Johnny Oops 11: Timeless

By Arthur Levine

Timeless is the story of Johnny Oops’ second son—a rocket scientist who flies a spaceship to a far away Planet with his inner self, Outy, and marries a bald Blue lady by the name of Ala who never ceases asking Johnny funny questions. They have a son called Johnworld who is Magenta colored, has Yellow hair and perceives his mission in life to be to propagate different races. They spend most of their lives trying to ward off the prejudice and bigotry that follows people of color.

Discriminated against back on Earth, Johnny Oops 11 sets off once again in another spaceship together with millions of Indolts—Ala’s people, and the Magentas of which Johnworld is the first. They have to shrink all their people temporarily down to their essence—in the case of the Indolts no more than the equivalent of an eighth of an ounce and convert each of them to bar codes laminated on to blue plastic disks one inch long by two inches wide. They travel through time rather than space enabling their trip to be timeless.

When they reach their destination they reconstitute the Indolts and Magentas back to normal size using giant scanners. On their new home of Everworld they meet other races of various colors and stripes called the Fugats, the Juicers, and the Three Tribes.

Before long they form a Great Society, which is intent on not color-coding their emotions. After fighting off skeptical suicide bomber Mimon birds who don’t believe they can succeed, they discover a new reality and enter the Paradise of their dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Arthur Levine
• Release date: Oct 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465777874

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Quick, quick, hurry before they discover our intent. Pull as hard as you can. It’s going to take both our strength to sling shot ourselves into space, Outy. We weren’t authorized to take off before we made further tests.

Now you need my help. Why didn’t you recognize my value while we were still in our world? You are a lot like your father Johnny Oops, only more stubborn if that’s possible. Okay pull, pull, here we go. This is unbelievable. We’re traveling faster than time.

It’s my genius that has made this possible, Outy, You’re little more than your name implies – a belly button on the girth of the universe, I said with a smirk on my face.

Outy is my inner self. He is only a foot tall with a head formed like the capital letter Q sporting a shock of bright Yellow hair in the shape of a comma and a pencil thin cartoon type body.

Standing six feet three inches of rippling muscles tall I make a ridiculous figure cramped into the webbing of our silver pluton alloy framed sling shot vehicle with my long blond hair falling over my shoulders and tangling with the meshing. Outy takes up no room at all because he is only my inner self.

Both Outy and I have steely Blue eyes, which in my case are darting furiously around looking for a safe haven to land at.

If my father Johnny Oops Senior were here now he would appreciate what I’m doing. He always wanted to travel between worlds, but in his case all his efforts were virtual. Mine are real—the product of the scientific genius of my mind. I see Outy is crawling back inside my thoughts. This project is too much for him. Fine with me, I don’t need an inner self. I’m near perfection on my own.

How do I get myself into these messes? I’m always in such a hurry. Why can’t I slow down? What am I out to prove, that I’m the greatest rocket scientist in the world? That I can build a spaceship that can go faster than any other? Sounds about right.

Can you smell that coming through the intake filter and mixing with our oxygen supply, Outy? I think it’s dissembling burning pluton magma that’s peeling off our spaceship and refabricating in deep space. Hope we get where we’re going soon. I can’t control this thing. Trying to design invisible stretch mountings and hinges to stand up to the rigors of the high-speed thrust of our laser sling shot vehicle has become a nightmare.

Outy, stop pinching my thoughts, I know we’re in trouble, we can’t breathe this mixture for long before passing out. Put your helmet on. Oh I forgot you’re in my head.

After an Earthquake at my parent’s home during a Christmas/New years party killed my parents and most of my relatives, my wife’s religious Kabala grand parents who had stayed behind at their motel awaiting delivery of a kosher meal raised me. My grandfather practiced a religion that helped you see the light and get closer to God in stages. I’m a scientist. I don’t believe in all that stuff. I went to MIT at the age of sixteen and did my graduating thesis on space travel. Graduating at the top of my class, NASA grabbed me right after school and put me to work developing new space travel vehicles. After more than three years of trial and error I developed my Sling Shot space travel vehicle. It’s perfect. Sling Shot will take us to worlds beyond our imagination. I really am a genius like my father, but I’m not into sex like he was. I’m Johnny Oops ll. Science is my thing. Sometimes I think about girls, but I have little time for such nonsense. I’m an explorer of new worlds. I’m going to take us to places where no Humans have ever gone. I’m going to be famous like Christopher Columbus or what’s the name of that guy that discovered China in the middle ages? I can’t be bothered with such trivial facts. Oh yah, Marco Polo.

