Starting Over At Fifty

By Kris M Revson

It all starts in February 2000, the last year before the new millennium, in Claire's hometown of Sydney. After 27 years of marriage and a month before her 50th birthday, Claire leaves her husband, Michael. But what next? How will Claire forge her own life in the strange world of the recently single older person? Will she meet someone who steals

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kris M Revson
• Release date: Feb 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9780645423136

Kris M Revson

Kris M Revson was born and educated in Poland but has lived in Australia for most of her adult life. After many years in Sydney, she moved to Ballina, a lovely seaside town on the East Coast. Kris worked as a clinical psychologist for more than forty years. After retiring, she was looking for a hobby to fill the void left by no longer working with people. She started writing, and in no time, imaginary characters became her friends and constant companions. You can find out more about Kris from her regular posts on Instagram (@krismrevson), Facebook (Kris M Revson and Alison's Wish), and Twitter@k_revson

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Farewell to the Past

Tonight was the last time Claire would sleep in the bed she and her husband, Michael, shared for many years. It was sometime in 1998 that everything changed. They no longer shared the bedroom, as his snoring and Claire’s restlessness kept them both awake. With their children gone, Michael had many rooms to choose from. He decided to make one of the spare rooms into his bedroom. This arrangement was comfortable, but it contributed further to their lack of intimacy and encouraged them to live separate lives. Still, it took Claire quite a while to decide to leave Michael. After all, they had been together for a long time.

They were married when they were both twenty-three. In the beginning, it was a good relationship. They were happy together as a couple and parents of two children who had since grown into successful adults. Sadly, after their children moved away, Claire and Michael started drifting apart. Claire could not remember exactly when their relationship began to change; the reasons for this change eluded her. It was not that they argued or disliked each other, but they did not talk much anymore. Most evenings, Claire would sit in her bedroom reading a book while Michael would fall asleep watching TV in the lounge room. Claire had no idea what he watched, but their shared interest in art-house movies was long gone. She was sad about that and lost hope that anything would change. To her, it seemed that Michael was happy watching television and no longer had any interest in talking with her, let alone doing anything together. The impending failure of their marriage made her sad, and her loss of hope that anything would change hurt her deeply.

For two or three years, before her final decision to leave him, Claire had attempted to rescue their marriage, all the while doubting Michael even noticed her efforts to rekindle their romance. Despite his lack of response, Claire had tried even harder; her suggestion that they go away for a weekend or plan a holiday elicited no response and met with Michael’s total lack of interest. Still, Claire continued trying. A few months earlier, just before her forty-ninth birthday, Claire proposed they go to dinner. She knew he had forgotten her special day.

‘I don’t feel like going out,’ was his only response.

His answers to anything she said were the same, mostly monosyllabic. The best she could hope for was something like, ‘Just let me finish what I am watching.’

***

Claire put the phone down after talking with her sister, Yvonne.

‘You are rushing things,’ Yvonne had said, ‘you have been together for so long. Be patient.’

‘As if, you know I’ve tried so hard. Another year of my life has gone. If I am to make something of the years I have left, I need to start before I am fifty.’

Yvonne disagreed. ‘This is just like you, Claire, dramatic and always exaggerating to prove your point.’

Claire felt that her sister, the only person she could rely on for support, was unwilling to do so.

So this is how it feels to be all alone, she thought.

Of course, there were the children, Rene and Theo, both living overseas. Theo had gone to work at the ski fields in Canada, where he had met his partner. Every time Claire talked with him, he would say how happy he was in his new country. There was not much chance of him coming back home. After finishing her fine arts degree, Rene went to England and stayed there, working as a graphic designer for a big advertising firm. After a while, she moved in with her boss, and it now looked like they would get married soon.

During their conversation a few days ago, Claire suggested for her to slow down. ‘You are still young; perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you settle.’

‘I want to have kids before I am thirty, mum,’

More than once, during their infrequent conversations, Claire had tried hard to encourage Michael to make a trip to visit their children. It failed like all the other marriage rescue attempts. He did not seem interested in travelling and had little connection with his son and daughter. Claire knew there was no point in arguing with him. His response never changed.

‘Adult children should not be the focus of their parent’s life,’ he would say without looking at her.

***

Claire hoped she would be able to sleep, but the great unknown of what was awaiting her tomorrow, and the realisation that this was the last night she would spend at the house, which was once her family home, made her feel sad and anxious.

Her plan was to pretend she was asleep when Michael got up and went to work. In the last few weeks, she had worked mainly from home, so it would not be unusual for her to start her day a bit later.

She was tossing and turning, the words of her sister, Yvonne, reverberating in her mind.

‘You never know, but the new life you are so desperate to create may turn out to be much worse than the life you have.’

