Profound Silence

By Zanne Kennedy

After returning to his Amish people, Nicolaus begins to reach for joy in his relationship with Sarah Bailer, the very essence of his heart and life. Hard choices have to be made in their journey together, forcing Nicolaus to watch, unable to help as his heart is ripped from him, only to be tossed back into his face in torn fragments by those he loves and trusts.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zanne Kennedy
• Release date: Sep 30, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466021006

Zanne Kennedy

Zanne Kennedy is the author of the Silent Discourse series.Silent Discourse; Still, Small Voice; Profound Silence; Dissonant Melody; Beautiful Conflict. Righteous Revenges (forthcoming)She is an artist by trade and a student of the human condition by desire. Research is her passion and the Amish culture and beliefs is the spark that set the fire a blaze with the series, Silent Discourse. She captivates the reader’s minds, much like a painter wields a brush, and draws them in with her rich descriptions, characterizations, and insights.Zanne is an Arizona native.

Book preview

PROFOUND SILENCE

book 3 in the Silent Discourse series

by

Zanne Kennedy

Smashwords Edition

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Published on Smashwords by:

Paragon Multimedia LLC.

Chandler, Arizona

http://www.paragon-multimedia.com

Profound Silence

Copyright 2008 by Zanne Kennedy

ISBN: 978-0-9823371-2-7

Paragon Multimedia LLC and the Paragon logo are copyrighted and belong to Paragon Multimedia LLC.

To reorder: www.zannekennedy.com

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal use only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

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Acknowledgments

The author would like to acknowledge the following:

God and His unconditional love. After all, God’s unfailing love is the story I live in!

David Morrow, editing, legal counsel and constant loving support. Together we may finally discover what ‘glu-glux of the blowhole’ really means.

Brian Morrow, for your great sense of humor, wonderful financial tidbits, and counsel. For your unwavering love, support and prayers. For loving the bird lady in spite of herself.

Erin Dodson, who laughed in all the right places. For reading my books just because I asked while taking care of your husband, two children, and Aunt. For falling in love with Nicolaus and his friends, but most of all, for your constant love, support and prayers.

Joshua Dodson, for sharing your life experiences, and support.

Jean Kennedy, for your constant love, support, and prayers. For reading and editing. For staying up all night crying at the sad parts.

Nick Kennedy, for your constant love, support, and prayers.

Lori Heyd, for encouraging me to start, and not give up. For your advice & spiritual support.

Editors:

Millie Hannum, for your endless hours of hard work.

Cheryl Booth, for taking up the wand and adding the finishing touch of magic. Cheryl is also a ghostwriter—for more details, visit: www.gr8writing.com or email [e-mail]

Cheri Neri, thank you for your friendship, dedication and talented insight.

Artist:

Cali McCullough, for going to Lancaster County for a photo shoot ten days before your wedding.

Sue Cullumber, for your great photos. Visit her web site at: http://www.auniqueviewphotography.com

Technical

Aaron Neville, for all your know-how and willingness to help.

Reader:

Vickie Bolton, thank you for all your hard work and long hours.

I would also like to thank all the readers that pick up Profound Silence and the series; those who have fallen in love with Nicolaus and those who find a deeper relationship with God through Nicolaus’s life story.

Zanne Kennedy, author of:

Silent Discourse,

Still, Small Voice,

Profound Silence,

Dissonant Melody,

Beautiful Conflict, and

Righteous Revenge (Forthcoming)

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Silent Discourse Series

Silent Discourse

Still, Small Voice

Profound Silence

Dissonant Melody

Beautiful Conflict

Righteous Revenge (forthcoming)

