The Shomer Emunim writes, whenever a person experiences even the slightest inconvenience or suffering, he should immediately recognize that it came from Hashem and should accept that it is what he needed for his best. It can be something as small as his food being delayed in coming or the taste not being the way that he wanted. They too were from Hashem for his best. If an individual hurts someone or shames him, or takes away his parnasa , and that person accepts it with love in honor of Hashem, the person’s level will soar to the greatest heights and it is considered as if he gave Hashem the greatest honor. There are different forms of pain in this world. The Arizal and the Ramak, who knew how things work in the Upper Worlds, both said that when a person gets shamed by somebody else, it is worth more than any type of suffering in this world that a person could possibly give himself as a kappara . In the olden days, people used to bring upon themselves self imposed yisurin , but none of them can compare to one shaming from another individual. However, the value is only so great if the person accepts it from Hashem with love. The Arizal said, if people would know the true value of being shamed, they would actually go around the streets searching for people to shame them. The Gemara says, Rav Nachman and Rav Papa both decreed fasts because of droughts. They and their communities cried and prayed, but to no avail. When they did not get answered, the Rabbis felt ashamed that they were not worthy of Hashem helping them, and at that moment, the rain started pouring. The feelings of shame that they had accomplished more than all of their prayers and tears. And therefore, the Shomer Emunim advises us not to be foolish and lose out on the endless gains we can amass if we are ever shamed. The best reaction would be to say, “Hashem, I know this was from you and I know that I needed it. Thank You for doing what I needed and please forgive me for my sins.” A young man told me, he went to a class where the rabbi discussed this topic at length. The very same day, his boss at work utterly shamed him. His initial reaction was to snap back with anger, but he caught himself and realized the opportunity he was being given. That evening, he sat down in a room for an hour, working very hard to accept what was done to him and thank Hashem for it. He mentioned that for the last two weeks he had a shooting pain in his foot that went all the way up to his knee. After he finished accepting what happened, he got up and the pain was gone. I told him, the pain was obviously some type of kappara , but he accomplished way more than that pain could have ever given him with his acceptance of being shamed that day. The Shomer Emunim writes further, if a man married a woman who turns out to be someone with a temper and she causes him a lot of distress, that was decreed from Shamayim , based on the amount of suffering he needs to go through for his tikkun in this world. However, if he is able to maintain his composure and not fight back, but rather accept that it is coming from Hashem and turn to Him and say, “Please let this suffering be an atonement for me,” then in the words of the Shomer Emunim ,אז נתהפך הכל לטובה ושלום -Then the entire situation will change for the better and his home will become one of peace. The rabbi testified, he has seen with his own eyes this approach working numerous times. This is tremendous shalom bayit advice. If someone has a difficult spouse, each time that spouse causes him pain, rather than snapping back, the person should accept it as coming from Hashem, make repentance, and eventually Hashem will change that difficult spouse’s heart to be one that wants peace and tranquility. Everything that happens in life comes from Hashem and when we accept what He does with love, the gains are endless.