Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction

Written by Caleb Kaltenbach

Narrated by Caleb Kaltenbach

The issue of sexual identity and Christianity is one of the biggest hot buttons for today's culture. Questions surface such as "what does the Bible have to say about same-sex issues" and "how can we balance grace and truth." In Messy Grace, Caleb tells his story of being raised in the LGBT community by his parents, accepting Christ, becoming a pastor, and looking at what the Bible has to say about sexual identity. Through biblical teaching, Caleb helps his readers understand how they can love others without sacrificing biblical convictions. In addition, he shows evangelicals how to treat people well and nurture healthy, respectful, and biblically informed relationships with people in the LGBT community. This is a must-read for everyone no matter what position you take on the topic of sexuality and Christianity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: ChristianAudio.com
• Release date: Nov 6, 2015
• ISBN: 9781633893375

Reviews for Messy Grace

[Leigh Labrecque · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

As a gay Christian man I found this book fairly black and white. While the author did acknowledge that other Christians, like his parents, had other beliefs, he made it clear that his own belief system was one that gay people are considered broken, and in need of healing and not entitled to all the same privileges that heterosexual people enjoy. I personally found that difficult and further reinforces to me that there is no place for me, a gay Christian man, in most churches. Maybe in 15 yrs the climate in churches will be different.

[CATHY KUNTZ · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Thank you for putting a human face on this issue. I really liked how you encourage Christians to really love people who they don’t agree with.

[Keion Randolph · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Here are my thoughts: Good book. Easy read. Refreshing. Helpful.

[Chris · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Great book that displays Christian conviction with grace and love!

[Deanna · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow! This book is thought provoking in a way that takes your breath away! I'm so thankful for the honesty and boldness in these pages! What a motivating read.. I can't wait to start living in the "tension between grace and truth" with my friends and family!!

[Ashley · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

My daughters nurse let me borrow this book as I am navigating between grace and truth with family and then as a youth group leader as well. Thank you for such a book like this.

[Bonnie Coffey Cannone · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Exactly what I needed to know about "dealing with LGBT people" (and all people for that matter) as a Christian.

[jkj94 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I found this book very different then my normal genres that is for sure. However, it was an intriguing & eye opening read for me. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in what the Bible teaches about homosexuality.
I felt Caleb’s goal was to see the church demonstrate grace to the LGBT community, but not at the expense of the truth. He challenges believers to love people that struggle with their own sexual identity but yet without compromising biblical morality.
After reading this myself and still skeptical as I know what the Bible teaches me, and what it says about homosexuality. I just wonder to myself if anyone asked himself or herself at any point throughout this book while reading it, what is the real truth about being part of the LGBT community, but yet being a Christian? I think I walked away from reading this book still confused and not quite sure where I stand with the issue of Messy Grace.
I was provided with this book to review by Blogging For Books Bloggers Program in exchange for an honest review.

[homeschoolmimzi · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I had high hopes for this book. The subject intrigued me: a Christian pastor who grew up with two gay parents- not a same sex couple but a mom who left her husband for another woman, and a father who was closeted. The first third or so of the book kind of irritated me. Kaltenbach is not the best writer. He sounds very young. There are too many cliches, too many exclamation points and a bit too much sermonizing, in my opinion. But it did get better in the second part. Kaltenbach has some helpful insights and provides some good challenges to both the LGBT and Christian communities.
The theological insights are OK; he is not a scholar, and he admits as much. I didn't care for the title of this book either Messy Grace : Grace is not messy. It is very precise and intentional. The recipients of grace are messy. And broken. And another piece of advice I'd give to the pastor here, don't use the word "messy" over and over again. It's better to illustrate the point than it is to repeat the same word. It started to lose its meaning after the first fourteen or so times.
Having said all this, I did like the book. I appreciated Kaltenbach's story, his honesty, and his charge to his readers: don't assume so much; love people the way they are; you can disagree with people on fundamental points and still be friends, be family; and give each other space to grow.

