Board Of Life

By Andrew Wood

A compelling and powerful story of Alex's descent into drinking and depression. Graduating from college in 1987, he begins the soul-destroying search for work.

His isolation deepens as his friends start their careers. Accused of murder, his loneliness and desperation are just beginning.

Barely able to cope with everyday struggles, he takes an unbearable path with devastating consequences...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andrew Wood
• Release date: Sep 14, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452315713

Andrew Wood

Andrew Wood is an entrepreneur with a track record of success in an amazing variety of business ventures although his successes reach far beyond those industries. Recognized as one of the world's leading experts on sales and marketing, he is the author of over 20 books on sales and marketing. Andrew speaks worldwide on sales and marketing topics and is in high demand as a copywriter and marketing consultant. Andrew began his love of golf in 1975 on the day his Scottish uncle took him to Cow Glen Golf Club near Glasgow. On this fateful day, the club was cleaning out five decades of junk from the golf shop and tossing it straight into a dumpster. The old professional who served the club faithfully for over 50 years had recently passed away. Ever the canny Scot, Andrew's Uncle Forbes rescued a leather bag, some tatty golf balls and 50 hickory shafted golf clubs. These included a fully matched set of Bobby Jones Spalding irons that were unfortunately cut down to suit the young lad's swing. This was due to some seriously poor planning. Three years later at age 15, Wood was Club Champion at Lilleshall Hall Golf Club in Shropshire, England and his life-long love affair with the game had blossomed. 1978 saw a fatal decision in young Wood's life when he embarked upon a mission to hit no less than 500 balls a day. Unfortunately, while Wood reached his goal, the influence of Jack Nicklaus's book, Golf My Way, resulted in a chronic flying elbow from which he is still trying to recover today! Nevertheless, The Golden Bear remains Andrew Wood's hero to this day. Undeterred, the next three years saw Wood frequently playing 63 holes a day (in the summer) and even moving his parent's small holiday trailer (caravan to UK residents) to a field adjoining the club so time was not wasted on the 8-mile trip from his home. He wintered in Lytham, St. Anne's, where although it was bitterly cold, the snow seldom remained and his favorite PGA, Professional, Gwillam - "I never saw a shot I liked go right" - Hardiman, was his teacher. Journey Across The Pond With another cold and wet British winter set to interfere with his plans for golfing stardom, arrangements were made to send young Wood to a friend of a friend in California. The day before Thanksgiving in 1980 and armed with his golf clubs and just $300, he arrived in the former colonies at age 18. Fate intervened and Andrew was diverted to Florida. His goal, like many others, was to compete on the PGA Tour. Despite getting a walk-on golf scholarship at a Florida college 18 months later, lack of superior golfing talent ultimately held him back from a successful career on the Tour! However, he did gain tremendous experience as a successful bag boy, shop assistant, cart jockey, club waiter and occasional fill-in member of the grounds crew. He made final qualifying of the 1984 British Open at St. Andrews where he shot a respectable 72-76 and to the quarter finals of the English Amateur at Wentworth and even won the Wem Bowl. At least he's got that going for him! Go West Young Man Finally moving to California in late 1985, Wood accidentally got involved in the marketing effort of a chain of karate schools and met Legendary Marketing's Matt Fiorenza. Having found his true talent for marketing, Wood quickly picked up numerous golf accounts, including resorts, equipment manufacturers and golf schools. While his passion was golf, the incredible success of his marketing campaigns led him into an ownership position in a martial arts company of which he ultimately gained sole ownership. Within a decade, he had taken 12 schools into a national chain that, together with affiliates, totaled over 400 locations. It was the experience of developing the sales and marketing systems of a national franchise from scratch that gave him the marketing foundation, and the money, to