Rubik's Man: I'm Rich and You're Dead | LitRPG: Rubik's Man: I'm Rich and You're Dead, #1

By AuthorsDread LLC

Smoke Pac, a top gangster of Clown City fell to the lower rung of the criminal ladder and became a sewage rat left for dead. He was betrayed and brutally killed by his former mafia associates. During his death, he accidentally awakened the mysterious powers of the Rubik's Cube System. With his new lease on life and newfound powers, he vowed to regain his title as number one Crime Lord of Clown City while relishing in his sweet-sweet revenge.

 

This is a LitRPG Noir intended for mature audience. 

Follow me on twitter at: @Authors_Dread

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorsDread LLC
• Release date: Jul 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9791222400563

Book preview

Chapter 1 - Clown City’s Crystal Nightclub

Main Character’s P.O.V (Point of View)

‘Strike! Strike!’

My goddamn lighter was acting up again. It took me 5 tries just to ignite my cigarette. I inhaled the calming fumes of nicotine and let it satiate my lungs for a while before releasing the smoke from my nostrils. I loved smoking, it prevented my brutal nose hairs from growing into a disturbance.

‘Inhale... exhale...’

My nerves were calm again. These days I was finding it damn difficult to stay calm due to my recent business ventures. I was a businessman who dealt with the distribution of certain illicit products that were in high demand. My customer network was very widespread.

‘Inhale... exhale...’

As I dragged my legs to the front entrance of Crystal Nightclub, a smoking hot babe who I dated for a few minutes walked up to me with a gaze of thirst and passion. She called out to me in a cute voice.

Hi, Smoke Pac. This foxy little thing placed her soft hand on my exposed chest and fiddled with a few of my chest hairs. Do you have a smoke? Oh, what am I saying, of course, you do. She spoke as if it was a habit of mine to carry around extra cigarettes and you know what, it was.

You know I always carry a pack of smoke, Cindy. I dipped into my jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered a cig to her.

Thank you, babe. Watching Cindy clasping her candy lips on the addictive cig brought back fond memories of when we used to be intimate. Those were some good times. Cindy gave me one of the coolest popsicles I’ve ever had. She was skilled that way because her mouth was tighter than you know what.

See you around, Smoke Pac. She spat some fumes in my direction before she started walking away.

Whatever. Pushing that intoxicated woman aside, I directed my feet into the central establishment of adult entertainment and criminal activity.

Crystal Nightclub was the main hotspot in Clown City for wannabe gangsters, crime syndicates, and affluent dissidents as well as stinking, sweaty gutter rats. Those bastards would scurry in the dark corners unnoticed; even take a few sips of paying customers' drinks without their consent. These rodents were so elusive that even the exterminators couldn’t eradicate them. For so long they have been roaming the dirty floors until they eventually became pioneers of Crystal Nightclub.

This was the place to be if you had a lot of pent up energy and the wife at home wasn’t making any effort to open her clamped legs. Nowadays, the war between genders became so rampant that many males were afraid of ripping the panties off their significant other, otherwise, they would be met with sexual harassment charges.

In light of this new development, many men came to Crystal Nightclub to satisfy their untrammelled urges when their partner or stay at home Barbie dolls weren’t giving away any. The babes in this famed establishment of debauchery and under-the-counter drugs were super-hot.

All of Clown City’s most renowned doxies were gathered here to make a quick buck. The glorious apples that God sculpted for them coupled with their mushy varying size melons were their most prideful assets; not to mention their moist naughty bits, the bushier the better I say.

By shaking their licentious assets in the faces of rich businessmen, the exotic dancers of Crystal Nightclub would regularly make at least 25,000 Crowns every night. The top-performing women here would make 100,000 Crowns and additional bonuses given if they went the extra mile and let some rich bastards have fun with them.

It’s a buffet of sweaty beauties all around me. No wonder this nightclub is so famous. The excited drools of this excited middle-aged man trickled down his rough stubble and fell onto the slick toes of an ebony candy who was performing on one of the many stages spread across the ground floor of the club. 

