Alien View

By Glen Dawson

Embark on a thought-provoking journey with Alien View, a satirical exploration of humanity's most pressing issues.

Author Glen Dawson dismantles conventional perspectives, and urges readers to shed our human skin to examine our current world beliefs. Through a series of episodic and humor-filled s

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alien View Inc.
• Release date: Dec 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9798989466207

Book preview

Introduction

Oh. Hi there!

I didn’t expect you so soon!

It’s just that you seem to be so preoccupied, lately.

I didn’t think that you would be interested. At least not yet anyway. I thought you were having too much fun. Distracted by all this amazing technology. No time to pause and look around. Not while the party is still going on!

Oh, interested in what?

Well, you know. How we got into this mess.

Oh? You’re not interested? Still having too much fun? Yeah, that’s what I figured.

1 – DogWorld

Astronaut: "Crap! Hold on! This is gonna be a rough landing!"

Engineer: And here I forgot to renew my life insurance.

Astronaut: "Very funny. Look out!"

(crash)

Engineer: "Where the heck are we? What a strange planet. According to my lifeform readings, the air is breathable, but the planet appears to be mostly inhabited by dogs."

Astronaut: Haha. DogWorld.

Engineer: Yup. It pretty much appears that they are running the show. I see various bands roaming around. Based on the video from our orbiting drone, their technology is pretty much nonexistent. They seem to be at the same level of intellect as our dogs back home.

A: You mean, they’re dog smart? Sort of like you?

E: "Very funny, genius. Hmm. I wonder what they will think about us?"

A: Yeah, if they are the most intelligent lifeform around here, they are in for a shock. Hey, Big Dog, move over! There’s a new kid in town! Haha.

E: But will they even know?

A: Know what?

E: That we are smarter than they are?

A: Hmm. Good question.

E: "Hey, I wonder if we would know?"

A: Know what?

E: "Well, what if an alien ship crash landed on earth, full of beings way smarter than us? Would we even know it? Look at our science fiction movies. They always assume that outer space aliens are of equal intelligence. Doesn’t seem very realistic."

A: Maybe, but it would be easy to spot super-intelligent aliens. Their technology would give them away.

E: "Not necessarily. While they might have more advanced technology, that doesn’t automatically mean they are smarter than us. They might have simply been around for longer and had more time to discover things. After all, if modern humans went back in time to 500 years ago, our technology would make us look like Gods. But would we really be smarter? Biologically the human brain hasn’t changed much in the past 500 years. We wouldn’t really be any smarter, just more technologically advanced."

A: Ah, good point. While we modern humans might be trained to think more logically, we wouldn’t be ‘human smart’ compared to their ‘dog smart’. Just more advanced due to the passage of time.

A: Besides, there are a lot of folks back home on good ol’ planet earth that I wouldn’t exactly categorize as logical thinkers.

E: Amen to that! Logical thinking seems to be in short supply these days.

A: "Come to think of it, I wonder if my own dog really knows how much smarter I am? I mean, how would he know?"

E: Who knows what goes through the minds of dogs?

A: Who knows what goes through the minds of humans?

E: "Haha. Yeah, maybe the aliens wouldn’t know what we are thinking. But if they were a lot smarter than us, they certainly would know that. I mean, we know that we are smarter than dogs, right? Maybe the dogs don’t know it, but we sure know it."

A: Yup. Like that scummy pond water my dog loves to drink. He always ends up getting sick. I have tried explaining it to him, but he is a dog, after all.

E: Haha! My dog steals peanut butter cups. Ends up barfing every time.

A: And to make matters worse, in addition to their limited intellect, dogs can’t control their base instincts. Their reasoning powers are insufficient to overcome their passions. Foolish beasts!

E: "Yeah, good thing we aren’t like that."

A: Speak for yourself. I’m still in denial about the connection between my excess donut consumption and the donut around my waist.

E: "But at least you are aware of the problem and trying to do something about it. Dogs are completely clueless."

A: Yeah, but being aware of a problem and having the ability to solve it are two different things.

E: I wonder if there are problems that we humans can’t even see? Just like our dogs? Maybe we’re doing a lot of dumb dog stuff ourselves, and are completely unaware of it. I mean, if you follow the logic of dogs to humans to super-smart aliens, maybe we’re in the same sorry state as our dogs. Unaware of the world around us. Unable to control our base instincts, or to grasp the complex realities right under our own snouts.

A: I suppose from the Alien’s perspective that would make sense. Haha. The Alien View.

E: I’m not sure that people would take too kindly to the idea that we’re really just a bunch of dumb dogs.

A: Yeah, probably not. Let’s hope no super-smart aliens come along any time soon. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to move down the intelligence ladder. I like being on top!

E: Yeah, me too. Haha. Woof, woof.

2 – The Dog is Running in the Street

Human: "I can’t believe this! Again I find you running out in the street! We’ve discussed this how many times?"

Beast: Woof.

Human: Chasing cats again, I’ll bet. Who is it this time? Is it Buddy?

Beast: Yip.

Human: And I’m guessing that would be the same Buddy that lives across the street? The one with the very sharp claws who weighs over 20 pounds?

Beast: Mmmm.

Human: "You are a little fox terrier. Buddy has almost ten pounds on you. And then there is the minor issue of cars barreling down the street. Remember those?"

Beast: Erf.

Human: And do you remember the zap collar? I’ll bet you do. You whined and whined about it. Wanted your freedom, didn’t you? Then you complained to the vet, and she convinced me that it was cruel.

Beast: Grrr….

Human: So what did I do? I got rid of it. You know what that means? It means that if you want to survive, you had better start using your canine intelligence to fully grasp the situation. In case you have forgotten since our last conversation, let me repeat for the hundredth time: Cars are heavy. They move fast. The driver cannot see you because you are a little fox terrier. You are going to get your skull smashed in! Squashed terrier soup!

