The Stoic Toolkit

By Simon Kupfer

"Simply put, Stoicism is a philosophy of choice."

The Stoic Toolkit is a comprehensive guide to the modern world using the advice of ancient Stoic philosophers. It explores instances that may be described as Stoicism in both Judaism and Buddhism, as well as detailing different methods used to keep oneself calm during troublesome situations. These include Cognitive Distancing, Negative Visualisation and the Dichotomy of Control.

The Stoic Toolkit is split into two main parts: "Techniques and Traits" and "The Modern World." The former describes the methods aforementioned, as well as the virtues described by ancient Stoic philosophers as being central to the philosophy, whereas the latter details how one may integrate these teachings into their own lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon Kupfer
• Release date: Apr 2, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224097654

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Copyright © 2024 Simon Kupfer.

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First printing edition 2024.

www.simonkupfer.medium.com

To my mother,

Anne Kupfer

OPENING:

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION    3

A BRIEF HISTORY OF STOICISM  11

Stoicism in history   14

THE STOIC GOAL OF LIFE   17

PART ONE: TECHNIQUES AND TRAITS

NEGATIVE VISUALISATION   26

SELF-DISCIPLINE    30

The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 rule   33

COGNITIVE DISTANCING   35

THE DICHOTOMY OF CONTROL  38

CARDINAL VIRTUES    44

Wisdom     45

Courage    47

Justice and forgiveness   48

Temperance    51

GETTING INTO ROUTINE   52

Small habits    54

Building happiness and being realistic 56

Adapting    58

REACTING     61

REASON, LOGIC AND NATURE  66

REGULATING EMOTIONS    69

Redirecting    71

BECOMING WEALTHY   73

VIEWING DEATH    77

Legacy     80

USING MEDITATION    85

The benefits of boredom   87

PART TWO: THE MODERN WORLD

STOICISM IN RELIGIOUS TRADITIONS 91

Stoicism in Buddhism   93

Stoicism in Judaism   97

STOICISM DURING YOUTH   100

APPLYING STOICISM TO

THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY  103

NEGOTIATION    105

First impressions   109

CLOSING

MY OWN EXPERIENCE WITH STOICISM 114

Issues with Stoicism   116

NOTES      120

CONCLUSION AND CLOSING THOUGHTS 125

GLOSSARY     129

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS   138

FURTHER READING    139

ABOUT THE AUTHOR   144

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

-  Winnifred Crane Wygal, 1993

OPENING

FOREWORD

Avital Sasson

IT IS NOT EVERY DAY THAT ONE COMES ACROSS A request such as this: to write an introduction for a book, no less. Even more remarkable is when the request comes from a very young man of not yet 15 years old. That's an honour, as it immediately signals an endeavour free from any pretence or 'bullshit.' However, this is where it becomes quite complicated. It’s an unusual, not to mention impressive, endeavour to undertake at any point in life, let alone when trying to stay afloat in the middle of your second decade. That is an extraordinary thing indeed. I’ll come back to this point later, as I believe adolescence plays a huge part in this book. But to the point – the reader deserves a well-thought-out introduction to this remarkable work. And it gets even more tricky: I knew nothing about Stoicism until I read this book. The more I read about it, the more complicated it became – why would Simon Kupfer ask me, an old(-ish) [1] psychologist with an affinity for Freud and psychoanalysis, to write about a book that embraces Stoicism as a way of dealing with life’s challenges? I tended to believe the two were completely unconnected, even opposing. Well, with no spoiler alerts, I would say, to quote Kupfer himself: ‘Challenge accepted!’ [2]

