Why I Did It - Tales I've Been Told Not to Tell About Things That Aren't Supposed to Happen

By Jan F.L. Janzen

The extraordinary experiences and perspective of an unorthodox seeker. Using psychedelic drugs and varied states of consciousness to examine the nature of reality, the author follows a thread of intuitive promptings to spiritually explosive awakenings. This is not a story we'll hear from the media, government, or religious institutions; quite the opposite. This is the stuff of revolution. A revolution of mind and soul. Readers may gain the sense of a multidimensional, conscious and loving Universe and how an individual with trust and good intent may interact with It, from the natural world to the Divine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 26, 2017
• ISBN: 9781365846731

Book preview

Why I Did It - Tales I've Been Told Not to Tell About Things That Aren't Supposed to Happen

Why I Did It

Tales I’ve been told not to tell

About things that aren’t supposed to happen.

a memoir

by Jan Janzen

Copyright

Why I Did It

Tales I’ve been told not to tell

About things that aren’t supposed to happen.

Copyright ©. Jan F.L. Janzen 2017

All rights reserved

ISBN: 978-1-365-84673-1

Opening Words

Nothing comes unannounced, but many can miss the announcement. So it’s very important to actually listen to your own intuition rather than driving through it.

Terence McKenna

I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as derivative from consciousness. We cannot get behind consciousness. Everything we talk about, everything we regard as existing, postulates consciousness.

Max Planck, 1918 Nobel Prize winner for quantum theories

The lines on my face

Flashforward

Mr. Boothead

Lab Rat?

Bruxism

Nature says Hello

Blinking Jawbreaker

Authority

Human Experimentation

Suicide

Some Good News and Some Bad News

Psychopathy

Life in a Bardo

Religion

Mr. Rodgers

Pain

Marijuana

School

Pan

Sex 101

LSD

LSD & Solo Sex

God

Intuition

Magic Mushrooms

Angel Dust

Reset

Snake

Granny

Visitation

Kundalini

Peyote

Sleep & Dreamtime

Housewarming Gift

Thérèse & Mushrooms

Conundrum

Preview

Peyote Encore

Forewarned

Daddy-long-legs

Help?

Angel Dust+ LSD +Mushrooms

-Musical Interlude-

Abstention

Moderation

Not Mr. Boothead Again!

Out of the Whirlpool

Knowing

After words

Preface

We’ll be doing some time tripping and viewing things from different points of view while reading these accounts. I’ve used two font styles to indicate when we’re looking back in time and when we’re experiencing the event in the moment.

Disclaimer:

Reality is a slippery eel, and I am a drunken fisherman.

Flash Forward

Sometime in the mid-1990s…

The mushrooms and acid I dropped earlier are kicking in, so now it’s time to snort the two little lines of Angel Dust (PCP) I’ve laid out in preparation for this moment: the launch of my interdimensional mind-vessel.

It’s a synergistic combination: PCP functions as the control cockpit with steering (manual) and acceleration (forward, faster and holy !!!!); there are no brakes. The acid is my hyperdrive, and the mushrooms work as a navigational autopilot to correct any errors I might make. It’s a bit crude maybe, not much better than strapping a rocket to my back and lighting the fuse, but it’s worked well in the past; helping me to enter dimensions normally invisible and inaccessible from this world.   

I roll up a crisp new bill, insert an end up my left nostril, position the other end beside one of the lines and sharply inhale through it, slamming the off-white powder into my nasal passage, my bloodstream and my brain. Lift-off is immediate, albeit slow at first, steadily gaining speed and momentum while I wait ten minutes or so before repeating the same sequence with my right nostril. I’m already pulling away from earth; this second line will break me free from it altogether.

Sitting cross legged on my futon I wait. From outside I hear a bapbapbapbap sound, like there are diesel generators out on the ocean, louder than the surf. My body feels leaden; it’s easy not to move. Everything in my cabin appears as though I’m observing it through a very thick pane of slightly tinted glass. In front of me on the cedar plank loft floor is a large beeswax candle. Its flickering flame bounces light off rough sawn beams, silvered log posts and wildly twisted pieces of driftwood everywhere. A section of roof, made of large trapezoidal panels of plate glass, reflect shadow-smeared images of me sitting cross legged on my futon.