This ebony brunette was a chick I personally vetted if you know what I mean. Unlike Candy, she had bigger melons to munch on and more round apples to squeeze. It had been a while since I had my junk in her trunk so I don’t remember her name. Anyway, she was enjoying her feet getting licked by the middle-aged man whose appearance was very much unattractive. He was madly sucking on her pedicured toes as if he was sucking on tasty candy.

The ebony brunette giggled occasionally to further entice this out of shape bastard, however, I could tell that she was very disgusted inside. She only kept up the facade of enjoyment because this ugly son of a bitch had very steep pockets. He had become a regular big spender of this prime establishment a month ago. The ladies loved dancing on the tables wherever he was present. 100,000 Crowns were nothing for him to splash all over their bodies of prime delight. Due to his lavish spending and foot fetish, he acquired the cognomen, Papa Feet.

Don’t be such a naughty boy, Big Daddy. Enjoy the dance but don’t touch.

I recognized this voice and drifted my gaze abreast Papa Feet where an exaggeratingly large man was madly squeezing away at Blondie’s big apples, she had to slap his hands away a few times for him to behave himself. Blondie was giving him an exotic lap dance, one that had his excitement soaring through the roof. His body was so damn big that she resembled a little child gyrating in his lap. If I weren’t already familiar with Blondie’s age I would have put a bullet in Big Daddy’s head for alleged paedophilia

Hi, Smoke Pac.

Huh? I heard a familiar beauty calling out to me and directed my curious gaze towards the bar. A young bartender whom I’ve also vetted personally came over to me and tried to swipe my cig from my lips.  

I dodged her nifty hands and heard her say, Did you bring any gift for me tonight, Smoke Pac?

I gestured to my crotch and told her, The only gift I brought for you, Tiffany is currently asleep in my pants.

Oh, then allow me to wake it up. This shameless bartender placed her hand on my baby-maker as if she was picking up a few nuts from a counter bowl.

I had to try and stop her. Be careful, Tiffany. Once you’ve awoken my python it might strangle you to death. She seemed especially vicious when I told her this.

That is exactly what I want, Smoke Pac. Tiffany pressed her buxom chest against mine and squeezed my family jewels even tighter.

Not tonight, Tiffany, not tonight. Her lust was too much for me to take at that moment, therefore, I removed her hand from my junk and spanked her jiggling apples back over by the bar. I could tell she liked the rough way I handled her by the alluring wink she gave me.

‘Inhale... exhale...’

Another puff of my cig calmed down my python which was about to slither out of captivity and spit its venom all over Tiffany. Go back to sleep, big fella. I have other important business to take care of tonight.

Putting my junk back to sleep, I walked on over to the stairway leading to the upper floor of Crystal Nightclub. My destination was the private chamber where my business partner usually spend most of her time counting her club earnings.

What the hell? To my surprise, a lot of well-known faces were packed inside the VIP areas of the club. I thought only Big Daddy and Papa Feet were the only repulsive figures of influence aside from myself but I was wrong.

Taking a quick scan of the upper level, many familiar faces were registered. Dr Leprechaun, that bushy beard midget was sitting around a VIP table sniffing on fancy cocaine from a stripper’s back. I wish she had farted in his face and soiled the taste of his stash. I loathed that dwarf son of a bitch. He thought because he was short he could go around cutting off people’s feet at his leisure. ‘One of these days he won’t be able to sniff any more powder from women’s ass crack.’

The next punk to stain my eyes was, Mr Scarf. He gained that name because no one had ever seen his neck. He always kept it hidden with that scarf of his. That wasn’t the juicy part. I heard from a credible source that every woman he’d even been with turned up dead in a ditch somewhere with a scarf wrapped around their heads. Many of his victims died of asphyxiation and over the top lacerations.

Mr Scarf thought that he was the top crime lord in Clown City but he was only deluding himself because I owned 70% of the underground gangs and valuable properties.

Mr Scarf was conversing with another self-proclaimed overlord of Clown City. He was the most detestable of them all and my lifelong rival. Sharp Stepper, that turd face who always dressed up fancy like some billionaire playboy had recently acquired more territory. My sources told me that he’d been using underhanded tactics to weed out the rivalling gangs. I detested that bastard's guts. Not only did he love to play dirty but he love stealing what was mine.

