Establishing the Foundations of a Relationship

By Oscar J. Starr III and Jarae Starr

Establishing the Foundations of a Relationship, discusses various issues such as building trust, finding commonality, establishing a date night, handling and dealing with emotional neglect, etc. This book is geared as helpful tool to those who are looking for a long-term relationship, building that new friendship, or perhaps just give them the advice one can't find anywhere. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oscar J. Starr III
• Release date: Apr 1, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224716678

Oscar J. Starr III

Oscar J. Starr and his wife Jarae D. Starr, both operate and own their own business Express Direct Professional Services in Houston, TX. They both enjoy spending quality time with family and friends, enjoys listening to classic R&B, as well as gospel music. They both have worked on various projects pertaining to their company. 

Book preview

Chapter Fifteen: Benefits of Sexual Intimacy

Chapter Sixteen: Establishing Understanding in a Relationship Chapter Seventeen: The Importance of Quality Time

Chapter Eighteen: Let’s Talk About Romance

Chapter Nineteen: When Having a Date Night Becomes Important Chapter Twenty: Exploring Plutonic Friendships

Chapter Twenty- One: The Situationship Battle Chapter Twenty-two: Emotional Detachment

Chapter Twenty-three: Finding Commonality in the Relationship

Chapter One: Building Trust

Trust is the foundation that can build itself into a relationship like no other. Let us explore this journey together as we discuss this meaningful conversation.

Trust is established at the beginning of a friendship; one that has the hopes of finding complete confidence in that person based on certain conditions. Trust can also mean, for example, if someone tells you a secret or expresses their deepest thoughts. It’s your job not to do anything to break it by telling the other party what was told to you. Trust in a relationship is defined as to being able not keep any secrets that may put yourself in jeopardy, or of risking the very thing that will cause problems and have negative long-term effects which will end the relationship on bad terms.

Once this first foundation has been broken or violated, at times it can become very difficult to re-establish and re-build and it may take a while to re-gain one’s total confidence.

For example, you have a couple, who have been married for at least 3 years, with 4 children, a beautiful home and both husband and wife are working very successful careers. They are the face of the perfect couple; not allowing any drama or adversities to break the love they have for each other. Let’s look at this couple who goes by the name of Edward and Melinda. Edward, who is a very well-known member of his community, dedicated his career as a prosecutor for the District Attorney’s office in his city. Melinda, a strong supportive at home mom, who takes care of her children, keeps her home,

together and has a full-time career of working for an online business which is also successful.

One night, Edward calls Melinda explaining that he will be working late at the office and won’t be home in time for dinner. Melinda told her husband, Your dinner will be waiting for you in the oven whenever you come home. The two exchanges I love you and hang up. Edward, the dedicated and faithful husband, knew that he had other plans other than staying late at the office, little to Melinda’s knowledge. Edward had been having an affair with his female paralegal in which has been going on for quite some time.

Edward continued as always to tell his wife that he would be working late and yes Melinda, as always, was understanding and never suspected that her husband was having an affair.

One night, Edward was in the shower and his cellphone rang and asks his wife to answer it. It never raised any suspicions until the female voice on the other end asked to speak to Edward. So, Melinda began to question Edward about the other female who had called requesting to talk to him.

He explains to Melinda that it wasn’t anybody, just some random woman who is trying extort money from me because I tried her boyfriend of armed robbery and was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Edward knew that if he told his wife his real reasons for staying late at the office, it was going to be the end of his marriage for sure.

One month later, Melinda decided to check her husband’s phone and started to put all the pieces together as well as his email and discovered that her loving and dedicated husband had been unfaithful. Of course, you know the rest of that story. Edward had violated and broken trust in their marriage. She got her divorce as well as full custody of her children was granted. Edward had begun to go into an unseemly depressive state and lost his career and in the end lost everything he had worked for and invested in.

This comes to show you that in a marriage or any relationship, trust is very detrimental, and it is not anything one can take for granted or use it for one’s

personal advantage.

Let’s take a journey into the life e of another couple by the name of Christopher and Evelyn, who have been in a dating relationship for less than one year. Christopher at one point or another was always the perfect gentleman and ladies’ man. Back in high school, he was an accomplished debate team orator as well as president of The Young Men of Intellect chapter.

Even with all the accomplishments, Christopher always found the time with his female acquaintances without being labeled as being too popular. One the other hand, we have Evelyn who always had a difficult time maintaining a relationship because of her lack of trust.

But she would make excuses to predicate the reasons of not finding Mr. Right or the Perfect Man. One day while on Facebook, Christopher sees that he had one new friend request along with an inbox message. He (Christopher) decided to accept the request and read the message sent by Evelyn, and over time the two became inseparable Facebook friends. About two months passed, and Christopher and Evelyn decided to go out on their first official date to a nice restaurant for lunch.

Everything between both is going well, without any interruptions and simply enjoy each other’s company. They began to share their dreams and future goals of college and choosing a career, getting married, raising a family and so on. As time went on, the two take their relationship to a new level and Christopher and Evelyn are engaged to be married. Evelyn feels that deep in her heart that Christopher is the perfect man in her life. What Christopher doesn’t know is that Evelyn, his future bride to be, is holding on to a secret which she is keeping from him. Two months have passed since their engagement, and Christopher is ready to make a lifetime commitment to be married and raise a family and accomplish the many goals he had hoped for.

Evelyn started to in some way show her distrust in her fiancée, by making assumptions of infidelity and creating drama in the relationship.

Christopher reassures her (Evelyn) that things are going well, and she shouldn’t have anything to worry about, and he didn’t think too much of what had occurred. His thoughts, perhaps she is just being nervous about being married or maybe its pre-wedding jitters.

About three months passed, Evelyn starts to look at Christopher’s Facebook page and discovers that he had been in touch with a former high school classmate.

Evelyn became very upset and felt as if her world came crashing down, also having deep thoughts that her perfect man wasn’t so perfect after all.

Christopher comes home from work and discovers that Evelyn is sitting in the living room with tears in her eyes.

Both Christopher and Evelyn become involved in a heated discussion over him by contacting a former high school classmate. After the dust settled, that is when Evelyn decided to tell Christopher her secret about her having her lack of trust in men.

She further tells him that she couldn’t no longer continue the relationship, calls off the engagement and packs up all her clothes and other personal items and moves out. As you know, Christopher was very upset and hurt about the breakup between the two. One week passed, Christopher heard a phone ringing from inside the kitchen and realized that Evelyn had left her cellphone on the counter. He answers the phone and discovers that the voice on the receiving end was female. The unknown female had asked for Evelyn saying she was her girlfriend. In the end, Christopher was very hurt and realized that the relationship was a lie and that felt that he would rather be alone than to be betrayed by any means.

The most effective foundation in establishing a relationship is trust. It can be defined as something that is like the most vital ingredient in a relationship to be healthy. In the definition of trust that I use, to be considered as a trustworthy adviser, two things need to happen: the person needs to be prepared to trust you, and you need to demonstrate that you are worthy of that trust; in other words, trustworthy. This definition of trust does not just entail being honest and full of integrity but requires you to be 'professionally competent' to deliver the expected outcome, consequence or result.

Trust is a currency of almost every interpersonal relationship. The deeper the relationship becomes, the more vital the part trust plays. It is unseen but it is what frees us to collaborate confidently with each other. When we trust one another, communication is likely to be open and frequent. There