wondering. I know it’s been a really busy weekend and I don’t expect you guys to come over. We don’t have another concert for a while, though I’m sure Isao will book us something soon. I glanced back over at Akira studying him for a moment. He’d changed in the year since he’d joined the band and found a girlfriend. He was more confident and happier. A lot happier. I would never have been able to make him as happy as she did. Even now that thought hurt. I loved him, more than he probably realized, but I’d slowly come to realize that it wouldn’t have worked no matter how hard I tried. That led me to think about Kenta. My young bodyguard was the quiet, calm presence that my life had been lacking for so long.

You are thinking about Kenta aren’t you? I looked up expecting to get the usual sarcasm from Sora, instead he was looking at me concern clearly visible in the bright green eyes.

I couldn’t hold his gaze. Was it that obvious?

Well lately it’s been pretty obvious that . . . Sora paused and looked over at Hasu who was once again absorbed in his game. He picked up the headphones laying on the table between us. After plugging them into the handheld, he put them on Hasu getting a look but no argument. Sometimes the big oaf was more protective than he needed to be of the younger drummer.

You like him don’t you? I looked back over at Akira surprised. I know how affectionate you are Ryuu, but the way you look at him is totally different.

I took another long drink of my Coke wanting to avoid the conversation. It’s pointless though. Isao is right.

You don’t know Ryuu. I looked at Sora but his eyes were on Hasu, not the game, but Hasu. I almost smirked, but we were both in the same situation. We liked people we couldn’t have and who were oblivious to our feelings. At least the person I liked was my age. I know he seems distant, but you are his employer after all.

What? You suggesting I fire him so I can date him?

No, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t give up.

I agree with Sora. Akira’s soft look seemed to sharpen the pain in my chest. Just give it some time. I’ll see if Suke knows anything, they do work together you know.

Y-yeah, thanks. Akira's older brother was part of the company Kenta worked for. As far as I knew they were good friends and worked together quite often. Though, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know how Kenta felt. I’d rather things stay as they were. I could be happy just being by him couldn’t I? I looked over at where Sora was practically laying over on Hasu to see the screen. Hasu had leaned back into him, unconsciously using Sora’s arm as a headrest while he played the game. A little knot of jealousy tightened in my gut. It would be worth it just to be Kenta’s friend if nothing else.

***

Oh come on Ryuu! You can’t be serious! I blinked at Akira surprised.

But I thought you’d like it-

It’s a skirt Ryuu! A fucking skirt!

B-but it’s just part of the outfit-

I don’t care! You are not making me the girl of the band.

I wasn’t trying to! I just thought-

Yeah, you thought wrong. Like usual.

I gasped softly, shocked at the hostile tone and glare. I was not used to Akira getting so upset and especially not with me. Grabbing the outfit out of his hands, I backed up. I started to say something, but the way he was looking at me seemed to close my throat off. Turning I fled down the hallway, slamming the door to my room shut behind me. Throwing the offending outfit I sat down on the floor, my back against the door. Closing my eyes I brushed away the tears. I couldn’t handle him yelling at me. His outfit had been the most difficult to get right and for him to so obviously hate it hurt. I’d worked two weeks on the design with Hana’s input. Two weeks for nothing. Hana was going to be so disappointed. Not to mention that now I felt like a complete idiot.

Ryuu?

Just forget it. You’re right. I’m just stupid and can’t do anything right.

I could hear him sigh through the door. You’re not stupid Ryuu-

No you were right, even Isao says that all my ideas fail. I should just give up. Why do you guys even bother . . . I couldn’t stop the tears anymore even as much as I hated them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in my arms. I could hear Sora talking to Akira in the hallway but didn’t bother trying to make out the words. Why was I so stupid? I knew how Akira felt about looking feminine. It was just the outfit was perfect for him, or at least I thought so. He looked so good in anything I put him in, it almost wasn’t fair. The voices faded and I decided that I probably should go tell Akira I was sorry. I knew how sensitive he was about looking feminine. I’d just gotten caught up in the excitement and hadn’t been thinking. Going over to the pile of fabric, I picked it up and set it on the bed. It would have to be altered, but I could probably make it into something Akira would feel more comfortable wearing.