Next on my pissed-off list was Delilah Turncoat, my unfaithful ex-wife who was shacking up with Sharp Stepper while we were still married. Of course, I cheated a few times here and there but that still didn’t excuse her duplicitous behaviour of screwing my most bitter enemy.

‘Look at her. Sitting in his lap and letting him squeeze her fake ass right in front of my face. What a damn boner killer.’ Because of what she had done to me, I promised myself that I would chop off my junk if it ever so much as extended a millimetre whenever I glance at that poisonous woman.

Hi, Chris. That wench saw me looking at her from across the room and blew a jeering kiss at me, she even started sucking on that bastard’s lip just to piss me off further. What a damn cockroach. I wanted to squash her so badly beneath my feet.

Hey, Chris you’re here early.

Huh? As I turned around to face the person who called out to me, I instantly recognized who it was. Madam Plastic, she was the big sis of Crystal Nightclub who oversaw all the enlisted ladies along with the establishment’s night to night operations.

Madam Plastic’s appellation wasn’t without reason. She acquired this name due to the many surgical implants and plastic surgery that she’d done to her body. Her boobs were stretched to their limit; her ass was round and bouncy like a balloon; her waist was slender and curvy like a sculpted manikin; her nails were tall as a vampire’s and more colourful than a rainbow; also, her face was tighter than a virgin’s merchandise. Not a single wrinkle or blemish was present on her face. It was as if she used Gorilla Glue to keep her skin from sagging. This fake woman was actually in her early sixties but to everyone else who lacked discernment, she resembled a 25-year-old lady.

Madam Plastic came up to me with her lascivious glances and locked my right arm between her left arm. She held me so closely that I could feel the squishy substance of her fake boobs stimulating my muscles. 

Darting my eyes about, I asked her, Madam Plastic, what the hell is going on here? How come I had no idea that so many high rollers would be visiting the club tonight?

Scanning the open booths present at the VIP areas on the top floor of the club, I identified a few more big shots having a nice time.

The Dark Kite. He was the notorious supervillain of Clown City who had a fetish for attaching his victims’ heads to a cord and letting them fly across the city with his special kites.

The Smurf Trio. Their group consisted of a bunch of brawny broads who loved belittling men's equipment. They would often cut off the toolkit of the men who failed to please them in bed and otherwise. I heard that they would toss the castrated nuts into a special fish tank of theirs and feed them to raving piranhas.

Blind Psycho. That old pervert was very skilled in martial arts. One time during a police raid on his underground smuggling ring, I heard that he brutally slaughtered some officers so bad that they wouldn’t have been able to tell them apart from chopped beef had it not been for pieces of their uniforms that were mixed in with their sliced body parts.

2Chin. This fatso shouldn’t even be included in the ranks but he was so large that I couldn’t resist mentioning him. He gained his mediocre fame and moniker due to his monstrous obesity. He was so meaty that he had multiple chins cascading over his neck. If you ask me, they should have called the big slob, 6Chins instead of 2Chin.

Next, we have, Mrs Shades. She was never without her glasses, no one has ever seen the true colour of her eyes. An elusive mysticism was about her.  

Lastly, Yao Ming. The boss of the Orient Triads. I’m not sure if she was a woman or a man, it could have been both or a hermaphrodite.

I recognized a few more figures but they were small fries in the industry not worth mentioning. As I directed my focus back to Madam Plastic, a radiant shimmer entered my field of vision. I observed a snow-white beauty stepping out of the private restroom corridor.

That woman is here also, Story Book Fairy? I shivered as this dangerous princess walked by me. Her ice-cold aura instantly shrivelled my balls. They returned sagging after she left my proximity.

Madam Plastic noticed my fearful expression and asked, What’s the matter, Chris, are you feeling threatened by all these influential figures here tonight? I thought you wanted to become one of the top brass of Clown City. Well, now is the perfect opportunity to mingle with a few of these influential folks. If you like, I don’t mind giving you an introduction.

