Dissonant Melody

By Zanne Kennedy

The fourth in the Silent Discourse series is, Dissonant Melody.
An Amish boy, who desires nothing more than to live the simple life is forced to spiral into the deepest depths of depravity. Dissonant Melody reveals the hidden tale behind the musical genius, Nicolaus Zook and the reason for the abusive father he had to endure throughout his childhood.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zanne Kennedy
• Release date: Sep 16, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311429377

Zanne Kennedy

Zanne Kennedy is the author of the Silent Discourse series.Silent Discourse; Still, Small Voice; Profound Silence; Dissonant Melody; Beautiful Conflict. Righteous Revenges (forthcoming)She is an artist by trade and a student of the human condition by desire. Research is her passion and the Amish culture and beliefs is the spark that set the fire a blaze with the series, Silent Discourse. She captivates the reader’s minds, much like a painter wields a brush, and draws them in with her rich descriptions, characterizations, and insights.Zanne is an Arizona native.

Book preview

DISSONANT MELODY

by

Zanne Kennedy

Smashwords Edition

~ Paragon Multimedia LLC ~

Published on Smashwords by:

Paragon Multimedia LLC

Chandler, Arizona

paragon-multimedia.com

Dissonant Melody

(Silent Discourse Series, Book IV)

Copyright 2008 by Zanne Kennedy

Paragon Multimedia LLC and the Paragon Multimedia LLC logo

are trademarks belonging to Paragon Multimedia LLC

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. The events and characters described herein are imaginary and are not intended to refer to specific places or living persons. The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher.

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Silent Discourse Series

Silent Discourse

Still, Small Voice

Profound Silence

Dissonant Melody

Beautiful Conflict

Righteous Revenge

In Loving Memory of Nick Kennedy, David, Roy & Helen Morrow

In Honor of Denise DeYoung, and Jean Kennedy

Contents

Acknowledgments

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

Acknowledgments

The author would like to acknowledge the following:

God and His unconditional love. After all, God’s unfailing love is the story I live in!

David Morrow, editing, lawful counsel and constant loving support. Together we may finally discover what ‘glu-glux of the blowhole’ really means.

Brian Morrow, for your great sense of humor, wonderful financial tidbits, and counsel. For your unwavering love, support and prayers. For loving the bird lady in spite of herself.

Erin Dodson, who laughed in all the right places. For reading my books just because I asked while taking care of your husband, two children, and Aunt. For falling in love with Nicolaus and his friends, but mostly, for your constant love, support and prayers.

Joshua Dodson, for sharing your life experiences, advice and support.

Jean Kennedy, for your constant love, support, and prayers. For reading and editing. For staying up all night crying at the sad parts.

Nick Kennedy, for your constant love, support, and prayers.

Vickie Bolton, for all the comments, suggestions and creativity.

Lori Heyd, for encouraging me to start, and not give up. For your advice & spiritual support.

•

Editors:

Millie Hannum, editor. Thank you for all your hours of reading and editing.

Cheryl Booth, editor. Visit: http://www.gr8writing.com or email [e-mail].

Cheri Neri, editor. Thank you for all you do.

•

Artist:

Cali McCullough, for going to Lancaster County for a photo shoot ten days before your wedding.

Sue Cullumber, for your great photos. Visit auniqueviewphotography.com.

•

Technical:

Aaron Neville, for all your know-how and willingness to help.

•

I would also like to thank all the readers that pick up the Silent Discourse series; those who have fallen in love with Nicolaus and those who find a deeper relationship with God through Nicolaus’s life story.

Zanne Kennedy, author of:

Silent Discourse, Still, Small Voice, Profound Silence, Dissonant Melody, Beautiful Conflict, and Righteous Revenge (Forthcoming)

Chapter 1

September 1954

Nicolaus

The Child

Esther, you know I love you and the child you’re carrying with all my heart. I would give up everything to care for you and Jacob’s children. Please come away with me.