finally turn his talent back to his true love of golf. The Birth of a Legend After selling the martial arts company, and taking two years off to write books, including Legendary Leadership, Dominate Your Market, Selling With Confidence and The Traits of Champions, Legendary Marketing was founded by Wood in late 1999 and is headquartered in Lecanto, Florida (which not by accident, is located near famed Black Diamond Ranch Golf Club) where Andrew lives today. Internet Pioneers Wood, a pioneer in Internet marketing, with sites dating back to the web's infancy in 1994 decided to use his expertise to develop a golf specific solution. Legendary Marketing made its first big splash in 2000 with the introduction of a totally new kind of golf website, the Legendary Marketing Smartsite. Incredibly powerful - yet easy to use - the technology quickly became accepted as the best in the industry and resulted in spectacular growth for his company. In 2002, already established as the leader in new technology, Legendary Marketing turned its attention back to its roots with a focus on response driven direct mail and print advertising campaigns. There they introduced the industry to the power of Thunderbolt Marketing (our proprietary technique of multiple mailings) and the to effectiveness in generating leads of the highest caliber. 2003 saw the first of our Golf Marketing Boot Camps, an intensive three day program that has opened the eyes of over 200 owners and managers so far, to some amazing ways to improve their marketing. . Onward and Upward 2004 saw the launch the Golf Marketing Success System, a revolutionary systematic way of marketing that provides clubs with a totally integrated and predictable blueprint for marketing success. The program consists of 24, specific manuals with step-by-step instructions on how to improve each area of their marketing. December 2005, saw the publication of Andrew's book, The Golf Marketing Bible, which contains 420 pages of cutting edge, golf marketing information and quickly became a bestseller. The book has also been adopted as a textbook by the marketing program of several colleges, here and abroad. New Product, New Location, New Heights After six years of industry leadership with our Smartsite web solution, 2006 saw the launch of the next generation of more powerful online marketing tools contained in our Marketing Commandersolutions. Over one million dollars was invested in our efforts to design the ultimate website/CRM/lead tracking, reporting and staff training tool. This year also saw the launch of the Membership Sales Success System the most comprehensive training available to help clubs train their frontline staff to how to sell memberships. The eight manual program was an instant success! We top off the year by moving into our new state of the art Legendary Ranch. The three building, 6,000 ft complex, has fiber optics and wireless throughout for easy movement, along with formal and casual meeting space. Staff can work indoors or out and enjoy picnic benches, cafe style tables or seek inspiration from the waterfall and Zen garden. In 2007, we launched Golf Marketing Commander 2.0 as well as the introduction of Resort Marketing Commander, Private Club Commander and Legendary Golf Management with unique tools to meet the special needs of these specific markets. While golf is mostly an individual effort, marketing is not! Andrew has built a "Legendary" team with the finest graphic designers, copywriters, computer programmers and marketing specialists in the business. All of them are instilled with the same type of passion and results driven attitude that is the fuel of the company's success. In January 2009, Andrew published Cunningly Clever Marketing: Inside Secrets of a Marketing Legend. In January 2010, Andrew published his second installment of the Cunningly Clever Series; Cunningly Clever Selling - Outsell Everyone Easily & Ethically! In January 2011, Andrew published his third installment of the Cunningly Clever Series; Cunningly Clever Entrepreneur: Secrets to Your First Few Millions with information on how to start, grow, survive and thrive in your own business! In November 2011 Andrew launched a new online marketing service; Pied Piper Solutions. Pied piper solutions helps business owners to create customers that will follow them anywhere with easy, powerful and effective customer attraction, conversion and retention tools.