Beast: Sniff, sniff. Yum!

Human: What are you doing? Stop licking me! Yes, I just ate some Cheetos! Are you paying attention?

Beast: Lick. Lick.

Human: "This is so frustrating! Why can’t you understand that it is your own behavior that is creating so many problems for you? Use your doggy intellect! Figure things out! Look both ways before crossing! Hello? Anybody home?"

Beast: (crying sounds)

Human: Quit your whining. You just don’t get it. You don’t understand the imminent peril you are in. And if you die, you’ll die in ignorance. Never knowing the cause. No moment of truth. No deep revelation will hit you, except for the front fender smashing into your thick skull.

Beast: Woof!

Human: What is it now? Oh, the TV again? What are you so fascinated about this time? Ah, I see. Something moving fast across the screen. No wonder!

Beast: Yip!

Human: No, that isn’t a frisbee. It’s a rocket.

Beast: Whee!

Human: Haha. No, silly. It’s not a space rocket with dogs in it. It’s a test of a submarine-launched nuclear missile.

Beast: Whine. Yip.

Human: Oh, don’t worry about it. That is a human problem, not a dog problem. You have more important things to worry about. Like fast-moving cars and 20-pound cats. Besides, I have my own problems. I gotta get to work!

Beast: Woof.

Human: Yes, I will look both ways. Thank you.

Beast: Woof! Woof!

Human: "What? Haha! No, don’t be silly. I don’t need to look out for nuclear missiles. I need to look out for cars. Remember those? And my angry boss if I’m late. Now go outside in the fenced backyard, where at least I know you’ll be safe.

Human: Hah. Nuclear missiles indeed. Foolish beast!

3 – Meeting of Minds

Alien: Okay. So, just to clarify, you’re telling me that you humans already know what the major problems are? That you’re already aware of the peril that your reckless behavior is causing, not only for you, but for your planet?

Human: Right. Global warming. Nuclear bombs. Bioweapons. Mass extinction of other species. Lots of problems.

Alien: And, in addition, you have clearly identified the solutions?

Human: Bingo.

Alien: Yet, despite this knowledge, you’re currently struggling to implement those solutions?

Human: Right again.

Alien: Then your intellect is not the obstacle here. You already know what the problems are. You know what the solutions are. So, it must be something else which is holding you back.

Human: Well, we haven’t given up yet. We’re still working on implementing the solutions. The key is to reason our way through these problems. As people become more educated, our chances of success will improve. Progress is in sight.

Alien: "What does education have to do with it? You’ve already admitted that your intellect is not the obstacle. You’ve identified the problems and their solutions. And as far as progress being in sight, the only progress I can see is in the rear view mirror of the clown car you’re driving. You need to turn around, Human. You’re heading in the wrong direction.

Let me repeat the same question. The question I have asked you time and time again. Might the solutions to your problems require more than just an intellectual approach? That in order to change your behavior, there might be additional factors to consider?

Human: Not really. Our intellect is all we have.

Alien: Well, from my perspective, your puny intellect appears to be sorely lacking. Something else keeps getting in the way.

Human: "Not that I can see."

(Meanwhile, at a local hospital…)

Doctor: Buzzy, we’ve had this conversation many times. You are dying.

Buzzy: Yeah, I know doc.

Doctor: You are a chemical engineer who works on rocket fuel formulations. That makes you a rocket scientist. What we are discussing isn’t rocket science. You are an alcoholic. You know that, right?

Buzzy: Right.

Doctor: And you know what the solution is, correct?

Buzzy: Correct.

Doctor: But you are currently struggling to implement the solution, which is obviously to stop drinking.

Buzzy: Bingo.

Doctor: Your intellect is not the obstacle here. You already know what the problem is. And you know what the solution is. So, it must be something else which is holding you back.

Buzzy: Well, I haven’t given up yet, Doc. I’m still working on my drinking problem. After all, I entered this rehab, didn’t I?

Doctor: Yes, but this is your tenth visit, and your liver is almost kaput. You are at the end of the line.

Buzzy: Well, I’m still working on implementing the solution. The key is for us to reason our way through this problem. The more people become educated about my condition, the better my chances become. Progress is in sight.

Doctor: "What does education have to do with it? You’ve already admitted that your intellect is not the obstacle. You’ve identified the problem and the solution. And as far as progress being in sight, the only progress I can see is in the rear view mirror. You have failed time and time again. You need to turn things around, Buzzy. You’re heading in the wrong direction.

Let me repeat the same question. The question I have asked you time and time again. Might not the solution to your problem require more than just an intellectual approach? That in order to change your behavior, there might be additional factors to consider?

Buzzy: Not really. My intellect is all I have.

Doctor: Well, from my perspective, your intellect appears to be insufficient. Something else keeps getting in the way.

Buzzy: Not that I can see.

4 – Communication is the Key

Professor: "Ahem. Greetings, class. Welcome to Linguistics 101. Here we will study communication with an analytical approach. Linguistics, in essence, is the scientific study of language, which is at the heart of all communication.

"An expansive view of language may include many forms of communication, not just verbal methods. All sentient beings communicate through some form of language.

If we were to imagine an Alien being who came to visit from another planet, our first task would be to establish communication with them. It is an interesting thought experiment to surmise how we could accomplish this. Some have proposed mathematics as a vehicle. Others have proposed….

Dog: "wuf wuf wuf.     Woooof…Woooof…Woooof.     wuf wuf wuf.

wuf wuf wuf.     Woooof…Woooof…Woooof.     wuf wuf wuf."

Professor: "Excuse me, young lady, can you