Reconciled and Redeemed: Reconciled and Redeemed, #4

By Michelle Lynn Brown

Get all three Reconciled and Redeemed novels in one book.

For Holly, Lauren and Renee, only one thing stands in the way of their future - their past. Journey with the women of the Reconciled and Redeemed series as they seek redemption from their choices and reconciliation with the men from their past.

Rehearsals & Regrets

A knock on the door brings Lauren Ballard news of her husband's death and his adultery. All at once, Lauren finds herself alone, wounded, widowed and expecting a child. When her strict and demanding father falls ill, Lauren reluctantly heads home. It isn't long before she finds herself regretting her decision. Her father's resort places her in constant contact with Kyle Ashcroft, her high school sweetheart who she left without so much as a goodbye. Now that she's returned, Kyle has questions – questions she's not prepared to answer.

One look at Lauren, and Kyle realizes he's still in love with her, though his wounded pride would have it otherwise. The pastor in him knows he needs to help the broken woman before him, but as the man she betrayed years ago, he wants to scream "serves you right." When the truth of why she left him all those years ago surfaces, her betrayal cuts deeper than he thought, and has Kyle regretting and questioning every decision he's ever made.

Will Lauren and Kyle be able to reconcile despite Lauren's betrayal, or will they be left with nothing but regrets?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michelle Lynn Brown
• Release date: Dec 22, 2015
• ISBN: 9798224269471

Michelle Lynn Brown

Best-selling author, Michelle Lynn Brown is a housewife, mother of three, writer, blogger, hopeless romantic, and a cuddly lap for one very large cat. She was born in Dayton, Ohio, but raised in El Paso, Texas. The Lord has blessed her with the opportunity to live in many locations, from Germany to Oklahoma, where she now resides. When she was a teenager, her mother used to take her to used books stores at least once a month. It was there she fell in love with the written word. As a writer, she uses this passion to share with others the joy of having a personal and intimate relationship with Christ. Like the flawed characters that grace her books, she has had many stumbles and struggles in her life. God's grace and mercy through these trials have kept her on her knees. It is from this humble position that she seeks to minister through her writing - not as someone who has it all figured out, but just someone who has figured out how wonderful and awesome God is.

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Copyright Page

©2015 Michelle Lynn Brown

Reconciled and Redeemed Series

A Psalm 40 Publication

Cover Design by Psalm 40 Publication Services

Brides and Betrayal

Image © coka / Bigstock Photo (10632542)

Image © moswyn / Bigstock Photo (3460797)

Image © Nosnibor137 / Bigstock Photo (49263659)

Rehearsals and Regrets

Image © Wavebreak Media Ltd, Bigstock Photo (48697304)

Image © Lansera, Bigstock Photo (22289087)

Veils and Vows

Image © brickrena / Bigstock Photo (55080278)

Image © AnnaKukhmar / Bigstock Photo (58780208)

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, posted on any website, or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except for brief quotations in printed reviews and articles.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to locations, actual events, or persons, either living or dead, is coincidental.

Also by Michelle Lynn Brown

The Trampled Rose Series

Miracles in Disguise

Consider the Thorns

I'll Settle for Love

The Trampled Rose Devotional

The Trampled Rose Collection

Reconciled and Redeemed Series

Brides and Betrayal

Rehearsals and Regrets

Veils and Vows

The Reconciled and Redeemed Collection

The Deploying Faith Series

Unopened

Unwilling

Unspoken (coming soon)

Standalone

Deadly Arrangement

The Twelve Visits of Christmas

The Mistletoe Mishap

Watch for more at Michelle Lynn Brown’s site.

Dedication

The Reconciled and Redeemed series is dedicated to my sister, Lisa and her husband, Chris.

WHEN I WAS IN A DEEP, dark pit, you welcomed me into your home and into your lives. You allowed God to work through you, and you valued His word over your own desires and your own wishes. You saw me as worthy of redemption when all I could see was worthlessness. As a result of your obedience, love, and light, I was rescued from my dark pit and redeemed. I am eternally grateful.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.

They will put their trust in the Lord.

