Shame

By D.S. TOSSELL

Candice has spent her whole life being what she thought everyone wanted her to be. She never got into trouble, never broke a rule, and never asked for anything that she thought her mother couldn't handle. Everything changes when her mother's restaurant is burned to the ground and she is kidnapped and dropped at the door of Austin Stone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kingston Publishing Company
• Release date: May 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9781645334989

Book preview

Copyright

Shame is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

SHAME: A NOVEL

Copyright © 2022 by D. S. Tossell

All rights reserved.

Editing by KP Editing

Formatting & Cover Design by KP Designs

- www.kpdesignshop.com

Published by Kingston Publishing Company

- www.kingstonpublishing.com

The uploading, scanning, and distribution of this book in any form or by any means—including but not limited to electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the permission of the copyright holder is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized editions of this work, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

Disclaimer: This book is intended for mature audiences only. It contains adult language and explicit scenes. Not intended for readers under the age of 18. Reader discretion is advised. Some scenes may be a trigger.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Table of Contents

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Epilogue

Extras

Author’s Notes

About the Author

Also by the Author

About the Publisher

Dedication

FOR ADDISON

Prologue

Candice

1 year ago

I rush through the parking lot to find my car. My heart is beating a million beats per minute. Please don’t let her be hurt. Please don’t let her be hurt. The last five minutes of my life come rushing back to me in fragments.

Fire at Roxy’s Café….

Ambulance is on the way….

We can’t find her Candy…

I hop in my old beat up 97’ cherry red mustang, jam the key in the ignition and rush out of the hospital parking lot. I make the thirty-minute drive in ten minutes. I can see all the fire trucks and ambulances in the café parking lot. Once I park my car I run out and run right up to the yellow tape a police officer has just finished setting up. He stops me before I can make it any further.

Ma’am I need you to stay back. Fire department is not done surveying the damage yet.

I look past him and look around. I notice the fire is out at the restaurant, but it doesn’t matter. The café is totaled. Black smoke and metal are all of what is left of what was once my mother’s dream come true.

Officer please, I got a call from one of the waitresses. My mother was near the explosion. I need to find her. Her name is Jessica Holmes. Please. I plead.

The officer uses his radio attached to his shoulder and calls in a Jessica Holmes. I can’t understand the response on the radio, but I waste no time. While he is pulling the radio closer to his ear, I run past him in search for my mother.

I find Linda, my mother’s best friend and head waitress. I run up to her and engulf her in a distracted hug. She is shaking badly. Black smudges are covering her face and arms. She has mascara running down her cheeks and her eyes are red rimmed.

Oh God Candy, it was so scary. I don’t even know how the explosion started. One minute we were taking orders, the next, running out of the building. I listen to her ramble, but have no choice but to interrupt her. I need to find my mother.

Linda, I need you to tell me where my mother is. Please. I beg. If anything happened to her, I don’t know what I would do.

Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. She is in the hospital. At least she should be on her way. The ambulance just left here. She was alright, just got a third degree burn on her leg. She was closest to the kitchen at the time. She states.

I run to my car and hop in. I didn’t get a chance to ask Linda which hospital, but I will check every one of them if I must. Thankfully on my way to the nearest one, my phone rings. It’s a nurse from the hospital I’m on my way to. She lets me know that mom is resting and that I can come down and see her.

I let her know I am currently parking and will be right there. I swear, by the time I make it through the emergency room entrance, I have lost twenty pounds. I check myself in, and they take me right to her. She sits up as soon as I pull the curtain back. Tears are running down her face and her right leg is lifted up into a sling. I run over to her and cry right along with her.

Oh, baby girl, I’m so sorry I worried you. I’m alright. I promise. You know your mother; third degree burn to the leg won’t stop me. I’m more worried about the café’. They told me it was burned down. My mother says in a rushed breath.

She must still be in shock because her body is shaking. Instead of answering her I hold onto her a little longer. Feels like my whole life has shifted since I got the phone call. I hear behind me a someone open the curtain. I turn around and see who I am assuming is her doctor and a detective walk in.

Hi there, you must be Candice, I’m Dr. Matthews. Your mother has talked about how much better you would be at my job than myself, so it’s a pleasure to meet you, he says with a laugh. My mother has always been a little bit too proud of me. She once told my girl scout troop leader that I needed to be on the best street to sell, because my amazing smile would draw anyone in.

Hi, please ignore my mother when she speaks. I chuckle when my mother slaps my behind. I adore my mother. She has worked so hard her whole life to support me and my career.

Miss Holmes, I want to let you know about your injuries, but before we begin this gentleman behind me has some things to go over with you. Dr. Matthews says.