Book preview

Prologue

Mr. Phillips, our Social Studies Lecturer, said that life is a complex rollercoaster with many ups and many downs. We can plan as much as we like, but most things in life, whether good or bad, just sort of happen to us. ‘Whether you believe in determinism or free will,’ he said on many occasions, ‘we have no control over the events that happen to us and cannot forecast or foretell them’.

Now I’m not sure what all that means, but I think it was his way of saying ‘make the most of life’. He also advised us to write in a diary, or, if that wasn’t possible, talk to ourselves – silently, in our own heads of course – as if we were writing a diary. ‘Events of today will be much easier to remember in twenty years time’.

So here goes, this is my attempt to record my life’s journey, now that college is over.

Alex Roberts, June 1987.

Part One : Good Times

1

Thursday 13th August 1987

Roberts, Alexander Theobold: Pass, with merit.

‘Yes!’ I shouted as I jumped up and punched the air. I was in the main hall of North Tyneside College on results day, and had just found out that I’d passed my BTEC Hospitality and Catering course. Pity they’ve printed my embarrassing middle name though.

I returned to the printed sheets on the board to look for my friends’ results. Keith got a distinction, Sam and Natasha both got a pass. We called ourselves ‘the crew’, or sometimes ‘the Whitley Bay posse.’

I hurried off to the pub to meet up with them; I was more than half an hour late and so had a bit of catching up to do.

The Emperor Hadrian is the closest pub to the college and is very popular. During the lunch-break in term-time it’s full to bursting with locals, students and even some lecturers.

Keith saw me before I saw him and he came bounding over to meet me at the door, not easy for someone his size. We hugged for a few seconds, not for long but long enough to get a few glances. Sam and Natasha, Nat for short, joined us and we all group hugged before going to the bar.

I asked for a pint of Tuborg and went to the jukebox to put on a couple of songs. ‘It’s A Sin’ and ‘I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight’ – great tunes. We made our way to our usual spot, in the alcove on the right hand side, opposite the bar.

We arranged ourselves as we always do in this pub. Same table. Same drinks. Same seating plan. Nowt but regular us lot!

‘Bastard,’ I said jokingly to Keith, once we were all settled.

‘What for?’

‘Getting that distinction.’

‘Ah it was nothing.’

He was right to say it was nothing. Keith Montgomery was a natural when it came to cooking. He just seemed to know what temperature to cook things at, or for how long, or what spice to use to improve a meal.

‘Thank God it’s all over, eh’ Sam said. Sam Gardner had become my best friend from college and during the course we couldn’t be separated.

‘Yeah,’ Nat agreed, ‘but it’s sad as well.’

Natasha Taylor was the class grouch, always looking at the dark side of things, a glass half empty kind of lass.

‘Sad?’ I asked. ‘That we all passed? How?’

‘Yeah. We’ll all be moving on now won’t we, to pastures new and that.’

We all exchanged glances, the truth in Nat’s words sinking in.

‘Yeah, well, we’ll all keep in touch won’t we,’ Keith stated. ‘Why would that change?’

‘Well it might not,’ Nat carried on in her negative tone, ‘but I’m just saying we’ll all get jobs and might be too busy to see each other.’

‘Nah,’ I declared. ‘We’ll always have time for friends.’

‘What if one of us gets a job away from this area?’

‘She’s got a point, you have to admit,’ Keith agreed, ‘but we could all make sure we don’t do that.’

‘I thought I’d fail,’ Sam said, changing the subject. ‘That exam piece was really difficult and I forgot to take any of my spices.’

‘Really?’ Nat said. ‘What did you do?’

‘Well I was at the back and by the window so was able to use the ones that were on the shelf.’

‘We’re allowed to do that,’ Keith said, as informed as ever.

‘Are we?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, as long as you say so at the beginning of the exam.’

‘Oh well I didn’t know,’ Sam said, ‘but it turned out ok 'cos I passed.’

‘And we did that extra Wines of the World course,’ I reminded him.

‘Yeah so you can help us decide what drink to get for the next round,’ Keith said. Not that any of us would get anything different.

‘What? You think the Emperor Hadrian will have a South African Boschendale Shiraz?’ I asked with a creased brow. ‘Hardly. They’ll buy the cheapest brand from the local Tesco and sell it at twice the price as its own…’

‘Er, no actually,’ Sam interrupted, ‘I was talking to the boss in here a few weeks ago, and he said that they get their wines from a dealer in Killingworth.’

‘What were you doing over this way a few weeks ago?’ Nat asked suspiciously. ‘College has been over for two months and you live in Whitley Bay?’

‘Research.’

‘Research? What sort of research?’

‘Wine research.’

‘Why?’ Nat was really persistent.

‘Why not?’

We all watched this rally between Sam and Nat with a little edginess.

‘Yeah but why were you? Nobody else feels the need to go around places and ask loads of questions.’

‘Well,’ Sam said, fed up with Nat’s negative attitude, ‘I thought it might help with job interviews, you know, show that I know something about the industry other that just what I was taught at college.’