Psalm 40:2-3

Acknowledgements:

None of my books would be as successful as they are without the expert knowledge of Nat Davis of Davis professionals. God has truly blessed me with an editor who not only corrects my vast mistakes, but makes me laugh at my blunders, and encourages and pushes me in my writing and in my spiritual walk.

Thanks to the Christian Indie Author’s Group for their wisdom and guidance.

Brides and Betrayal

Reconciled and Redeemed

Volume One

Michelle Lynn Brown

Psalm 51: 1-2

Have mercy on me, O God,

because of your unfailing love.

Because of your great compassion,

blot out the stain of my sins.

Wash me clean from my guilt.

Purify me from my sin.

Prologue

A STREAM OF MOONLIGHT settled on the barrel of the gun in the man’s shaking hands.

The woman knelt before him, her blue eyes streaming with tears. Please forgive me. Despite her entreaty, she showed no signs of fear, just remorse, and a deep sadness that even death could not erase.

He looked away from her beautiful face and rested the trembling gun on his knee. Weariness and despair sapped the volume from his words. I can’t forgive you when I can’t even forgive myself for not seeing you for the woman you are.

I never meant to hurt you.

But you did. The softness in his tone dissipated as his anger refueled. Jumping up, the chair he had been sitting on fell backward. He towered over her, growling. How could you! You let me raise that child – that seed of your betrayal – all these years.

The truth just would have hurt you. It was over...

It should have never begun! He roared.

The man’s labored breathing subsided after a few moments. Righting the chair, he sat back down before her. He ran a hand down her hair, fiery red like the passion she had once ignited in him.

He gently cupped her cheek. What are we to do now?

Her lips trembled, knowing there was no answer, no justification, nothing she could say that would change the course of tonight.

I love you. Her words were a whisper, and the man bent down and came inches from kissing her. But his heart would not let his lips meet hers. Tears rolled down his cheeks and plopped down on her hands resting on his lap.

I love you, too. Their foreheads rested together for a moment until he straightened. That’s the problem, isn’t it? I love you, and I’ll never be able to let you go. Yet, I can’t ever forgive your filthy sin.

Spittle flew from the force of his words as they erupted from his lips.

The woman closed her eyes and laid her head down on her husband’s lap, resigned to her fate, resigned to the penance he saw fit to extract from her.

HOLLY STOOD AMIDST the gory scene, staring across the room at her parent’s bodies frozen in their last macabre embrace. Her father’s hand rested on top of his wife’s hair while the other lay dangling limply by his side, the gun resting on the floor.

There were so many officers milling about, oblivious to the young woman standing in the middle of the chaos. The flashes from the camera appeared to be going in slow motion, and the girl stood numb, frozen and unbelieving.

Whoa, kid, you can’t be in here.

The police officer looked down into a pair of dazed blue eyes, bright with unshed tears. Questions held captive by her pain and shock were swimming in the sapphire depths. The officer was forced to look away from the pain he saw there.

This lady here is going to take you someplace safe. The officer gestured toward a middle-aged woman approaching, a manila folder clasped tightly over her chest as if it were a shield. The girl’s blue eyes focused on the woman as she approached.

You are going to have to come with me. There was a stern gentleness about the social worker, as if the woman wanted to care but the nature of her job had erected protective barriers around her heart.

Do you have any other family?

The woman was about to repeat the question when Holly finally shook her head. I’m all alone. There was a sad finality to the girl’s statement that tore through the veil of the social worker’s tough exterior.

Clearing her throat from the hindering emotions rising up, the woman said. Nonsense, we will make sure you are taken care of.

The woman snapped open the file, blinking rapidly to rid her eyes of the tears. Holly, you are sixteen, right? The woman placed an arm around the teenager's shoulder, leading the girl away from the scene. Come with me, and we can get you settled somewhere safe for tonight.

The girl barely heard the woman's reassuring words as she stole one last glance at her parents over the social worker’s arm. An hour ago, she had been laughing with her friends at church during a youth game night - now she was all alone. Alone and unwanted.

Outside, the police officer opened the door to a waiting squad car. I know it’s not the best way to ride, kiddo, but for now, it will have to do.

