In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Dr. Evelin Dacker, a cis-gender half-Mexican, half-Jewish polyamorous woman who is 53 years old. Evelin is a sex-positive physician in Eugene, Oregon and the CEO of Sex Positive Portland, an organization dedicated to understanding and exploring all aspects of human sexuality. She is also the creator of the STARS Talk, a format for talking about your sexuality and preferences so that we can ALL have more satisfying sexual encounters with both current and new partners. 3:30 – Evelin’s history with masturbation from the time she was a baby 5:45 – Judy Blume’s books as sex education 6:45 – How the ability to self-pleasure replaced a desire for sex as a teenager 7:45 – Learning compersion 8:38 – Distinguishing between open relationships and cheating 9:34 – The relationship Evelin defines as “primary” 11:46 – Meeting her spouse on a beach in Thailand 12:42 – What is NRE? (Hint: New Relationship Energy) 13:49 – The mismatches in the relationship with her spouse 14:28 – The effects of being married to an alcoholic 15:08 – How the story of their meeting kept her marriage together 15:45 – The terrible side effects Evelin experienced with birth control pills 17:45 – The distinction between moving sexual energy and sensual energy while having sex 19:08 – Yucking her yum 20:20 – The answer Evelin knew but didn’t want to know: she didn’t feel safe 22:40 – The discovery that saved Evelin’s soul: Roller Derby 24:37 - The re-emergence of Evelin’s bisexuality 27:30 – Sober vs. dry drunk 28:07 – Getting turned on by seeing someone flirting with her spouse 29:01 – Becoming an-orgasmic and looking forward to menopause 29:50 – Opening the relationship 31:25 – Meeting a soulmate that supported Evelin through deep sexual healing 34:06 – The end of her marriage 35:30 – Taking oral sex class – four times! 36:10 – Discovering polyamory 37:15 – The evolution of the relationship with her spouse now that they are no longer married 38:20 – The Quick Five In this episode, we mentioned the following resources: Evelin’s TEDx Talk - Seeing STARS: A stimulating safer sex talk Book – Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel Movie – Henry and June Television series – Portrait of a Marriage Retailer and education center – She Bop is a women-owned sex toy boutique in Portland, Oregon You can find Evelin online at www.EvelinDacker.com. Instead of a Patreon episode this week, we’ve got a full bonus episode where Evelin explains the STARS conversation and then you can hear me demonstrate it with a friend. If you like what you hear on this podcast, please consider becoming a community member at Patreon. Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email) Editor – Gretchen Kilby Music by – Nazar Rybak