I sit on the chair next to my mother intending to stay in this same spot until someone forces me to leave. I hold my mother’s hand and prepare for the worst. I have an idea what this detective is about to say.

"Miss Holmes, I’m detective Anderson. I am the one in charge of the investigation regarding your café. He walks closer to the bed my mother is resting on, and I can see the hard lines across his forehead become more visible. This man does not have good news.

"Ma’am, the fire department is currently finding this as arsenal. This is only the beginning of a long investigation but that means, for now, your insurance company won’t cover the damage.

W-what? my mother shouts while covering her eyes with her hands. I stand up to hold her, but she just cries harder. I had a feeling it was bad news when he introduced himself. I see this all the time at work. When it is just an accident than the detective just has the insurance company call the owner. They normally don’t make an appearance.

Mom is there anything I can do. Do you need me to call someone? I ask.

I will do anything I can to help. I know my mother has no money to cover the cost of repairs. All her money went to my medical schooling. Guilt relishes over me. I have to fix this.

No baby, just go. I’ll be okay. I’ll figure this out, but for now I just need you to go home and get some rest. I know you worked all day, she says patting my arm. I know she wants to be alone, but I just can’t leave her yet.

I’ll go after the doctor speaks with you. I need to know about your injuries, I say in an almost pleading voice. She nods her head once while looking away. My mother has always tried to be so strong for me.

Miss Holmes. We will let you know more when we do, but for now get some rest. This is only day one. Detective Anderson says while leaving. He leaves me his card that has his personal phone number on there just in case.

The doctor checks over mom’s leg and lets her know she is going to need surgery. Mom has some serious third degree burns on her leg and upper thigh. With surgery and some physical therapy, she may one day be able to walk without a cane.

Mom collapses into sobs the whole time the doctor is speaking. I have never seen my mother so dejected. She is usually a strong-willed woman. Nothing gets her down. This just may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. When mom eventually falls asleep that night, after some pain meds, I get up to let the nurse know I’ll be back in later before visiting hours are up. There is something I need to do.

I shut my car door about thirty minutes later. My grandmother’s house is old. She is a very stubborn woman, so she refuses to move from a home where her and my grandfather have memories. So, she is stuck in a home too large for her to fix up herself.

I knock on the door and wait for her to answer. It’s late but my grandmother is a lot like my mom. She will go to the end of the earth for her family.

She opens the door in her typical fashion. She has a switch blade pointed out at me and a cigarette hanging from her mouth. Her fiery red hair, that both me and my mother inherited, rolled up in hair curlers. I just walk right past her, this isn’t the first time my grandmother has opened the door that way. Won’t be the last.

How is she holding up? grandma asks closing her door and sitting on her armchair. She is wearing a leopard print moo moo and normally, I would just laugh at her and say something smart, but I came here for a reason. I have a big favor to ask.

Third degree burns on her right leg and thigh. She has to go through surgery, I answer.

Grandma would normally be there for her daughter, but I had called her earlier and told her she didn’t need to come by. She shouldn’t be driving anyways. Cops can only suspend her license so many times.

I sit down on the sofa after getting a bottle of water. I’m still in my scrubs from work and my body feels exhausted. I should get this over with, so I can get back to my mother before hospital visiting hours are up.

Grandma, I need a favor. I ask. She gives me a leery look and scoots forward, putting out her cigarette. I need you to tell me who my father is.

She closes her eyes tight and puts her head down slightly. One night when I was a child, I went downstairs to get a drink of water. My mother and grandmother were up late talking. We were living with my grandmother at the time because my mom wasn’t making enough money for our own place.

I overheard them say my father was wealthy. All my life it was just me and my mother. Whenever I would ask about him, my mother would tell me that he is just not in the picture. When I got older, I realized that I was the reason for that empty picture. The day I found out my father was wealthy; my grandmother was trying to get my mother to file for child support. My mother refused, and we continued to struggle.

Now, here I was trying help my mother, it was my turn to take care of her. My father owed my mother years of child support. I have already turned twenty-one, so I know I can’t go to court for this but maybe with enough of a threat I can persuade him to give her enough money for her to hang onto the café.

You know I can’t do that Candy. I know what you’re trying to do, and I won’t have no part of it. Let your mother decide for herself what she wants to do. She would rather lose that café than have you meet up with the devil himself. She states

Grandma, I will do this with or without you. Mom bought that café with the last dollar she had. Now it’s gone, and so is her money. The hospital and physical therapy bills will bankrupt her. She just found out that she may not be covered for the restaurant, I say tears coming down my cheeks.

I hate that my mother has given me so much and she very well may lose everything she has ever worked hard for.

My grandmother sighs loudly, and after what feels like an eternity, gets up and walks over to her bedroom down the hall. She comes back a few minutes later with an envelope in her hand. I grab it and kiss her goodbye. Before I make it to the door she says something.

