My philosophy is that relationships not only CAN be a vehicle for your own healing, but that it’s actually REQUIRED to do your work to heal from whatever is keeping you from fully showing up - in your life, in your relationship, AND in the bedroom. And just like we touched on in our conversation with Diana Richardson way back in episode two - there is tremendous potential for you, when you’re in relationship, to help your partner on that journey of healing - especially sexual healing.   Today’s guest is Wendy Maltz, author of The Sexual Healing Journey. Her book is about how to recover from sexual trauma and deepen your capacity for intimacy and sexual pleasure. In this episode, we’re talking about how you can take on that legacy of pain and potential disconnect - and use it to build a more solid, loving, sensual, and, yes, sexual connection with your partner.    There are all kinds of things that could have an impact on your sexual development, cause some degree of trauma, and be an obstacle to true intimacy with your partner. So even if you haven’t been specifically affected by some form of assault or abuse, this conversation is for you to find opportunities for your own sexual growth and healing.   If you HAVE been affected by some form of sexual trauma - this conversation could potentially be a trigger for you. My goal through having Wendy on the program is to help you and your partner get through the triggers together, to a place where you can have deep intimacy, connection, and the kind of fulfilling sex life that is your birthright.   Wendy Maltz is an internationally-recognized author, psychotherapist, and a certified sex therapist with over 35 years’ experience.  Along with The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse, which is the topic of our discussion today, she also has written The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography, which also factors into our discussion.  Wendy is the co-producer of Relearning Touch, a highly-acclaimed video guide for couples who are healing intimate problems caused by sexual abuse - and which is now available for FREE on her website.  Along with her husband, Larry, Wendy runs Maltz Counseling Associates in Eugene, OR. Here are some of the highlights from the conversation that Wendy and I share about how to develop healthy, deep intimacy with your partner as part of the sexual healing journey that you can be on together: Assault, rape, abuse, and incest affect both men and women directly and indirectly.  Statistics show that 1 in 3 females and 1 in 5-7 males are sexually abused in their lifetime.  When you include the partners of those people, you start to see that this is an issue that affects many, if not most, of us in some way. Are you yourself a survivor? If not, how many people have you been with, or known, who have been? What is sexual abuse?  Wendy defines it broadly as any action that dominates or exploits an innocent victim by sexual activity or suggestion.   When you also look back at your own sexual development, you can often find places where you experienced trauma of some form. Someone laughed at you at the wrong moment, or you experienced shame, or embarrassment, or...any number of things could be the source of sexual “trauma.” Can you identify places in your own history that might need some attention? What are some common relationship problems that can be traced back to sexual abuse?  Wendy says that reactions to abuse can include: fear of sex/withdrawal, viewing sex as an obligation, guilt or shame in touching, sexual function problems, low sex drive, painful intercourse, intrusive sexual fantasies, and dissociation during sex. It can also include hyper-sexualization - becoming overly interested in sexual activity. Realize that there is a distinction between sex and intimacy. As you expand into a broader experience of intimacy and connection with your partner, it can help put sex in a context that eases some of the