Germain’s voice tore at her heart, but Esther knew she couldn’t allow her feelings to sway her. She knew what she had to do.

I cannot, Germain. I would never leave my children or our people. You know that. Please don’t ask me again.

But, Esther, that is our child, my child. Agony filled his voice and he looked at her, beseeching. What do you want from me? I will do anything to be able to hold you for the rest of your life. Tell me what I should do.

I want you to leave. Esther stared back into his desperate blue eyes.

Esther.

The single word conveyed pain beyond measure, but she did not allow herself to feel it. Instead, she formed the intention to make every word a dagger that would drive him away.

I want you to leave before Jacob returns, Germain. I do not love you. I used you for a time, and now I’m done with you. Go, so Jacob never finds out that this child is yours.

Esther placed her hands protectively on her swollen stomach and turned to leave the barn.

If I leave, what will you tell Jacob? Germain wouldn’t let her go so easily.

I don’t know why Jacob ever allowed you to stay and help me. God help us, he trusted us. I’m going to tell him that I was raped and that he will have to raise the child as his.

She tried to ignore Germain’s stricken face.

Our child was conceived in love, not horror! he argued, I cannot leave you or our child, Esther. I will tell Jacob the truth when he returns. If he gets angry, so be it. I will say that I forced you into loving me.

Esther clenched her jaw. He wasn’t making this easy, but she had to convince him—she had to make him leave. She turned a brutal glare on him. You will leave tonight, or I will call for the Elders. Or, better yet, I will go into town to the police to tell them you have been robbing our farm and I want you prosecuted.

Germain smiled. He knew her too well. You wouldn’t. He moved to touch her on her arm, but she jerked away.

Esther had to stay focused on the choice she had made. She and Germain were born, raised, and baptized Amish, and the sins they had fallen victims to could be severely punished in their community if found out. Esther’s family was at stake.

I do not love you, Germain! Now go, and never come back.

Esther, you break my heart. His eyes deepened as tears welled in them. I can’t, I won’t go. Go ahead and call for the authorities. I will not leave. I’m not afraid of Jacob, and I’m surely not afraid of the Elders or the police.

Fine, do as you like. First thing tomorrow morning I will notify the authorities.

She stormed from the barn before her grip on her emotions unraveled completely. She opened the kitchen door, crossed the room, and sank into a chair at the kitchen table, weeping bitterly. She hadn’t wanted to lie to Germain. She loved him dearly, but she was married and a mother of two already. He could not stay in her world.

Jacob had trusted Germain, like best friends do, to watch over his wife, farm and children while serving his conscientious objector detention in Arizona. Now he would return home to find his wife more than six months pregnant with Germain’s child. Being of the Old Order Amish sect, Esther knew the ramifications for her and her husband if the truth were ever revealed. She had to make Germain think she no longer loved him for his own good. It was the only way she knew he would leave.

"What is it, Mam?" a child’s voice asked softly, interrupting Esther’s thoughts.

Esther gasped. She hadn’t heard Edna come in, and she tried to dry her face with her apron. Her daughter, a five-year-old brown eyed blond, an excitable child, did not need to know her mother had been crying. "I’m just tired, sweetheart. That’s all. Datt will be home soon, and all will be right again." She drew her little girl to her and held her, taking comfort from the child’s closeness.

Israel bounded into the summer kitchen, banging the door behind him in his characteristic manner. Esther’s son, the first born to the Zook family, Israel knew more of farming and caring for the everyday workings of the barn than he should have. His dirty-blond mop of straight thick strands peeked from beneath his wide-rim straw hat. Tall for his age, he admitted a sense of authority even now at the age of seven.

"Mam! I went to milk the cows… but Germain is packing his things. He says he has to leave. Her son’s eyes were round and innocent. Mam, he’s crying."

Leave him be, Israel. Esther beckoned the boy closer. Stay here in the warm kitchen with me. I’m feeling very lonesome for your father, and you two make me so happy.