Nat had an expression like she was chewing a lemon. Clearly she thought this was a good idea, but felt that she couldn’t say so.

‘Wish I’d thought of that,’ Keith said. ‘But now that you’ve given us the idea, we could all start doing it.’

‘What would you do?’ Sam asked.

‘Well, I don’t know, contact hotel restaurants to ask where they get their vegetables from, contact suppliers to find the best ones...’

‘Er, I’ve already started doing that,’ Sam admitted.

‘What?’ the rest of the crew shouted together.

‘Like I said, I wanted to give myself the best possible chance of getting a job and that means showing initiative and industry knowledge.’

‘But, why didn’t you tell us all that, then we could all have been doing it, rather than just keep that to yourself?’ Nat was still angry at Sam.

Why do you always have to go around with such boundless pessimism? I thought.

‘Well you could have thought about that for yourself.’ Sam looked irritated with Nat now.

‘Nat,’ I said, ‘if you think about it, Sam always looked after us at college. If we needed an ingredient, he could get it. He was like the Flash Harry of North Tyneside College. Whatever we needed, he could get it. If anyone was going to carry on with that sort of wheeler-dealing, then it would be him.’

Keith joined in. ‘When I failed that Health and Safety test in the first year, Sam pointed me in the direction of an excellent book which had all the answers I needed in one single chapter.’

‘Hooray for Sam,’ Nat said gloomily.

Sam smiled and decided a little humour might change the tone of the conversation. ‘God helps those who help themselves!’ Everyone smiled except Nat, who just tutted, folded her arms and slumped back into her chair.

‘My round, I think,’ I said, keen to break the uncomfortable silence and also get away from the gloomy atmosphere.

‘I’ll have a South African Boschendale Shiraz,’ said a smiling Sam, holding up his pint glass.

‘You’ll get a Guinness and enjoy it,’ I told him. I walked over to the bar and was about to order the drinks when Jess, my girlfriend, appeared by my side.

‘Well, what did you get?’

‘Oh hi Jess, nothing yet, I’m just about to order.’

‘No silly,’ she said as she gently grabbed my hands, ‘your results!’

‘Oh, that. Yeah I passed.’

‘Yay,’ she said with what seemed like genuine delight and a little relief.

‘With merit,’ I added, smiling broadly.

‘Whoa, brilliant!’ She hugged me and ran her fingers through my Nik Kershaw hair. The hug turned into a French kiss, arousing me very quickly. Jess is a very good kisser and knows exactly what effect this has on me.

‘Steady boy,’ she said as her free hand cupped the large bulge in my jeans. It took a few moments for us both to realise we were in the pub, in full view of everyone, and so broke off and faced the bar. The barmaid was waiting for us, a wry smile across her face. We placed the order, collected the drinks and went to our seat. Jess said hello to everyone and asked how each of them had done in the exams. She gave Keith an extra long hug, then sat down next to me and held my hand.

One of the other customers put U2 on the jukebox, and Bono’s gruff tones, bellowing out ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’, filled the air. I’m not a fan of U2 and the temptation to cover my ears was overwhelming.

‘Thanks for doing my hair last week,’ Nat said to Jess, now a little more cheerful.

‘Oh, that’s ok pet, no problem.’ Jess is a little older than me, twenty-two, and runs her own mobile hairdressing business. One advantage of dating a hairdresser is that you get free haircuts, but a big disadvantage is that you get used as a test model. We’ve only been dating since Easter this year, but already my hair has been dyed blue, purple, blond and even black. When we met, I had a Curt Smith style haircut, but it was a bit long and I needed to do something with it. Jess suggested a Nik Kershaw look, straight up and spiky, and I’ve had it like that ever since. It’s now jet black with purple tips.

As I sat back and listened to Nat and Jess talk about hair, I thought about what Nat had said. This was probably the last time that we would all be together, except maybe for birthdays and at Christmas.

‘So,’ I asked to the group in general, ‘what’s everyone gonna do now?’

‘Stay here and get rat-arsed,’ Sam answered immediately.

‘Sounds like a plan,’ I agreed. ‘But I didn’t mean that, I meant with jobs.’

