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Audiobook8 hours
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
Written by Margalis Fjelstad
Narrated by Dawn McKelvie Cyr
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
5/5
()
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About this audiobook
People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling—in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don’t happen once in a while; they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member.
Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretakers how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.
Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretakers how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.
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Reviews for Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist
Rating: 4.773722627737226 out of 5 stars
5/5
137 ratings16 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Spot on descriptions of narcissistic Personality Disorder and what it's like to grow with a narcissistic parent. This book increased my understanding of my mom's thoughts and behaviors and gave me guidance in modifying mine so I can live a sane, calm, and rewarding life without all the drama. Terrific!
5 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5It’s great. But there’s no step by step plan on how to actually quit being a caretaker. It’s vague. Otherwise the book is good
3 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book was immensely helpful. I'm ready to start my new life!
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Wish I knew about this book before I fell into the 24/7 care taker life with my mom for 20 years until she recently died. It all makes sense now!
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5One of the best researched and well narrated book on narcissism. Eye opening
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Definitely a "must read( or listen)";"Stop caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist "is absolutely relatable and helpful!! Thank you, Margalis Fjelstad!!
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Thank you for showing me the way. This book is life-changing for those looking to understand why they do the things they know they shouldn’t do, and how to retake control.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Such an honest and informative insight to moving towards healing from dysfunctional relationships.. enough clarity to choose your future with professional advice on how to be successful .
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book was insightful. I feel fortunate to have left the narcissist in my life. But if you aren’t ready to give up just yet, then Chapter 15 must be listened to twice. Three times if necessary. God speed
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is has been so liberating and illuminating to say the least!
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5As a child of a borderline mother and a caretaker father, this book explained so much for me. It has given me tools to better deal with them. It also encouraged me that there is a way to get beyond things I internalized as a result of growing up with a borderline mother. This book is truly making a positive difference in my life.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book will bring clarity and hope for those living in this situation. It is a must read
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Truly eye opening and informative thank you So much for writing this book
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nice advices, good reading, makes me feel more hopeful about getting out of caretaking role
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great help for those who have narcissists in the family. A great eye opener!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I’m really grateful for this lovely book
It was an excellent friend recommendation
Thanks