Obediently, Israel leaned against the table at his mother’s side, gazing pensively out the window. Suddenly he straightened, craning his neck to see better. "Mam, it looks like we have a visitor. I think it’s… uh—oh. Mam, I think its Mattie."

Israel called his teacher by her first name, as all the children were expected to do. To do otherwise would show disrespect. A guilty expression came over the boy’s face at the sight of his schoolteacher.

"Mam," he began hesitantly, there is something I meant to tell you earlier. He paused. I got in a fight with Joey this morning at school because he was saying wrong things about you and Uncle Germain. It is probably why she is here.

Hm… Esther replied noncommittally. She could not help but wonder what sorts of things’ Joey had been saying.

She left the children in the kitchen and went out to meet Israel’s teacher, her childhood friend. Mattie waved pleasantly as she climbed from her buggy.

Where is Germain? Mattie looked to the barn as if she already had a sense of his presence there. Her visit obviously had little to do with Israel’s behavior at school.

He is in the barn, why? Esther frowned but allowed Mattie to take her arm and lead her away from the kitchen door.

I have just come from town where I overheard something that I think you should know. Mattie answered, her voice pitched not to carry beyond Esther’s ears. Are you feeling alright? You look a little green around the gills.

I’m fine. Esther tried to arrange her apron and dress to better hide her pregnancy. She knew her secret would be apparent soon enough, but she hoped to conceal it a bit longer, just until Jacob could return to help her reveal to their people the lie she had decided to live with.

Germain has been questioned by the officials for a number of incidents in town. The Elders are going to call on him this weekend. And they intend to call on you too.

Esther was surprised. On me? Why me? What is it that Germain has supposedly done?

It has something to do with illegal drugs found last month in Strasburg. The officials think Germain has something to do with it.

Esther shook her head. Impossible. Germain hasn’t left the farm since he was accused of stealing old man Spencer’s chickens. Why does everyone in town think Germain has something to do with every ill that comes to pass? Trust me, Mattie, he’s been right here on the farm for at least four weeks.

I certainly hope so. At least for your sake, that is.

"He has been. But why do the Elders wish to question me?"

Mattie looked at Esther as if she should know. If I were you, I’d pack up the kids and go visit your family in Lebanon until Jacob returns. It never is a good thing when the Elders have to come to call, you know. I’ll have Amos and Naomi take care of the farm until you come back.

Leaving her farm to stay with her family was harder than she could have imagined. The only comfort she took from it was the fact that Germain would not know where to find her, if in fact he decided to come back. She closed the front door behind her. Edna and Israel followed closely behind her black flowing riding cape. Their buggy was ready, their driving horse fed and watered for the journey. Esther knew it was for the best.

Chapter 2

October 1977, age 22

Sarah’s Dress

Where have you been, Nicolaus? We have been worried sick. Standing abruptly from her chair in their mother’s kitchen, Katie, confronted her brother. You were supposed to come for Israel yesterday. You would think your son would be more important to you than that outsider.

That will be enough, Katie. Katie’s husband Eli continued rocking Israel in the living room.

Nicolaus ignored her and scowled. He made his way to the other room to collect his infant son.

Thanks, Eli. He took his son from Eli’s arms. Nicolaus’s curls fell from behind his ears, a prohibition according to his district’s rules.

Nicolaus grinned at his son. Were you good for your Uncle Eli and Aunt Katie?

He was a pleasure, said Eli, smiling. Then he whispered, But where have you been?

We got back late from the airport, so I stayed with Edna. He winced, knowing that being inside an excommunicated member’s home was severely frowned upon. Does the Bishop have to know?

You should know by now, if you have to ask—the answer always is yes.

I’m already in over my head. I think I’d better pray about it for at least a couple of months. Maybe by then all the other crap will have been forgotten. I can start on a clean slate, so to speak.

I doubt it, Nicolaus. The Elders are pretty sore about your casual disregard of their warnings. As is the church.

I plan to repent. They will take me under their wings again soon enough.

Nicolaus towered at least a full head over his brother-in-law.

