Reflections From The Dark Side Of The Sun: Memories my Future Forgot

By Thomas Oathout

Reflections is the story OF A LIFE: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY. told with humor, reason, and truth. It is a composite of events attributed to one individual: Nicholas Somerfield. It is funny, sad, instructive and in the beginning: MEMORIES MY FUTURE FORGOT, is very opinionated about events of the day

• Language: English
• Publisher: ReadersMagnet LLC
• Release date: Jan 26, 2024
• ISBN: 9798890914316

Thomas Oathout

Thomas Oathout is a native of Cranford, New Jersey. He is an alumnus of Miami University, Oxford, Ohio, and the University of Delaware. He served in the army as a Special Agent in Military Intelligence with the 173rd Airborne Brigade, Vietnam, 1970-1971. His writings on Vietnam have appeared in various news publications, history books, an off-Broadway play, and on the New York Vietnam Veterans Memorial.

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Reflections From The Dark Side Of The Sun:

Memories my Future Forgot

Copyright © 2023 by Thomas Oathout

Published in the United States of America

ISBN Paperback: 979-8-89091-430-9

ISBN eBook: 979-8-89091-431-6

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I only know two tunes one of them is Yankee Doodle and the other isn’t.

ULYSSES SIMPSON GRANT

OVERTURE

The Impossibility of Possibly Improbable Possibilities!!!

@**********@

You’re not really famous until you’re a Pez Dispenser.

CARRIE FISHER

I can do anything he can do, only I do it backwards.

GINGER ROGERS

Some authors, writers, story tellers etc. like to begin their saga at the beginning, a logical place to start. Others choose the ending and revert to the beginning, then proceed to the ending, laying out the necessary facts and information for the reader to understand how the ending was determined. They give you the ending and then write something like: seven years before… I am not sure and do not recall any that began in the middle of their commentary. Beginning at the middle could or would take the reader in directions that, to my way of thinking, would only confuse… as you have come to the ‘Y’ in the road, take it. Now try and understand events, occurrences, coincidences and happenstance without the building blocks of what came before. Further, how do you start in the middle without pertinent, significant, meaningful, important, appropriate and useful information as to what exactly it is you are reading? And that ‘Y’, did you go to the left or right?

I compare it to building a house and starting with the windows and doors and working backward to the framing and pouring of concrete… But, that’s just me.

However, since it’s their epic, they can do whatever they want. Which is what I am about to do… whatever I want.

Keeping that in mind, I have decided, at the beginning of this yarn, to offer information that I feel might be useful to you as you, as they say in the military, if you have chosen to do so, soldier on… or carry on… or not. With that said, the beginning will begin, as is customary, at the beginning.

So, keep in mind, this is not the beginning, but it is more comparable to say baseball’s, spring training. I’ll let you know when the beginning begins, but just so you know, the beginning will not begin with: Once Upon a Time although, throughout history, Once Upon a Time has been a very successful beginning… while happily ever after is like a Hallmark movie without the realities of the consummation. FYI: Unlike a Hallmark movie, this will not have some obscenely obnoxious interfering mother-in-law or horrid equally off-putting little kid ruining everything for the main characters one and a half hours into the two-hour movie.

I know of only one Hallmark movie, where before the end, the two main characters, lips locked, actually ended up in a horizontal position. But then, I guess, Hallmark is more a G rated card of a specific occasion and Christmas ornaments that have as much to do with Christmas as Darth Vader, Aladdin, the Black Panther and or Mario.

@**********@

It’s the fans that need spring training. You gotta get them interested. Wake them up and let em’ know that their season is coming, the good times are gonna roll.

HARRY CARAY

AGAIN, THIS IS NOT THE BEGINNING, BUT THE PREAMBLE

THE ACTUAL BEGINNING IS SOMEWHERE AROUND PAGE FIFTY-SIX

Skip the following if you are easily offended, because in many ways, it is meant to do just that (Oh the Humanity). Remember, you can always refer to the title for ambiguous clarifications. AND you can skip ahead to MEMORIES MY FUTURE FORGOT.

The type has been changed so you can’t say you weren’t warned, notified, or intentionally advised!!!

@**********@

He speaks two languages, English and stupid.