* * * * *

In Loving Memory of Roy and Helen Morrow

In Honor of Nick and Jean Kennedy

In Honor of Denise DeYoung

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1: The Party

Chapter 2: Mr. Wonderful

Chapter 3: In the Name Of

Chapter 4: I Can Not

Chapter 5: I Will Not

Chapter 6: Until Death Do You Part

Chapter 7: Living Without

Chapter 8: A Little Too Close to the Stars

Chapter 9: My Song

Chapter 10: Be There

Chapter 11: Silence

Chapter 12: Billy

Chapter 13: Sarah’s Dress

Chapter 14: Black Eye

Chapter 15: Happy Birthday

Chapter 16: You Can’t Have Him

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Chapter 1

November 1976, age 21

The Party

Do you have all you need for the week of visiting family and friends? Ruth asked. She handed Sarah, her daughter, a basket of fresh homemade breads and desserts for their hosts. Sarah was sitting in their buggy, waiting for Nicolaus, her newly wedded husband. She was desperately wishing the two could get away before anyone could ask who they planned to stay with throughout this week of visiting. She didn’t want to tell her parents that it was with non-Amish families, since it was a practice which, at the very least, was frowned upon, if not a reason for public rebuke.

Nicolaus, I gather you two rested well during your two-day retreat? Samuel, Nicolaus’s father-in-law asked with a kind smile, looking up momentarily to acknowledge Nicolaus standing beside him. You two got to know each other, then?

Yah, Samuel. Thank you. We will be back in a week or two, and then I want to help you with the repairs around the farm.

Ach, that’s good, but you two need to visit as many homes and families as you can during the winter months so you can settle down on your farm come February or March.

"We plan to go and help my mam a while before moving to Creek Ridge," Nicolaus said. He casually picked up one of Samuel’s hand-tools, looked it over and then set it back down.

Samuel stopped and turned to Nicolaus. They stared into each other’s eyes, waiting for the other to speak. Is there anything you want to tell me before you go? Samuel asked, feeling certain Nicolaus would divulge their travel plans.

Ah… no, Samuel. I think that will be all, Nicolaus replied and started to back away with a sheepish smile.

Good, God go with you two, and may He bring you back wiser and more in love with Him, as well as with each other! Samuel had an idea that their plans included visiting Nicolaus’s Aunt Betsy, and the Dylans had been discussed between the two of them, but he also knew Nicolaus deliberately didn’t ask his opinion on the matter. Had he been asked, Samuel would have strongly discouraged the idea, only because it was one of their rules, not that Samuel himself had anything against it. What was left unsaid was not known, so Samuel was content to let it be, with Ruth feeling the same way.

"Did Datt ask you?" Sarah asked on the way into town, looking at her husband with a twinkle in her eyes, as if they were doing something awfully sinful.

Nah, but he knows! Nicolaus replied, feeling a tinge of guilt.

Yeah, I’m sure he knows, Sarah added, also feeling a little uneasy.

My problem is, I didn’t let Dave know we would need to board the horse and buggy this week in his stables. I hope he has room. Sarah looked over at him as if she were angry. "I’m sorry, Sarah. If he turns us away, then maybe we shouldn’t have tried it in the first place, ja?"

I suppose, was her only reply.

First stop was Dave’s Stables and Boarding, located just outside town. The establishment provided room and board to those of the Old Order who needed to do business in town for more than a day. Dave’s also boarded just their buggies and horses, if need be, and that is how Nicolaus planned to use them for the week. The only other stables were out of their way, so it was either Dave’s or go back home to the Bailers.

Yo, Nick! Dave called as Nicolaus helped Sarah from the buggy. They knew each other from The Eagle, a bar Nicolaus sang at for over four years before the accident that had sent him back home to the Amish. Dave was a regular at The Eagle, and as far as Nicolaus knew, still was. Congratulations! Heard you two got married. I suppose you’ll be traveling around this winter?

Yeah. That’s why we’re here. Do you have space for my horse and buggy? We plan to be in town for at least two weeks.

Always have room for you, Nick. Did you hear about the big move? Dave asked. He took Nicolaus’s horse and led him into the stables to unhitch the buggy.

No, what move? Nicolaus started to help, but was waved off by Dave.

You know Jesse bought the Old Mill, right?

Yeah?

Well, he sold The Eagle and set up house in The Mill. Real nice place he made of it, you should come and see.