That is extremely prideful of you, don’t you think? Eli admonished.

Nicolaus paused at Eli’s accusation but then shrugged and turned his attention to his son. "I missed you so much, Firefly. Don’t worry, your datt is with you now." Nicolaus was relieved to finally hold the love of his life.

•

The death of his beloved wife, Sarah, haunted Nicolaus, and even though Israel was with him, he still missed Sarah. The sleepless nights were especially intolerable. The emptiness haunted him, and he found it necessary two or three times a night to open the match box containing a clipping of Sarah’s hair and a straight pin from her dress, to touch these mementos and remember their lives together.

Edna and her husband, Lieutenant Joe Roberts, had taken Nicolaus against his will along with them on vacation to Florida. They had hoped to shake his black mood and obsession with spending every available moment with his son. Unexpectedly, while there, Nicolaus met Dodson Sinclair, a famous rock star who proved to be a temporary diversion to his grief. Miss Sinclair followed Nicolaus back to his Creek Ridge, where he catered to her as she recuperated from throat surgery. She had needed a place to mend, and Creek Ridge was just the place the doctor had ordered. However, in the days after her departure, Nicolaus was in even a darker mood.

On Sunday morning, Nicolaus was in no mood to attend meeting, but he forced himself to get up. He was in enough trouble already, and he’d likely be excommunicated if the congregation thought he was considering abandoning the faith. Years earlier he had left his community and faith, having been forced to leave home by his abusive father, Jacob. In town, Nicolaus soon became quite the celebrity. With his God-given gift of music and sensuous voice, he became lead singer in the rock band that he had formed with his childhood friend, Sylvain. Nicolaus returned home to his people, following a devastating car accident that had taken Sylvain’s life and left him barely able to cope with his own injuries. There, back among his Amish community, he found Sarah, his childhood sweetheart, waiting for him.

Nicolaus caught a ride to church in the back of Joseph and Beth’s buggy, his Amish friends who lived with him at Creek Ridge, the beautiful farm that he had acquired before he was baptized. The farm was a wedding present to his new wife. Holding his son close to his chest, he looked through his backpack to reassure himself that he had not forgotten any of the infant’s daily supplies.

Diapers, bottles, toys… Ach shit!

What? Beth asked. She turned to look at Nicolaus in the back of the buggy.

I forgot Firefly’s pacifier. Can we turn back?

No, replied Joseph.

He will be fine, cut in Beth. He won’t have time to miss it—what with all the women doting on him. They haven’t seen him for over a month now. Beth always had a soothing way of defusing bombs.

Once at the host family’s farm, Joseph turned the horse and buggy over to the hostlers. The three made their way to the main house where the singing had already begun. Nicolaus’s mother, Esther, and Sarah’s mother, Ruth, came out to meet them.

Esther hurried over and extended her arms for the baby. We will take Israel to the kitchen with us. You go and worship with the men. Esther took her grandson from Nicolaus.

Ruth wouldn’t look at Nicolaus as she helped him take off his backpack. Nicolaus wondered if she was still angry with him for allowing Dodson to wear Sarah’s dress to a workday during her stay at Creek Ridge.

Are you sure? If I hear him cry, I’ll come and…

Don’t worry about him. We will take good care of your sweetheart. Esther turned to go inside. Now go join the men.

Nicolaus watched Rachael come from the kitchen to join them. Rachael had cared for Sarah while she was sick, and after Sarah’s death, she stayed close to care for the infant. She took Israel from Esther and walked back to the kitchen without saying a word to Nicolaus.

Shaking his head at the ways of women, he took off his hat and started for the main house, where some of the older boys were already making their way single file through the front door. They entered the main house in strict order, the elders entering first to show rank. Nicolaus knew he would never agree with that custom, but, as usual, he held his tongue and followed them in. Those in the back rows stared and whispered, making him feel self-conscious. He felt an overwhelming desire to turn and walk back to Creek Ridge, and if it wasn’t for his son in the midst of the women in the kitchen, he would have. Instead, he firmed his jaw and resolutely walked to a bench, trying not to act bothered by the stony silence from the crowd in front of him.