This man is not someone to tamper with. Trust me when I tell you little girl. He will not help your mother. Only reason I’m doing this is because you are a grown woman now. Everyone deserves to know who their parents are.

Without glancing back, I walk out the door and to my car. I turn the ignition and take the envelope from my passenger seat. I am extremely nervous about finding out where my blue eyes come from. I muster up the strength to finally rip open the envelope, and there written on a legal document from a P.I. is my father’s name.

Nicholas Ryan Cole.

****

3 months later

Candice

I sit and stare at the building in front of me. I am in my car still contemplating if I dare to go in. I know we need the money, but I am completely and utterly nervous. After getting the name of my biological father, I went home and did my research. I knew the name sounded familiar. Nicholas Cole was a very wealthy man. He was the owner of Cole Industries. He had just passed the rankings down to his only son Jared. I have a brother. Seeing all this information on the documentation that changed my life was both exhilarating and terrifying. I take a profound breath, get out of the car, and head to the office that awaits my father.

I sign in with the receptionist under the fake name I made the appointment with, Sophia Alberts, I don’t know if he remembers my mother, but I didn’t want to use my real name just in case he did. I sit on the cold steal chair and await my forged name to be called.

Miss Alberts? The receptionist beckons. She seems extremely nice to be the receptionist of someone who controls nearly the whole city. I stand up and walk with her over to the large double doors. She knocks once, opens the door and sticks her head in. I can’t hear what she says but a moment later she nods her head towards me and allows me to go in.

I told the receptionist when making my appointment last week that I was a local reporter doing a piece on the top fifty influential men in New York. I walk in and freeze when I see the man, I have been waiting my whole life for. He is sitting on his desk signing his name on some document. When I was a little girl I used to get up in the middle of night and go into the living room. I would sit on the coach and peak through the curtains on the windows. I waited for him. I waited for the man that is currently working at his desk on a typical Monday morning looking like he hasn’t a care in the world.

I clear my throat and when he looks up at me, his eyes narrow just a tad bit. I walk closer to him and sit down in the chair facing the enormous desk. He looks down to my hands, probably noticing I don’t have any kind of notebook or recording device with me. He sets his pen down and clasps his hands together in front of him on his desk. Guess that’s my cue.

Mr. Cole, as you can tell, I am not a reporter, I lied to you because I needed to speak with you about something very important and it wouldn’t be right doing it from the phone or email, I say, my heart beating so fast I’m sure he can see the outline on my chest.

And that important matter would be? He says with a tone that has a hint of anger.

Um… well… see… I um I take a deep breath and just blurt out the rest of it. Band-aid Candice, rip it off like a band-aid. I’m your daughter.

I look up at him with a worried glance. I look nothing like the man. The only resemblance I have to him are my blue eyes. The rest of me is one hundred percent my mother. Nicholas stands, straightens his tie, and heads to one of the large windows that make up his office. He doesn’t seem surprised by this news, he doesn’t flinch or get angry, no tears of joy, nothing. It’s as if he just does not care. It’s as if I don’t exist.

What’s your name girl? He asks, fixing his cufflinks while facing the impeccable view of the city. The sun is starting to set and the gleam of orange and blue hits the buildings in a radiant way.

C-Candice Holmes, I say in a mere whisper. My mother’s name is Jessica Holmes. You met her over twenty-five years ago. A look of remembrance washes over his face. He stares at my hair and his eyes widen a touch.

Hmm, yes, I remember your mother. For a moment I thought you looked familiar but couldn’t quite place you. Very well, you have my attention, what do you plan to do with this information, he says coldly.

I never thought about what he would say when he found out I was his daughter. Would he deny it? Demand a paternity test? Drop to his knees and ask God why my mother didn’t haunt him down because he missed out on so much? My main concern was to come down here and tell him that he owed my mother, that she struggled for years and that he needs to help her with her restaurant. But, as I stare at the man that resembles half of me, all I feel is disappointment. He gets that he is my father, he just really doesn’t give two shits. He knew about me, he knew I was alive somewhere in this world, he just never planned on doing anything about it. Pain explodes through my heart, but I learned at an early age to not let it show, so I cloud it with anger instead.

Mr. Cole, my mother’s restaurant burned down a few months ago, mom was able to put me through medical school, so she has no way of affording the repair or the restaurant. If you had paid your child support from all those years, it would be enough to save her dream. We struggled, we struggled for years and years and now the only revenue coming for my mother was just destroyed. If you could just cover the cost of the restaurant that would help us out tremendously, I say all in one breath.