"Ya well, I’m almost certain that won’t be happening any time soon, Nicolaus replied with a smile. Sarah took his hand and looked up at him. If ever!" he added.

Well, anyway, he’s got a new band and they’re rockin’! You say two weeks? That will be two hundred even, please. Dave wiped his hands on a towel and waited for Nicolaus to retrieve the money from his pocket.

Bullshit, Dave! Two hundred?

Nicolaus! Sarah said softly, but loud enough for the two men to hear her clearly.

Ach, sorry. Two hundred for room and board of my horse—how can dat be?

Dave began to laugh as he kicked at a few straws of hay. Just making sure you hadn’t changed, that’s all. So you’re not a rich farmer yet? Your neighbors don’t even blink an eye when I ask them that price.

You take advantage of our nonconfrontational ways?

Well, not all of them are nonconfrontational. But, yeah. I try at least. I have to make a living, too, ya know.

Don’t you know about the Amish curse on those who do them like that? Sarah looked up at Nicolaus with a frown.

Ah… no. Don’t believe I’ve ever heard of it.

Well, consider yourself warned, Dave. I mean if your stables burn down in the next big storm, well—enough said. Here’s the price, Nicolaus said. He handed him two one-hundred dollar bills.

What curse, Nicolaus? We don’t give curses, just blessings. Sarah admonished. They walked side by side down the street heading for town.

The one I just made up. Don’t the scriptures say to be wise as serpents, and gentle as doves? Well, hopefully Dave will think twice before taking advantage of our people.

•

The first to arrive at Dr. Rodger and Dee Dylan’s house were Gene and Karen. Nicolaus had met the couple at The Eagle, a local bar in their small country town where they all worked. Karen was one of the barmaids, and Gene was the keyboard player in Nicolaus’s band.

Do your Elders know you’re out with the sinners? Gene asked, directing his irreverent humor at Nicolaus with a sly smile.

Sarah felt her throat closing up, already feeling the guilt of it all.

Hey, remember the day you and Sylvain came into my music shop, trying to pass yourselves off as local English kids from town. You looked like two deer staring into oncoming headlights. Gene laughed to himself and looked down, recalling their image when he met them for the first time. Especially you, Nick—I had to laugh.

Nicolaus smiled, I knew I would have to fib about a few details to get the job. After all, the only experience I had was farming and taking care of my younger siblings.

Oh come on, Nick! You stood behind Sylvain the entire interview like he was going to protect you from the evils of the worldly shop owner! How old were you two Amish kids when I hired you, really? Gene asked.

We were seventeen when we got the band gig at The Eagle.

This might be a little more information than I should hear! Lieutenant Joe Roberts said. He smiled at Gene, making everyone at the party laugh. The Eagle’s reputation as the night spot for intoxicated partying was well known.

That’s the first time I met Nick and Sol, Karen chimed in. I didn’t know either of you by your Amish names. Gene’s band stood out above the rest. Remember? Karen asked while nursing her glass of wine. The first time I met you, Sarah, was the last party before the baptism. Sarah smiled back, lowering her eyes as if she felt ashamed. She certainly felt ill at ease now with all the cocktails, beer and wine that were being passed around. Danny, Lorie and Sylvain, may they rest in peace, were with us then. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost two years since the car accident, Karen added looking down into her wine glass, sobered by the thought.

Dee spoke up, changing the subject to lighten the serious mood. I first met Nicolaus at The Eagle. Lorie had laced your beer with a hefty amount of her pain medication and you collapsed onstage. I took you home and watched over you until the next morning. What did you think when you woke up in an unfamiliar place and were greeted by Beth, one of your fellow Amish friends?

It was a shock. Nicolaus raised his soft drink as if toasting Dee. "Not only did I not know where I was, when I woke up, Beth was cooking hasenpfeffer stew with rabbit. Who was to know that you had employed an Amish girl, one I grew up with?"