The hunchback old bishop stood, signaling the beginning of the first sermon. The subjects of the sermons that day were unity, equality, and obedience. But, instead, the bishop soberly paced in silence in front of the assembled worshippers, rubbing his long grey beard so hard that Nicolaus had a sudden urge to laugh.

Finally, the old man began. I have prayed hard and long over the words I am going to speak to you today, and let those words be a strict warning. Your leaders are chosen by God. They are specially gifted to make difficult decisions. Decisions that sometimes must hurt in order to save a soul. It is known that to touch or even sit with those who are excommunicated from the fold is a grave offense. You must not be led astray by feelings of sympathy for the erring soul. The punishment, though harsh, is for the person’s own good—as it is for the congregation’s good.

The old man started to weep in his hands, his heart obviously broken by the decisions he and other leaders in the district had been forced to make throughout the years.

Nicolaus cringed, sensing the guilt of his sins building in his chest. He felt as though he might suffocate at any moment.

The bishop cleared his throat and regained his composure. If there are any among us here today who are in need of prayer or confession, please stand now.

Nicolaus couldn’t look up. He stared at the back of the man in front of him for what seemed an eternity. God, what do I do? He hadn’t meant to speak aloud, but he whispered loud enough for others to hear.

The bishop clasped his hands behind his back and looked straight at Nicolaus. Their eyes met. Nicolaus’s hands began to sweat and he swallowed hard, but the bishop would not look away. The old man’s gaze fixed solely on him. Getting the strength to stand was a challenge; his knees felt like molten lava as he stood.

The entire leadership of his church, including Sarah’s father, Samuel, appeared out of the gathering like phantoms from a thick mist to stand at the end of Nicolaus’s row, ready to escort him to the front of the congregation for confession.

It gladdens and saddens our hearts that you have finally come, Nicolaus, the bishop said before turning to the elders who surrounded Nicolaus, making any hope of escape impossible. Take him to the counsel room. Samuel, attend to what needs to be done here, and then join us in the counsel room.

This was something Nicolaus had never seen before. Never had the elders ushered a member to the counsel room without at least first hearing the prayer request or confession.

What does this mean? Nicolaus asked the bishop as he followed him up the stairs.

Be silent, Nicolaus.

The upstairs bedroom was bare of all the church host’s furnishings. Instead, there were twelve chairs arranged in a circle. The bishop nodded for Nicolaus to sit in the chair nearest to the door. Nicolaus sat and watched as each of the district leaders sat in his designated chair. No one said a word or looked directly at him. He could feel the pounding of his heart, knowing that for the leaders to go to such extremes was not a good sign.

While we wait for Samuel, we will be in prayer, the bishop said. The men bowed their heads.

Nicolaus bowed his head, too, and fervently petitioned God to intervene in this unexpected lynching. There came no response from the Almighty. The only sounds came from downstairs as the remaining men moved the benches to the barn for the common meal.

Soon Samuel arrived and made his way to his chair. Nicolaus tried to catch his eye, to get some sort of signal from him, but Samuel would not look at him. Nicolaus grew uneasy with each passing moment.

Finally, the bishop stood. Nicolaus, we have called you to the counsel room because of your spiritual health. We have been concerned for some time now over it. He clasped his hands behind his back. There have been a few offenses that have been brought to our attention. As I repeat them to you, I ask that you answer only ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ for the time of explanations is long past. You should have come to us before it came to this. The first offense is that you seem to favor the spirit of the world over the Bride of Christ, giving refuge to an outsider on your farm and yoking yourself with the outside world by signing and working for pay under a contract with a recording studio.

But, John… Nicolaus tried gently to remind the bishop that they had discussed his contract with the recording studio. Nonetheless, the old man motioned with his hand for Nicolaus to keep silent. Nicolaus obeyed immediately, but could not hide his confusion.