What’s happening? This damn ship is veering off course. What’s that noise? I think the screeching is the stretch hinges tensed beyond allowable limits. The Shudder Variance program that was designed to protect us from colliding with space junk is failing. Giant boulders or meteorites are bouncing off the hull. We’re going to crash. I don’t even know where we are. I think we’ve overshot our target world. All my instruments have shorted out.

Outy where are we?

Now you want to know. We should never have made this trip. We needed more testing. You’re so reckless. You’re always in a hurry.

We’re here now, Outy, where ever that is. What do we do?

Hang on you scientific genius. We’re going to crash. Why aren’t you wearing your helmet? I’m in here you know. What are we going to do first, crash or pass out from a lack of a decent oxygen supply?

CHAPTER 2

It’s blue. This whole damn place is blue: Blue trees the likes of which I’ve never seen on Earth with what looks like blue mangoes hanging off them and blue swamp grass knee high growing every place. Oh my God, even the people are blue. They look a lot like us except they have square ears and holes where their noses should be and no hair. They are all bald. Lots of bald Blue heads. Wonder which ones are the girls? Oh I see, that part of their anatomy is the same. How do we communicate? Hope they’re friendly. Let’s get out of this damn Sling Shot before it explodes. I don’t like the noises it’s making. How the hell are we going to get back home? This thing is finished. At least their atmosphere is compatible to us. We can breathe free.

Are you talking to me, Johnny?

No, I’m talking to the Blue people. Who do you think I’m talking to? I’m stuck, I can’t get out of here, Outy, help me.

Maybe I should go ahead and try and talk to these Blue people telepathically, Johnny. We need help.

You can do that?

Even your father was telepathic, Johnny. I don’t know what happened to you. All you know is science Mr. grand lost explorer.

If you can talk to them telepathically I can too, Outy.

Be my guest Mr. Genius. Don’t even tell them I’m here. That way if they’re not friendly they will leave me alone.

That’s a comforting thought.

I always try to be helpful, Johnny.

Hello Blue people I’m from a different world. I’m afraid we’re lost. You can see our spaceship crashed. Can you help us, I mean me? I’m stuck.

Where are you from? You are all white. Don’t you have any color or did you lose it in the crash. My name is Ika. Here let me help you. What happened to your ears? What’s that mound on your nostrils? What’s that covering your head? Is that a hat or a helmet?

This is normal where I come from. The stuff on my head is hair, Ika. I can understand us looking different. From a scientific point of view this is to be expected. Different environmental issues will create variations in the color and physical characteristics of different races and species of various aliens.

Who you calling alien. You’re the alien here. We have animals with hair, but our superior race is bald of course. This is very strange. You look very strange. What should we call you?

My name is Johnny. Would you be careful with that laser wand? I know you’re trying to be helpful and cut me out of here, but your coming awful close to my personal parts.

What are personal part’s Johnny? My name is Ala.

Hi Ala, you’re beautiful in a bald sort of way. You’ll know what personal parts are when you see them.

‘Can I see them, Johnny?"

Not now Ala, we have to get to know each other first.

Will I like them when I see them, Johnny?

"I certainly hope so. Can we talk about something else?

We can do anything you want, Johnny. We are a very friendly people.

What are you doing Ala? You just licked my ear.

That’s a sign of friendship around here.

Well I guess we can’t rub noses.

Ika, said, No nose rubbing around here. Only our animals do that.

I think you have a lot of things backwards, Ika.

Ha, Ika shouted. Its not me that landed in the wrong place and crashed my vehicle." I wonder if Ala is his girl and he’s jealous she likes me.

Ala said, Let’s all be friends. Let’s go to our village. It’s only about 200 meters from here.

How do we get there, Ala?

We fly.

On what

You mean you can’t fly. Are you sure you are the superior race in your world?

In our world only birds and insects fly and they are the inferior species.

Strange. Come take my arm. Oh you have hair on your arms. That tickles.

CHAPTER 3

My God, all the buildings are some sort of see through plastic. What do you do for privacy?

I heard what you were thinking, Ika said. Why do we need privacy? We are all of one thought. Who is this God you call your own?"

"What do you do when you have to eliminate waste or want to have sex?’