His attempt at humor fell upon the girl’s numb ears, and she slipped into the car and let him close the door. Through the window, she could see the social worker cross her arms over her chest. Was she protecting her heart from the ugliness of the scene? Though the woman and the detective spoke in hushed tones, their voices could be clearly heard through the car window.

Looks like it was a murder/suicide as the result of adultery. The officer handed the woman a note. The guy found out the kid wasn’t his and... The man made a shooting motion with his fingers.

The social worker read the note and then sniffled back her encroaching emotions. Clearing her throat, she asked, So the girl witnessed it all?

Just the end, but...well, that’s enough.

They nodded their heads in silent understanding.

Well, if you happen to locate the biological father, let me know. Given these horrific circumstances, we will have to tread slowly, but...

The detective shrugged his shoulders, Hey, I figure if the dad wants the kid, it is better than bouncing her around from foster home to foster home. Sixteen is not exactly an adoptable age.

The woman looked into the teenager’s blue eyes again. Dark, haunted, and increasingly going numb. The woman had seen it all too often, children who succumb to the pain and sorrow life deals them. This girl was no different.

The officer’s words reflected her thoughts. Situations like this are a tattoo branded upon your mind. It may fade over time, but it will always be seen.

The woman nodded her agreement. Stained and tainted – that’s how these kids look to others. Well, we can only hope the biological dad wants the kid more than this one did.

Chapter One

JUST THE BEGINNING Bridal Boutique. Holly Harrison splayed her fingers out in a starburst motion, but from the scowl on her husband’s face, she could tell he wasn’t impressed. Hunter sat with his hip perched on the edge of their bed, one arm crossed over his chest, the other hand cradling his jaw. He scratched at the stubble on his chin, a sign that he was unconvinced thus far.

Not one to be daunted easily, Holly continued. Anya and I would partner together in the business, with Anya handling the catering and event planning, while I would handle the gowns. Instead of simply offering the traditional dress shopping experience, we would offer the brides an opportunity to host a dress selection party in the comfort of their own home.

Hunter raised one dark eyebrow. You can’t just take an entire shop of dresses to someone’s home.

No, but through online tools, telephone conversations, and a brief questionnaire, I would be able to put together a selection of dresses that fit the bride’s budget and tastes.

Hunter narrowed his deep blue eyes, still skeptical of her business proposal. Anya’s food mixed with white dresses - sounds like a recipe for disaster. Your entire inventory could be destroyed by one drunk bridesmaid spilling her wine on the dresses.

She came to sit next to him on the bed, her long auburn hair tumbling over her shoulders. Holly and Anya had spent hours trying to pinpoint all the possible pitfalls, from too many opinions in the room to how they would handle the food and dresses. She was prepared, and when Holly fired off answers to Hunter’s questions, she could see a crack in his stony facade.

The party would be separated into two parts, one where the bride and her friends relax and enjoy refreshments, and one where she tries on dresses. We will not offer alcoholic beverages for a variety of reasons, the biggest is that you are going to have a room full of opinionated women. Alcohol could create a firestorm.

And how are you going to handle that - the room full of opinions?

We will have voting cards so that people can rate the dresses and jot notes down rather than blurting them out. Holly pulled out an example of the card from the stack of information that was spread across the bed. Besides, most brides know which one is the perfect dress when they put it on. Their eyes mist over and their face changes. You know it is the one.

So why even offer the at-home option? Hunter asked as he tossed the card back into the pile.

We would still offer the traditional in-store shopping experience. But today’s brides are busy, and the in-home party offers them an opportunity to choose their dress at a more convenient time.

Less time off, less hassle, and decrease the stress by doing it in a comfortable environment. Hunter nodded his head. Holly’s blue eyes twinkled with delight as she could see he was warming to the idea.

And Anya already owns the space, so we...

But that means nights and weekends you are going to be gone.

The insinuation slithered through his words – it was always there. Holly struggled to maintain the anger welling up in her chest. I need this. I want to pursue this.

Why do you need it? I provide everything you could ever want. His hand swept outward to showcase the room.

