The Desire to Be Found

By Ashley Early

Ashley was so young and so misunderstood, especially when growing up in the foster care system. She had so many questions, wanting to know why her mom never came back for her and why her adopted mother never could accept her for her. Ashley felt unaccepted by everyone in her life. She felt the pain of being unloved but yet smothered with gifts to overshadow the pain and the truth. Ashley hated the feeling of being bullied and misheard. But at a young age, Ashley was picked up by a king she will never forget that helped her when no one else did. Ashley's journey began the day he took her pain away. This is the exciting crazy journey of Ashley. Will Ashley find herself during her life journeys? Only time will tell.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: May 31, 2022
• ISBN: 9781637105139

Book preview

Biography

Ashley Early

Copyright © 2022 Ashley Early

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2022

ISBN 978-1-63710-512-2 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63710-513-9 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.

Hi, pumpkin, how are you?

Imma good, Mommy.

Hmm, those sweet, sweet, sweet words. I can still hear as if it happened yesterday. How is it that I have two mothers, but it feels like both are not here at all? I’m wondering if I’m the only one who feels like that. Growing up in the foster care system is not easy at all—so many questions, so many answers you’re wanting and searching for, but the only thing you can do is stay strong and find your purpose. My mother was not the best mother, but I knew in my heart that was my mother, and no matter what, there were some love and connection there.

January of the Year 1997

Go outside and get that switch off that tree, or you’re gonna wish you didn’t.

No, Mommy, please. I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore.

Go and get it because if I get it, you’re going to get it even worse.

Scared to my stomach as my heart dropped to my feet, I went and got the switch of the tree. Once again, I caught up in some trouble. I approached my mother with the stick.

Now get ready for your bath and hurry up.

Scared out of my mind, I took off my clothes slow as possible, crying out my eyes and heart. I grabbed my small robe, and I reached the bathroom, where the tub was full of water and soap. As I cried, my mother looked me in my face and said, Oh, Ashley, cut the crying. I haven’t even done anything to you.

Mommy, I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore, I promise. After being done in the tub, I ran out of the bathroom and passed my mom with my robe. I put on my clothes, and I put on my pajamas and hid under my covers. Later that night, my mom came in. I was sick to my stomach. My mom reached her arm and climbed in the bed and held me and kissed me on my forehead and said, Good night, sweet pea.

*****

One cold morning, my mom got me up and dressed. My grandmother was waiting for both my mom and me to get ready.

Mommy, where is Kayla? I asked.

We will see her soon. My mom grabbed me and took me into the car and put me in my car seat. As I played with the frost on the window, I saw my grandmother approach and get in the front seat. We pulled off to go down the long country road of Virginia, not many stores, just a few. I then saw we approach Walmart. And my mom pulled me out.

As we walked in there, she went to surprise my big sister Kayla with a lady I didn’t know and my cousin Christopher. My sister ran to me with joy in her eyes. I saw the boy with a sandwich. I do believe I tried to take it, and my mom insisted I leave it to receive my own. At that age, what’s mine in my eyes was mine. So my grandmother, mom, sister, and I went into the store and shopped. As we left, my sister began to play with me. We got in the back of the car, and we drove off. We came to a stop where my mom pulled me out, and my sister was told to stay in the car. I then saw a lady with red carrot hair standing at the door, smiling. As we got inside, I saw all types of kids running around and screaming. I didn’t want to get down, so my mom hurled me down and made me go play as she went and talked to the carrot-head lady. I just watched. I didn’t speak. My mom was at the table, filling out papers. I ran back to my mom. Then I told my mom I didn’t want to go back in there. She told me I didn’t have a choice, that I would be going to that day care.

Mommy, I don’t want to go there.

Ashley, you don’t have a choice. You’re going.

My sister and I went to eat and play, then the next day, we woke up. My sister woke up for school. And my sister gave me a hug and a kiss and told me she loved me. I went back to the day care that morning, and I cried my heart out for my mom not to leave, so the carrot-head lady distracted me, and when I looked up, my mom was gone. I lost it until they bought out lots of snacks and goodies. I then met a white girl who always used to suck her thumb. And when it was naptime, she always tried to encourage me to suck my thumb. Long before you know, I went to day care up until I was starting to get bullied and punched a boy in the face. And I was kicked out. So my grandmother and aunt watched me. I didn’t usually see my sister at times, but when she came, we made the best of it. We made ice cream with my great-grandmother, and I knew I love my sister when one day, we were playing, and we were playing truth or dare. Of course, my sister picked dare. I dared her to eat a poky leaf off the pine tree. And she did and swallowed. She was