A Little Rhine Must Fall

By Erin Evans

Rhine Maiden, Piper Cavanaugh, is no stranger to unusual houseguests, but an alien and an Egyptian goddess might be more than even she can handle. Throw in a homicidal vampire bent on revenge, and an pushy mother-in-law bent on redecorating, and Piper’s world is in turmoil. With her life crumbling around her, and the future of mankind in the balance, Piper must reveal her secret ability and risk losing everything she holds dear.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Erin Evans
• Release date: Jan 7, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476161815

Erin Evans

Erin Evans is a stay-at-home mom of eight (!), wonderful, little children. When she's not chasing after children, changing diapers, teaching school, cooking, chauffeuring, or potty training, she is writing, playing drums at her church or crashed out dead asleep. In urban fantasy, she loves Charlaine Harris, Patricia Briggs, and Kim Harrison. All time favorite authors would be Robin Hobb and Jasper Fforde. Jim Butcher's Codex Alera has become one of her favorite series. BOOKS: - In her first series, "The Rhine Maiden", Erin based her character Piper Cavanaugh on her own life, but decided to have pity on Piper and only gave her two kids to start off with. - Erin's latest work, the "Pernicious Princess Trilogy" is a take on twisted fairy tales. - Her other works include "Food For Love", a foodie romantic comedy with a twist.

Book preview

Hey, I can see my house from up here!

It was not the time for levity, but I couldn’t help muttering the old line under my breath. The Earth hung over my head like a gigantic, blue and white marble. The contrast between it and the barren, black and grey landscape around me made the bright planet especially vivid and beautiful. I felt homesick, or perhaps just sick, knowing that there was no more home.

I had also just lied. I couldn’t see my house from up here. Mushroom clouds dotted North America, and the one covering central Florida was kind of blocking my view.

Chapter One:

Three Months Earlier

"Can we get popcorn? Pleeeeease?" I was bombarded with three pleading stares, each with hands clasped begging under the chin.

Do you know how much popcorn costs here? I grumbled, still annoyed at having to shell out twenty dollars to go to the movies. We could have rented a ton of movies on Redbox, I muttered, quietly, since I’d already said it several times and thought that maybe I was being a bit childish.

Memories were worth every penny. Or so I’ve heard. I doubted that my two toddlers were going to remember any of this in another year. But my mom said that mother/daughter outings were important, so here we were.

I’ll get the popcorn! Cecily chirped. She was her usual annoyingly cheerful self. Even though the sun was brightly shining outside, the movie theater was dark enough to be comfortable for her. She winked at me, and asked my daughters, Anyone want a blue raspberry slushie? They squealed their approval.

I frowned, remembered that I was getting older and that someday that frown would give me wrinkles, smoothed out my face, and shrugged. Since I’d invited Cecily to accompany us to the movies, I’d paid for her ticket. She could get the snacks. Living for over a hundred years did wonders for your investment portfolio. I had gotten the impression that money was not one of Cecily’s worries.

I stopped to wonder briefly what my mother would say if she knew I was taking her granddaughters out with a vampire. A vampire who was deep in discussion with Megan, my four-year-old, about the virtues of blue raspberry versus normal coke flavor. Cecily was surprisingly great with my kids. Some of that had to do with her natural exuberance and love of life. I’d met other vampires and they didn’t have her enthusiasm and cheer. It must just be the personality she was born with.

She was down on one knee asking Cassidy, the two-year-old, what flavor slushie she wanted. Raspberry or coke?

Cassidy repeated the last word. Oat!

I reversed the order. Coke or raspberry?

Asderry!

Cecily gave me a questioning look. I laughed. Whatever Megan is having. I’ll have a coke one.

Cecily’s eyes grew wide. Just the other day I had been ranting to her about how unfair life was that my younger sister could chow down on milkshakes and cheeseburgers and never gain a pound, while just driving by a MickyD’s would make my waistline expand. Fortunately, for my sisterly jealously, Sarah had gotten rid of her magic weight-loss bracelet after discovering that it was cursed. Maybe she’d balloon up to a size six now. (If you can’t tell, that was sarcasm.)

