The Meaning of Love: My Life Story

By Geraline Thomas

This book is about how I have wronged people and how they have wronged me, as well as my four beautiful children and how I used to party hard. I was a bad young woman, just bad, bad, bad.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662445842

Book preview

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The Meaning of Love

My Life Story

Geraline Thomas

Copyright © 2024 Geraline Thomas

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2024

ISBN 978-1-6624-4566-8 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-4584-2 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

About the Author

Hi, my name is Geraline Thomas, a little shy girl. I'm from Beech Island, South Carolina, and I was born in Jackson, South Carolina, in a doctor's office. I've been pregnant four times and had one abortion with my second child. I'm forty-eight years young and gorgeous too and a believer of Jesus Christ.

My children's names are Maurice Antwon Thomas, Jeffrey Desjuan Thomas, and Latasha Denise Thomas. Maurice is my first child; his first baby's mother's name is Nancy Mitchell while his second child's mother's name is Milnecia Farris. His wife's name is Shanik. My second child's name is Jeffrey; his wife's name is Tiffany Thomas. Latasha is my last child; her husband's name is Joseph Parks.

All my grandchildren's names are Jayen Guice, Maurice Thomas Jr., Reese Thomas, Lydaisha Archie, Anjel Mitchell, Inayjah Mitchell, Miracle Guice, Arajbein Guice, Mo'Asia Guice, Nile Guice, Mesahck Guice, and Serenity Reign Thomas.

Do y'all remember the following games as a child? Marbles, Red Roses, Jump Rope, Double Jump Rope, hide-and-go-seek, tag, house, Lounge the Bridge, or playing in the puddle of water after it's rained? What about hopscotch; Hula-Hoop; dodgeball; Freeze Tag; red rover; Fun, Fun, Fun; Ring Around the Rosie; skipping; leapfrog; cartwheels; Simon Says; jackstones; Red Light, Green Light; yo-yos; Hot Potato; Bean Bag Toss; baseball; or just running around or riding our bikes or playing sack race, hayride, or BB Bats?

I remember Jammie and Terry used to tie a rope from one bush to the other. They would do this at night, and some would flip off their bikes, and they would laugh. They were so bad.

My mom, Reatha Mae Daniels, kept us outside a lot too much. I got so tired from playing outside. She'd repeatedly say, Ya'll go outside and play. Come on, give me a break.

We would walk that long dirt road even when we caught the school bus unless it was raining hard. We lived in the country, I mean the country.

Mom used to cook some yummy food. Some good macaroni and cheese and friend chicken are some of my favorites.

Anyways, I had fun and some heartache and pain. Both my grandmas are deceased, and I miss them so much. Their names were Mary Harris and Annie Mae Hill. I also miss my grandpa Fred Harris; he's also deceased.

As we grew up, we visited my mom's mother a lot but not my dad's mom. I really don't know why. I feel so bad about that. I have to forgive myself.

My dad's name was John Henry Thomas whom I don't remember but love so much. He's also deceased. This is so difficult, losing a father who gave you half your DNA.

I wish you were here with me, Dad. I have a picture of you in a wheelchair, and we are standing around you. You look so handsome, my dad, whom I love deeply but don't remember. I wish I could give you a hug and a kiss and a big smile, and you can give your baby girl some great advice. Some encouragement would be nice coming from you. Kisses, Dad. Hope to see you in heaven.

I do feel sometimes that Dad is around me. I really do. I find myself grieving over him really bad, tears flowing down my face.

Isaiah 41:10 says, Don't worry, I am with you. Don't be afraid. I am your God. I will make you strong and help you. I will support you with my right hand that brings victory.

Matthew 5:4 also says, Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.

I remember my sister Barbara used to sell candy from the candy man. My brother Jammie and I used to steal her candy and have fun eating it. We would put the box back under the bed, where she kept it.

When she'd go to her candy box, fussing, she'd say, Who ate my candy?

I'd point at Jammie; he'd point at me.

We both ate it. Yummy. Sorry, sister, for stealing your candy. We didn't care; we wanted candy.

Eventually, she stopped selling candy, and it broke my heart.

I remember I woke up from a nightmare and was crying loudly. My dad asked me to come go with him, but my dad is dead. Why would I go with him? Why? I said I don't want to go repeatedly. Maybe he was trying to save me from my family. I don't know, but I wasn't going with him.

The first and last time I had that dream, I was so scared for real. I thought he was coming back to get me.

I believe I was about five or six years old when Dad died. I don't know why I don't remember him, but I don't.

I asked Dad why he left me here with my family.

Why? You see how my family treats me so bad.

I'm just wishing he was here with me right now. After I cried so much, I felt this peace that came over me, this calmness.

I remember my friend Rick was in the kitchen cooking. I was in the front room cleaning. I looked and saw him staring in the bedroom like he saw a ghost.

