Ill Me: Unknown Infinity, #1

By R. G. Peter

Do you struggle with mental illness?

Do you wish to know more how it is to write when having one?

             Do you want to know more about my experiences that reach over bipolar and schizoaffective disorders and also schizophrenia, bit by bit?

             Do you enjoy reading about metaphysics and meta-reality, simulation theory and virtual reality within another true world?

                        Would you reach for a nested meaning of reality itself through the lenses of someone suffering from bipolar|schizoaffective disorder?

                        Do you like Mathematics, Machine Learning, Artificial Inteligence and read about those like in a meta-diary?

Don't be afraid and go on, because it will be an enjoyable ride.

........

• Language: English
• Publisher: R. G. Peter
• Release date: Feb 25, 2024
• ISBN: 9798215558386

R. G. Peter

Loves Mathematics, Machine Learning and Deep Learning. Gets inspired by nature and struggles with Bipolar disorder since 2008. Loves people to read what he writes and to share insights with the World

Book preview

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However, may the beginning be, here goes an overview backstory from one point of view.

Long ago the world became a strange rock, then became biologically inhabited by a wide variety of beings. Nowadays, it is turning digital and coming across one point of singularity - If ever this highly advanced setup had become so technologically rooted, and we could do almost anything with our environment but not leave it, wouldn’t it have spread long ago the notion of simulated reality and virtual reality endlessly in a loop, tied to a point of no telling any long, anymore - anything from any something else, other than we live in a simulated reality, and that infinity exists because that entire concept broke our discrete notion of reality! Kind of like multiple chains of matryoshkas?

Whatever, I daydream a lot (though I cannot say the same about my fragmented dreams at night)! That is why I wrote the long hollow text above. What was the arrow pointing at when I wished to do something with this text? To a preamble of End Ego, a series about Machine Learning (chronological sequences of my day-to-day limited perception of Deep Learning, Deep Reinforcement Learning, and Mathematics), I will make word noodles off and present them as top-tier beautiful work, or a word salad served with flowers – bon appétit!

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Adventures ahead of us, intriguing times. Sustainability is the word of the day. Water, gas conducts, conflict, electricity, electric versus combustion engines. Poverty, and hunger, are words redundantly coming to the parlor every day. Before making you believe this is, in fact, one kind of Simulated Reality (Virtual Reality if you may), with pre-apocalyptic predictions and tarot cards - rolled over the table - with odds defining bad outcomes, I must incur the entirety of my background relying on my shoulders. With all that, I will tell you a little bit about me. Ladies and gentlemen suffering from insomnia, this reading is perfectly valid therapeutically to induce peaceful sleep. Enjoy!

Condition 1 - here lies my Devil: I am a Bipolar individual, laying more on the line of Bipolar type I, with mixed episodes. My life balances between going to bed constantly and hoping to sleep (and forgetting how bad it all turned out) and feeling glad to exist that I should never sleep anymore and do more and more. However, I do have to check if there is anything fancier to call the condition (does it matter? It does).

Daunt me, haunt me. My emotions are chemical imbalances, my ideas are precisely a roller-coaster that sometimes ensures creating a reality within another reality, a shelter for my real person to get a sense of peace and hell at the same time. Contradictions rule my day. The action of leaving it all for later makes part of my day-to-day as much as breathing. I am a contradicting self myself. Is procrastination condemned to be in our nature or a virtue?

Each note of the music hangs in the balance. When we reach one elementary note it balances back and sings one offbeat sound harmonious of the kind. What a symphony from the Circus!

I kindly remember listening to music over and over, without end. Joyful were those moments of party and echoes of nature. Do not get me wrong, I still do listen to them, I am grateful for not being deaf, it is just the echoing sound that gets continually lost mentally.

I am Bipolar, Depressive, and Maniac, whatever, there is so much world out there and I have been through hell, heard, seen, experienced, lived, or died deep down. So many adventurous moments and variations of several notes, just to know that this life is simulated. It must be!

Oh, no! All my thoughts are fooling me, this condition makes me feel disdain, envy, trying to reach for attention, or passing by as neutral or invisible, therefore I can never be certain about anything besides the fact I exist and that our reality is for sure 100% natural.

If you are like me or in a similar condition, even though no two