JOHN NEELY KENNEDY, Senator, Louisiana

@**********@

Ramblings of a twenty-four-year-old Clueless No-It-All

Over the course of my lifetime (a whoop-de-do 24 years), I have read or listened to a number of tapes, CD’s, books about self-help (Yea, at my young age I thought it a good idea to know what people beyond my basement were thinking and how they behaved as opposed to three (3) college credits in Greek Literature.

I came to the conclusion at an early age that it is far more important to understanding people than what you will find in a Tom Clancy novel, as an example: when I want to know the time, I do not need to know how to build the submarine containing the clock.) So far, I think I made the right choice. Although, I have an acquaintance who studied art in college, because one; he was a very good artist, better than almost all his instructors, and two, that’s where all the girls were. I’ll save the philosophical discussion about friends versus acquaintances for another time, if ever. And for the record, I do enjoy a good Tom Clancy novel.

If I have to explain girls, art classes and college to you, stop right here… Go No Further/Farther. There is more than a very good chance you will not understand any and all words contained herein with more than four letters, of which there are far too many to count. Perhaps you should find a narrative that does begin with Once Upon a Time and ends happily ever after!

@**********@

AS YOU PROCEED, CONSIDER.

HOMOPHONES: Words that sound the same, are spelled differently and mean entirely different things. For example, do you know when to use to… too... or two… affects vs effects… capital vs capitol… male vs mail… homophones, if you need a word of the day Not to be confused with HOMONYMS: Words that are spelled the same, but mean two different things. EXAMPLES: left vs left… second vs second… goal vs goal… park vs park… fire vs fire… game vs game…

UNDERSTAND: The difference between FURTHER and FARTHER. FURTHER is more a continuation, as in addition to… furthermore. FARTHER is a physical distance as in he went farther down the road.

CURRENTLY REGARDING: SEMICOLON vs COLON: A SEMICOLON is like a heavy coma. COLONS functions like an equal sign. I saw one person: Jack.

So, if indeed you are confused, perhaps Once Upon a Time is more your cup of tea… a piece of cake… a slam dunk… a no brainer… a cake walk… or as simple as ABC.

@*********@

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

To continue; People have gotten rich on this genre of human behavior all designed to make the reader/listener a better person and them, (as well as the reader by implication) very rich or richer… or poorer if you got nothing out of the exercise. You know who they are. If you don’t, read on, I’ll save you some money.

Most of them sell their unique form of blather to susceptible (read gullible), people like me explaining to me how to make my life better in various ways and by taking my money, they get rich doing it. Companies spend millions of dollars a year on experts brought in to improve this, that or the other thing and suggest changes. Of course, they have to find something to change or improve or they’re not earning their fee (even if their suggestion is nothing more than painting the yellow walls blue…but …not your brown eyes).

My own failings have come in many forms, but not limited to: teaching me how to be a better salesperson, dress for success, negotiate anything, keys to a happy self and by implication wonderfulness and my favorite: you can train anything from cat, dog, goldfish to husband. I even studied at the feet of a franchise of the father of self-help, Dale Carnegie, and was once awarded a letter opener… and… a weightless paper weight, for my participation, which I now cannot find because I don’t think it was heavy enough to stick around. Each and every one of said gurus offers advice on basically various ways to get to the same thing (our money), which is what I call: THE MEANING OF LIFE!!!

@**********@

The only way to prove you’re a good sport is to lose.

ERNIE BANKS

ESSAY, ABOUT AND CONCERNING MY PERSONAL OPINION: A digression of little note nor long remembered, but guaranteed to intentionally upset the self-sanctified, mentally immature, yet to be fully formed if ever, crybabies among us. In short, anyone who disagrees with me.

I have come to the eureka (exclamation point)! in my life that the entirety of mankind can be summed up in these five words: YES and NO!!! And thus, saithe the MEANING OF LIFE!!! Okay, that’s seven, but who’s counting? YES, NO AND THE MEANING OF LIFE!!! (If you are counting, you’d be better off in Las Vegas!!! But not if you get caught!!! And yes, this could be a math test).

