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    Do you want to feel much better right now? Say sorry | Rowan Davies

    Making a decision not to apologise can feel empowering. But – as my teenage sons have learned – it can also leave you with the sense of being a complete arse
    by Rowan Davies Jun 20, 2017 2 minutes
    ‘I firmly did not apologise after I allowed my supermarket trolley to ram into a man who had set his on a collision course with mine.’ Photograph: Stefan Wermuth/Reuters

    I’m terribly sorry about this. I mean, I do realise the last thing you need right now is another piece of opinion. If you’ve been upset by the headline, I can only apologise. With luck we will be able to put this behind us, while agreeing that this one is very much on me.

    The latest edition of , and analyses how a decent bit of heartfelt grovelling undermines our personal authority. Career coaches, not unreasonably, tell you to remove all trace of by-the-rote regret from your work emails; it’s not your fault that you’re having to chase for something that was promised three days ago, so stop implying otherwise. But research seems to suggest that we overestimate the costs of contrition while underestimating its benefits; apologising increases people’s self-esteem and makes the petitioner feel more powerful. Frustratingly, though, .

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