Going to the bathroom I splashed a bit of cold water on my face trying to wash away the tears, but my eyes were still a bit red. Shaking my head, I glared at myself in the mirror. You are lucky anyone even wants to be friends with you. I told the reflection. Stupid emotional idiot.

I’d rather you didn’t talk ‘bout yourself that way, Ryuu.

Kenta

I could tell I’d scared him, the way he spun around and backed against the counter the grey eyes wide. Made me feel like shit. I knew how jumpy he could be. What I wasn’t prepared for was to have him suddenly fling himself at me. Not that he didn’t do it that often, I just hadn’t thought a little argument with Akira would set off these kind of tears. I patted his head, stroking his hair as he cried into my t-shirt. I’d come to realize that it calmed him down being touched and held. The first few months of working for him had been fucking awkward to say the least.

I should have known . . . I did know . . . I just didn’t think. Ryuu mumbled, his breath hot through the fabric of my t-shirt, blond hair tickling my neck. I could only assume he was talking about the outfit thing. Akira and Sora had explained why Ryuu had suddenly decided to lock himself in his room at the same time I happened to get to the apartment.

It’s no big deal, Ryuu. Come on. No reason ta cry ‘bout it.

I-I know . . . I just . . . don’t like it when he yells at me.

Yeah, but ya cry when Isao yells at ya too.

He hits when he yells.

Fuck yeah. Bitch is fucking crazy. I was glad he wasn’t there to hear me say it. Isao and I had what Suke called a professional relationship. We hate each other. I hate him because he’s a stuck up jerk who likes to look down on me, he hates me because I’m an ‘uneducated, foul-mouthed, lazy, son-of-a-bitch’ as he so nicely puts it. Hey I’ve been called worse. Just, don’t tell him about upsetting Akira. You know how he gets about shit.

No, upset enough with Akira yelling at me, don’t want to get smacked too. Ryuu finally looked up at me and I felt my heart speed up as those oddly colored eyes stared at me. Sorry Kenta. You just get here and I’m being all stupid and emotional.

Grabbing his shoulders I shook him slightly. What did I say about calling yourself stupid? Quit or I will smack ya myself.

Something flickered in his eyes and I felt my stomach drop. I’d seen that look before and it was one I’d never wanted to see again on someone I cared about. The next instant it was gone and he nodded, trying to smile, full lips curling up just slightly at the corners.

I need to go apologize to Akira.

I let him go and stepped out of his way. The tall slender frame brushed by me and I had the sudden urge to pull him back and make sure he really was alright. Fuck. I rubbed my forehead looking down at the shiny black tile. What had that look I’d seen been about? I knew where I’d seen it before and that thought scared me shitless. It was my job to keep him safe, safe and happy.

I followed him on out into the living room where the other boys were watching a movie. Going to the kitchen I went to see if there were any leftovers. Staring at the empty fridge I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. Hasu might not be any taller than Akira but he ate enough for both of them put together. If he wasn’t eating he was moving or sound asleep. Grabbing out my phone I called the closest carry out and ordered everyone’s favorite things. Akira and Ryuu were still talking when I hung up but things seemed less tense. Ryuu was laughing and smiling again and Akira was gesturing as he described something. Leaning against the counter I watched them for a little bit. The general public had no idea that the members of the band were such close friends even outside of work. For a hard core visual kei rock band they were actually really fun. Ryuu had a lot to do with that. He needed them, just as much as they needed each other. It really was like a little family.

While I waited for dinner to arrive, I called Hayate to check on how things were going at the office. It was a slow night so he told me to stay put. The Firm, as it was called, was a really nothing more than a yakuza front, but our boss, Nakamara-san, liked to keep up appearances. I was one of the non-yakuza employees, though I'd still went and got a small tattoo when I first got hired. Didn't hurt to let people think I was a ninkyo.

Daisuike had a bit of a rough day today.

Oh? That was unusual. Normally all Suke had to do was look at someone to get what he wanted.

Um yeah. From what I heard him and Jiro both got the shit beat out of them.