I’m beginning to sense others nearby; other beings like me, but invisible, arcing away on the horizontal plane as if we are sitting in a circle. It seems like we’re spaced about six feet apart from each other in a circle that would be around sixteen feet in diameter. I’m only aware of those beings in the circle nearest to me. There is a strong feeling of congratulatory celebration, and the impression that We did it! is palpable to me. I too, am caught up in the moment, and feel pride for what, I don’t know, but I sense that I’m part of a group that’s just accomplished something extraordinary, something we’ve been working towards for a very, very long time. A few moments after I begin basking in this pride, another invisible entity enters the room, right in front of me. It’s tiny: a not-so-friendly point of energy, and it’s challenging me, buzzing me like the biplanes buzzed King Kong on top of the Empire State Building. And like King Kong, I swat at the thing while it taunts me with So you think you’re hot stuff, huh? or something to that effect. It’s very fast, buzzing around my head, swooping at my face, round and round; I’m dodging and swatting at it before I catch myself and stop: if I continue like this, it won’t be long before I’m running down the street naked, chased by demons. It can happen. So I use a different strategy, and close my eyes, press my palms together with my bowed head against my thumbs, focusing inwardly to connect with the Source. This will surely help me, I think; the Universe is ultimately benign, so I cast my mooring lines toward that peaceful, powerful place that has always given me refuge in the past. This time though, my lines fall limp, there is nothing there to connect to! What? What’s happening? It dawns on me with cold realization that my assumption of a caring and compassionate Universe is just that: an assumption. I’m completely alone to deal with this thing attacking me. I have no other options left, except to try to keep my shit together; I really want to get out of this… situation, with my sanity intact.

Mr. Boothead

The only dream I remember from my childhood was a recurring nightmare. It haunted my innocent slumbers so often that I knew and dreaded its conclusion even as it began…

In this dream, my parents answer a knock at the front door. It’s a man going house to house warning everyone of a deadly monster on the loose. Standing behind my parents in the narrow, dimly lit hallway, I slowly turn my head to the right until I’m looking into a dark bedroom. The only light in that room is what spills in from the hall. There in the gloom, on the green and brown plaid blanket covering the bed, is the monster, staring back at me. It is a head with no body, a boot-shaped thing, with pale ulcerated skin and greasy hair, leering at me with hatred. I’m paralyzed with fear, unable to move or call out to warn everyone that the monster is in our house! My terror builds until adrenaline jolts me awake.

Lab Rat?

Up until I was eleven or twelve I could sometimes see through my eyelids at night while I lie in bed on my side, facing the wall. I was awake, not dreaming, watching people walking around in another room, as if I was lying on a surface higher than my bed; about the same height as a kitchen counter. It always felt like they were doctors and nurses, or scientists, working in a lab. I could never figure out what they were doing, but it all ended abruptly one night: it seemed like they suddenly noticed I could see them. They all turned and looked in my direction, and one of them walked briskly towards me. That freaked me out and I opened my eyes. I never saw them again, although sometimes I can see through my closed eyelids at night. It happens the same way as before, shortly after lying down, but well before I’m drifting off to sleep. But I’ve never seen other people again, just the space in front of me that sometimes coincides with the actual room I’m in, and sometimes not.

Bruxism

I get a lot of headaches. Some of them are from clenching my jaw at night. I would be grinding my teeth while I sleep, but I wear a night guard to prevent them from wearing out. It’s mostly too late for a lot of my teeth, because when I got my first night guard I was twenty, and couldn’t get used to wearing it, so I didn’t use one until my fifties. That meant over forty years of grinding away the enamel, chipping and breaking off pieces of teeth. I’ve lost two of them, on different occasions, by clenching so hard they broke in half. But I do have most of my teeth: worn down with chipped edges honed sharp as scalpels, they lacerate the insides of my cheeks and my tongue with frustrating regularity. My tongue and cheeks are scarred, but man, my jaw is strong! I still grind or clench at night, but now most of the wear and tear is on the hard-plastic appliance in my mouth. The clenching and grinding’s worse when I have chocolate in the evening, like yesterday after supper, when I made cocoa. I drank two cups, forgetting (or not admitting to myself) how much I’d suffer today. I woke up this morning with a bad headache. I took some ibuprofen and had a bath in my wife’s wood-fired cast iron tub, which helped for a while, but now the headache’s back with a vengeance. I’ll take more ibuprofen; it’ll help a little with the pain in the rest of my body, too. The situation sucks, but it’s hard to resist the flavour of chocolate. 

Nature says Hello

Nature introduced itself to me when I was about four years old…

I’m with my mommy at her friend’s house. I’m bored with big people talk, so I ask if I can go outside. Sure dear, but put your coat on! I put it on, open the front door, go out onto the little front porch and close the door behind me. We have to keep