No thanks. I immediately turned down her offer. What would they think if they saw a gorgeous woman leading the way for me? They would think I have no spine and label me as a common upstart.

Nonsense. Madam Plastic ignored my earlier statement and began leading me to one of the VIP booths. She also told me, Don’t belittle yourself, Chris. You’re a talented young man who possesses a certain attribute that made this nightclub the hit that it is today. If it weren’t for your astute business ethics and my charming charisma, Crystal Nightclub wouldn’t have become the main gathering hotspot for rich influences in Clown City. Even the CCPD (Clown City Police Department) have no pull here.

Yeah, you’re right. What Madam Plastic said boosted my confidence in myself. Attaining the ancient valour of kings, I allowed her to be my chaperone for the night.

With Madam Plastic by my side, I got to mingle with a few important figures who were in a similar line of work. Naturally, I ignored the detestable bastards who I was already acquainted with. The most memorable person that I spoke to that night was Story Book Fairy. She had an energy about her that I could easily relate to. My first impression of her had been completely redacted.

We immediately kicked off on good terms with our conversation. I shared with her a bit of my past and how I got within the illicit trade, nothing too personal. She also shared with me a few of her dark secrets. Apparently, she acquired the name Story Book Fairy because of her special type of relationship with children. It’s too early for me to elaborate right here, however, her particular interest in children compelled her to create numerous orphanages across Clown City. As an orphan myself, I was proud of what she’d done. Our conversation was going smoothly up until Sharp Stepper and my whore of an ex-wife came over and interrupted us.

Pardon my intrusion, Ms Story Book Fairy. I was on my way out and couldn’t just leave without exchanging a few words with someone of your high calibre. This playboy acted as if he was the hottest dude in the club as if the women’s beauty couldn’t compare to his.

Huh? After greeting Story Book Fairy, Sharp Stepper glanced at me as if he had just spotted a piece of shit on the roadside. His condescending gaze made me so goddamn furious that I almost burst a blood vessel in my head.

Calm down, Chris. Madam Plastic sensed my rage pulsating through the tip of her breast and did her best to alleviate my stress.

Wow, I’ve never met such a suave gentleman before. Hearing Story Book Fairy complimenting that shit for brains’ good looks reignited my rage. So what if he was in his late twenties? I looked much better than him when I was his age. I wasn’t some washed-up gangster as he wanted others to believe.

While Delilah stood behind him, Sharp Stepper bent forward and cupped the miss’s hand. It was nice meeting you, Ms Story Book Fairy. I will be taking my leave now. Have a good night.

Same to you handsome.

It was hurtful for me to watch that asshole kissing this gorgeous snow white’s hand goodbye with his crusty lips. I was sitting right between them and at that moment it was as if I never existed.

I’ll be going as well. Feeling utterly humiliated, I undid Madam Plastic’s grasp from my arm and got up from around the table. As I was walking by Sharp Stepper and my treacherous ex-wife I gave them a glare of pure hatred. If eyes could kill people then those 2 would have died right then and there on the spot.

Goodnight, Chris, Delilah spoke to me with her smelly syphilis mouth as if we were on good terms. By her narcissistic body language, I could tell that she was trying to make me punch her in the face.

Not tonight bitch. I released my fists to my side and walked away like a real man. I wasn’t about to let some duplicitous woman have me make a fool of myself in front of so many high rollers.

‘Inhale... exhale...’

The smoke from my cig calmed down my pulsating nerves. I retired my legs to the private office that I had on the top floor of Crystal Nightclub. From there I would be able to look through the tinted window frame at everything happening below.

Chapter 2 - The Purring Asian Kitty Cat

The door to my private office creaked open and lo and behold an unfavourable large gift box was sitting in the dead centre of the room waiting for me to unwrap it. I didn’t even have to guess what or rather who was inside it. This shit had been happening so frequently that I knew exactly what to expect.

I ignored the contents hidden within the gift box and walked on over to my desk. I emptied my pockets onto the table before settling my behind into my office chair. Ah, that’s so comfortable. I had been on my feet the entire day so some relaxation time was overdue.

‘Rattle! Rattle!’