‘Oh, that. Er well, yeah, get one I suppose. A job, that is.’

‘But where? And how?’

Everyone stared at me blankly.

‘Through the local paper, the job centre, word of mouth, connections in the trade...’ Sam seemed to have it all worked out, and it made me look a little daft.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But is everyone going to start that straight away?’

‘Already have,’ Keith said.

‘Me too,’ Nat said.

‘Yeah and me,’ Sam said. ‘Haven’t you?’

‘Er, not yet, I was waiting to get my results first.’

‘But you could still apply, just tell them you’ve completed your course and are waiting for your results.’

‘What’s the point? They won’t take you on till you get your results, will they?’

‘They might do.’

‘So has anyone offered you a job yet?’ I asked the question and looked at the three of them in turn.

‘Not yet, but at least we’ve made a start.’

I felt a little better. I was starting to get worried that my laziness would leave me behind, but then I realised that applying for jobs early had been a wasted effort for them.

‘I was going to get my results and then get this weekend over with before starting,’ I said. ‘You know, celebrate first to get it out of our system and then knuckle down to look for a job. But I could get the local paper tomorrow.’

‘We’ll all be in competition with each other now, going for the same jobs we see in the paper and the job centre,’ Nat said, back to her usual doom-and-gloom tone.

‘Not necessarily,’ Keith said. ‘Some of us got a distinction, don’t you know.’ He was mocking us, but we forgave him for it.

‘And,’ Sam added, ‘we might not all apply for the same sort of job.’

‘How do you mean,’ I asked. ‘Surely we’ll all be applying for junior chef positions?’

‘Well, that’d be the ideal, but there are loads of other positions.’

‘Such as?’

‘Well, kitchen hand.’

‘What? I’ve not just spent two years at college learning how to cook to end up as a kitchen hand.’ I wanted to sound defiant but came across as arrogant.

‘A kitchen hand is a great way to start,’ Nat said, sounding unusually enthusiastic. ‘It’s basically a jack of all trades and master of none, as you get sent all round the place helping out where help is needed.’

‘Yeah,’ Keith joined in, ‘you get to know all the staff and what they all do and they may even teach you what they do and how they do it. Useful when you want to progress.’

‘Yeah but we learnt all about that on the course.’

‘Well as a kitchen hand, you get first hand experience of all the cooking stations.’

‘Oh, I was just going to apply for sauciér jobs.’

‘Why?’ Sam asked, confused.

‘Cos it’s what I was best at and seems the most interesting job.’

‘How?’ he continued.

‘Cos most dishes need sauces, so you get involved in almost every meal.’

The three of them looked at each other and seemed to agree with me.

‘All this talk of cooking is making me hungry,’ Jess said. ‘I’ll go and get some menu’s and more drinks.’

I love Jess. She seems to have an instinct as to what people want.

‘I’ll give you a hand,’ offered Sam. He is by far the best looking in our group and I’m always a little nervous when he and Jess are alone together. Unfair of course, as I trust them both. I watched them as they walked first to the jukebox and then to the bar. ‘Sometimes’ filled the air and broke off my thoughts.

The problem of having just completed a cookery course is that it’s too easy to become a food critic. Jess brought menus back from the bar and we all ordered perfectly good food, but none of it escaped a review from each of us.

‘Too much salt.’

‘Not hot enough.’

‘Gravy too runny.’

My Beef and Ale pie was fine, but could have done with a little more ale. And its amazing how food like that can soak up the alcohol in the stomach. It makes you think you’re not as drunk as you really are. What we’d planned to be a lunchtime meal and a few drinks ended up being a lunchtime meal and a shitload of drinks. It was after six when we left; God knows how me and Jess got back to my place.

2

Friday 14th August 1987

My eyes opened the following morning and I found I was face to face with James Bond. I was naked and in my own bed, and couldn’t quite work out what he was doing in my room. What’s that he’s holding? A gun? And why has he brought Miriam D’Abo with him?

I knew that was a silly place to put that promotional poster for The Living Daylights. On the back of the bedroom door, so it’s the first thing I see when I wake up. Memories of the previous day in the pub started to come back slowly; pints of lager in the Emperor Hadrian most of the afternoon, then five gin and oranges during their happy hour between five and six, and finally a bottle of whiskey back at the house.