What if her sister was right? Claire felt a cold shiver along her spine. Could her new life turn out to be worse than this? To help her get to sleep, she started counting backwards from a thousand. It always worked when she had trouble falling asleep, but not tonight. Finally, after what seemed to be a long time, exhausted, she dozed off.

***

Claire had been making plans in preparation for her new life for the last few months. As a freelance writer for a lifestyle magazine, her well-paid job gave her enough money to live by herself and provided social contacts. Most of their friends were busy with their own lives, and it had been a while since they had entertained or visited anyone. Due to Michael’s total disinterest in anything other than TV, Claire gave up suggesting inviting or visiting friends a long time ago. New friends were what she needed most of all.

Claire was glad she lived in a modern world where technology would allow her to make friends instantly with the click of a button on her computer. She used the internet for her work which allowed her to investigate a few dating-friendship sites without explaining this to Michael. Not that he would have minded, as their relationship was over long before she decided to move away, but she was still getting used to being single.

A woman she worked with was getting married soon to a man she had met on a popular dating site Start Again. Claire discovered it was designed specifically for people who had left long-term relationships, where friendships, not just dating, were encouraged. The activities advertised on the site seemed to be what she was looking for. Anyone could join regular picnics, movie and theatre groups and one-off activities organised by individual members. She decided to become a member of Start Again as soon as she was settled in her new place.

***

Claire got up late, and after a quick cup of coffee, she was ready to go. She was in a hurry to start her new life. A few small items left in the bathroom were easy to pick up and put into her luggage: one suitcase and a large carry-on bag; not much to show for over twenty years of life. At this stage, she decided not to take any of the furniture.

It can wait, she thought, until Michael and I talk and agree on what we want to do with the house and other assets we share.

Claire wondered what his reaction would be when he came home and discovered she had gone. She felt guilty not telling him about her decision to move out but was not ready to talk to him yet.

Is it because I am not sure about it, she thought, or is it his reaction, possibly a relief, that it was me who took the initiative to end it? Is this what I do not want to face up to?

She knew Michael would be all right — he would just continue watching his favourite TV shows. His life would not change much from what it had been for many years.

She left a few meals for him to reheat and a well-stocked fridge. He would not have to shop for a week or so. It was not as though she did not care about Michael, but the feeling that there should be more to life was strong, and she had to find out if she was right.

What was she hoping for? A new man was not out of the question, but from what she noticed observing her friends’ relationships, there was not much chance for a happily ever after. Then again, the woman she worked with seemed to be happy and looking forward to getting married.

Perhaps it is possible to find Soulmate Number Two, she thought.

***

Claire decided to keep the keys to the house for a while, although she felt she would not be coming back anytime soon. She spent a lot of time considering her situation and was sure that the decision she made was right for both of them. If Michael wanted to talk about it, which was not likely, they would have to meet on neutral territory. She chuckled at the thought of having dinner together and finally getting what she had wanted for a long time. Even now, she almost believed that a night out together before she left may have saved their relationship.

Always the optimist, and it did not help me at all, she thought.

The sound of the phone ringing seemed much louder than usual. She was reluctant to answer it.

What if it is Michael? I am not ready to talk with him.

Regardless, she picked up the receiver.

‘Mum, how are you?’

It was her daughter. Her voice was loud, high-pitched, but happy and excited.

‘We are engaged. We will not wait too long to get married.’

Claire took a deep breath. Now was not the time to tell Rene that she was leaving. She would have to wait and tell her later.

‘Mum, you are not saying anything. Are you okay?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it, but…’

‘I know you well enough to see that something is not quite right. Come on, talk to me.’

Claire realised she could not wiggle out of it now. She had to make her decision sound less permanent to avoid overshadowing Rene’s good news.

‘Well, darling, I’ve decided to move out for a little while.’

‘Why? What has he done?’

‘Nothing, darling, it’s just that our relationship has run its course.’

‘No, you are my parents. I don’t want you to… Oh, mum! What am I going to do?’

‘Don’t worry, darling. It will not change the way we feel about you or Theo. You will always be our children.’

‘But the wedding. You have to be there together.’

‘And we will; we will always be your parents.’

‘Congratulations, darling. I love you very much, and I am happy for you both. I wish I had more time to talk, but I must go now. I will ring you soon, and we can discuss the details.’

***

The phone rang again. Theo’s voice was clipped and high-pitched.

‘Mum, what the f…, sorry, we were just sitting down to dinner with friends, and Rene rang with the news of you and dad separating.’

Typical for Theo, he sounded more upset about the disruption to his dinner arrangements than about the news itself.

‘Rene is hysterical. She is worried that it will spoil her wedding. Funny…’ he chuckled, ‘she is marrying a divorced man. I think he may have left his wife after they met.’

