On today’s episode of Make + Design, Carina welcomes master of negotiation Susie Tomenchok. With years of experience negotiating deals for some of the largest companies in the world, Susie came to the realization that negotiation goes on all around us in every facet of life. Susie tells us about one of the opening stories in her new book, “The Art of Negotiation without Manipulation,” where her kids negotiated with her at Target. Her kids came up with a system that would allow them to get Susie to buy them what they wanted at Target by using negotiation tactics.    One of Carina’s big takeaways from the book was that the person who she negotiates with the most is herself. Susie then walks us through a story of a friend of hers in the corporate world who needed to negotiate with herself to work up the inner belief that she deserved a promotion at work. Part of Susie’s friend’s inner negotiation was with the excuses and rationalizations she was allowing to hold her back. Carina and Susie then share experiences from their own lives to show how often this type of inner negotiation happens. Often the inner negotiation has to do with how worthy we feel for an opportunity that’s in front of us.   Susie teaches us that when we get a “no” answer from someone that a “no” is data. It gives us a reference point so that we can understand what needs to change in order for something to work out. Don’t retreat from a “no.” Lean into it and get curious about the “no.” Ask questions. Find out more. Have a conversation. Another aspect of navigating these situations is having the ability to restate our value proposition, to ask the question “how does this feel?” and then to practice silence. The silence is where the other person will fill in the data that you don’t know.   Susie also teaches us about anchoring. Anchoring is generally the first number thrown out during a formal negotiation. The final result is usually somewhat close to the starting number. One thing, Susie tells us, that makes our anchor stronger is to compare the anchor data point to past results and experiences. This helps the other side know that your anchor is reasonable and gives them value for the stated amount. Providing this explanation also creates a space where the other side starts to mentally prepare to say “yes” in the negotiation by imagining how the deal fits in with their situation.    Carina asks whether it’s better to be the anchor or to let the other party be the anchor. Susie tells us that it’s best to anchor when we are really clear about the value of our product or position and about what we want out of the negotiation. If we are not really clear on our value proposition then it can be better to let them go first. If you let the other party go first, though, Susie tells us that you must be ready to get them back on track if their number is way off from where you want to end up. Susie and Carina talk about the differences between personalities that like to anchor versus personalities who would rather not be the anchor. Not being the anchor allows you to get additional data by learning more about the other side’s process and the factors that go into their decision making.    Carina asks Susie to go into detail about a story in “The Art of Negotiation without Manipulation” that leads to the statement, “Shine a light on any opportunity. Always assume it is up for grabs.” This section of the book taught Carina to look for opportunity in every situation. Susie tells us a secret: the story Carina is referring to is actually about herself. Susie teaches that a question to ask ourselves when we’re facing an opportunity that we’re talking ourselves out of is to ask “why not me?” She concludes that all successful people feel like they’re not ready for the opportunity before them at some point, but they push through by finding a reason to answer the question, “why not me?” Carina has seen that among people who are otherwise equal, the one who will succeed is the one who