Tears stung the back of Holly’s eyes. He was right. She had a house that was far larger than the two of them needed. She drove a nice car and had a jewelry box full of baubles that he lavished on her, despite her protests. If she needed anything, she could just go out and get it at a moment’s notice. However, what she needed now was for him to understand.

I don’t need the money. I need the accomplishment. I need the.... Holly didn’t even know how to voice what she needed. Maybe that was because she didn’t quite know herself. All she knew was that she had a gnawing in her soul, an ache for something more than what she had now. She didn't know what that something was, but she hoped that the store would fill that void.

With a sigh, she tried to explain in a calmer tone. I feel worthless. I sit around this house all day with nothing to do. We have no children, I have no job, and you have even hired someone to clean our house.

Do you want to have children? Is that what...?

No! Holly interjected. You know I’m not ready...I mean, I am not sure what kind of mother I’m going to make. A shadow passed over her features.

If it’s not the kids, and your work with the church isn’t satisfying... Hunter laughed. If you want to clean the house yourself - fine, I will fire the housekeeping services.

His sarcasm snapped the last thread of patience she had. Her passionate outburst escaped her lips before she could stop it. What I want is to be let out of my box!

Hunter’s smile faded at her fury. I don’t keep you in a box.

She crossed her arms over her chest, which was heaving from the exertion of her breath. When she finally spoke, she laid a hand on his arm. I know you love me – at least, I think you must love me because you are so jealous. The second half of her statement came as an off-handed murmur.

Hunter stiffened at her remark. I’m not jealous, but since you bring it up, what is it exactly that you are missing? You spend time with Anya, you have activities at the church, and you don’t want kids. So, what you want must be more than...what was it you called it? Accomplishment?

Holly jumped up and turned her back to him for a moment, gritting her teeth as she tried to gain control over her mounting anger, but she was having little success battling her emotions.

She hated that accusatory look in his eyes. It pulled her back to her childhood, back to her parents, back to that feeling of unworthiness.

Don’t let me fall back in that pit, God, she prayed.

She whirled around, her hair tumbling over one shoulder in a fiery red waterfall. What I want is a little trust. Our love is nothing without trust, and you don’t trust me.

I do trust you. Hunter rose from his perch on the end of their bed. Coming to stand before her, he grabbed her hands in a gentle hold, slowly pulling her toward him. Cupping her face, his words came out as a tender caress, but to Holly, they were like sandpaper on her heart. You are a very beautiful woman. Temptation is everywhere, and...

She threw off his touch. You do not trust me! You constantly insinuate that I am cheating when I’ve been nothing but faithful.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her back into his embrace, but Holly halted his kisses, giving voice to her thoughts. I love you, but I am not your mother, nor am I Janessa.

His deep blue eyes turned stormy at her words, and he took a step back. They are cheating, lying... After a few moments, he regained his composure. "I hope you aren’t them."

His words slid down her heart with the finesse of steamroller. Tears stung her eyes, but she battled them. She had learned long ago tears never washed away the pain. "You hope I’m not like them - but you think I could be."

Her eyes met his, challenging him to deny it.

No, I don’t! His bellow washed over her with shame. Despite the loudness of his protest, she heard his doubt.

A few moments passed without a word. A silent battlefield encircled by their arms. She was the first to raise the white flag.

I love you, Hunter. Always.

Hunter reached up and tenderly brushed aside her hair, letting the molten red mass run through his fingers. My dad loved my mother, and I know she loved him. But she just couldn’t resist all the temptations that were out there.

Holly looked away so Hunter wouldn’t see the haunted expression in her eyes. I am not your mom. Her words were just a whisper, as if repeating them would end this discussion once and for all.

Hunter bent down, gently pulling her face toward his. Despite her efforts, one defiant tear slid down her cheek. Hey, don’t cry. I am sorry I made you cry. He kissed her cheeks free from the tears. I love you, and I just don’t want our marriage destroyed over something I could prevent.

His words were meant to calm Holly, but they did nothing to soothe her. She placed her hand along his cheek, her thumb brushing against his dimple. But you can’t control everything - and you are hurting us by keeping me hidden away here.

Hunter gently kissed her forehead. I don’t want to hurt you.

