Lead and Succeed When They are Angry

By Gary Davison PhD

 

I began talking to other educators, researching how to have difficult conversations, and determine what skills I needed to learn. This new curriculum was to be the longest course I have ever attended. For the next 33 years, I have borrowed good ideas, read first hand accounts of others leaders' actions, as well as modeled my own act

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Book Publishing Solutions
• Release date: Feb 23, 2024
• ISBN: 9798869209061

Book preview

Lead and Succeed

When They are Angry

By Gary Davison, PhD

Copyright © 2023 Gary Davison, PhD

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the publisher, except for brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Dedication

I wish to dedicate this book, "Lead and Succeed When They are Angry", to the memory of two ladies who taught me how to remain calm and help people. They are my Mother, Mary Ellen Broderson, and my Grandmother, Alma Fae George. Truly they are angels that watch me each day. Thank you, I love you, and miss you every day.

"Just because they are mad, doesn’t mean you did anything wrong." Gary Davison

Table of Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

PART 1 Why are They Angry?

PART 2 Humility Wins

PART 3 Angry Parent Types

Devious Parents

Assertive Parent

Aggressive Parent

Part 4 How to Lead and Succeed When They Are Angry

The A2F Planning Template

THE A2F FRAMEWORK

METHODS

CONSIDERATIONS

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS

SUMMATION

Foreword- written by Dr. Ashley Johnessee

In the dynamic landscape of leadership, navigating parents and community through periods of anger, frustration, and dissent is a formidable challenge. In How to Lead and Succeed When They Are Angry, Dr. Gary Davison delivers an indispensable guide that transcends traditional leadership paradigms, offering invaluable insights and strategies for steering through turbulent waters with grace, empathy, and unwavering resolve.

In today's interconnected world, where emotions can influence decisions and outcomes, mastering the art of leadership in times of anger is not merely an asset but a necessity. This book isn't just a manual for leaders; it's a compass that illuminates the path toward constructive resolution and sustainable success, even amidst the tempest of conflicting emotions.

This book isn't about stifling anger; it's about harnessing its energy to forge stronger connections, foster understanding, and catalyze positive change. It is a timely testament to the fact that leadership isn't about avoiding difficult situations; it's about courageously confronting them and emerging stronger on the other side.

With How to Lead and Succeed When They Are Angry, Dr. Gary Davison has crafted an indispensable handbook that transcends industries and hierarchies, offering a blueprint for leaders to not only survive but thrive amidst the storms of discontent. Embrace these principles, and you'll find yourself equipped with the tools to not only lead effectively but to inspire and transform those around you.

Dr. Ashley Johnessee

Preface

The phone in room 202 was ringing as I entered. Tuesdays have been quiet, however today was a bit different. Ms. Dalton, a Karen-type of mother before the term ever became popular, was eager to speak with me. I had a terrific discussion with her about her daughter previously, so I was not anticipating a difficult conversation. However, this ring would prove to be very different from any other before.

GD: "Good morning, this is Gary Davison, how can I help you?" I eagerly said on this crisp morning.

MD: The angry words sailed from the phone with the power of a thousand suns. "Don’t give me that… You are trying to fail my daughter and I won’t have it. Your plots to hurt her are not nice and will cost you your job. I’m a taxpayer and you work for me!"

The previous conversation was among the first interactions with an upset parent that I had in my career of 33 years. Little did I know at the time, but dealing with upset and angry parents would be something that I would become quite familiar with. Notice that I did not say I enjoyed these conversations, or that I mastered them, or even that I tolerated them to a degree. From this, the second week of my career, I knew things may be difficult. In the early 1990’s mentors or PLC’s were not around to help new teachers. The school I started in was quite small and the other teachers were veteran educators with much more experience. Needlesstosay, I had to learn on the fly how to have difficult conversations with people who were angry. My real education was about to begin.

I began talking to other educators, researching how to have difficult conversations, and determine what skills I needed to learn. This new curriculum was to be the longest course I have ever attended. For the next 33 years, I have borrowed good ideas, read first hand accounts of others leaders’ actions, as well as modeled my own actions into a plan that you see here in this form. I am in no way an expert at dealing with angry people. I don't know anyone who is. Rather, I am very experienced in sitting across from thousands of angry parents and have formulated many plans, skills, attributes, and actions that have been quite successful over time.

For over 33 years, I have been a teacher, assistant principal, and principal, at the elementary and high school levels. Most recently serving 17 of those years as a high school principal. I served communities that ranged from being extremely impoverished to high-end, gated neighborhoods. The last 22 years as principal, my experiences have been with what some have called "high-maintenance, entitled" families. I loved them all, but the level of tension and stress has been difficult to survive. 22 years later, I have a tremendous background and experiences to speak from. My background, experiences, reflections, and learnings can help you succeed in all of the difficult discussions that you will encounter.

GD: "Ms. Dalton, I am not sure what is happening but I can assure you that Lilith is not failing and is a great kid. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding. Can I sit down with you to better understand the problem?"

MD: "Sure, I can be there in 10 minutes. You better be ready to help me."

GD: "Absolutely, I will make myself available during my planning period. I look forward to seeing you."

After 25 minutes, Ms. Dalton left. Her anger was turned into a conversation between the two of us about how we can help Lilith improve and be successful the remainder of the year. This was my first opportunity toact as a leader. A leader is a person who embraces the hard words, difficult circumstances, and ugliness from others and is the defender of understanding between parents and staff. We worked together to establish a new working relationship. From there on, she became a huge supporter of mine and her daughter had an outstanding year. Seemingly, I passed the first test of my career. Not all would go so well.

Acknowledgements

There have been many influences on my career, personality, and time that allowed me to learn enough to be able to share my experiences. I would like to thank Mr. Drew Ferrer, Athletic Director of Lambert High School in Forsyth County, Georgia. He has been with me throughout the last 15 years of my career. Together he and I have seen and dealt with many angry and upset parents. He has taught me plenty about being a servant leader and tactfully helping angry parents. I have often referred to him as the "Velvet Glove" for his abilities to deliver bad news in such an empathetic and kind manner. He can build relationships like no one I have ever seen. I am lucky to have had the pleasure of his partnership for our career. Thank you, Drew, and best of luck to you, sir.

Introduction

"Speak when you are angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret." - Lawrence Peter

Frustration, anger, and confusion appear to be reigning as the mood of most parents today. Gratitude, empathy, and kindness have been replaced with the aforementioned angst. Unfortunately, most teachers and administrators have never been trained in or received updates on how to work effectively with those who are angry and troubled. This is an effort to fill that gap.

Imagine entering a profession in which you are taught the pedagogy of learning, elements of instruction and assessment, as well as tools that can be utilized to help the growth of young people. However, there is a need to be more than competent in regard to communications, empathy, adult learning theory, and customer service considerations. It is too much to ask that young educators have a baseline of skills and techniques immediately as they enter the classrooms or schools. Those choosing to enter leadership and the associated roles, this level of sophistication and acumen may not be as unrealistic as once presumed. As a new leader, you will encounter many parents, community members, as well as staff that are upset, angry, and in need of consultation. I feel that it is not too much to expect leaders to be effective at understanding and defusing hostile situations, effectively planning to execute productive conversations, thriving in difficult situations, and de-escalating rising tensions where present. In today's job market, those skills are becoming a prerequisite for success as a support for