I’ll never forget my first meeting with Nick! I thought you were the most arrogant person I had ever met. Dee had to stop me from giving you a black eye, y’know? Rodger placed his hand on Nicolaus’s shoulder and squeezed it.

I know. Thanks, Dee, Nicolaus replied. I don’t know if I ever thanked you and Paul for putting me back together after the accident. Well, anyway, thanks.

Nicolaus was still thinking about the accident and the reality that Danny, Lorie, and Sylvain were not alive to attend his wedding. It pulled at his heart, slowly saddening his happy mood. Sylvain had been his best friend. They had grown up together. Nicolaus had been with Sylvain through everything, even through his death. He thought back to the night of the accident, wishing he could remember what happened and knowing that he must have been coherent through some of it. He remembered flashes of lights and some sounds but could not make any sense of it. On the same night, he lost his friend, Danny, the bass player in their band, along with Lorie, who was Nicolaus’s ex-girlfriend. He and Lorie had been estranged for some time after their split, but had rekindled their feelings for each other just before the accident. That made her death all the more bitter for Nicolaus.

Ach, sorry, I’m just missing Sylvain and da others right now. Anyway, I wish I could go back to that night and remember what happened, Nicolaus said to no one in particular.

If you ever want to be hypnotized to help you remember more of what you are blocking, I’ll be happy to regress you to the time of the accident, Rodger suggested. Nicolaus looked at him with interest.

So, you can do this? Sarah asked. She was very interested in Rodger’s offer.

I am a certified hypnotherapist, as well as a surgeon. We could do it tonight, if you would like.

Sarah looked at Nicolaus.

I don’t know, Sarah. Maybe after all the visiting? Nicolaus said in their dialect. He was afraid of what he might recall, and he knew that reliving the experience of the car crash and losing his friends would surely spoil the evening.

Sarah agreed and gave Rodger a nod, letting him know she meant to take him up on his offer.

I won’t attempt to describe the night I met Nick, Lieutenant Joe Roberts said, looking straight at Nicolaus with one eyebrow raised.

Oh, please do, Sarah said, encouraging Nicolaus’s brother-in-law, unaware of the grizzly incident.

Oh no, Sarah. Trust me, you don’t want to know when Lieutenant Joe and I met. Nicolaus held up his hand to stop Joe.

Aunt Betsy cut in. Did you know that I named you on the day you were born? Your father, Jacob, had been away serving three years at a state hospital in Arizona. He decided to serve his time there instead of in the army. That’s what Amish kids did back then, the ones who thought they had to do their part for the war, that is.

Nicolaus frowned and then looked at his sister Edna. "How long was Datt away?"

Three years. Why do you ask? Betsy answered. She smiled sweetly at him and then looked with a puzzled expression at Edna.

"Did you know Datt was away when I was born, Edna?" His aunt hushed him as she explained how she came up with his name.

"You have a few uncles in Ohio who you’ve never met. I named you after one of them. He died from influenza when he was just two years old. I was so heartbroken, and so was your datt. Right after that, your datt and I came out here to Pennsylvania to take over Grandsire’s farm. That’s the farm you were raised on. I can remember it like it was yesterday. It was your father, Jacob, Germain and me. We all three came out here at about the age of sixteen or so, as I recall. To clarify—your father, Jacob, was home the day you were born. He was in a foul mood, but he was home."

Germain—I’ve heard that name before. Who is he? Edna asked. She took Joe’s hand, suddenly feeling insecure.

"Germain was your datt’s best friend. We all grew up together. He stayed and helped your mam with the farm while Jacob was away."

"I don’t remember him being around while Datt was gone," Edna said with a frown.

Well, he was. He was part of your family until… well, I should drop the subject, I suppose. Betsy looked at Paul, knowing he was aware of the particular incident she wanted to avoid.

Ach, no, Aunt Betsy, this is interesting. Tell us more, Nicolaus said with an excited smile.

"Well… I guess it would be okay to tell you now—now that your datt is… well, not in his right mind." Jacob, Nicolaus’s father had recently been kicked in the head by one of his big powerful Belgian horses and, as a consequence, was no longer able to speak or reason in any way.