Holly’s arms encircled his neck, and she threaded her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. I know you don’t.

When he would have kissed her, she stopped him. But you need to remember what I promised to you on our wedding day.

Always Yours, Always Faithful... Hunter brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, tracing his finger down the side of her cheek. She momentarily relished in the feel of his touch against her skin, but when she closed her eyes, all she could see was her stepmother’s face. Reign in those desires or you will end up exactly like your mother.

Holly stepped out of Hunter’s embrace, turning from him so she wouldn’t be tempted by his handsome face. God put us together, and I’m not going to let anything, or anyone, take that apart.

He turned her toward him. Then don’t pull away from me.

He cupped her face and brushed the tip of his nose against hers. She closed her eyes against the surge of desire that wound its way up her belly while the whispers of condemnation slithered through her brain. The result was a kiss that yearned for release, and a heart that cried to be loved.

Chapter Two

THREE DAYS HAD PASSED since their argument. Now, as Hunter sat in church, he watched Holly walking toward him. Her tall, willowy form was draped in a sapphire blue chiffon dress, and the small sleeves fluttered over her arms as she walked. The cinched waist accented her figure and the color of the dress complimented her deep auburn hair that tumbled around her slender shoulders.

Her pale pink lips were not smiling, and her eyes, which matched the sapphire blue of her dress, didn’t hold any smile in their shiny depths either. Her eyes were cold - well, Hunter amended, colder than usual.

No, he corrected, Holly is anything but cold - she was aloof, haunted, or maybe untouchable. Elusive, he thought with a smile.

Holly had been barely twenty at the time he met her, struggling to put herself through college as the front desk receptionist at his company in downtown Pittsburgh. She also worked a second job on the weekends at a high-end bridal shop in the cultural district to earn extra cash.

His first wife had left him for another man, and he had been leery of dating again. However, there was something about Holly that drew him away from his fears. She had a tough edge to her that captivated his attention, and despite his attempts to ask her out, she had staunchly refused any of his advances. He was never one to chase skirts around a desk like a perverted old businessman, but she had caught his eye, and he wasn’t about to let go.

Elusive, he thought again, but his smile dimmed. Now, that same elusiveness scared him - leaving him wondering if disinterest in him is what fueled her distance. She would respond to his touch and kisses as if she were his alone - but she held back a piece of herself. There was something in her eyes that made him feel like he would never really know her, never really have her as his own.

Holly sat down next to him without even turning to grace him with a smile, her back stiff and straight in the pew.

How was the Women’s Bible study class?

Fine. He counted that as the fifth single-word answer she had given him today. Most of his questions had been simply met with a stiff nod.

He watched her shoulders dip a little, and she finally turned his way. It was good.

Honey, Hunter placed his arm along the back of the pew. I know you have a meeting for that thing today.

The summer outreach event. Her tone had regained a crisp air to it.

Yes, the summer outreach event. He brushed his thumb across the back of her shoulder, sending the sleeve of her dress fluttering with his movements. Would you mind skipping it?

She stared at him for a moment, her blue eyes searching his face as she said, Or better yet, why don’t you join me?

His wife was very active serving in the church, but he refused to join her. There was Anna, the children’s church director who was three times divorced, and Bob, the Adult Sunday School teacher who last month admitted he struggled with watching pornography years ago. So many hypocrites, Hunter thought.

Slowly drawing his arm from the back of the pew, he faced forward, watching as others wandered into the church. One lady stopped twice on her way to her seat to give someone a hug, but the gesture was just about as warm as Holly’s attitude toward him. Just going through the motions.

However, Hunter didn’t want that for his marriage. With a reluctant smile, he turned to her and nodded his head. Okay, I’ll join you.

One delicate auburn brown furrowed for just a second. Really?

Sure, why not? He leaned close to her and said, And then we will talk about this Anya business after.

Holly’s smile faded, and Hunter guessed he had ticked her off again. He felt the distance separate them - and distance was what always terrified him.

His mother had been so distant with his father when her affairs began. His mother was never there - even when she was there. Cold and aloof at dinner, lost in her own thoughts. But then, suddenly, things changed. Her smile had returned, but it wasn’t until later that he would learn the smile came from the man she was having an affair with.

