FINDING FREEDOM A Soldier's Journey to Bliss: A Soldier's Journey to Bliss

By Kernel Seemunz

This book is much about the journey to finding complete freedom into blissful living. Years of combined deployments in the household, paired with stressful responsibilities in uniform, contributed to the demise of a professional woman's desire for love. To be free is to be happy. Happiness involves love, and happiness is the most critical ingred

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kernel Seemunz
• Release date: Dec 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9798869060549

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FINDING FREEDOM:

A Soldier’s Journey to Bliss

By

Kernel Seemunz

Table of Contents

Dedication

Preface

Acknowledgment

CHAPTER ONE:

WHO AM I?

CHAPTER TWO:

MY HAPPY GOT AWAY!

CHAPTER THREE:

THE GAYLE TO MY OPRAH

CHAPTER FOUR:

FREENELL

CHAPTER FIVE:

FAMILY BY CHOICE

CHAPTER SIX:

HINGED ON HINGE

CHAPTER SEVEN:

FROG OF SHAME

CHAPTER EIGHT:

BUMBLING AROUND

CHAPTER NINE:

FIRST DATE

CHAPTER TEN:

THE BUNGHOLE CHRONICLE I

CHAPTER ELEVEN:

THE BUNGHOLE CHRONICLE II

CHAPTER TWELVE:

WHAT’S SEX GOT TO DO WITH IT?

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

RISQUE RISK IN RELATIONSHIP

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:

SHIT I GOT TO DO

CHAPTER FIFTEEN:

SHIT I LEARNED ABOUT MEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

SHIT I LEARNED ABOUT MEN’S PERSPECTIVE ON WOMEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:

SHIT I LEARNED ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

FINAL CHAPTER – SHIT TO SHARE

Dedication

To the two forever men in my life; I often tell you both, You’re my favorite son. I love you both the same. You made me who I am today. I will die for you. Yeah, you! Now you must figure out who you is; after all, you are Mommy’s favorite.

To my beloved country, I adore you more today than yesterday. My belief in knowing freedom is the foundation of your existence shall not perish.

To my people, please accept my sincerest apology when I unintentionally offended you. The rawest form of freedom is speech, and I have spent most of my life protecting it. Judge me not by the color of my words but by the strength of my punchlines. Smile and show your pearly whites or yellow...for some of you. Ba-dum-bum-CHING! (That’s the sound of the punchline drum; for those who didn’t get it...get it? Wink!)

Preface

To my comrades, my brothers, and sisters in uniform, I ask you this question. Have you ever had a laugh-out-loud, fun-filled party scene, complete with gluttony and excitement, inside Fort Bliss, Texas? If you answer yes to my question, you, my friend, are not a truth-teller. Fun is the antithesis of Fort Bliss. It is the land of heat and dirt. There are only two types of people inside Fort Bliss. Those postured to deploy and those supporting the Soldiers who will deploy. In either case. It is not a place to have some fun! It is long hours of training and qualifying to ensure Soldiers are combat-ready to fight and win our nation’s war.

I elected to employ Bliss as part of the title of this revelatory book. That is because Fort Bliss is the gateway to the countless difficulties many Soldiers and their Families endure servicing this great country and its people. It is only appropriate to use a double-entendre into my peeling of emotions as I come to share with you how I found my own bliss. Trust and believe, it was not a blissful voyage. But it has been blissfully satisfying as my train ride continues to chug along into my final train station; it is due to arrive at my own fort. Bliss! Come with me for the ride, won’t you? It might get bumpy along the way, but I guarantee you will arrive in bliss!

This book is much about the journey to finding complete freedom into blissful living. Years of combined deployments in the household, paired with stressful responsibilities in uniform, contributed to the demise of a professional woman’s desire for love. To be free is to be happy. Happiness involves love, and happiness is the most critical ingredient to blissful living! I must admit, part of the reason why I decided to write this book is to share my experiences and mishaps in hopes that someone out there can find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. Others go through the same trials and tribulations daily. We, as responsible adults, make decisions riddled with risks and peppered with consequences that we either become defeated or turn into resilient people. I prefer to be resilient and live a life that is enjoyable and peaceful. We only die once! Death is not a reoccurring event. Once you die, that is it! You leave behind the people you love, and hopefully, you leave enough legacy that you will forever be immortalized in their hearts and minds. So why not enjoy life to the fullest while you can? Let go of your hang-ups. Live a little, risk a little, laugh a little, and fuck a lot!

Hi everyone. First and foremost, I would like to thank you for sharing your precious time and energy with me. Before I take you on a journey of life’s lessons from tribulations and failures as a military Senior Officer, please allow me to introduce myself. But wait, to protect the privacy and anonymity of those involved, I must change the names and any identifiable information. Why? You ask. Because I get myself in enough trouble, but don’t let that deter you from reading this book. I guarantee you will laugh and learn from my experiences. I needed to soften the blow on this book; some of what you’ll read is out of my creative vocabulary. Mostly, the understated information is derived from the actual truth. This book is based on a true story enhanced with fanciful verbiage to aggrandize my scintillating objective. It is my hope that you take the lessons and apply them to your own voyage to find your true freedom and eventually thrust yourself into your own blissful life. The same way I did. To live a life in complete bliss is amazing! No one can break my soul, thanks to Beyonce. I live every day gleefully unapologetic, authentic, and genuine. I thought it wasn’t possible. I’m here to tell you it happened to me. It means my transition from settling to growing into my better self. Never again will I let someone steal my happiness. I made a pact with myself. I will no longer be available for anything that does not bring me pleasure. It is just that simple!

