ASK anyone who’s had the misfortune to leave the UK recently and they’ll tell you – Britain’s airports are BROKEN.
From Heathrow’s End to John O’Gatwick, these tawdry travel hubs have become over-priced, over-crowded purgatories in which hard working Brits spend hours penned into sweaty waiting areas, paying the thick end of twenty quid for a lukewarm coffee and a croissant, before having their flights cancelled or their luggage sent to the other side of the globe.
You simply couldn’t make it up.
And no one is more familiar with the abysmal standards of British air travel than one of the country’s most frequent flyers – jobless dad-of-nine LENNY SIMCARD. “I seem to spend half my ruddy life in departure lounges,” chuckles jetsetting Lenny, who has recently made long haul trips to such exotic locations as Bolivia, Colombia and Panama. “I’ve flown into more UK airports than you’ve had hot dinners, and I can’t express enough how utterly shit they are.”
“The airports, that is, not your hot dinners.”
Chorley-born Lenny was recently subjected to a gruelling FIVEDAY stay at Blackpool Airport following a misunderstanding with his cabin baggage. “I was travelling back from a business trip to Guatemala and I had several kilos of what I genuinely believed to be