Kupfer brings us into the world of Stoicism, in its modern version, as a way of dealing with the realities and pain life entails. In an era where the rush of modern life often overshadows ancient wisdom, the author, very insightfully, brings a fresh perspective to one of history's most enduring philosophies. The Stoic Toolkit is not just a book; it's a journey into the heart of Stoicism, reinterpreted through the eyes of a young mind. At its core lies a profound exploration of Stoicism, a philosophy that has stood the test of time, offering guidance on leading a meaningful, resilient life. Kupfer delves into essential Stoic principles such as negative visualisation, self-discipline, and cognitive distancing, presenting them not as archaic concepts but as tools for modern living. His approach demystifies Stoicism, making it accessible and relatable to a broad audience, including young readers exploring these philosophical ideas for the first time (and older minds who think they know it all). He does this in a sensitive, sometimes very personal way while not failing to be humorous and self-aware. At one point, I was tempted to convert to Fight Club-ism (search it up!). The Stoic Toolkit is structured thoughtfully, comprising two main parts. The first section introduces readers to the foundational techniques and ideas of Stoicism. Here, Kupfer skilfully intertwines historical insights with actionable strategies, inviting readers to engage with the philosophy in a hands-on manner. The second part of the book shifts focus, discussing the application of Stoicism in modern-day context. It addresses contemporary issues such as addiction and the challenges faced by today's youth, illustrating how Stoic wisdom can be applied to a diverse range of situations. For me, though, what sets this book apart is Kupfer's unique voice as a young member of society. Here comes the psychotherapist in me: This book is not only about content or ideas gathered together. It’s an act in itself. Maybe, some can argue, a Stoic act of freedom? But to use my own language – it is an act necessary for growing up, one of mourning and separation, in the service of becoming a member of society, part of the world, while accepting what the world can be, and what it cannot. And Kupfer says, right from the beginning – Stoicism is a philosophy of choice, and I would add, the act of choice. And the choice has to do with accepting. That seems simple enough. We all came across, at some point or another with the Serenity Prayer, which Kupfer chooses to open his book with:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Only in this time and age, accepting is not as straightforward as we might think. It first entails recognizing that there is something to accept, a truth not to be denied or changed at will. It’s a given. In a Generation Z world, where truths and facts become elusive and fluid, and biology and history are at times more of a personal preference (or the illusion of), it’s refreshing, and I would say brave, to stand up for a philosophy that doesn’t deny the truth but seeks ways to live with it and accept it.

This, I would say, is where psychology, Stoicism, and even Freud meet.[3] Not only where behaviourism, CBT, and positive psychology are involved, which is the more recognised link. There is a much deeper level, where both Stoicism and psychoanalysis seek to offer an ethical stance towards the reality of life. Both aim to deal with the act of accepting loss – a necessary one for growing up. It is going beyond the pleasure principle, as Freud would put it, and it’s accepting what cannot be changed and what must be missing. Psychoanalytic theories that came after Freud all recognise loss and mourning, in a metaphorical way, as necessary steps of growing up. For adolescents, it is a time of finding who you are and defining your identity. It is also a time of accepting who you’re not. Kupfer offers his own intimate version of such acceptance and invites us to take a glance into adulthood in the making.

Kupfer’s incorporation of personal anecdotes, particularly his experiences with balancing different aspects of his identity and his struggle with antisemitism, is courageous and touching. His Jewish identity and the attack on it[4] are mentioned not just as a way of demonstrating Stoic strengths in the making, but also its limitations. By doing so, and discussing the depression he struggled with and where accepting emotions and letting go was not so straightforward, he offers the reader a disillusioned view of what is still very much of value for him within Stoic thinking. At this time and day, he allows the reader a glance into what it really means to be a young man, white, Jewish, and to come to terms with each aspect of these identities. It also touches on what it means to grow up to be a man. Kupfer is aware of the toxic masculinity that has been associated with Stoicism. He wishes to offer a different approach, where emotions are not something to be dismissed but rather accepted, not denied but also not dominating the inner life (What he makes of Jewish guilt is unclear, though, and I’m not sure he is willing to make an exception). But more seriously, these narratives provide a unique lens through which Stoicism is viewed, highlighting its practical implications and the real-world impact of its teachings, but also its limitations.

In The Stoic Toolkit, Simon Kupfer has not only created a guide to Stoicism for the modern era but has also presented a compelling argument for the relevance of ancient wisdom in today's world. His work is a testament to the power of young voices in shaping