O.U.C.H. Overcoming Undeniable Church Hurt

By Cynthia Phifer

O.U.C.H. Overcoming Undeniable Church Hurt, is a book that is not meant to bash, tear down, or destroy the Body of Christ. This book is birthed out of a sincere desire to reach for those displaced due to events that have happened to them in the ministry (both laity and clergy). It is to help them (us) heal and understand those around us in our church, homes, jobs, and families suffering from some type of church hurt. O.U.C.H. will help us rip the “band-aids” off what many have tried to downgrade. This book is more than a “revealing.” It provides ways of overcoming and conquering negative mindsets accompanying being hurt within Christ's body. O.U.C.H. is intended to be a place of healing for the wounded and instruction for those seeking an understanding.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Oct 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9781312190238

Book preview

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o.u.c.h.

Overcoming Undeniable Church Hurt

Cynthia Phifer

Minister, Motivational Speaker & Life Coach

ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.

No permission is given for any part of this book to be reproduced, transmitted in any form or means, electronic or mechanical, stored in a retrieval system, photocopied, recorded, scanned, or otherwise. Any of these actions require the proper written permission of the author.

Copyright © 2023, Cynthia Phifer.

ISBN: 978-1-312-19023-8

Lulu.com, publishing

Contact Information:

[e-mail]

www.cyclebreakers4life.com

Unless stated, all scripture quotes, and references are from the King James version of the Bible.

Disclaimer:

This book is written from the authors’ life and depicts actual events as truthfully as recollection permits or can be verified by research. To maintain anonymity, names, characters, and some places have been changed and are a product of the author’s imagination.

Give feedback on the book at: [e-mail].

.Dedication

I dedicate this book to the laity, Pastors, and leaders who have been hurt, abused, or injured within the four walls of a church. To those in the laity and the leaders who served tirelessly serving the Body of Christ. And to the Pastors and leaders who are seeking the mind of God to understand how to minister in the world in which we live.

that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, -- Ephesians 1:17-18

--Your Sister in Christ,

Cynthia Phifer

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Acknowledgements

I give God all the glory for the inspiration and direction in writing this book. I never knew that the Bible studies I taught, the sermons I preached, or my life experiences would propel me to this point. God has done a Romans 8:28, for everything has worked together to write this book.

I am highly grateful to my husband, Jeff Phifer; his love for me has been proven throughout the years. His counsel and wisdom have been amplified even more as I set my hand on this assignment. I am honored to be his wife.

To my dear friend, sister, and spiritual daughter, Aicha Campbell, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have gone above and beyond in editing this book. Thank you for your support and encouragement. You are one of a kind!

To my mom (Shirley Robinson), church family (Truth Deliverance Church), family, and friends, thank you for your love and prayers that have been felt ever so strongly during this season of my life.

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Preface

I am a stranger to this new season. I have arrived here because of a significant trial that caused a great trajectory in my life. In July of 2022, I lost my job after working in the corporate world for fifteen years. I wish I could say it was because of my skin color or because my boss had it out for me, but that was not the case. A year and a few months before losing my job, I lost an aunt due to COVID-19, and I was given some family news that caused me to go into a very dark place. Very few people knew where I was, but I was in between feelings of hurt and failure. These life situations ultimately affected my job performance. Although I met and exceeded my work requirements, it was too late. My job termination and the news I had received made me feel that my efforts didn’t matter in any area of my life, leading me to withdraw.

My husband, whom I thank God for daily, would not let me stay in limbo. He encouraged me and instructed me to get out of the house. I started going to the gym, and eventually, I felt the warmth of God’s Spirit flowing. God had never stopped. I was just too numb and oppressed mentally to feel anything. Journaling was second nature to me. In this emotionally drained place, I found myself recording my thoughts.

One day as I journaled, I cried out to God for direction in this season. I had no job. I found myself confused and hurt by things taking place in the lives of some precious loved ones. As a result, I sought His advice and purpose in this seemingly barren place. On November 29, 2022, God spoke words to me three times, start writing, start writing, start writing. After weeks of consistent writing, Culture Shock (published on March 6, 2023) was created. My writing became a reality. Thinking that this was all I was to write, I tried to pull myself to other tasks, but on December 6, 2022, the Lord told me, This was not the time to be slow, so I kept writing. Again, on January 13, 2023, I journaled from Haggai 1:5, and Hosea 5:15, with my thoughts focused on the fact that in affliction, we seek God! Trouble will make us do what we should have been doing all along. Then The Lord spoke this word to me three times: Write, write, write. I have learned that when God speaks, we are to respond. When He speaks something three times, it is implicative to respond with immediate and consistent action.

This season, I have given birth to two books, Culture Shock and O.U.C.H. Overcoming Undeniable Church Hurt. These books may only make it into the hands of a few, but I know it will be those few that God has destined them to reach. Writing has been a lifeline, a type of re-birth, if you will. I am grateful that God did not allow me to die in my season. Instead, He breathed new life into my dead and dying situation.

Thank you, Lord!!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Section I

Chapter 1

The Awakening

Chapter 2

Questions, Questions!

Chapter 3

The Doors Are Open

Chapter 4

The Undeniable

Chapter 5

P.I.M.P.S.

Chapter 6

Money, Control, and Power

Chapter 7

The Elephant in The Room

Chapter 8

This Side of the Pulpit

Chapter 9

Moments of Transparency

Chapter 10

The Conclusion ofThe Matter

Section II

O.U.C.H.

It’s All About Relationships

21-day devotional

Appendix A

Appendix B

Introduction

Overcome with curiosity. I watched intently as the bees flew from one flower to the next. I was mesmerized by watching their wings become almost invisible as they vibrated against the air, moving from one flower to the next. I must have entered the forbidden territory at some point, as one of the bees thought I was a threat. The bee landed on me and then had the nerve to sting me. In response to the pain I now felt from the stinger this bee had planted in my arm, I instinctively cried out… OUCH!!!

Ouch is a word that describes intense pain or anguish. Removing the stinger from my arm was necessary to prevent swelling or an allergic reaction. Likewise, someone must address the pain we feel as a direct result of abuse, ill-treatment, or pain inflicted within the body of Christ (church hurt). Like a bee sting, removing the stinger of offense inflicted on the soul, mind, or spirit is essential. At some time, we all will experience an "awakening" when God will reveal Himself to and for us. With this awakening, we will have many "questions" regarding His plan for our lives and the Church’s role. Going through the "open doors" of a church building, we will interact with many people who, like us, will have experiences and issues that must be addressed as we journey toward excellence. One day the "undeniable" will happen. We will find disappointments, hurts, rejection, and misunderstandings in the least expected place, the Church. Unfortunately, some will encounter "perpetrators" who look like they mean well but have a hidden agenda to use our lives for their gain.

We come to the Church for deliverance, fellowship, and growth. The church is to be led by anointed men and women commissioned by God to preach and teach His word. Unfortunately, some Pastors, leaders, and church members are distracted by "money, power, and control." These distractions create a place for distrust and doubt, which cause many followers to fall away or become disillusioned by the church.

O.U.C.H. is written to reveal the elephants in the room, those issues that are present but fail to be addressed for various reasons. This book is written for the members (the laity) who have experienced or observed the injuries caused by church hurt. It is also to make those who have caused others harm aware of the spiritual damage they may have committed. O.U.C.H. is directed and purposely designed to address Pastors or leaders who may have consciously or unconsciously caused the same injury. For some Pastors or leaders, this book will be a place of instruction from which you can draw the knowledge and sensitivity needed when counseling those in the congregation who have been affected by church hurt. Likewise, it will aid the laity in the nature of church hurt,