Germain was, like I said, a very close friend to your father. They were like brothers. However, when Jacob returned from serving his time, there was some kind of falling out between the two. Well, enough said. Anyway, we never heard from him again until I came across a newspaper clipping that he had been arrested for some minor incident and was in jail. Next thing we knew, he apparently killed a guard for abusing another inmate in jail. Last I heard, he was doing his time on death row in Castleburg Penitentiary. Poor, dear soul—he was a good man. He just got caught up with the wrong crowd, I suppose.

This is very interesting, Aunt Betsy. Why didn’t you tell us about Germain before now? Nicolaus wanted to hear more.

Ach, Nicolaus, that was years ago, Paul said, flashing a frown at his wife, Betsy. It was just a year or two before I left the Amish faith and community to go to high school and then on to college. After I received my doctorate, I married my first wife and we moved to New York, where I was the head surgeon at Holy Cross Hospital until I retired. My wife died two years ago, so I came back here to rekindle the flame with my first love, Betsy. He smiled down on her and squeezed her hand. We were married last year, and Nicolaus showed up one night soon after, needing a place to stay. You could say, in the short time that I’ve known Nicolaus, I have been places inside him most of you will never go!

The guests laughed, knowing Doctors, Paul and Rodger were the attending surgeons when Nicolaus was brought to the hospital following the car accident.

I always knew I’d marry Sarah! Nicolaus proclaimed.

You did? Sarah asked, moving her body forward to look down at Nicolaus, who had sat on the floor. He picked up Rodger’s guitar and started to tune it. What made you think I was interested in you while we were growing up?

You stuck out your tongue at me the first day you started school! But I didn’t say I thought you were ever interested in me. I just knew I wouldn’t marry anyone else. It was you or no one, dat’s all. He smiled up at her and then concentrated on his fingering of the guitar. In fact, would you like to hear a song I made up about you when I was, oh, about ten? Nicolaus cleared his throat and moved so that he could see Sarah better. He started fingering a soft melody on his guitar, Spanish style.

"Whisper her name to me,

Tell it to me soft and clear.

As fragrances of flowers pass me by

The colors of fall leaves burn my eyes to tears

Whisper her name to me

Tell it to me soft and clear

Whisper her name to me

Tell it to me soft and clear

While the touch of her eyes on me

Silences my heart full of fear

Whisper her name to me

Tell it to me soft and clear

Do you see me here, do you?

Do you care?

Should I speak to you, should I?

Do I dare?

Do you see me here, do you?

Do you care?

Should I speak to you, do I dare?

Whisper her name to me

Tell it to me soft and clear

Will she ever know how much I love her?

Will she ever know how much I care?

Whisper her name to me

Tell it to me soft and clear."

Have you sent that one to Lyn? Hans asked, referring to Nicolaus’s boss at Royal Recording Studio. Nicolaus was under a five-year songwriting contract and had been receiving large amounts of money for his songs that were recorded by other popular musicians.

No, this one’s not for sale! Nicolaus said, shyly returning Sarah’s smile.

I’m so glad you two could stay with us, Dee said. Rodger and I took off from work the three days of your stay. We have a few fun things planned for you. Dee watched Nicolaus and Sarah make over Nicola, her one-year-old daughter.

Ach, you didn’t have to. We would have been happy just babysitting for you while we stayed with you two, and as for da fun… I hope you don’t mind if we act like we’re not having any.

Nicolaus! Sarah said with a frown, her eyes big as marbles shining back at him.

Well, we are Amish after all! Nicolaus said. He tried to dodge Sarah’s punch to his arm as he protectively moved Nicola to his other side, Aye, Sarah, and dat’s the second time this morning you shushed me. This caused Dee and the others to laugh while Dee retrieved her infant daughter.

Nick, your English is getting worse. Can I set you up with a speech coach while you’re in town? Dee seemed unusually concerned.