What? I said it too loud and saw the boys look over at me. Turning my back I lowered my voice. I didn't like to involve the band in anything gang related if I could help it. That Akira's brothers were part of the gang was enough. What the fuck happened? Why didn’t they call?

It went down too fast from what Jiro told me. I guess Ruka is throwing a fit about it though.

I couldn’t say I blamed him. Suke’s lover was one possessive son of a bitch. If anyone ever hurt Ryuu . . . I shook my head. It was my job to keep him safe. I’d kill anyone that touched him or any of the boys. They need anything?

Nah, though I think Jiro was going to call Akira to come home and help patch them up.

He ain’t called yet- I’d barely got the words out when I heard the distinct ring of Akira’s phone. Never mind. I gotta go. Talk to you later.

Akira was already on the phone and I frowned watching how pale he suddenly went. Yeah, yeah I’ll be right there. I gotta go guys. Suke got hurt at work. He was already on his feet and headed for the door.

The apartment was quiet for a bit after Akira left. Each of us knew how close the two brothers where. After almost losing Daisuike a few months ago in a very nasty bit of revenge by a former gang member, any little thing scared Akira now. Walking into the living room I put on a movie. I glanced over as Ryuu walked up to me. He glanced down at me but didn’t hold my eyes for long.

I was . . . just wondering how long you were going to stay tonight?

I looked at him for a moment searching the familiar face for a clue as to what he wanted. How long do you want me to stay?

A look I’d never seen before crossed his face, but then he glanced away again. Long pale lashes lowering over the gray eyes. I-I don’t care. I think Sora and Hasu were going to spend the night.

I nodded. That was normal. I knew how much Ryuu hated to be alone. I’d learned pretty quickly that he not only craved attention but needed it. He’d rather skip a meal and do an impromptu signing or meet and greet. If I let him, he’d wear himself to nothing promoting the band. I got the door when the bell rang and took the food thanking the boy. I gave him a generous tip, knowing I’d seen him at another job locally too. I knew what it was like to work multiple jobs just to try to make ends meet.

Hey, foods here guys.

Oh! You got us food! Sweet! Thanks Kenta! Hasu, of course, was the first one to the table. He gave me a quick hug, making it impossible to breathe for a moment. The kid was just too fucking strong for his own good. I should know, we sparred with each other on a regular basis. I would seriously get out of shape otherwise and what kind of bodyguard would I be then?

Hearing the house phone ring, I frowned and walking over picked it up. The smell of the food was starting to get to me, if I didn’t hurry up Hasu would eat my portion too. He’d already devoured his food while the other two got seated and had started on what I’d ordered for Akira.

Ito residence.

Oh Kenta. I rolled my eyes hearing Kaori’s trill. Is my beautiful boy there?

Yeah, just a sec. Holding the receiver against my chest I looked around. Ryuu, it’s your ma.

He jumped up from the table. Oh! I’m coming.

He smiled at me as he took the phone, his eyes seeming to linger for just a moment. Probably just my fucking imagination. I went back to go see if Hasu had left me any food.

Hey, brat, where is my food. Hasu looked up at me noddles hanging out of his mouth. He glanced down and had the grace to look sheepish. There were three empty containers around him already.

Sorry. He pushed the carton toward me and handed over the chopsticks. I handed them back and got my own out.

Fuck Hasu, you ate half of it already. I’m going to kick your ass. That got me the wide eyed innocent look that he was so famous for. At least it wasn’t fake, usually. I didn’t let it phase me as I stuffed in a mouthful of noodles. I waved the now empty chopsticks at him. Don’t think that look is going to save you. I owe you for last time.

He grinned at me, the cheeky little shit. Yeah, we’ll see. You said that last time too.

I grunted, shoving in another bite. Don’t think you know everything about fighting, Hasu. It’s one thing to spar, getting into an actual fight is totally different.

Hasu nodded, his eyes losing some of the innocent sparkle. I could barely hear him when he next spoke. Yeah, I know.

Clearing my throat I looked around. Sora was sprawled on the couch watching the movie I’d put in apparently forgetting about the food. Ryuu had disappeared, probably into the office so he could talk with his mother.