As they stood for worship, he stole a glance down at his wife. She turned her head and peeked at him under her lashes before turning back to the service. She wouldn’t cheat on him, would she? After all, he’d been through with his own parents, with his first wife...Holly knew how much adultery angered him. She wouldn’t - would she?

He tried to focus on the words to the song, but his concerns fired through his head like cannons on the battlefield. He sang – but he was not cognizant of what he was saying. He listened to the sermon, but the words were drowned out by the battle raging in his mind. Each time he analyzed her behavior, dissected her words, or investigated her attitude, it was like another reverberating boom.

His head was still reeling as they went out to lunch after service.

So, Hunter began after they had been seated. What are we doing at this summertime event?

Summer Outreach Event, her tone was cool, and he reached across the table for her hand. It was some time before she turned her hand and laced her fingers with his. The pause caused panic to swell within his chest.

Yeah, that. He distractedly said as he rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. His misgivings about her faithfulness resurfaced, especially when she coolly disentangled her fingers from his, tucking her hands into her lap underneath the table.

What did I say now? Hunter leaned back in the chair, defeated.

The waiter came and took their orders, saving her from having to answer him right away. After the waiter left, she took a sip of her water before speaking. Look, if you don’t want to join me, you don’t have to. This is about the community - not about watching over me so I don’t do something wrong.

Despite her cool expression, he could tell her emotions were boiling up. He closed his eyes, shaking his head as if he could shake off her notions. But maybe she was right. Maybe that is why he had said he would go.

Those weren’t my intentions. I am trying to share something with you. It is what you are always complaining about.

His choice of words must have not been correct, because she inhaled slowly, before whispering, I’m not complaining, I’m expressing.

"Well, you’ve been expressing a lot lately, and I am trying to listen."

Her countenance conveyed that she was weary of the arguing. Her tense shoulders relaxed and the hardness around her eyes softened. I am sorry. She reached across the table and captured his hand. I let my emotions get ahead of me and sometimes I say things I regret. I didn’t mean to nag.

This time, she was the one to run a soothing thumb across his knuckles. I just want you to know that you can trust me. Please... Her eyes misted, and she turned her head. I just need you to...I want you to think I’m worthy of your trust.

Holly... emotion got the better of him and his words. He leaned across the table to capture both of her hands. I don’t think you can understand how much my mother’s actions hurt my father - how they hurt our whole family. He leaned back in his chair, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.

Their food arrived at that moment, and he sat back trying to quell the wave of anger that always came surging over him with the mention of his mother. Just one thought of what his mother had done to his father left him burning with anger. He didn’t want that to destroy his marriage. If he got a little protective of Holly - well, couldn’t she see that it was because he loved her so much?

After the waiter left, he pushed his untouched plate aside, recapturing her hands. I love you, Holly. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.

But why do you think I would leave you? When you look at me, do you see someone who would turn her back on her marriage? Do you see someone who would throw away the biggest blessing she has ever received?

There was an edge to her voice, as if her question wasn’t merely rhetorical. Hunter shrugged it off as the strain of their fight. He paused longer than he should have, and regret came at the sight of her tears. Holly, no, I don’t see an adulterous woman when I look at you.

I’m not that woman. Her voice was soft, scared, and uncertain.

He ran his thumb across the back of her hand. I know you are not. I am just worried about others - people just don’t respect the sanctity of marriage...

I am not that woman. She interrupted. Her voice still as soft, but there was a thread of steel wound throughout her words.

I know, but just please promise that you will be wary of others...

Her sapphire eyes met his, and there were tiny pools of tears hanging onto her lashes. I am worthy of your trust.

I do trust you, he thought to himself, I just wish you’d be more receptive to me. Why are you always pulling away? What is it that you are missing with me? If a gentle touch or a kind word from another man comes your way, how can I trust that you won’t find yourself in the grip of adultery?

Hunter didn’t say any of the words on his heart. I know, and I love you. He refused to lose his marriage as his parents had.