To explain, I am giving you a few examples, the details of which you must fill in from your own personal experiences… or not. I guess some of us have to go no farther than raising kids (A lot of nerve on my part because I have had very little experience in raising a child and thus, I must reflect… ignorantly… upon any inconclusive conclusion concerning my own upbringing. Referring back to my artistic acquaintance, I have many more acquaintances who, although as artistically challenged as I, are very good at drawing conclusions.).

@**********@

They said I can become anything I want, so I became an asshole.

UNKNOWN

Let’s start with a race... swimming or running… it does not matter. You decide to be in the race. The objective is to win. YES… you have to believe you can (unless you’re a marathoner and the objective for the vast majority of participants is to just finish and achieving some kind of personal glory meant to dazzle any and every one already bored with seeing baby pictures of your grandchildren.

Back to the reason for being, YES and NO. If NO, why be in the race at all? Experience? Experience in losing? What kind of experience is that? Did you enter the race just to get some competitive exercise? To impress a girl/boy with your particular level of mediocrity? A biological male swimming against biological females? To experience humiliation? Ah yes, humility, the drug of the great mediocre. Examples of great humiliation, the Acme of Mediocrity: Muhammad Ali, Napoleon, College Professors, God…or are they one in the same thing? College professors and God, I mean. And (someone once told me never to start a sentence with and) actually, how many famous mediocre persons do you know or know of? Someone once suggested a Mediocre Hall of Fame, but no worthy candidates came to mind.

@**********@

CURRENT EVENT

AT LEAST OF THIS WRITING

PERSONALLY, and this is just me, I think there is something seriously wrong, with a mentally, emotionally challenged, biological male calling himself a female, competing against females, who then, upon arriving ahead of the pack (I do not consider it winning) basks in some kind of personal glory based on some kind of fantasized achievement and personal desire to be considered special… a winner? Nobody sees me as a successful male, so I’ll just tell them I’m a female and see how they like that and I’ll intimidate them into accepting me as such. And girls like my exceptionally gifted tennis playing sister do not need some Yahoo… yes, Yahoo with cajons to come along and negate the hard work they’ve put in for most of their lives, generation after generation. If said Yahoo, wants to compete with women, here are a few suggestions… music, sky diving, art, acting, surfing, cooking, giving birth, flying, sailing, etc., etc., etc., and flying kites as in go fly one. (To sum up: Your perceived and generally acknowledged inadequacies, insufficiencies, inabilities, ineptitudes, incompetence, ineffectiveness, impotence, inefficaciousness, mental character droughts, self-esteem poverty, etc., etc., etc., do not allow you to rain on my parade just because you’re a distinguished, eminent, exceptional, remarkable, prestigious, legendary, notoriously well-known flaming asshole.)

@**********@

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

MAE WEST

@**********@

Hey, all you guys out there wanting to start up a business, I’m told women, get special advantages, so, if this is true, this might be a good time to declare yourself a woman (add, black Asian, black Asian Latino, black Asian Hispanic Latino, black Asian Latino Hispanic Klingon and use your Get Out of Jail Free card. Let’s see how fast your hypocritical government goes along with that one. But, whatever you do in this age of the transgender, do not declare yourself a WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant whatever)).

ESSAY, ABOUT AND CONCERNING MY PERSONAL OPINION: A digression of little note nor long remembered, but guaranteed to upset the self-sanctified, mentally immature, yet to be fully formed if ever, crybabies, not among us but currently living in the fairy tale world otherwise known as their parent’s basement. Yes, this is a repeat!!! Just to make sure you’re paying attention!!!

AND NOW… MY MORE ERIODITE

PONTIFICATIONS

For the easily offended and those looking for a cause to champion, I’m not it. Either stop right here or jump ahead to the beginning. And all complaints, casting aspersions etc. must include all of the following: a valid, updated photograph, your real name, your address, your e-mail, your phone number and at least three character references that also have to include the same identifying characteristic as you as well as character witnesses of their own. And most of all, you can’t be mean or if you can, go with General George Patton of WWII fame who famously said, a gentleman should be able to curse for at least three minutes without repeating himself. Also, I forgot to mention, all identifiable tattoos and piercings must be easily seen as should those of your character references. And, MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks right back on to you.

