What Now

By Dan Stains

What Now is written to assist people through times of change. It’s particularly relevant in these very trying times of COVID-19. It is not a how-to manual; it’s an entertaining and humbling account of how one person discovered the most powerful transformation force of all! How he recreated himself after being unceremoniously sacked from the job he had dreamed about as a teenager.

What Now tells the story of how a barefoot and frightened little boy from the remote bush of Australia went on to play State of Origin for Queensland, represent Australia and achieve his dream of being a Head Coach, leading the London Broncos alongside Sir Richard Branson onto the hallowed turf of Wembley Stadium. After tragically losing his father at the tender age of three, he unconsciously sought out older people as role models.

In his story, Dan Stains reflects on his quest in search of the most powerful transformational force available. The lessons he uncovered on this journey lead the reader on a path to reveal their own What Now. The rollercoaster ride takes the reader on a sometimes uneasy and humbling path. From the foothills of East Cooyar, to the raucous applause of screaming fans at the best football stadiums in the world, Dan discovers that the ‘open sesame’ to change is by simply loving all of life, including and especially yourself, and the rest is taken care of.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Nov 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9781398438231

Dan Stains

Dan Stains is former professional Rugby League player where he captained both the Cronulla Sharks and the Balmain Tigers in the NRL. He represented Australia and Queensland in State of Origin. He now owns and operates a personal training studio on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland. When he is not devoting his time to looking after the health of a few of his friends, you will find him either on the golf course or walking his dog, Arnold, on the beach.

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About the Author

Dan Stains is former professional Rugby League player where he captained both the Cronulla Sharks and the Balmain Tigers in the NRL. He represented Australia and Queensland in State of Origin. He now owns and operates a personal training studio on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland. When he is not devoting his time to looking after the health of a few of his friends, you will find him either on the golf course or walking his dog, Arnold, on the beach.

Dedication

To my sons Izaak and Jacob,

‘Thank you for showing me how to be a Man’

Copyright Information ©

Dan Stains 2023

The right of Dan Stains to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of author’s memory. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781398438217 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781398438224 (Hardback)

ISBN 9781398438231 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgement

Firstly, I’d like to thank Karren Hodder for inspiring me to write this book. I had never met Karen before she first made contact, informing me that she had a dream about us collaborating on a book. This book didn’t turn out as she had dreamt however What Now is a result of her belief in me. Next there was Sami Mallinder. For a Yorkshire lady, she understands and writes the English language as well as the Queen herself. I am especially grateful for her incredible love, helping me write about sensitive times in my life. To Roxanne McCarty-O’Kane who brought her incredible talent and love to her job of helping me collate and document my thoughts. To Kerry Hills for keeping it classy. Lastly to Jen Horsford, Trish Fitzgerald, Jolene Southey and Amanda Manton for their help and love with their input into the editing.

Preface

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about

creating yourself.

– George Bernard Shaw

It is the middle of the night, and the air is still as I lie on my back on my boys’ trampoline staring up at the stars. In that moment, there is just me. Me and my thoughts. They wander aimlessly, touching on some of the more memorable moments of my life so far.

I’m transported back in time, where the raucous sound of tens of thousands of screaming Rugby League fans vibrates down the hallway as I join the informal line of my fellow teammates on our way out to the field. This is hallowed ground, a moment in time that will be forever etched into my mind. It has been many years in the making, and the significance of the journey I took to get there is not lost on me. Here I am, a boy from the country who used to run on an uneven field full of holes, toting a tattered leather football, and coming up against boys much older than me, now wearing the green and gold, about to experience one of the pinnacles of my career.

Then I am snapped back to the more recent past. I’d made it as an international coach, smashing my high expectations of making a mark at an elite level, only for it to come crashing down in spectacular fashion.

I recall many of the highs and lows of my life, and there have been many, while lying on the trampoline. I am undoubtedly at a low. Tears run down my face as I feel a yearning for my father, who left this earth when I was just four years old. I sincerely wanted Dad to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything would be OK. I feel completely stripped back, raw even. But even in my heart, I know that if my father was here in this moment, all he could do is to reassure me. Because things would get better, and the universe would provide for me. I know this in my heart; I’d seen it time and again throughout my life.

There is no doubt I have experienced countless hits, and they have come in both physical and emotional forms. The physical poundings I had taken came thick and fast while playing the Greatest Game of All—Rugby League—for the Cronulla Sharks, the Balmain Tigers, representing Queensland in The State of Origin, and Australia at an international level. The emotional hit of losing my father at a young age, being unceremoniously dumped from my first international coaching post, and seeing two marriages crumble … the culmination of all of this meant I was battle weary.