Chapter Three

HOLLY WAS GRATEFUL when the awkward lunch conversation was over. She truly loved her husband and understood the reason for his fears, but the more he questioned her faithfulness, the more she questioned her saintliness.

You’re just like your mother. Her stepmother’s words wound their way through her mind.

When Holly graduated high school, she couldn’t wait to get out of her father’s house. The looks, the stares, the condescension wrapped in lukewarm smiles – living with her biological father and stepfamily did little to heal her after her parent’s death. While her dad had tried his best to make her feel loved, all she felt was unwanted. A stained and tainted girl unworthy of what she wanted most - to be loved and accepted.

Hunter had changed all of that with his persistent pursuit of her. His jealousy, at first, had made her feel cherished, treasured and prized. She was worthy of being protected – and she welcomed that protection. But as the years wore on, that notion faded. In its place was that familiar painful feeling of a stained soul unable to be cleansed.

You really don’t have to do this, Holly said as they drove back to the church.

I told you, Hunter reached across the center console for her hand that rested on her lap. I want to share this with you. I want to show you that I am trying.

She looked at his profile as he drove. He was so handsome, with his deep blue eyes framed by dark eyelashes. He had a strong jawline, which always bore the beginnings of a beard. On the surface he was controlled, strong and firm, but underneath he was just as insecure and broken as she was. She needed him as much as he needed her. At least that is what she had been telling herself for years.

What are you staring at? He asked; the nervous smile on his lips revealed his dimples – the dimples she loved to touch too much.

I was just thinking about how handsome you are.

He turned his attention from the road to stare at her for a moment. Turning back, his brow was furrowed. I haven’t heard that in a while.

Chagrined, Holly realized how true his statement really was. I’m sorry. She whispered to Hunter as they pulled up in the parking lot of the church. She leaned across the console and pulled his head down to hers for a brief kiss. I do love you. I will always love you.

She watched as his blue eyes scanned her face. His hand and his eyes both slid gently down her hair, and she didn’t know if she felt the caresses more from his hand or from his stare. Please, don’t ever stop. I need you.

His words broke the dam of her carefully restrained emotions. She threaded her fingers through his hair and looked deeply into his eyes. I need you, too. I need you to stop looking at me like I’m your mom. You have no idea how much I need your trust.

He didn’t say anything, he just lightly pressed his lips to her forehead. She didn’t know if that meant I do trust you, or, let’s not ruin this moment with the truth.

With a sigh, she withdrew from him, and they went inside to meet with the others in the group.

The pastor began once everyone had found a seat. I’d like to begin today with an introduction. I know many of you have already met Seth Hargrove.

Hunter whispered in her ear. I met him in class today. Poor guy just lost his wife six months ago. You can tell he’s eager for friendship.

Holly knew her husband’s heart enough to know that he felt for the man’s loss, but Hunter would be too controlled to let that show beyond superficial cordialness. She would suggest that they have him over for dinner, but she was afraid that he would interpret that as something other than it was.

After the introduction, the pastor began to lay out the purpose of today’s meeting. There are different areas in which you all can sign up to work. We have concessions, games, and some rides.

What are you going to do? Hunter whispered, and she could feel his breath tickling her ear. It sent a thrill down her.

I’m not sure. What do you want to do? She felt that familiar thrill of excitement rush through the pit of her stomach. She tried not to like it too much.

I want to do whatever you want to do. They both said at the same time.

Their hushed giggles drew a smirk from the woman sitting next to them.

The dark mood that had hung over them during lunch dissipated, and Holly was hesitant to do anything that might upset the lighthearted banter between them. You choose.

He looked down at her, his eyes sparkling with love. Holly knew if they hadn’t been in the middle of the church, he would have kissed her. That wicked part of her rose, but she shoved it down. If she could just keep her passions wrestled down, maybe he would look at her as trustworthy.

Everyone started to rise, signing up with whatever group they wanted to go with. Hunter laced his fingers through hers, and Holly tried hard to control the beating of her heart. Hunter stopped beside the newcomer.