Do you confess to these accusations?

Nicolaus nodded soberly.

The second offense is blatantly disobeying the dress code our district has voted to uphold. It is for unity that we ask this of you, but you are regularly seen with your hair pulled back behind your ears, as it is now, and your hat missing from your head… as also it is now.

Nicolaus pulled his hair from behind his ears and started again to explain that it was a nervous habit that he was not even aware of doing. But another of the elders interrupted him.

Silence, Nicolaus, and answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ only.

Nicolaus looked at the elderly man with contempt, but the bishop held his hand up to the brother who reprimanded.

Nicolaus, answer as you have been instructed.

Nicolaus sighed. Yes. I suppose so.

The third offense is a sensitive one, but I will try to phrase it in such a way that it will not offend those gathered here. Was there sexual intimacy between you and the outsider, Miss Sinclair?

Nicolaus almost choked as he looked intently at the bishop, but he managed to swallow and answer. Yes.

The men began to whisper to each other while Nicolaus kept his eyes on the bishop.

Did you have sexual relations with anyone other than my Sarah while you two were married? Samuel spoke up bravely.

Nicolaus turned to him, stunned. The shock of the question would have been nearly powerful enough to force him backwards off his seat had he not already been leaning forward with his hat in his hands between his legs.

Samuel, please… Bishop John said with a tone of compassion.

I have a right to know, John. Order Nicolaus to answer my question, Samuel said, never taking his eyes from Nicolaus’s.

Answer him, Nicolaus. John nodded to Nicolaus as if sure the answer would be no.

God, Samuel, please. I loved Sarah with all my heart…

Answer me, Nicolaus.

Nicolaus was silent, knowing he had to tell the truth. But the truth in a yes or no was misleading, and Nicolaus didn’t want to say anything unless he could tell the full story.

I will answer if you allow me to explain.

There are no explanations for sin, Nicolaus. Either you did or you didn’t. John’s gaze intensified. Now answer Samuel. Nicolaus’s failure to answer had heightened the bishop’s curiosity.

Nicolaus looked down at his hat and picked fretfully at the edges of the brim. Finally, looking straight at Samuel, he answered, Yes.

Samuel stood and walked to the bedroom window, where he broke down and wept for a moment. Nicolaus closed his eyes, wishing he could have been skinned alive rather than go through this torment. To have done the sin was bad enough, but to see the effects it had on those he loved was pure hell. Finally, Samuel dried his eyes and signaled to the bishop to continue.

The last offense that has been brought to our attention is the abandonment of your son, Israel. It has been said that you leave for hours while others tend to the needs of your infant. The bishop again placed a firm hand in Nicolaus’s face to stay his obvious response of opposition. "These incidents," he began again, occurring particularly, while seeing to the outsider Miss Sinclair’s needs… while Israel cried for hours unattended.

Nicolaus stood in shock. This is a lie! I have always loved and cared for Israel. He is my life. How could anyone say such things? He is my life, John. He shook with anger, clenching his fists tightly at his sides. Who told you this?

Sit down, Nicolaus. Your pleas for mercy fall on deaf ears. Sit! the bishop bellowed.

Nicolaus sat, still shaking.

For all these offenses, we, as leaders of the church, who serve to watch over you, give you a punishment of excommunication for the length of nine months, during which time the bann will be enforced upon you. Furthermore, Israel has been and will continue to be placed in the protective safety of the Bailers. There will be no visiting unless ordained by the elders. If such is ordained, it will be highly supervised at all times.

You cannot take him from me. You can’t. Nicolaus went to his knees in front of Samuel. Please. You can’t…

Nicolaus, to your feet. Samuel will give you a ride to your home. The bishop spoke with authority. The rest of the men stood to leave the counsel room, and Samuel turned and walked away without acknowledging Nicolaus’s pleas.

Nicolaus stood and turned to the men, I will not live without my son. Your sin is on your heads.