So, if you want to complain, are mortified by what follows, you must also find your way out of your parents’ basement and confront me personally. As for me, I see them like I see college professors, who know only what they read in books written by people who also no nothing but what they read in books or study studies studied by people who only study what the read in books. I like to call the SYNDROME: BSRLS (Book smart, real life stupid!) Notice how I began that with BS?

And finally, as children, they were taught that by just showing up, they were praised, told they were special, that there was no such thing as winning and losing and like everyone else, given a trophy for most valuable attendee. When they find out that that scenario is not the reality of the post teen era, they become a cancer on real life and insist you either listen to and follow them or get the hell out of their basement… er netherworld.

And, another, if not a last thought on this subject. People who spend their lives bitching and moaning about how unfair life is, have awakened to the fact that there is such thing as winners and losers, and if they’re actually any good at anything, it’s being a loser. Being a loser, they realize, is not fun and somebody has to pay for the deception. Usually, in their mindless mind, the designated payer must make them, the payee, whole, which usually is never enough. Or, to paraphrase the ROLLING STONES: They’ll never get no satisfaction.

If any of that appeared to be apparently incoherent, you can take comfort in the fact that all is not lost.

@**********@

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

MARK TWAIN

NOW BACK TO THAT SWIMMER… THAT RACE

Had I been an actual female, asked to compete against said (Mardi Grad Masquerade individual,) I would have stood at the starting block and let the farce swim ahead. However, I do understand, that in college, to keep a scholarship, you have to let the farce play out. So, with that in mind, I liken a current college education to the following advertisement: Disposable Baby Diapers for Sale… Like New… Only Used Once.

Now I do understand, for many of you out there, your response to this is: this asshole has no idea of what he speaks and you will consign me to your entire litany of your holier than thou CONDEMNATIONS. To which I reply, you are probably right. Just so you understand, I attribute my ignorance on such matters to the fact that I do not have a college education. My education comes from interacting with life and compartmentalizing what I call, the good, the bad and the stupid.

In this I must be wary in that, in my opinion, the stupid seem to be somewhat successful in changing the focus, the meaning of things, against the good. Rather than can do, they change the meaning of the word to something they sanctify saying you can’t. And when they can’t, they rewrite definitions so you can’t either… define them. With these people, there is so much negativity in their world, it’s a wonder we have any electricity at all.

@**********@

POLITICS, POLITICS, THERE IS NO PLACE FOR POLITICS EXCEPT HERE… and maybe over there….

Current Real Life loud mouth champions of the downtrodden, the woe is me, life is unfair crowd.

Senator Bernie Sanders: wrote pornography, championed Democratic Socialism (Communism masquerading as too gullible to know better) over capitalism for a living before striking it rich as a US Senator. (It is said, Nikolai Lenin of Soviet Union revolution fame, coined the term Democratic Socialist because he knew using outright, the real name, Communism, was, at that time, a nonstarter. Go Bernie, Go Bernie, Go Bernie Go…)

Senator Elizabeth Warren: plagiarized her ancestor to float to the top of the swamp by claiming to be part Indian and trying to run for president under the surname Pocahontas.

All Democrats, like the Pied Piper: AKA Nancy Pelosi, are for The Children, metaphorically that and Black Americans. Promises for at least 75 years and then... nothing... wrong, a bushel full of empty promises. Like Santa promising presents under the tree and Christmans morning... nothing.

In history, there are great con artists: Frank Abagnale, Charles Ponzi. George C. Parker who sold American monuments to tourists and he sold the Brooklyn Bridge at least twice a week for years. Let us not forget Leo Bloom and Max Bialystock. But in reality AMATEURS all compared to the AMERICAN POLITICIAN.

President Joseph Robinet Biden: Claiming to be a champion of the working class having never held an honest job in his life… Oh and by the way, a proven plagiarist at least twice and exaggerator claiming to have the biggest dick this side of Jumbo the elephant. Oh, I’m sorry, that’s his son Hunter.

And finally, for now, THE PRESS as in the Freedom to tell you the truth as only they see it. (Babble on mon ami, Babylon)

For all of you who now consider yourselves modern day deities, privileged, the chosen impartial judges and juries of all that is righteous, I say to you, you must pray to the god you pray to that he/she doesn’t exist. PS: You can’t be any of those things and have an opinion!!! Take the current lawn Placard, Declaration: Hate Has No Home Here!!! Translation: We Hate People That Hate!!!