But hey, that’s why we spar right? So we are ready if the time comes. I didn’t like seeing this subdued side of Hasu. It made me wonder who had fucked with him. A kid as cute and friendly as him shouldn’t have any enemies at all, much less get into fights. He was smarter than me by far and could probably talk his way out of just about any situation. Me . . . I’d rather just get it over with and go on. Words don’t come easy for me. I finished what was left of my dinner and sat back watching him for a moment. He was busy gathering up the empty cartons to throw away. At times it was easy to forget he was still in high school, he acted more mature than Ryuu half the time. My lips twitched thinking of the blonde singer.

I probably better get going. I got up grabbing up my trash. Jiro might need some help tonight.

Hasu looked up at me. You might want to tell Ryuu you are leaving. He always gets pouty if you leave without saying anything.

Oh. Tossing the cartons I looked down hall, the door to the office was open but there was no light on. Yeah, I’ll do that.

I poked my head in the office door and grinned seeing him leaning back in the chair, his feet propped up in the desk. The phone cradled against his shoulder, but he was sound asleep. He looked like one of those ads you see for those really expensive clothes, except no model I’d ever seen looked as good as Ryuu. I could hear the soft murmur of Kaori’s voice through the speaker. Walking over, I carefully took the phone laying his head back.

Ito-san, I’m sorry he fell asleep. I whispered.

Oh, There was a sigh and a soft laugh from the other end. I wondered. Thank you for taking such good care of my son, Arakaki-kun. He talks about you all the time.

After telling her good bye I hung up, wondering what she’d meant. Looking down at the sleeping vocalist I shook my head. Why the hell would he talk about me to his mother? Didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Leaning down over him I smiled. Ryuu, if you are that tired why don’t you go to bed?

His eyelids fluttered for a moment giving the slightest glimpse of grey before closing again. Will you come with me?

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Chapter 2

Fault

Kenta

Today was going to shit. It had already gone to hell, and things were getting impossibly worse. Ryuu had locked himself in his dressing room and wasn’t letting anyone in. It was our second day on set shooting the band’s new promotional video and it seemed that anything and everything that could possibly go wrong was. I stood outside, leaning against the wall next to the door waiting for the latest tantrum to run its course. I’d never seen Ryuu this moody and even Sora was confused. It was almost like Ryuu was inventing reasons to stay in his dressing room.

Fuck this. Taking out my utility knife I knelt in front of the door. It took me about a minute to pick the lock. I opened the door to the room, blinking a few times as I peered into the darkness. Ryuu?

There was no answer and a little rush of apprehension had my skin crawling. Damn it Ryuu, what the hell is wrong with you? Everyone is waiting on you so we can wrap up shooting.

I don’t care. I couldn’t pin point exactly where his voice had come from and reaching over I flipped the light switch. Nothing.

Fuck. What the hell did you do to the light?

Just go out.

I scowled hearing the tremor in his voice. Are you crying?

No.

Liar.

Just go out!

I jumped surprised to hear him scream at me like that. It wasn’t like Ryuu at all. Something was really wrong and I wasn’t leaving until I figured out what it was.

Shut the fuck up. I slammed to door behind me, giving myself a moment until my eyes adjusted to the dim light. I could hear a soft sound that I instantly recognized as Ryuu crying. Fuck it all to hell. I was going to beat him. Why the fucking hell was he crying anyway? He’d been the one who’d thrown the hissy fit when the stylist had accidentally burned him with the iron. I spotted him huddled up on the small love seat that occupied one wall. Walking over to the dressing table I flipped the light on and turned to face him. He wouldn’t look at me. Tears were streaming down his face. His make-up was ruined and it looked like he’d ripped the hairpiece out too.

Ryuu . . . I kept my voice low, trying to get him calmed down. It hurt me more than I felt it should to see him like this. Standing in front of him I reached down to touch his arm and got my hand batted away.

Don’t touch me! Just don’t fucking touch me. He was sobbing now, the sound piercing me. Fuck. It should not hurt this much to see him upset. It should not make me want to pull him close and do whatever I could to see that brilliant smile again. "Why are you here? Why don’t