On the flipside, I had achieved so much and realised the dreams of a younger me. I had played under legendary super coaches such as Jack Gibson and Arthur Beetson. I made a name for myself as an international Rugby League coach and had become a father to two boys who I adored with every ounce of my being.

In this moment on the trampoline, however, I feel anxious and a certain level of fear, perhaps even depression. This is caused by the yawning chasm of an uncertain future. I’d achieved everything I’d wanted to and more on the field. What, the hell, now?

My life, up until that point, had been very focused and organised. There was always a goal to achieve. A vision to manifest. Always a token job to turn up to. But now, I had uncertainty for the first time, and it was unnerving. Every experience I have had and every obstacle I have overcome in my life has taught me a lesson. Most of the poignant ones have come from people I know, love, and respect – my family and work colleagues. I have also been fortunate enough to count some of Rugby League’s super coaches as some of my greatest mentors. These are the people I looked up to while growing up.

Their lessons were many and greatly varied, delivered with perfect precision at the times in my life when I most needed to hear them – although I’ll be the first to admit that some didn’t always sink in right away.

What Now? Is the result of some serious soul searching and includes the lessons learned from mentors who came in many different forms along the way. The idea of this book started to form in November 2016, when I arrived home from a two-year adventure of living, travelling, and working in Europe and Asia. The time overseas was a fantastic adventure and opened my eyes to different cultures and ways of doing things.

However, after arriving home, I took stock of my life. My children were fully grown and responsible adults living great lives which they had chosen. My previous business that funded the stage of raising my family and putting the kids through school had long been sold. There was a sense of freedom. Finally, I could breathe, exercise when I wanted, and simply focus on myself. However, the further I went down the path of utopia, the more I found myself distracted, lost, and quite simply, dare I say it, depressed. It seemed the more time I had, the less I did.

Throughout my life to date, I have been a fitter machinist, salesman, personal trainer, security guard, cleaner, barman, traffic controller, and real estate agent. They have all been respectable jobs. But none compared to the pride I felt when I would say I was a business owner, professional Rugby League player, or head coach.

Following my travels, I became embarrassed when friends or new acquaintances would ask, ‘What do you do?’ I struggled to answer this basic question. I started feeling restless and longing for the excitement of the past. I set about trying to re-create a driver that would excite and make me happy.

After all, isn’t happiness the mother of all goals/ objectives/ intentions? I drew on all the knowledge and experiences of my past to look for inspiration and possibly find the answer and the key to what my new purpose would be. But it seemed the harder I tried, the further from me peace and joy became. I was sinking into a deep black hole of depression, where frustration, regret, and guilt seemed to be my constant companions. I was treading the fine line between being propelled into action from my own inspiration and waiting for divine intervention to light my way forward.

I love a story I heard over 20 years ago while driving from Cronulla to Balmain. It has been told in many different forms over the years, but I first heard it on a personal development tape. I listened to so many during those hour-long trips between the two suburbs that I forget whose tape it was that I’d heard it on. The story was about a deeply religious man named Albert. He was raised and resided in South Carolina, a beautiful southern state of USA, known for its vast coastline and lush gardens.

The US emergency services sent a message to all residents in Albert’s area that they had to leave immediately due to rising floodwaters. Albert wasn’t having any of it. He simply stated while relaxing on his porch, ‘Don’t worry about me. The Lord will save me!’

As predicted, the floodwaters rose quickly, and the emergency services went to Albert’s rescue in their lifeboat. He calmly pushed them away again, Don’t worry about me. The Lord will save me! Within a couple of hours, the floodwaters covered the first floor of Albert’s two-storey Southern-style home, forcing him to relocate to the second-floor balcony.

The emergency services arrived in another lifeboat, again coming to Albert’s rescue, stating there was more water on the way, and he must get in the boat. Again, Albert defiantly stated, Don’t worry about me. The Lord will save me!

The floodwaters kept rising, and Albert was forced to the roof of his beautiful home. Despite the dangerous weather, emergency services flew a helicopter to quickly winch him to safety. Again, the same words ‘Don’t worry about me. The Lord will save me,’ flowed from Albert’s mouth as quickly as the raging waters that now surrounded his home. The emergency services team had no option. For their own safety, they were forced to leave Albert and fly back to base.

I’m sure we all understand Albert’s disappointment at the Lord when the floodwaters kept rising, finally drowning him. On his entry to the Pearly Gates, Albert demanded a meeting with the Lord. Because of his impeccable and righteous lifestyle, he was granted his wish. Humbling himself before the Lord, Albert stated with conviction, I was telling the world you would save me, and you let me drown. How and why could you allow this to happen?