I’m not really sure what I’ll be good at, Seth said as a smile lifted his mouth, but it wasn’t reflected in his light brown eyes. My wife always did this with me... Seth’s voice was barely a whisper, and Holly’s heart cinched with pain for this man. She would have reached out and touched his arm in comfort, but there was Hunter...

Why don’t the three of us work together? Hunter’s suggestion took her by surprise.

When she looked up at Hunter, she saw the compassion in his eyes - the compassion that kept him from serving, from ministering, from forgiving. Compassion was a weakness in Hunter’s eyes.

I guess that would be great. Seth’s shoulders lifted a little and Hunter shook his hand, reintroducing himself.

Yes, we met in the men’s Bible study class.

And this is my wife, Holly. The way Hunter said it, with such pride and joy, filled Holly with a renewed sense of worth.

She shook the man’s hand briefly before tucking her own back into her husband’s warm, waiting grasp.

Well, we could do something simple like work with the bouncy houses. I don’t know about you, Seth, but I’m not that handy with a hammer. I’m not sure I could build one of the games the pastor spoke of.

Seth laughed and agreed I don’t fare much better in that department.

Holly hesitated, but something within her propelled her to speak up. I am.

Both men turned toward her as she repeated. I can build the game. I mean, I need your help, but my dad built and repurposed furniture.

Hunter was staring down at her. She rarely spoke of her past, and he knew it was a sensitive subject with her, though she had never elaborated why.

Do you really think you have the skills?

Hunter’s question deflated a little of the wind in her sails. Her voice was soft. Yes, I do. I used to help him all the time. I think we could build this one. Holly pointed to a tossing game fashioned like Noah’s ark. It is pretty simple to cut this out. She placed her hand on Hunter’s arm. And you are pretty good at drawing. Could you make the animals?

Hunter shrugged. Sure.

Seth clapped his hands once as if to signal the matter was over. Well, if the lady believes we can do it, I say we trust her.

Seth had no idea how much his words cut at her heart.

Okay. Hunter signed their names on the sheet, and they gathered at a table in the corner, spending the next half hour discussing their plan of action.

Holly took the lead, hesitantly at first, but growing bolder from the encouraging looks she received from both men. They parted ways, and Holly was feeling very proud of herself.

The ride home was silent, and Holly caught Hunter shooting a questioning look occasionally.

As they walked into the house, Hunter shut the door and dropped his keys on a nearby table. The metallic clink on the glass surface and his words were the first breaks in the awkward silence that had prevailed since they left the church.

Elusive.

She turned toward him and raised an auburn eyebrow. What?

He pulled her purse strap off her shoulder and pulled her into his embrace. Elusive. I was thinking today that was the best word to describe you. After five years of marriage, I am just finding out you are a carpenter.

Holly willed her heartbeat to stop drumming in her ears at his nearness. If only he didn’t look so good, smell so good, I wouldn’t be filled with all these thoughts.

I’m not a carpenter. She blushed as he ran his hand up and down her back.

His hand slipped into the auburn curtain of her hair, cupping her neck right below the ear. Using his thumb to tilt her face upwards, he lowered his lips to hers. But you are elusive.

Holly pulled back. Did he mean cold? She didn’t want to be, but she didn’t want to give rein to her emotions. She knew all too well the pitfalls of letting your emotions control you. Her stepmother had always reminded her of Colossians 3:5, So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Reminded? Holly scoffed. She hissed it at me day and night the entire two years I lived there.

But as angry as she was with her stepmother, she had to accept the wisdom of her words. She had seen the consequences of letting those earthly things stay there. Her passion and desire for her husband was a raging thing that she fought with daily. And as good as it felt to be in his arms, she had to reign it in before it led to sin.

I don’t mean to be. Her words were a whisper against his lips, and he hovered over her as if waiting for her to respond to him. She opened her eyes and looked into his. It was if he was begging her to let go, just once. To let go of her tightly reined-in passion.

She pulled back a little more, and she didn’t miss the disappointment that registered in his eyes. I love you.

I know. He rubbed his nose lightly against hers, but still refused to kiss her.

Her restraint was snapping, and she knew if she kissed him now, her passion wouldn’t be controlled like she always kept it. She would have stepped out of his embrace,