Claire did not want to talk about it. Theo was always convinced that he was right. Trying to get him to see this from Rene’s point of view would most likely result in an argument. In any case, Rene seemed to be happy, and they did not know for sure that she was the reason her fiancé left his wife. Claire decided to end the conversation, knowing that he would be keen to get back to his friends.

‘Thank you for ringing, Theo. Nothing to worry about. Go and have dinner with your friends. We will talk soon.’

‘Bye, mum.’

He sighed and was gone. For a brief moment, Claire felt that by allowing this abrupt ending of their conversation Theo conveyed his disapproval of her decision. When she thought about it, she decided he was just busy and involved with his new friends. Rene’s phone call and having to talk with his mother was an unwelcome interruption for him; there was nothing personal about it.

Claire looked around for the one last time and rushed to the door. She did not want any more phone calls, especially if it was Michael; who may be ringing her soon. She was worried that Rene would not be able to stop herself from ringing her father.

I must send an e-mail and ask them not to talk to their father for a few days. I need time to sort things out. I hope I can make it clear to them. Fingers crossed they both listen to me, she thought, but I have to be prepared to deal with any fallout or what may happen.

***

The door shut behind her with a heavy thud. She thought it odd that she had never noticed how loud it was. The sound brought with it a sense of finality. Driving away, she did not look back. Again, her sister’s words echoed in her mind.

‘… the new life you are so determined to create may turn out to be much worse than the life you have.’

What if Yvonne was right? It is still not too late to turn back.

Despite all the doubts she had, Claire continued driving. She was happy about her decision, but leaving her old life behind was still hard.

CHAPTER 2

First Day of the New Life

Claire was looking at rental accommodation vacancies and began to worry that she may not be able to afford anything better than a small studio apartment. After looking at a tiny, dilapidated, but nevertheless expensive place during lunchtime, she returned to the office and sat at her desk, feeling close to tears.

Her colleague, Amy, the one who was getting married soon, noticed her distress.

‘What’s wrong, Claire?’

‘Oh, it’s just not going to be easy to find somewhere to live that I can afford.’

‘Give me a moment. I may have a solution to your problem.’

Amy came back a few minutes later, smiling.

‘Guess what? My fiancé’s friend, also a journalist, is leaving in a few days for an overseas assignment. He wants someone to look after his cat in return for a small rent. Do you like cats, Claire?’

‘If the place is nice and I can afford it, then I definitely love cats.’

‘Done. I’ll let him know that you’ll take it.’

Claire wanted to meet the owner, but he was too busy organising his trip. They talked on the phone, and he sounded nice but slightly too concerned about the cat.

‘You need to understand that Pierre has been my constant companion over the last couple of years. He is very talkative and always knows how to cheer me up. I will miss him, but I hope he will feel well looked after with you there.’

‘Look, Terry, I am happy to have someone waiting for me when I come home. Don’t worry, I will look after him.’

So that was it. Claire did not need to worry about where she would live for the next couple of years. Enough time for her and Michael to make a decision regarding the future.

***

It was mid-morning when Claire arrived at her new home. She felt lucky to find a lovely and affordable place through her work colleague. It was tastefully furnished and had everything she needed, making the move more manageable for her. There was no need to divide what she and Michael had until they decided what to do next.

Pierre, the pedigree Ragdoll who came with the rental, had been looked after by the neighbours for the few days before Claire moved in. Being a dog person, she was not sure how this would work out, but any fears were allayed when Pierre ran up to her as if she were an old friend.

I guess it’s true what they say about Ragdolls, and the way they behave like dogs, she thought. I think looking after him will prove to be a good thing after all.

‘Don’t worry, we will be good friends,’ she said aloud to Pierre, who seemed to be listening attentively.

‘Let me check your bowls and the tray, and then we can get to know each other better.’

The cat meowed as if in agreement, which made her relax and brought a feeling of happiness at being in her new home. After patting Pierre, she went to the spacious bedroom, which was full of light. A big comfortable bed set at its centre. Her appreciation of being invited into the house was heightened when she saw it was made up for her. The study nook with a desk made it obvious that the owner, just like her, worked a lot from home.

Terry, the owner, had left some of his stuff behind but there was enough room in the closet to hang her clothes. She wished there had been time to meet him before he left, but it had all happened so quickly.

***

Claire noticed a coffee machine on the kitchen bench. It looked brand new and fancy compared to the one she had at home.

It would be fun to have barista-style coffee first thing in the morning, she thought.

She did not feel hungry, but it was lunchtime, and she wanted to keep a regular routine. She had read somewhere that when you make significant changes in your life, it is essential to continue with simple daily rituals to help you adjust more quickly. She took out the salad she had prepared before she left home and emptied the container onto the plate.

I might as well have a proper meal.

She ate slowly, still not feeling hungry. Pierre curled up under her feet. It felt nice to have him there.

She was happy to discover that there was a dishwasher in the kitchen; that was something she would have missed most from her old life.

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