Then rushing downstairs to the kitchen, where the women had just finished washing the dishes from the common meal, he demanded, loud enough for all to look up from their tasks, Where is my son?

"Your mam, Ruth, and Rachael left with him over an hour ago," one of the women answered. Nicolaus’s heart sank to know that his own mother had been in on this all along.

He left the kitchen, knowing he had to get to Israel, and was met by the men of the congregation, passive aggression apparent on all their faces. They walked beside him, making sure he got in Samuel’s waiting buggy.

The ride home to Creek Ridge was filled with silent resentment on both men’s part. Nicolaus kept his emotions under control and his face sober. His mind was not still, however. He spent the trip wondering how all this could have happened and conjuring ways to get his son back. None of his ideas were good enough, though, and by the time they arrived at the crossroads to Creek Ridge, he’d concluded that he had no other option but to abide by the elders’ decision. He’d have to endure the bann if he ever wanted to be allowed back into the brotherhood and reunited with his son.

Samuel stopped the buggy, turned to Nicolaus, and glared daringly into the younger man’s face. Who was the harlot you used while my Sarah was dying?

Don’t, Samuel, Nicolaus whispered, wishing Samuel would cut his throat rather than ask him that question.

I have the right to know.

She is no harlot and she has the right that you don’t know.

You are defending her? You still lay with this woman?

No, Samuel, it was a horrible mistake. I was weak and allowed it to happen only once. It was not her fault.

Who is she? Samuel demanded again, grabbing a fistful of Nicolaus’s vest.

Nicolaus looked down at his father-in-law’s hand and then slowly back up into his eyes. Rachael.

Letting go, Samuel stared straight ahead. Jacob was right when he said I would regret taking you in as if you were my son. Get out of my buggy. Samuel flexed his jaw muscles tightly, his rage barely in check.

Samuel…

Get out of my buggy!

The walk down the lane and into Creek Ridge’s west pasture was bitterly cold. The snow had almost melted, but a patch here and there made Nicolaus stagger. Entering the main house through the front door, Nicolaus was met by Beth and Joseph’s questioning eyes. They had just sat down to a meal before beginning their evening chores.

Nicolaus went, without a word, up the stairs to his room, slamming the door hard behind him. He lay on his bed, staring at nothing in particular, trying to comprehend what had happened to him on this dreadful day. He ignored Beth’s soft knocks on the door. Nicolaus? Bravely, she ventured in and came to the side of his bed. What happened, Nicolaus?

They took my son. His soft whisper was almost incoherent.

Shocked, Beth knelt beside him. Who took him?

Ask your husband. Nicolaus looked to the doorway where, indeed, Joseph was lurking.

Joseph, what is going on? Beth asked. She placed her hand on Nicolaus’s chest as if to keep him from getting up to attack her husband.

I know nothing of your son. I swear, Nicolaus. They were only going to punish you for keeping an outsider here at Creek Ridge. That’s all. I swear it.

Beth turned angrily on her husband, who recoiled into the hallway. How could you, Joseph? Nicolaus has allowed us to farm his land, live on it, and he even pays you most handsomely for doing so. He saved my life, and this is how you repay? Beth went to the door and shut it on her husband.

Nicolaus, what did they say? How long will they keep him, and where is he? Beth turned her concerns to Nicolaus, but he just stared sadly at the wall. I’ll go see for myself. This is not right. She turned abruptly but Nicolaus stopped her by placing his hand on her arm.

No, Beth. There is nothing anyone can do now. They excommunicated me for nine months, and I have to abide by their terms, or I’ll never be accepted back into the faith or get to see Israel again. But God help me, Beth, I can’t do it. I can’t live without him. I won’t.

Nicolaus, did they say you could see him?

I don’t remember, I kind of blanked out after they told me they’d taken Israel to Samuel’s. Beth, my own mother was in on this. God, what am I supposed to think? Nicolaus put his hands over his face and began to weep.

I will bring you some food. You need to keep up your strength. Not knowing what else to offer him, Beth went downstairs.