They are doing their fear and intimidation by using such words as racist, homophobe, xenophobe and harmless words that are now hurtful… such as milk (its white), night (black or dark as), kid (as in what do you expect, he is just a goat as opposed to Greatest Of All Time.), water (not everyone can swim), fried chicken (in which chicken is the operative word meaning coward and not everyone can be a hero, while fried is stereotypically associated with watermelon.), hero vs star (a hero does something extraordinary that changes and or affects lives, while a star just stands out.) And, having no success with their ignorance, they always fall back on your Hitler and they are not referring to bad facial hair. I, on the other hand, as you will soon read, have come to referring to such losers as morons and I suffer a great deal from moronaphobia which means, not just fear of contracting their stupid gene, but their inability to cope with life as it actually is.

Can’t deal with it, change it by changing definitions…. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Now, attention K-Mart shoppers, we are about to have a Blue Light Special disguised as one of many DIGRESSIONS in isle four.

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When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capitol of Maine.

DAVID BRENNER

That woman speaks eight languages and can’t say no in any of them.

DOROTHY PARKER

If you love something set it free. Just don’t be surprised if it comes back with Herpes.

CHUCK PALAHNIUK

Better to be King for a night, than a schmuck for a lifetime.

RUPERT PUPKIN

Now it has just occurred to me, that said biological male, identifying himself as a female and wanting to compete against XX Chromosomes, is, perhaps, a public relations genius. One: he gets all the attention that goes with his absurd burlesque and two: he has half the country referring to him as an asshole with assorted adjectives and he doesn’t mind because, as PT BARNUM once said: bad publicity is better than no publicity and the other half going along with his total contempt for, as well as making a mockery of, their intelligence. He doesn’t mind the derision as it is countered with self-ordained, sanctified, devote fools afraid to point out, as the emperor, he has no clothes and in addition, they have no brain. Their only desire is to be thought of as a good person. Good persons do not judge.

Now, I am of the opinion that said individual is a loser with a self-esteem problem. He couldn’t make it as a man, his competitive achievements bear that out, so off he went to compete as a girl. That is like a NASCAR race car, if cars could actually speak, going up to the horses in a horse race and telling the horses, he identifies as one of them so he should be allowed to compete against them… after all, he has 510 horses in his DNA beneath his hood. Hood, a now exiled word because of its other meanings… a bad, a very bad person. And in conjunction with neighbor, it is racist because everyone knows only blacks live in neighbor hoods (the hood).

As the wisdom of Maurice Switzer as well as attributed to many people once said: Better to be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt. And when it comes to today’s WOKE culture, sadly, there are way too many people speaking out. I being a perfect example.

Understand this: if WOKE is offended by say the Indians of Cleveland and demand a name change, fine, they’ve changed a name but who really benefits… the feel-good crowd? And how long do they feel good before they’re off to their next attempt at destroying life as we know it? By the way, they really don’t care as long as they achieve the status as human wrecking ball.

To change a culture, you have to change feelings and you can’t do that by just demanding it to be. Take Miami University, Oxford, Ohio. Miami is a school founded on the premise it was for the Miami Nation of Indians. They were Indians who for the purpose of the University identification, referred to themselves as Redskins. Well, for the Wokies, that just wouldn’t do. Protests and whatever they had to do it, got the mascot named change to RedHawks (whatever the hell that is). Now, Miami University, founded with Indians for Indians are now referred to as a mythical bird… kind of flighty if you ask me (Redtail Hawk not a mythical bird.). And what, if anything. did that do for the economic status of birds, or Miami graduates for that matter. That’s rhetorical in that the answer is: NOTHING! AND in addition, if mythology was their aim, YETIES, SASQUATCHIES, HARPIES or even HYDRAS would do just fine.

But wait, you might say, settling on the name Red Hawk is carrying on the Indian tradition of names like Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse, Red Cloud or Nice Tits.