[prekrasan · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

First let me say that this was an informative, enjoyable read. It had Bible verses throughout, and used those verses to support thoughts and opinions stated in the book. However, Kaltenbach has a phrase he uses constantly - "the tension of grace and truth". The first few times he used the phrase it was okay, but the repetition quickly got irritating. He also used the word "messy" frequently, but it wasn't as annoying as the "tension" phrase. Kaltenbach brought to the table some thoughts on how to react to people from the LGBT community as a Christian, and for the most part they seemed like good, informed ideas - especially since he was raised in the LGBT community, and thus has personal experience to speak from. For instance, Kaltenbach tells us that the best reaction to someone 'coming out' as lesbian or gay is to thank the person. He goes on to tell us that this is a very personal confession, and that the person coming out to us is revealing an important part of themselves to us - a part that they would not reveal to just anyone. He tells us how not to react as well; such as, "don't look disappointed" (pg. 109). By telling us the best way to react, we have a better idea of how to reach out to the people in our lives that identify with the LGBT community. Messy Grace is also filled with personal stories, both from Kaltenbach's own experience and his retelling of stories from people he knows. This book will be helpful in reaching out to those that are LGBT, and will allow us to be more informed. One of my few complaints with this book is that the first five or so chapters are somewhat misleading. Since they refer solely to Christians that mistreat, treat differently, or otherwise insult those in the LGBT lifestyle, Messy Grace would lead us to believe that all Christians act that way toward people inclined towards LGBT - which is not the case at all. Rather, from personal experience, I would say that the Christians discussed within those chapters do not represent the majority of us. Yes, they may be the more outspoken Christians, but that does not mean they are the only Christians. In fact, I would hesitate to refer to people who would treat other people in such a way as Christians, but that is a whole other topic. If you are curious about Christianity as it relates to the LGBT community and how to act around those in such a lifestyle, read this book. It is filled with informative stories and information, and comes from a Biblical standpoint. Note: Before picking up Messy Grace, I was concerned that Kaltenbach might be a Christian who tries to teach 'Biblical' acceptance of the LGBT lifestyle, but he does not. My fears were misplaced. He only teaches the hard Biblical reality - otherwise known as living in the "tension of grace and truth" - so don't let that concern keep you from reading this book. Disclaimer: I received this book for free from blogging for books in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

[carmenmilligan · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I have many friends in the LGBT community, and I am a committed evangelical Christian. When these two aspects of me come in contact, there is collision. I have never seen a thoughtful, personal, Christ-centered book on how to deal with these two world. Caleb Kaltenbach comes at this subject with a heart's desire to love everyone as Christ did. He points out that it is not up to the Christian community to change anyone. Our job is to introduce people to Jesus, and let the King of Kings do the rest.

Especially now that the LGBT is becoming more mainstream, we need to know today more than ever how to embrace members of this community in the arms of Christian love and welcome them into a loving, Christ-centered fellowship. Written with love, respect and full of practical advice, this is a MUST-READ for all Christians.

Highly recommended.

This book is available for purchase in October, 2015, and was sent to me by the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

[hjvanderklis_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Caleb Kaltenbach was being raised by his mother and her partner, both lesbians. His dad and mom were divorced earlier. He was taken to gay pride parades as a child, and experienced firsthand the hatred and bitterness of some Christians toward his family.He eventually came to know Jesus Christ, was baptized and confronted his new faith position with both parents. He both became a pastor and found that his father was gay too. Things are getting messy in both personal lives as well as church.In Messy Grace Kaltenbach explains what the Bible says on homosexuality, but from a truth as well as grace point of view. The author doesn't dismiss arguments as cultural, only applicable to old Testament or 1st Century congregations. Neither he modified his arguments once a loved one (in Caleb's case his father) came out of the closet. The author uses many examples from the gospels, Jesus's parables, Paul's and James's letters.Both truth and grace are radical and disturbing, God's love and grace are greater than the right He has to condemn our sins. We may be trapped in thinking not commanded to love the people who live in a way contrary to what God says. In case you think you're already perfect, remember that God already loved you while you were a sinner. For some Christians, it seems safer to avoid discussions on the LGBT conversation than to engage in it. Even more important than to tolerate LGBT people is to love them and accept them as people God created.Caleb's doesn't stick to Rob Bell's "love wins" argument. Sin cannot be ignored. However we're not commissioned to change people's identity as being gay. For the sexual aspect, the pastor offers some viable alternatives, though these may sound painful and harsh too. You may not agree with everything Caleb Kaltenbach says. Hopefully you'll see his heart for people on both sides of the LGBT issue. Packed with personal experiences, Messy Grace testifies the power of God in changing lives for His glory.