I turned over to face Jess and she immediately wrapped herself around me. Her soft skin, like her kiss in the pub the previous day, gave me an automatic erection.

‘Ooh hello,’ she said as she grabbed my dick without opening her eyes.

Hi,’ I replied, not awake enough for sex but also not awake enough to say no. I could feel her nipples on my chest and decided that if I touched them, it might give her the wrong signal. I kept my hands together, as if in prayer, between my own legs.

‘Where’s your mam?’ she asked sleepily.

‘Dunno. Downstairs probably.’

‘Go and check.’

‘Why?’

She opened her eyes and looked at me with a seductive smirk. This was all I needed to kick-start my testosterone.

‘Ok,’ I said as I threw the quilt back and climbed out of bed. I didn’t bother putting any jeans on, but walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs while still naked. I called out for mum hoping she wouldn’t answer and luckily, she didn’t.

I returned to the bed about a minute later, having checked the whole house and found no sign of mum, or even a note. ‘Couldn’t find her, she’s probably gone to work,’ I said as I climbed back in.

Jess moved quickly, grabbing my lower arm and spinning me round so that I was flat on my back and she was on top of me, the quilt spilling onto the floor and Jess’s ample breasts filling my view. I’m not sure how, but I found myself inside her while she had already started to move slowly up and down on my shaft. She was very moist down there and that helped with her gentle motion. I placed my hands on her buttocks and sat up a little to lick one of her nipples. I teased her and just touched it with the tip of my tongue. That seemed to work for both of us.

I switched between her two nipples, licking, sucking and gently biting in equal measure. I’m blessed with nine inches but at the moment it seemed to be much longer.

We remained in this position until Jess’s legs started to tire, then changed to my favourite – doggy style, with her kneeling on the bed and me stood on the floor. A little tongue work of her soft lips preceded me entering her again, something that made us both groan with delight. I’m afraid the situation got the better of me and after a few minutes I was unable to resist the inevitable. From her reaction - a bouncing, quivering knee-trembling motion - I don’t think Jess minded too much. We collapsed on the bed and a few final spasms ensured I was both drained and satisfied.

The trill sound of the phone ringing in the downstairs hallway woke me from my sex-induced-sleep about 30 minutes later. Initially I thought it would stop if I ignored it, but the persistent bastard at the other end showed no sign of giving up. I untangled myself from Jess’s arms and went to answer it, not bothering to get dressed.

‘Oh hi dad, how are you?’ I stood in the hall, naked and in full view of the glass front door, hoping I could end the phone call before we had visitors. Jess ended my panic as she appeared with a pair of jeans and a top from my wardrobe.

‘Yeah not bad son, just wondered if you’d left the country.’

‘Why would I do that?’

‘Well I know you got your results yesterday and I’m sure you would phone me to let me know how you got on...’

‘I passed, with merit,’ I interrupted before his mock mental beating made me feel too guilty.

‘Oh that’s great, well done, so did you go out celebrating yesterday?’

‘We certainly did! We thought we’d let our hair down for one last time before the job hunting starts.’

‘And with your hair that would have taken a long time no doubt.’

‘Very funny.’

I heard the sound of eggs frying from the kitchen and could smell the bacon grilling.

‘So what are you doing today? You taking it easy for a few days? You should you know.’

‘Dunno,’ I said dismissively. ‘I’m with Jess at the moment and we haven’t really decided what to do.’

‘Isn’t she working today?’

‘She’s got a few clients this afternoon but kept this morning clear so she could celebrate with me yesterday.’

‘Ok well I won’t keep you, say hi from me will you? And don’t leave it too long next time. Bye son, and well done again.’

‘Thanks dad, bye.’

I don’t know why, but Jess never lets me cook. She is good in the kitchen, but I’m the one that’s just finished a two year catering course. I walked into the kitchen and she told me to sit down while she finished the breakfast. I wasn’t allowed to do anything!

‘How do you like your eggs in the morning,’ she sang.

‘Unfertilised, please,’ I added, in tune