I sighed and gave a little tug at the waist of my jeans. Were they getting tight or was it just my imagination? I really didn’t need a coke slushie, but I really wanted one. I deserved it. And my waist was going to be expanding no matter what I did. C’est la vie and all that. For the next eight months my weight was going to be heading in one direction. Up.

Cecily stared at me, eyes as big as saucers. Did you test? she whispered.

I tried to keep a straight face but a huge grin broke through. Yup! Two pink lines this morning.

Do mmmhmm know? She pointed with her chin at Megan and Cassidy.

I shook my head in the negative. I hadn’t even told Mark yet. I knew he would be thrilled. He’d always wanted more kids. I just wanted to find a fun way to tell him that would be special. Maybe I could take him out to dinner and give him a baby pacifier for a present.

We’d reached the front of the snack line and Cecily was putting in an order for two kid’s packs for the girls and a giant tub of popcorn and slushies for us. Megan and Cassidy were hopping up in down in excitement. This had been a good idea. Mom was right. Mother/daughter outings were good for bonding.

Hands full of junk food, we found our theater and got situated. Megan and Cassidy were busy sucking down their frozen treat and staring with wide eyes around the theater. I doubted that Cassidy would be able to make it all the way through the movie, and I would probably wind up trailing her up and down the hallway outside waiting for Cecily and Megan.

Boy or girl? Cecily asked, crunching popcorn.

I gave her a look. It’s a little early for that.

You can’t tell?

I opened my mouth to tell her how silly that question was when I realized that I did feel different than I had with the girls. I wasn’t puking every two minutes. I didn’t even feel that nauseous (Comparatively speaking. I still reserved the right to complain about being nauseous). I blinked. Maybe I could tell this early. It’s a boy! My huge grin got even wider. It’s a boy! I said again.

What’s a boy, Mommy? Megan asked.

Nothing, sweetie, I kissed the top of her head. Mark was going to be thrilled. He loved his little princesses, but a son would be new and exciting! When Cecily had first told me of the risk of getting pregnant after being exposed to a fertility statue, I’d been upset. I had two kids and I really didn’t want to be pregnant again. Silly me. I still didn’t want to go through pregnancy again, but when I’d taken the pregnancy test that morning I would have been disappointed if it had been negative.

Sure, my line of work was not great for a pregnant lady, but someone had to protect the human race. I wasn’t going to put my life on hold until everything was safe. I’d wind up dead long before the world straightened itself out on its own.

The movie started but I’m afraid that I didn’t really see any of it. There were cartoon animals, and slapstick humor, and the usual storyline of if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. I’ve often wondered why that was the message people kept preaching at children. It seems like a good way to set them up for disappointment in life. All the believing in the world wouldn’t make a homely, awkward girl into a movie star. Nor would it give the necessary brain smarts to a boy who wanted to be an astronaut. The message should be "if you work really, really hard, and you are genetically blessed and lucky, you might achieve your goals someday." Not quite as catchy, but far more realistic.

I was one of the few extremely genetically blessed, but I could not do anything I wanted. In fact, my ability handicapped me more than it helped me. In my youth (six long years ago), I’d reveled in the ability to command anyone to obedience. I’d used my Voice right and left and never once stopped to think of the consequences. Fortunately for me, Cecily had caught up with me before the other Guardians did, and my life was spared.

There’s a whole world that lives right under normal human noses and is never seen. Or, if it is seen, Guardians are sent out to fix the problem. As in, dead men tell no tales. Vampires, werewolves, witches, and fairies, were just the tip of the iceberg. And they liked to stay well under the human radar. My reckless use of my ability had drawn all the wrong sorts of attention and I’d been forced to join the United Supernatural Beings (an organization that seemed based on the United Nations, although they denied copying anything that humans had designed).