Hmm... I observed the gift box shaking slightly, yet I ignored it. I directed my attention to a stash of cigars I had stored in a neat little box crafted from decent mahogany wood. I put out my shrivelled cig in the ashtray before taking out one of the big fat juicy cigars.

I sniffed its wrapped contours for the enchanting aroma. Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. Ms Tobacco, Ms Tobacco. I’m going to savour sucking on this big fat lady.

‘Rattle! Rattle!’

Huh? The shaking of the gift box became more constant not to mention annoying. I became so pissed off that I eventually had to stash back my sexy cigar into the wooden box.

Staring intensely at the shaking gift box I hollered, For the love of God stop rattling my damn nerves and get your skinny ass out of there!

‘Boom!’

Immediately after I raised my voice, the box burst open. A petite Asian chick wearing an alluring custom with fake cat ears and a fluffy cat tail strapped to her rear revealed herself to me in full view. Judging by her pouty expression, she looked upset by something or someone.

I curse you, Smoke Pac. Why didn’t you open the gift I so delicately prepared for you? She stomped all over the untangled box. Do you know how hard I worked on this stupid thing? I did it all just to entice you. Am I not stimulating enough for you anymore?

As she asked this question, I observed her hopping closer to me while pretending to be a sexy kitty cat. She pushed aside the objects I had on my desk and climbed on top of it. She positioned her apple butt smack in my face. I could see all the erogenous imprints entering my eyes.

‘This chick is so damn persistent.’ I thought to myself. ‘She’s been bugging me all week long to grab her long hair and take her from behind like a wild animal.’ Sadly, I wasn’t feeling her sensual vibe. Although she was old enough to purchase a ticket for my roller-coaster, in my eyes, she looked like illegal meat so I couldn’t touch her.

Shifting her bony ass out of my face, I said, Himeko I thought I told you to cut this erotic shit out. How many times are you going to make me repeat myself?

She looked at me seeming a bit miffed and retorted, As many times it will take for you to ravish me like you did the other girls.

And why are you so fixated on me? I wasn’t even the one who recruited you. Madam Plastic told me that you’ve passed all the examinations and the person who vetted you was her grandson, Teedo. I’ve seen the guy in action before, his wang is much bigger than mine, so I don’t get why you are so interested in me.

That big oaf is nothing compared to you, Smoke Pac. True he has a big wang but he handled me too roughly as if he was handling a sheep or something. He has no finesse with women whatsoever. I know that he’s her kin but I think that Madam Plastic should get rid of him. I am not the only lady who complains about his abrasive attitude, others have as well.

And what makes you think that I’m any different, Himeko? I treat women like toilet paper. One wipe to my ass and that’s it. When the roll is finished, it’s into the toilet they go. Just a button away from getting flushed.

You can’t scare me away with that dirty talk, Smoke Pac. Himeko slid off the table and dropped herself into my lap. Her legs were very soft and slippery so I guessed she was using that special lotion that was provided for all the ladies on staff.

Himeko wiggled her behind in my lap, moreover, placed her ear against my chest. I know you have some goodness somewhere in that heart of yours, Smoke Pac. If you could see past all the smoke then probably you could appreciate it.

I highly doubt that. Still, I’m not feeling up for it tonight, Himeko. Maye later.

Are you serious? Himeko’s eyes became vicious as a tigress’s. You’re only 32 years old not some washed-up grandpa. I’m certain that Mr Wang still works in your department. Is it that you don’t find me attractive enough? Here I am completely submissive in your lap and you’re not making any advances. What do I have to do for you to do me silly?

Before I had a chance of answering Himeko’s inquiry, the door to my office swung wide open and Madam Plastic came in and misread the situation.

Chris and Himeko? So this is what you rather be doing instead of being out there trying to get acquainted with influential folks? How many times do I have to tell you, Chris, you can’t move up in life if your head is always stuck between some woman’s crotch! You would do well to listen to me.

Madam Plastic slammed the door on her way out. It didn’t require an expert analyst to know that she was upset. Look at what you’ve done Himeko. Because of your uncontrollable horniness, I was scolded. How will you make up for this?

"How about a nice