Ach, Dee, the reason I don’t speak goot English is because I hardly speak it anymore. Can you give a man a break?

On the contrary. I will be correcting you as many times as I see fit.

Do you correct Nicola as you see fit, her English?

Oh, Nick, you just slaughtered that question. No, I do not correct my daughter. She’s only a year old and doesn’t speak proper English, if any, yet.

So what’s your point, Dee? Nicolaus replied, not willing to let her reason her way out of their argument.

My point is, you’re a grown American man who speaks as if he was born and raised somewhere in Europe.

When do you want to do it? Rodger asked. He sat down beside Sarah and took Nicola from Dee.

Do what? Nicolaus asked, looking at Rodger then to Dee.

"Get hypnotized. You know, draw out all those ghosts and goblins from that brain of yours?

Rodger, I’m not so sure I… Nicolaus was still feeling uncertain of going through such an ordeal. Without a doubt, it was something that would be frowned upon by the Elders if they ever found out.

Oh, don’t be a baby, Nick. Rodger said. He followed Nicolaus into the kitchen. Let’s do it tonight after Nicola is put to bed. What do you say? We will have to send the rest of the visitors’ home, but I’ll need Paul to stay, if you don’t mind. It’s just for insurance purposes.

What kind of insurance? Are you trying to say I might not come back from this, ah… experience? I don’t think I want to chance something like that, Rodger.

Oh, you’ll come back. It’s just… Well, sometimes it’s not a pretty sight. Anyway, I’m new to this, but Paul isn’t.

So I’d be your lab rat? I don’t know, Rodger.

No. I’m certified in hypnosis. I just haven’t done much interning on it. Okay, so I guess you’re my lab rat. What do you say, Nick? Rodger asked, finally coming clean with all the facts.

Nicolaus stared blankly at Rodger for a moment. The thoughts that ran through his head terrified him, but he felt obligated to Sarah to get this over with once and for all. Alright, I’ll be your rat, he said. He nodded his head as if it had finally been resolved. His eyes told another story.

•

After their guests had left for the evening and Paul had sent Betsy home with strict orders not to wait up for him, Dr. Dylan arranged the chairs so that Nicolaus would be sitting in front of a white wall with no visual distractions. Nicolaus, are you sure you are ready for this? Paul asked.

I think so, Paul. What’s dat? Nicolaus pointed to a small case Rodger was in the process of setting up next to him.

It’s a tape recorder. Sessions have to be recorded. That is, if you have no objections. Rodger stopped and paused for Nicolaus’s reply.

"I’m not supposed to, ah… well, let’s yust say, I asked you not to. What you do is your business, ja?"

J-ust! Dee called from the corner where she and Sarah were seated. Rodger had given both of them specific instructions not to make a sound.

Rodger opened Nicolaus’s black vest and white shirt and then stuck a small monitor to his bare chest.

Is dis in case I have a heart attack? Nicolaus asked. He laughed and looked over at Sarah. His wife returned the look, but hers was of concern.

This! Not dis, Nick. Dee called out, correcting him again. This time Rodger shot her a look that screamed, Knock it off!

We just want to monitor your response. This is as much a learning experience for us as it will be for you, Rodger answered. He turned back to Nicolaus. We will be dimming the lights. I want you to sit with your head slightly back. Good. Now, put your hands palms down on the armrests. Are you comfortable?

Yah, Nicolaus replied, following Rodger with his eyes.

Here, put your feet on this footstool. Nick, keep your mouth in an open but relaxed position for me. Paul, are you ready? There seemed to be a slight tone of either excitement or fear in Rodger’s voice; Nicolaus couldn’t tell which it was. Alright, I need you to roll your eyes back in your head.

What? Nicolaus sat up and frowned at Rodger as if he were crazy.

Relax, Nicolaus. Just do what you’re asked, Paul instructed. He pushed Nicolaus gently back in his chair.

Roll your eyes back in your head. Good. Now close your eyes. Rodger looked up at Paul, and they both smiled. Paul nodded his head as if giving Rodger the go ahead to start.