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A lot of fellows nowadays have a BA, an MD, or a PHD. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

FATS DOMINO

HOAX OR REALITY WITH THE ASSUMPTION HERE IS, FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS PURPOSE, THAT IT IS REALITY. I APOLOGIZE IF MY ASSUMPTION IS WRONG AND AS THEY SAY ASSUME: MAKES AN ASS OF U AND ME... So, into the breach I go.

And to further identify the cowardly fools among us, it is said, satire or not, a principal of a school had to put liter boxes in the boy’s bathrooms because one student identified himself a cat. And in case you’re wondering, the cowardly fools mentioned were the ones that/who went along with a mentally challenge individual wanting us to believe he is actually a cat. I will place any wager that said fools didn’t make the cafeteria stock up with such feline epicurean delights as Blue Buffalo Healthy Gourmet Natural Adult Pate or Purina Fancy Feast Broth Wet Cat Food Medley and make sure that’s all said feline was allowed to eat for lunch and or snack time.

I would like to refer those willing to accommodate an individual that wants to identify as anything other than a person to The Constitution of the United States, which begins with: WE THE PEOPLE... To the best of my knowledge, it does not begin: WE THE CATS or WE THE GRAY HEADED BUZZARDS or WE OF ALL LIVING THINGS. My point is this… well, I can’t do him justice with his foolishness and or the people that support him.

I think if I tried, (they would accuse me of being moronaphobic*) will, most likely, if offended, somehow under the Bill of Rights, will scream bloody murder that they have the right to be anything they want and should be recognized as such and granted the same rights as an actual people/person. So, I admit to being moronaphobic.

*Prejudiced against morons!

@**********@

Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?

J. PAUL GETTY

Well, good for them and CATBOY. Just remember; a good cat is a spade cat, a neutered cat, a quiet cat, a cat that walks in a litter box of its own pee and poop then licks himself supposedly clean, a quadruped, a centurion against invading humans wanting to identify as a rat, a mouse and any and all other unwanted Rodentia. (Imagine that, we have a human as a cat and another as a rat. Cat attacks rat and kills it. Does cat get to defined itself using the natural order of things? Oh, the humanity!!! Imagine if some other individual in that school wants to identify as a cat hating dog…)

Remember CATBOY, rats gave us the BLACK PLAGUE and being a good CATBOY, you will be assigned the task of killing them, killing all of them and, if it is your want and nature, feasting on your kill. And please, when you can, kill all those identifying as cockroaches, but do it outside. Now, I am told and concur, with members of my male persuasion, there is nothing more entertaining and or sexually arousing, as a good cat fight. Unless it’s a good cat fight in the middle of a wet t-shirt contest.

FLASH BACK: As you are want to do, change definitions to fit your idiocy, a new word from an old word for all those willing to go along with your farce of nature. Again, we begin with morons, follow up with a derivative of those suffering from said absurdity as moronaphobic and the dreaded personality quirk as prejudice against morons as with, drum roll please, moronaphobia. Moronaphobia connotes a response to a disease which morons are particularly susceptible.

The thing is, never underestimate the power of morons in large groups. Washington DC comes immediately to mind.

Now, I know Moronaphobia was mentioned a few pages back, but I think it brings such clarity to certain situations that it is worth mentioning again. Plus, I think we may have already covered it on page 229, but I’m not for certain and for sure.

@**********@

And what the HELL was all that?

Well, occasionally I channel my grandfather with some editorial comments from my father. (As of this writing, Grandpappy is still alive.)

Now, Grandpappy spent a year in Vietnam and he doesn’t hesitate to voice his opinion about, well, he has six friends on the Wall in Washington, DC. He, we, him, dear daddy, mommy, my siblings and I, the whole family, visit them every year at Christmas and then it’s off for some reflection in Arlington.

With occasional tears, he says his friends didn’t die for CATBOY, GIRLYMAN, the IRS and all that BS. Which others of the under the bed crowd are more than happy to say: yes, they did.

If you’ve never been to Arlington, he’ll be more than sadly to point out that there is something comforting about the rows upon rows of white crosses and Stars of David and others, all adorned with green wreaths with red ribbons. That’s when the tears really begin to flow.

First, that those eternally resting in this Garden of Stone and those on the Wall all died so we could stand there and thank them for their