Nicholas, still facing the window, puts his hands in his pocket. His calm demeanor has me nearly wondering if he even heard me. This was a mistake; this man is going to throw me out of his office. Of course he won’t help me. He never wanted anything to do with me. It was a mistake to come here. I was a mistake. I stand up, getting ready to apologize and walk out when I hear his demanding voice.

Sit down Candice. He shouts. I immediately lower my behind back into the chair. No one has ever spoken to me this way. I shift my gaze back over to him and see him walk back over to the desk.

I want some answers to my questions before you decide to go anywhere. He starts. Nicholas walks over to his chair and sits. He leans forwards a little, puts his elbows on the desk and interlocks his fingers together, making himself a little intimidating.

Wh-what um, do you want to know? The reason behind coming here in the first place has vanished. I just want to go home now. What the hell was I thinking coming here?

Where is it you work? He says smirking a little.

I’m a nurse at Treepointe Hospital. I explain. A small spark of hope ignites in me when I wonder if he is asking these questions because he wants to get to know me. The feeling is immediately squashed when his lips grow into a smirk.

Nicholas taps his chin with his finger and smiles a sinister smile. Goosebumps crawl around my skin.

Tell you what Candice, you start working for me and I’ll make sure your mother gets the money she needs. Now, I know you have a job already but the one I want you to do works with your current career.

I stare at him stunned that he is propositioning me with something like this. What on earth could he want me to do? And why in the world is he speaking to me this way. Was he not in the room when I told him I was his goddamn daughter?

What job? I ask. Although I do not plan on taking any kind of job of his, I am curious about what he could be offering.

I run a particularly private operation on the side, and I need someone in your line of work to cover some of the shipments, he says. His smile growing immensely.

I don’t understand. Although a part of me does. I just seriously hope I am wrong.

I think you do Candice. Know this young girl, by the time you head home from here I will have one of my men looking into every aspect of your background. I will know where you live, where your mother lives, where you work, where you grew up. Everything. I will know your deepest darkest secrets. He takes a moment to let all of what he has said to me sink in.

However, if you work for me and take in my special shipments into your work and pass them along as say maybe, prescriptions, then not only will I pay you well, but your mother’s restaurant will be up and running by the end of the week. Now, what do you say to that?

This man must be out of his mind. He wants me to basically cover his operations under the radar in the form of prescriptions. I’ve heard of some hospitals being raided by the FBI around New York, I already know something like this will eventually fail but even if it didn’t, I would never do something like that. Not only would it ruin my career, but I would also unintentionally be responsible for killing the very community I swore to protect. I took an oath for a reason.

I thought…I thought that you would…. I start but can’t continue my train of thought. I have dreamed my whole life of meeting the very man in front of me. I always hoped that my mother had just never told him about the pregnancy and that he just never knew about me. Looking at the man now, he knew, he always knew.

I have to go, I say in a quiet voice. My heart is too broken to stay any longer. I’m sorry I came here, but I won’t have anything to do with this or you, I say, traitorous tears running down my cheeks.

Remember what I said Candice. Nicholas says stopping my grand exit with his demanding voice. I will know everything. You cross me, tell anyone what I told you today, and your mother’s worries will only begin at that godforsaken restaurant. You will have no job; you and your mother will be homeless and penniless, and I will sleep soundly every night in my bed knowing I put you there, he says, then looks back down at his paperwork. Dismissed.

I stare at the man that helped bring me into this world. My heart aches for the little girl that used to sneak downstairs every night to stare out of the window. I have met the man responsible for my other half, I have meant the man I dreamed of meeting since I was a little girl, my grandmother was right, I let a demon into my life.

Chapter 1

Candice

I lean down a little so that I am eye to eye with little Jeffrey. The emergency room is especially busy today. My shift has been over for about half an hour now, but Dr. Toring asked me to stay and help this last patient. Little Jeffrey Dillons has broken his arm. He cannot be more than six years old and is being very brave.

Okay buddy, how does that feel? I ask patting softly at his cast.

His mother informed me when they first arrived, that he and his big brother were playing on their new bunkbeds, when Jeffrey fell off the top bunk. She was more hysterical than he was. We get that a lot. Most of the time when the child comes in they are more concerned with getting in trouble. It wasn’t until he was being pulled and yanked on by Dr. Toring that he actually started crying.

Feels better, but itchy. Do I have to wear this? He asks. We get that a lot too. Although most of the time it’s from people twice his age who have broken their arm from a skateboarding accident.

Afraid so buddy, but do you want to know the cool thing about this thing? I ask watching his little head go up and down. People can sign your cast with a permanent marker, and it will stay on there forever. Like this. I pull out my green sharpie that I carry with me everywhere and sign my name on his small white cast protecting his forearm.

His eyes get so large I can’t contain the laugh that bubbles out of me. This kid is seriously cute. I see in the corner of my eye his older brother looking down. He has been