Help! I've Been Hurt at Church: A Guide to Help Pastors Through Difficult Times

By Tom Leuther, PThD

Have you been discouraged, betrayed, or hurt by the people you are trying to minister to? Many times people don't realize that minsters are real people; instead, they think pastors are exempt from being hurt, disappointed, and that they don't deal with the reality of their emotions.

This book will bring restoration to ministers who have been hurt while fulfilling the call of God on their lives. Through humorous and heart-touching stories, ministers will understand they are not alone. It is time to walk with confidence, knowing that God will fulfill His plan and restore what may have been lost. There is no devil, no man, and no government that can stop God's plan for your life!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Mar 1, 2024
• ISBN: 9798988804017

Book preview

Preface

I was listening to a pastor share about the most recent faithful and loyal member who just left the church. As he was sharing the disappointments and the challenges he was facing, I remembered the feelings I had when our church went through difficult times. His challenges reminded me I wasn’t the only pastor who had to deal with difficult people in the church. I knew I could help him because I had been there.

As a result of my own experiences, I encountered a lot of discouraged and hurt ministers who experienced betrayal and disappointments. The Lord put it on my heart to help leaders get through difficult times caused by people in their own congregation. I am called to encourage ministers and remind them that they aren’t the only one who have had challenging times in ministry. This book is also for members of the church. By reading this, they can have more compassion for their pastor and gain a better understanding of the impact of unnecessary and hurtful comments.

Chapter 1

You’re Not the Only One

It happens to most pastors, and it will probably happen again. People leave your ministry or church. More often than not, members leave in hostility, and they harshly put all the blame on you. The pain that you experience, the disappointment, and the questioning of what went wrong, can haunt you.

When I was asked to meet with an elder privately, he surprisingly brought another elder and a disgruntled member to the meeting. The Bible school director informed me of the meeting and convinced me that he too should be invited as an ally. Unknowingly, the director had conspired with these men to take over the ministry. After a couple hours of intense misleading accusations, I realized this was a set up. The premediated accusations were designed to trap me into agreeing with their allegations, thereby creating the outcome they were seeking. Several written comments were read to me. As I attempted to explain that the comments had been taken out of context, they shoved a paper in front of me demanding I sign a letter of confession. I was in a difficult situation. If I explained the comments, I would be exposing and violating the privacy of other individuals, which could lead to a lawsuit. It became apparent that we were about to walk through the most difficult time in our lives.

My wife and I went to see our pastor. While there, it was revealed that these men planned to take over the following service and expose their misleading evidence to the congregation. These are the people we prayed with when their child was in critical health. These are the people we helped financially. These are the people we trusted and put on staff. We walked with them through difficult times, moral failures, and demonstrated an enormous amount of mercy towards them. Yet, this was our reward—a hostile, misleading charge against me and a plan to replace me with the Bible school director?

As a leader, I’m sure you can relate to these challenges. If you haven’t yet faced these trials, you will face them in the future. It is my desire to help you navigate through these difficult times. I want to help you put God’s mandate for your ministry back into perspective and walk through the negative things that happened. Also, I want to encourage you to continue with your calling, and, as Paul challenged us in 2 Timothy 4:1-5, to fulfill your ministry.

It is my desire to help you overcome any and all setbacks you face in ministry. It is my hope, whether you’re a pastor, traveling minister, missionary, outreach minister, or associate minister, that you’ll find healing, encouragement, and strength to continue your ministry. As long as there are people, there will be ministry opportunities. As long as there are people, there will be challenges in operating and leading ministry.

When you consider the challenges you are facing, it’s important to remember that most pastors have gone through similar trials. 1 Peter 5:8-9 reminds us to:

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.

Some of the greatest ministry challenges to overcome are betrayals from your own staff. In order to validate the betrayal, it is not unusual for them to recruit and persuade other members to leave the church. It was during this betrayal in our church when a loyal member named Sue received a visit from Sally, another member. Sally was recruited by an accusing elder and a disgruntled member to disseminate misleading information and convince others to follow them and leave the church. To our great joy, Sue made it very clear she and her husband were not interested in hearing any negative talk and reported the incident. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to know that members in the church were standing with us during this unusual season of betrayal. I want to encourage you: there will be those who will stand with their pastors.

Leaders face serious challenges in the church today. After a betrayal, it is common for the pastor to feel pressure to explain the infraction of a staff or church member in order to drive out accusations or devastating rumors. This is when ministering the Word of God is essential. I suggest you do your very best not to mention or allude to any of the challenges you may be facing in the ministry. Stay focused on the vision by rehearsing past victories and celebrating the members who are with you. It may be necessary to bring in a guest minister who can