I’d also discovered that my annoying kid sister was also blessed with an ability. She could get inside a person’s head and change their memories. It explained a lot. Like all the times she’d gotten away with horrible behavior and even worse dress (or lack thereof) and my parents hadn’t even blinked an eye.

What with the witches trying to wipe out all humanity in general, and Sarah and me in particular, we’d had some extremely interesting times. And by interesting I mean, Dear Lord, please never let that happen again. I still had nightmares about beheading the witch who’d kidnapped my daughters. No guilt (he had it coming), but lots of bad dreams.

Sarah, Cecily, and I were working for the USB as Guardians. Our assignment with Pravus, the kidnapping witch, hadn’t quite gone as planned, but we’d learned some important life lessons along the way. As Cecily liked to say, You can never trust a witch.

After that we’d had some easier jobs that involved using my Voice to get us in to see the right person, and using Sarah’s mind wipe to clean up any suspicions they might have had about the supernatural world. Cecily was there as the muscle in a frilly skirt, high-heel shoes, and a giant Sword of Justice. On anyone else the combination would have looked weird. On her it looked gorgeous and deadly. Or maybe the reverse.

We still needed to find some other humans with abilities to get the WAND, the Witches and Necromancers Deputation, off our backs, but all in all, things were looking up. Sarah was currently hanging out with a kid we’d found in Orlando who could always tell if someone was lying or not. She wanted to slowly ease him into our crazy world. We needed him on our side, but if he freaked and ran to the press, we would be the ones assigned to silence him.

I felt like I’d earned a breather, thus the movie outing with my daughters. Cecily had looked so hopeful when I’d mentioned my plan that I’d had to invite her along as well. For a blood-sucking vampire she sure didn’t fit the stereotype. She looked just as engrossed in the movie as the little kids around her and laughed uproariously in all the right places.

Perhaps I had life under a bit more control. Which meant that I could focus on the one thing that really bothered me. My husband, Mark. Not only did he not know about the supernatural world, or what his wife was doing when she went out on a girls’ night, but he also didn’t know about my ability. How do you tell your spouse that you can completely control all his actions? Sure, the command will wear off in about ten minutes, but for that ten minutes, they have to obey, they want to obey.

I knew I would have to tell him. Eventually. Maybe right after I told him I was pregnant again. You can’t get mad at a pregnant woman, can you? How much should I tell him though? We weren’t supposed to let normal humans know about the USB, but did that rule apply to spouses? Was it any good to come clean about one lie, but keep on with the others? I could talk myself in circles all day long.

I like to think that there is balance in the world. You get either beauty or brains. The lucky ones end up somewhere in the middle, like me. Good looking enough, and rather smart. Having an ability was a plus, but there was also a negative. The more I used my Voice, the closer I came to immortality. Sarah thought it would be awesome to live forever. I thought that remaining forever young, while my husband and children grew old and died, would be horrific. Which was why I would have to tell Mark someday. Fat chance I could avoid ever using my Voice. Being a Guardian meant I was constantly in situations where not using it would have an immediate and deleterious effect on my health.

The movie ended while I was still pondering the problem. To tell, or not to tell? Cassidy had, amazingly, made it all the way through the entire thing and was excitedly retelling parts of it to me as we headed out to the car. I couldn’t understand half of what she was saying, but I smiled and nodded and said Uh-huh. That’s great, honey, and words like that.

This was the best day ever! Megan sang, swinging on my hand. You are the bestest Mommy I ever had!

I laughed, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Cecily’s phone beeped and she dropped back a few feet to answer it.

Can we get slurpees, Mommy? Megan asked.

Urpees! Cassidy echoed.

"You just had popcorn and candy and slushies! I tickled them as I said each word. I think that’s enough sugar for one day."

What happens if you eat too much sugar? Megan wanted to know.

