Melissa Febos has always had a penchant for operating outside of convention. Whether it was her eagerness to try all of the drugs she was warned about in her school’s D.A.R.E program or deciding to self-homeschool herself at 16, she knew she was different from her peers.  Now as a bestselling author and associate professor, Melissa joins us to explore the complexities of desire, empowerment, and self-discovery, drawing from her experiences as a professional dominatrix and her recovery from heroin addiction.In this conversation Erin and Melissa have no limits when it comes to talking about sexuality and the power of embracing your true self, including:Working outside of conventional norms and institutions, while being driven and intellectually curiousLiving with addiction and working in the sex industryWriting about your life experience and how it can be used to make sense of yourself and your pastExploring sexual empowerment, and the desire to be desired over 40Talking about sex with your kids, from expectations and pornography to the language of consentWhy not telling yourself the whole truth can be a survival mechanismEmbracing change and recognizing that personal and sexual evolution are constantThe value of open and communicative relationships to sustain personal developmentOUR GUEST: Melissa Febos is the bestselling author of four books, most recently, Girlhood, winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in criticism, and Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative. She is the recipient of awards and fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation, the National Endowment for the Arts, MacDowell, LAMBDA Literary and others. She is an associate professor at the University of Iowa.Want more Melissa? Find her online at https://www.melissafebos.com/ and follow her on:Instagram: @melissafebosTwitter: @melissafebosFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissafebosWant more Hotter Than Ever? Find us online at www.hotterthaneverpod.com and sign up for our mailing list! Follow us on:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hotterthaneverpod/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hotterthaneverpod Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwbEXbAVqoNYd_g5ok7VPg Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090728330453 Follow Hotter Than Ever wherever you listen to podcasts - we’re on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and more! That way you’ll never miss an episode. We’d love to hear what you think about the show, too - it helps us know what stories are resonating with you. DM us on Instagram and write us a review!