‘Ala laughed and said, You mean when we pass liquid. What is this sex thing? Why should we want it to be private? If it is good and beautiful, why can’t everyone take pleasure and see what we are doing? We like to share. Don’t your people share?

Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Sometimes our God or Supreme Being let’s us fight

If you don’t share everything, Johnny, that could lead to conflict. That must be why you fight. What kind of God would let you fight? Our Goddess would never allow that.

I guess in some respects you are more advanced than us, but why do you live in plastic huts? Where are your tall buildings, Ala? Our God is a kind and loving God. He is not responsible for our shortcomings.

That sounds silly to me. When we want to go high, we just fly up. Why do we need tall buildings? Oh, I forgot, you can’t fly. If your Supreme Being is so great, why isn’t he a she? Everyone knows that females are superior. Ala is giggling. She must think it’s really funny that we can’t fly and have a God that lets us fight.

Where are your pets, Ala? Time to change the subject. I’m not ready for a conversation on God or the supposed superiority of the female race.

Do you want to see my furry lizard? He is probably sleeping in the swamp grass or hunting for wart rats.

That’s okay. I’m not sure I’m up to hairy lizards yet.

You are so funny, Johnny. Come, the council is waiting to meet you.

Where are they Ala?

Under that huge mound over here. Let’s go. It’s not nice to be late for a council meeting.

CHAPTER 4

We’ve been going down this long tunnel for what seems like forever. Why does the council hold their meetings underground if this is a race that believes in transparency?

Ala must have read my thoughts. We have enemies. Don’t want to be caught out in the open where we are vulnerable to bad thoughts. Down here we are protected from the Mimons.

Who are the Mimons?

They are a gaggle of big birds that hum ugly thoughts as they fly by. They disrupt our tranquility and make us depressed. They spend all their time having negative thoughts and flying around in circles. They think they are a superior species, but they are only spoilers looking to make us sad.

"Why don’t you get rid of them?’

We don’t harm other species or races. It’s not in our nature. That’s why we are truly superior. Do you understand?

I think I’m beginning to, Ala.

You live in a Rose colored dream world.

It’s Blue, Johnny. What color is your dream world?

It’s mostly Green. Our oceans are Blue. Our Earth is Brown, and sometimes when the fighting starts everything turns a bloody Red.

How sad, Johnny. You should stay here.

Ika jumped out from a cave entry just below us and said, Come, the council is waiting. Why are you wasting time talking nonsense?

Walking into the opening of the cave Ika had just come from, I was dazzled by the sparking lights of some crystal clear stalagmite type out croppings. I think they are diamonds. Sitting in a circle were about twenty elderly looking Blue people with wrinkled faces and large bellies. They are smiling at me and make me feel calm and welcome at the same time. Who are these strange creatures? Where am I?

One of the council members stood up and started to hover above the gathering. She said, "Stranger from a strange land far, far away, you are welcome here. How can we the Indolts help you? We know you have many questions and so do we. Let’s communicate. Let’s have a meeting of the minds.

Where am I? How did I get here? My spaceship crashed. How am I going to get home?

The councilwoman smiled and said, You are in the universe of Andromeda some 2.5 billion light years from your own Milky Way solar system on a planet called Citra, which is similar to your own planet Earth. We have been surveying your planet for more than one hundred years checking your radio and TV signals and compiling a history of your race of Humans and your planet to see if it is compatible for us. We took over the steering of your Sling Shot vehicle when you left your own universe and brought you hear to us.

Why? I asked.

Because our planet of Citra is dying. We are losing our Blue, and slowly over time we the Indolts will turn as pale as you and die. We have been searching for a new home. Your planet looks like the best choice. all the council people nodded their bald heads in agreement.

Assuming Earth would accept you, how would you get all your people there? My Sling Shot is wrecked and only holds one, okay maybe two.

We have been building our own space vehicle for more than fifty years. It’s almost ready. We will adopt your Shadow Variance technique to avoid colliding with space debris and use our superior spinning circle design to guide one million people to your Earth.

Are you crazy? You can’t build a spaceship big enough and fast enough to transport one million people through time. I was sorry I called them crazy the minute the word left my mouth. All I could see was a sea of Blue frowning at me.

"We can shrink all our people temporarily down to their essence— no more than the equivalent of an eighth of an once. We will then convert each of them to bar codes and laminate them to blue plastic disks one inch long by two inches wide. When we reach