Keep your eyes closed and listen to my voice, Rodger said. He and Paul took their places at either side of Nicolaus and got comfortable themselves. Judging from his response to the eye-roll command, Nicolaus was a great candidate for hypnosis, but no one could predict how long it would take him to actually fall into the trance. Open your eyes and concentrate on the candle. Let me know if it moves and in what direction.

It was four minutes exactly when Nicolaus said low and in an easy tone, Up, and to the left.

Good, now close your eyes. Move your right arm up.

Nick, can you hear my voice?

Yes.

Move your right arm up.

I can’t.

Paul gave Rodger a thumbs up.

What do you see, Nick?

Nicolaus’s head jerked back as his facial expression went from one of relaxation to a frown. His lips pouted as if he were about to cry.

Nick, listen to my voice. What do you see? Rodger asked again, moving closer to Nicolaus’s left ear.

"No, Datt. Don’t make me, please. I will be good," Nicolaus said in his dialect. Rodger looked up at Paul with a questioning frown, only Paul understood what Nicolaus had just said.

Nick, speak only English. Paul ordered. He continued to listen for more of Nicolaus’s lethargic words.

Nicolaus took a moment to answer. He moved his head to the right in a movement Paul perceived as trying to get away from his voice. But as Nicolaus moved again, it was apparent that he was reliving a beating. He started to cry, making Sarah stand to aid him.

Stay where you are! Paul whispered, with a hand extended to Sarah as if holding her at bay.

Why is Father mad at you, Nicolaus? Paul asked.

He said I couldn’t go with them. He said I don’t belong with them and that they don’t love me. He’s mad that I cried. He hits me when he’s mad.

"Who are they, Nicolaus?"

My brother Israel and my sister Edna. They are looking out the back of the buggy at me, and they are crying too. They are leaving me at Aunt Betsy’s house. They don’t want me anymore. His eyelashes were wet with the steady tears that slid down his cheeks in streams. "Datt told Aunt Betsy that I would be in da way now dat Mam was having twins."

You heard your father say this? Rodger could not believe what he was hearing. He knew a subject under hypnosis generally spoke the truth, so he wasn’t sure how to take what Nick was going through. Paul kept silent, knowing that Nicolaus was reliving his tortured childhood.

I overheard him say it to Aunt Betsy, Nicolaus said. He sobbed as though his heart was crushed.

How old are you, Nicolaus?

I will be five in December. I want to go home.

His father struck a four-year-old in the face? Did you see what Nick did? The man must have struck his face! Rodger whispered in amazement as he pulled Paul to one side. Nicolaus must have been abused something horribly as a child.

Sarah could hear what was being said. She knew of Nicolaus’s upbringing, but never thought it was that bad. She too started to cry, her heart broken over her husband’s tragic childhood.

Paul quickly placed his hand on Rodger’s arm to tell him to get Nicolaus to The Old Mill, or they would have to walk him through this traumatic experience as well while he was in this altered state of consciousness.

Nick, I need you to go to the Old Mill the night of Sylvain’s party. Rodger touched Nicolaus’s arm as he spoke calmly.

Nicolaus lifted his head slowly at first, and then he started to relax. His breathing became shallow again, and a slight smile came to his lips. What do you see, Nick?

Sylvain, he said softly, breathing a sigh of relief.

What is he saying?

He’s laughing at me. I called Kenzie a jackass and he’s laughing. The smile on Nicolaus’s face was warm and he started to chuckle softly, as if laughing along with his friends.

Who else is there with you, Nick?

Nicolaus was silent for a moment and then called out a few names neither Rodger nor Paul recognized. Ach, Lorie, I’m not mad at you. Sylvain’s cool with being here. It’s okay now. Nicolaus started to frown again. Ach. Oh, God, that hurts! he said as he doubled over.

What hurts, Nick? Rodger asked. He gently pulled Nicolaus back up straight in his chair.

"My stomach hurts. I’ve been vomiting blood since last night… Look Sylvain, look at all those stars.