When she returned with a plate of hot food, Nicolaus was standing at his window. His expression was stony and dead when he turned to tell her, "I am not hungry.

•

Days passed. Nicolaus left his room only to use the outhouse. He didn’t take a morsel of food or a cup of liquid, but played his guitar relentlessly hour after hour. On the sixth day, there was finally silence. Beth had helplessly witnessed the daily wasting away of her closest friend, and she knew the eerie stillness was not a good sign.

She went to his room with a plate of food, as she had done every morning, to coax him to eat or at least drink. This morning she found him lying on the floor covered with a blanket. His guitar lay next to him.

Nicolaus? Beth kneeled down beside him, fearful that he was dead or dying.

Nicolaus looked up and smiled weakly. The dark circles under his glazed-over eyes and his dry, chalky lips confirmed that he was severely dehydrated. How did you get up here?

I took the stairs. Nicolaus, please take a drink of water.

No, Beth, don’t be silly, darling, there are no stairs. The stairs are gone. Did you fly? He gently touched her cheek with his fingertips.

I’m going for Joseph. You just rest a bit, okay?

Yes, darling, you go for Joseph. Beth, why are you so good to me? he called out weakly as she moved toward the door. I don’t deserve your kindness. He didn’t wait for an answer but pulled the blanket back up around his head and sank down into it as if it were his shell of protection.

Beth gave him a final worried look and then ran for her husband, who was working in the barn.

He’s delirious, Joseph. Get Dr. Yoder… and have him come quickly.

Dr. Paul Yoder had left the Amish faith as a teen, went on to receive his degree in medicine, married, and raised children of his own, but after his children had grown and left home, and his wife had died Paul returned to his place of birth to marry Nicolaus’s Aunt Betsy, who also had left the faith years ago. Beth was certain Paul would know what to do, and he wouldn’t limit his care to only what the elders would approve of. From the looks of Nicolaus, he was going to need all the help he could get.

As Joseph turned to go, she called after him again, Then go to the bishop’s, and tell him to call for the elders. They’ve got to do something. This can’t go on any longer.

Joseph didn’t argue. He harnessed his horse to the buggy, all the while deep in thought.

I’ll be back as soon as I can. He said as he turned toward his wife, who stood at the kitchen doorway, looking a bit lost.

Just go, she said. And hurry, Joseph.

•

Paul arrived at Creek Ridge with Betsy, and Beth took them up to Nicolaus’s room. Nicolaus lay motionless on the floor, his ash gray coloring quite disturbing. Paul went to his knees beside his nephew and checked him, his concern evident.

We’ll move him to the bed when the others come to help. They will be coming? Paul looked up at Beth cynically. Despite leaving the faith as a teen, Paul knew the rules. When someone was excommunicated, everyone in the community was prohibited from coming to his rescue. He’d never actually seen it carried out to this degree before, though.

Despite his fears, however, Beth answered with assurance, They will come.

Somewhat relieved, Paul turned back to his patient. Joseph had given him the whole story, and he’d come prepared. Pulling Nicolaus’s arm out straight, he inserted a shunt, then an IV, and started a solution that would get the much-needed fluids back into Nicolaus’s body as quickly as possible.

Will he be okay? Beth asked.

He is in shock, but this solution should help fairly soon. If he doesn’t come around within the hour, I will have to go call the hospital to have him transported. Betsy, could you bring a clean cloth and lots of water? When he comes to, I need him to sip on the cloth, if he can swallow.

•

Bishop Yoder’s wife stood to one side, covering her mouth in shock as Joseph explained what had happened. The bishop’s house was warm and welcoming, and Joseph wished that he were there visiting rather than bearing such misfortunate news.

What do you mean Nicolaus is trying to kill himself? Bishop Yoder asked sternly, mindful that Joseph overly embellished most everything he said. How very bad is he?"

"Like I said, he has refused to eat, drink or sleep since he returned from the counsel room. He was out of his mind when I left