The Lord’s response was short, simple and straight to the point, I sent you two lifeboats and a helicopter!

I find this story so relevant because there have been times in my life where I have wished for a solution or a magic bullet that would fix the dilemma I found myself in. This was the point I was at while lying on that trampoline. Call it what you will; God, The Universe, Buddha, Ganesh, Woo, or Presence, but that force that is bigger than myself works in mysterious ways; always finding a solution to my woes. However, I never quite know what package my solution will arrive in.

What this book will show you is that the philosophies we hold can sometimes be flawed, and that’s OK. It’s my hope that by sharing the pivotal moments from growing up as a small dairy farm boy to living the highs of an elite Rugby League player and a successful career, you will be able to choose your own lifeboat or helicopter from the lessons I’ve learned.

Despite some incredible highs, there were times in my life where I arrived at the stage of feeling I’d lost purpose for living. Other times, I was so highly focused on personal development and bettering myself that I lost sight of what it means to be accepting of who I am and where I was in that present moment.

One thing I know for sure is every challenge that presents itself on this journey of life requires a fresh approach.

Throughout the excitement of youth when I was pursuing those lofty dreams of playing and coaching in the National Rugby League through to living my fulfilling life on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, there was no shortage of physical and emotional hurdles to overcome.

It seems when I do find an answer to a problem, I am then presented with another problem, and the solution I thought was the answer doesn’t seem to work the next time – I’m sure golfers all over the world can relate to this.

The great Jack Gibson, who I had looked up to as a kid and wanted to emulate as my career steered from professional player to elite coach, was a firm believer in the KISS philosophy – Keep It Simple, Stupid. Sometimes the answer is so simple we often miss it. Jack would often state, ‘Those who don’t hear the music think the dancers are mad!’¹

This is when I stumbled upon the simple mantra – loving life in all creations, including and especially myself. That’s all that is required. This single and quite simple call to action came to my rescue. But for me to fully understand the power in this statement, I first needed to have a clear understanding of what the word love meant and how to apply it.

In the past, I have tied myself in knots looking for answers externally and believing I required a strong and exciting purpose to be happy. The pages of this book contain the lessons I have encountered, and admittedly sometimes taken a long time to learn. My path has ventured from a life of bondage, where it was all about achieving and doing, to the life of true freedom and ease I now live. My ongoing desire to constantly rediscover my purpose, borne from that tearful night on the trampoline, has brought me to the stage where inner peace is my main objective. Mine is now simply a life of being rather than doing.

After many years of chasing dreams and looking outside of myself for fulfilment, I’ve created this book to showcase the series of reminders and signposts I’ve come across to discovering my own path to inner peace and joy.

As was anonymously quoted, ’There is a secret to everything, and that secret is You.’

---

F Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarthustra, A book for none and all, trans. Walter Kaufmann, Penguin, London, 1978.↩︎

Lesson 1

Words of Affirmation

It’s the repetition of affirming that leads to belief, and once that belief becomes deep conviction, things begin to happen.

– Claude M. Bristol

Hindsight is powerful. It’s very easy to look back on your life and see the footprints and evidence that led to the place where you now stand. At the time, you think its luck. It’s easy to look at things that guide you and give clarity as coincidence. I look back on my childhood now as a period of creation, knowing I was guided by people and circumstances in my life. I was fortunate to be surrounded by many people who gave me an incredibly stable and positive foundation on which to build my life. However, like many journeys, my path through life thus far has not been smooth by any means.

My only memory of my dad and ironically, my first taste of loss, was waiting for him at the front gate of our small dairy farm at East Cooyar in Queensland. We had a sacred tradition where Dad would pull me onto his lap and let me ride the tractor to the farmhouse after a long day toiling on the property. One day, while waiting for him to engage with me in our usual homebound routine, I was playing in the long grass and was hidden out of his sight. Dad drove right past me to the house. My little heart sank. I was devastated and was struggling to catch my breath as I cried my eyes out and started wading through the long grass to hike the 500 metres up the hill towards home.

Through the fog of my teary eyes, I looked up and there, like a beacon of hope and light, I saw Dad on the tractor driving toward me. He stopped, his big frame leaning out of the tractor to sweep me up and lift me to the safety of his embrace. He wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled me close. I remember his body was damp with sweat from working in the heat all day. Dad placed me on his lap and said reassuringly, ‘Danny, I will always be with you. I will never leave you. I love you so much.’

In the prior moment where I thought he’d left me behind, I felt so much fear and loss. As we embraced on the tractor, his care and love made all the fear instantly disappear. Sitting safe and proud on his lap in the tractor, driving back towards the farmhouse together, I was smiling. I felt clothed in armour. My dad had given me this amazing gift