I said, What's wrong with you?

He couldn't move or even say a word. Just staring.

I kept saying, What's wrong?

No response.

I looked into the bedroom. I saw nothing.

Then he said, I saw a man over your bed surrounded by a bright light.

I said to myself, My dad.

Then Rick saw a picture of my dad, and he said that's him repeatedly. That's the man I saw over your bed.

I wanted to see my dad. I was so happy Dad came to visit me, and I was scared at the same time. I didn't get to see him, but I felt his presence. I have small ears and nose like him.

Rick said, Your dad is watching over you.

That made me felt good, knowing my dad was watching over me.

I don't grieve anymore, but I'm going to always think about him. Daddy John Henry Thomas was his name.

I love you, Dad, and I miss you with a smile.

I'm smiling now. Yes, my dad loves me so much.

I remember my brother Ray Thomas molested me when I was very young. He told me not to tell anybody, and I didn't. I was a very shy girl and quiet too.

I know from experience that if I had told my family what happened, they would not believe me for sure. They would have told me to stop lying. My word against his.

He had only done that once. I didn't like that at all. That's my brother. It didn't stay on my mind until I got saved and gave my life to Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. We still went to the club together and went to cookouts before I got saved. He even came to my home, and we sat on the porch, talking and drinking beer.

After I got saved, that was when the flashback came on strong, but I knew God would deliver me from the attack of the devil. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14–15).

Y'all hear that powerful Word, so I have to forgive.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Molested means abused or assaulted sexually, raped, violated, attacked, hurt, harmed, injured, groped, pawed, mauled, harassed, tormented, or persecuted. Maybe 90 percent of child molesters know their victims. Most are not strangers who hide behind the bush, waiting to kidnap children. We're talking about family, friends, uncles, brothers, fathers, and neighbors. Maybe 10 percent of molesters are the strangers who are abducting kids, whom you see on the news.

What are the long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse?

Childhood sexual abuse includes direct sexual contact, such as intercourse and groping and nonphysical activities, such as indecent exposure and the display of pornography in the presence of a child.

The most obvious effect is psychological harm, which includes but is not limited to depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and behavioral problems, including sexualized behavior, poor self-esteem, academic problems, and suicide victims of childhood.

Sexual abuse can expect to incur higher future health-care costs due to these effects, and it is not uncommon for victims to victimize others or become sexually promiscuous at an early age. Prostitutes and pedophiles often explain that their first sexual experience was being molested as a child.

Victims need time to deal with what has happened to them. They can also suffer from anxiety, extreme anxiety.

I remember feeling left out and not feeling love from my mother. I felt neglected and even alone even though I had lots of family around all the time. But wait a minute, something was missing, an empty space in my heart.

Mother never said How was your day? How was school? or What did you learn today? Not even a kiss or a hug. Well, maybe her mom didn't do that to her; maybe Mom didn't know how to do those things, so I truly, deep down, forgive her for not showing me love.

Oh, some of you would say, Girl, your mom worked. She put a roof over your head. You have food and clothes. What else do you need? Well, let me tell you something, attention, I guess I told you, right? But anyway, 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 says, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

I remember my brother Ray used to make me and Jammie clean up before we could go outside to play. We really didn't want to clean up, but we had to. He would say, Don't y'all try to double-team me. I would look at Jammie, and he would look at me. I really wanted to, but I just couldn't. I don't know why.

I remember my brother Jammie used to wet the bed, and I would get wet also from him, so we'd both be wet and get a beating. Mom used to make us go get switches, about three of them sometimes, and place them together. We both slept in the same bed, you know, so both of us would be wet sometimes. Those switches hurt bad, really bad, you know, and Mother wouldn't leave the bathroom light on. It would be so dark. We'd be scared to get up to use the bathroom.

Sometimes, it seems like beating your children doesn't help, but Proverbs 23:13–14 say, Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

I remember my brother Jammie was my best friend. We used to hang together a lot and go to the store, walking to people's house, drinking alcohol, being a whore, just keeping it real 100 percent.

I remember we walked to the store, and I wanted some marshmallows. I didn't have any money. I think I was about sixteen to seventeen years old, so I opened a bag and started eating it. My brother said, There's a camera right there. I hunched my shoulders, saying, I don't care, then I found out I was pregnant. No excuse, though.

Nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slander nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:10).

Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands that they may have something to share with those in need (Ephesians 4:28).

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man soweth, that shall be also reap (Galatians 6:7).

So what you do, good or bad, or what you say, good or bad, it will come to you. Do y'all hear that? Wow. So let's be careful how we treat people. What goes around comes back around.

I remember waking up one morning to go to school. While I was making my bed, I threw up on my bed. I heard this voice coming from the other room, Are you pregnant? It was the voice