Q _ Why do people find it so difficult to apologize?
_ Our brains are wired to make it difficult. We’re designed to see ourselves as basically good, because that’s how we make our way in the world; we have to see ourselves as the hero of our own story; that’s what keeps us from curling into tiny, immobile balls of self-doubt. When we’re confronted with evidence that we did something hurtful—when we experience the cognitive dissonance of “I know I’m a good person, but I’ve done a bad bad! We have to overcome our own instincts and inclinations if we’re going to say “I’m sorry” in the strongest, sincerest way. You can’t apologize well if you won’t take responsibility. That’s why we say apologizing well is brave and heroic; we’re overcoming our fundamental, self-preserving instincts when we do it.