You bounce so high you land on the moon. I said seriously. Megan spent the rest of the short walk giving me suspicious glances and staring up at the sky. She was trying to see if I was serious, and wondering if she should try to eat a bunch of sugar and land on the moon. I hid a grin while I buckled them into their car-seats.

Cecily climbed into the passenger seat, a serious look on her face.

What’s up? I asked.

That was Svobodova.

I groaned. She was the vampire representative to the Synod. They were the group within the USB that made all the tough calls. Like who lived or died. What does the Synod want now? We just finished a job. Don’t we get the weekend off?

They don’t want us. She just wants to see me. Cecily was refusing to meet my eyes.

I shot a quick glance into the back seat. Megan and Cassidy were busy discussing the movie. Is that bad? I asked quietly.

Cecily stared out the window.

Cecily!

I don’t know.

I started the car and backed carefully out of the parking space. Well then. Let’s not borrow trouble.

She was eerily silent on the drive home. She’d never been called in alone to the Synod before (that I knew of), but then I’d only been a member for a few months. It wasn’t like I knew what was normal or usual. As if a group of supernatural beings using a cell phone to call a vampire in for a meeting qualified as normal. Sometimes I couldn’t even believe that I was seriously thinking about stuff like this.

I was not going to worry though. For all I knew, they were calling her in to congratulate her on a job well done. There were no witches currently sitting on the Synod, and there was little love lost between the witches and the other member species. So, while the WAND was unhappy with my separating Pravus from his head, the Synod had clearly sanctioned the hit and there was nothing the WAND could do about it.

Cecily lived in the house next to mine, a leftover from days when she had been assigned to secretly monitor my activities. Life must have been pretty dull for her, watching me play in the backyard, take toddlers for walks, yell at the dog, and go grocery shopping. Come to think of it, life had been great! Dodging spells, fighting witches, and lying to my husband was highly overrated.

Cecily was out of the car and over to her own driveway before I had switched off the engine. Thanks for the movie! she called over her shoulder and disappeared into her house. Fine, if that was the way she was going to be, fine. I didn’t need to know what was going on. I wasn’t worrying at all. I was calm and cool and collected.

The girls raced ahead of me into the house and I followed slowly, still not worrying about anything. How bad could it be? If they were angry with Sarah and me, they would have called us in. It was probably nothing.

I tripped over a basket sitting just inside the front door. It was wicker with a cloth lining and huge red bow. Tied to the bow was a large printed card that read, For Piper. Huh? I opened the lid and looked inside. Empty.

Mark? I called. What’s this basket?

Come see, Mommy! Megan shrieked with joy.

I hurried into the living room. Mark was sitting on the couch with the girls on either side. Otis, our huge orange tabby cat, was sitting on the coffee table in front of them, staring intently.

What is it? I asked, coming around the back of the couch. I stopped. Sitting in Mark’s lap was another large cat. She was a brown and black spotted tabby. Mark was scratching her ears and she was purring and rubbing her face on his hand.

Isn’t she pretty? Megan asked.

I was frozen in mid-step. This was not happening. Mark looked up and grinned. She was in a basket by the front door. You must have a secret admirer.

I took a shaky breath. The cat had a hoop earring piercing her right ear. She looked up at me and winked.

:Hello, Piper:

Chapter Two:

Bastet

What are you doing here? I spoke before it hit me that I hadn’t heard the cat say anything. At least, not in the traditional way.

What did you say, Hon? Mark asked, still scratching Bastet’s head. It was Bastet. It had to be. What were the chances of there being two cats in my life that wore an earring? I’d met Bastet at the USB conference. She had surprised me, not only with her command of the English language (which you have to admit is rare in felines), but also her support for my membership application.

:We came to see you, Piper: the voice in my head spoke again. Since I only saw one of her (which was quite enough), I assumed she was still using the Royal We.

She went on, :We need to talk:

I cleared my throat. Umm, Mark?

