Check out our Sponsor Blinkist: Go to https://blinkist.com/woi Try it FREE for 7 days and save 25% off your new subscription. Do you find it a struggle to love yourself in spite of how much you put on the line day after day for everyone else? How can it be so easy to put others first?  Have you ever wondered, If you said to others what you say to yourself, would they love you, could they trust you or build a deeper connection with you? Lisa speaks with Jordan Green, a licensed therapist and coach, and the founder of the Love Group about the importance of self-validation, self-love and relationships in this episode. Jordan shares incredible insights on what it takes to have healthy relationships, what healthy conflict looks like and how it all starts with first valuing and loving yourself.   SHOW NOTES:   Know Your Value | The importance of your value and how it impacts your relationships [1:29] Love Letters | You can start doing these two simple things to start valuing yourself today [2:16] Seeking Validation | When seeking validation is okay and where it becomes a problem [3:40] Healthy Relationships | What validation looks like in a health relationship [7:25] Interdependence | Jordan breaks down what healthy identities look for couples [8:28] Nonverbal Communication | Jordan breaks down 4 types of communication breaking down relationships [10:17] Criticism | Jordan explains how criticism breaks down relationships [11:25] Contempt | Jordan explains how contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce [12:49] Defensiveness | Jordan explains how defensiveness escalates conflict [15:59] Stonewalling | Jordan on how emotional overwhelm can lead to shutting down [17:48] Self Regulate | Jordan explains techniques to self regulate or co-regulate [ 20:54] Turning Towards | The power of turning towards a person seeking your attention [22:54] Healthy Conflict | Jordan shares healthy and unhealthy ratios of conflict in relationships [25:13] Better Relationship Tips | Small bank appreciation deposits and minimal withdrawals [27:17] Not Being Needy | Jordan on how to communicate and not feel needy in a relationship [31:43] Rupture Repairs | How to repair those ruptures when they happen and the effort it takes [33:28] 1-2-3 Baby! | How Lisa and Tom resolve their conflicts and one is emotionally sober [37:08] Certainty & Uncertainty | The healthy balance of both in a relationship [41:34]   QUOTES: “If you know what you have to bring to the table and the value that you bring to a relationship, it's going to make that relationship that much better.” [1:56] “validation is a skill that I think everyone should learn how to validate each other, and it's okay to sometimes feel like you need validation from the people around you, the issue is that when we need validation from others to feel lovable, and worthy.” [4:15] “So we have to retrain our minds by starting to focus on our partner’s strength and positive traits. And we have to start making repairs by making efforts to connect and communicate openly and show appreciation and love for each other.” [25:01] “I think a lot of times we feel guilty, like we shouldn't have to ask for that validation, or appreciation or love or, or to have to ask to do activities that help us to feel more connected, but it's totally okay to ask, and it's so important to ask,” [32:07] “It's totally normal to experience times of disconnection in our relationships. A lot of people think that we shouldn't have conflict. We have these beliefs from our childhood or just from society that we shouldn't have conflicts that until we avoid it, or we feel like there's something wrong, but it's totally normal to experience conflict, there's totally, it's totally normal to experience times of disconnection in your relationship.” [39:39]   Follow Jordan Green: Website: https://jordanandrea.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jordangreencoaching/?ref=bookmarks Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.love.therapist/?hl=en