He stood up, dislodging Bastet from his lap. She immediately sat up tall with her tail curled around her feet. Classic Egyptian goddess pose. Which made sense, since that was exactly what she was. I didn’t know everything she was capable of, but at the conference she had been responsible for maintaining a magic-free zone. I figured you had to be pretty powerful if you were the one who could cancel out thousands of magical abilities.

:Why is this cat staring at us?: the voice, Bastet, asked. Otis was engaged in a non-blinking stare competition with her. He didn’t like to go outside and this was probably the first time he’d seen another cat in years.

He’s not used to strange cats, I answered.

Mark smacked my butt as he walked by. I know, he laughed. I don’t think Otis knows what to make of her. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. How was the movie?

I was still stuck staring at Bastet. With the Synod calling for Cecily and goddesses showing up in my living room, perhaps there was something to start worrying about.

What are you doing here? I asked again.

Huh? Mark reappeared from the kitchen. I’m getting a beer. Why?

:We told you. We came to talk to you:

I looked uneasily at Mark. Can you hear . . .?

He laughed. I know, right? For a second I thought he could hear Bastet talking and I prepared to flip out. What a purr! he finished. He scratched her under her chin. This is one champion purr-er!

Now that I stopped to listen with my ears I could hear it too. A low, happy rumble. Otis gave a little meow and inched a little closer. His front toes were almost hanging over the edge of the coffee table.

I think he’s in love, Mark said and gave him a friendly head ruffle. Otis shrugged it off and kept staring at Bastet.

Mark set his beer on the counter, scooped up the girls, one under each arm, and headed for their room. Come on ladies, he said over the squealing, tell me all about the movie while we get ready for bed. They disappeared around the corner but I could still hear shrieks of laughter and banging furniture. Mark’s idea of getting the girls ready for bed was to rile them up into a hysterical frenzy and then get upset when they wouldn’t settle down and go to sleep.

I sank down on the couch next to Bastet. Bastet? I asked.

She started licking one paw. :Who did you think it was?:

My eyes narrowed. Don’t get smart with me, young lady! You’re the one who showed up at my door in a basket with a bow. What’s going on?

She sounded pleased. :We thought it was a genius idea. We like your husband. He knows how to give a good scratch:

What are you doing here, Bastet?

:You’re being rude, Piper: she was whispering. I’m not sure how you whisper mentally, but that’s what it sounded like.

Huh?

:Aren’t you going to introduce us?"

To whom? This conversation was surreal. Maybe I’d lost it. Maybe all the vampires, and witches, and near-death experiences had finally made me snap. I wasn’t sitting on my couch talking to a telepathic cat. I was nice and safe in a padded cell, cuddled up in a straight-jacket, with nothing to worry about.

:That handsome cat over there: she was simpering.

Otis? He looked at me with wide yellow eyes and blinked.

Bastet stopped licking her paw and meowed at Otis. He flipped his tail around a couple of times and twitched his whiskers.

:If we had known that you co-habited with such a gorgeous beast we would have visited sooner!:

I shook my head to clear it. If I wasn’t insane, I had only a few more minutes of privacy before Mark came back out. I needed to find out what was going on. Fast.

Why are you here, Bastet?

She purred. :We’re going to live with you for a while:

No. You’re not.

:Yes. We are:

This was getting ridiculous. Why? Why do you want to live with me? Don’t you think I have enough trouble with a vampire next door and a skunk-ape living around the corner. Not to mention having to lie about what I am!?

:Annabeth is living in this neighborhood?:

Figures she would be keeping tabs on me. While dealing with Pravus, we’d run into a skunk-ape named Annabeth and her son, Harry, and had gotten them membership into the Were group of the USB. Annabeth had been living in a rundown trailer outside of podunkville, hiding from a crazy cryptozoologist named Floyd. Floyd had found her, but, with my help, was now working with her to fleece the hopeful Cryptid believers of their hard earned cash. He was still crazy, but at least he now understood the importance of only presenting unverifiable evidence