In addition, I aim to shine some light on the best organization in the world...The United States Army! I learned a plethora of life’s gold nuggets being a service member as an Enlisted soldier and as an Officer. You will get to know the dynamics of camaraderie and true friendships. Although service members are broken down into two types, Enlisted and Officers, many veterans will agree we are one. One Army, one discipline, and at the end of the day, we are all the same. It is in this notion that true and lifelong friends are built. Veterans have a bond. An unspoken immediate bond brought together by the same experiences and parted by different patterns in our fatigues. We shit the same, we sleep the same, and we put on pants the same way, one leg at a time!

Oh gosh, I used the word shit. Be warned, I may be a soldier, but I curse like a muddafuckin’ sailor! Oh yeah, baby, there is nothing like a good Fuck you, and Fuck it! I enjoy it. I made it a part of my resiliency plan. I think it is freeing to express emotions. It is very liberating. I believe it is an absolute ingredient to living your authentic self. To be transparent and vulnerable is very powerful. In the time when everyone is so sensitive and outwardly liberal, a good old-fashioned shit, fuck, and goddammit in between sentences is absafuckin’mazing. Try it one of these days in the comfort of your own space, and let it rip! Yell it out, and it’s marvelously empowering.

So far, you have learned I am a Soldier. I partake in daily shits and fucks. But what you don’t know is how I found my true happiness as a woman, a mother, a wife, a sister, and as someone’s partner. I led with the title Soldier because it is the essence of my being. When people ask, where did you grow up? I often say the Philippines or California. But I am compelled to reply, In the Army.

Hello, my name is Kernel Seemunz, and I am an American Soldier.

Acknowledgment

To Victor, thank you for loving me in your own special way. We made outstanding men. I will always love you.

To The Lasams, thank you for loving me unconditionally.

To Mom, D, Mrs. Gustave, Rowena, and my beautiful sister, Kangen Lady of OC, Mary Jane Cruz – Thank you for accepting me for who and what I am. I find comfort in knowing women of your caliber can love me with no strings attached.

Lastly, to Mr. Washington, thank you for being my muse.

CHAPTER ONE:

WHO AM I?

To find true comfort and happiness, the immediate step is to learn who you are. One must know oneself to form the recipe for one’s own happiness. Ascertaining your true self requires deep-rooted questions, as they will serve as the key that unlocks the shackles for you to release your fears and step into your own freedom.

Who am I? was the question I asked myself during a flight from the Philippines back to the United States. Christmas just passed, and the boys and I are on our way back to California to spend New Year with Victor, their dad. Notice I didn’t say my husband. That is because I have been living a love-minus marriage for the past 18 years. Some of you might ask what is a love-minus? A term most familiar to many is loveless. I cannot say I was in a loveless marriage, but what I can say is that it was love-minus! It was not complete. Yes, folks, eighteen f’ing years of love-minus, and we have been married for over 21 years. Years of no affection, zero intimacy, and a lackluster sex life landed me with an excellent therapist and countless prescription medications just to feel balanced as I pranced around my daily life. But let us table this part of my journey for now. The last thing I want is for you to feel sorry for me. This is not a pity party, and I am no victim. I made the decisions. I took the risks. I accepted the consequences a long time ago. All that I am saying is, please learn from my mistakes, and hopefully, you won’t be like me.

Click-click back to sitting in coach. I prefer flying in coach class because I have issues with my shoulders. I need them supported with the armrests during flights. The first-class seat is too wide. It requires me to lean, which, after an hour, becomes painful. Twenty-eight years of doing push-ups for the Army caused my shoulders to require support, not to mention very broad. When I joined the Army at the age of 17, I was skinny and petite. Now I look like a Gaddamn linebacker ready to pummel the Quarterback. Occupational hazard, I supposed. This might be the reason why, upon retirement, the government gives us free medical attention and medication. Yes, people, most veterans are heavily medicated in our retirement years. If you have any desire to have unlimited access to medication in your twilight years, all you must do is join any of the outstanding service branches this country has to offer. You can choose from a variety of means, such as the Navy, Marines, Air Force, Coast Guard, and of course, the Army! The only way to be, I say. Oh wait, I forgot about the Space Force. Although, I often wonder how productive they are daily, staring into space. I taught at two different universities in the ROTC Department. I shaped many cadets into Lieutenants. All I am saying is that the Space Force gives new meaning to the term Space Cadets. Anyhow, let me continue. Serve your country, earn medals and meds. Just kidding, but am I? Hmmnn... there goes my inner voice talking again. I am a Gemini, and I have an active alter ego.

My alter ego is outspokenly blunt. The bitch needs to learn when to drink a cup of STFU (sit-foo). For the non-acronym-understanding civilians out there, STFU means Shut The Fuck Up! When my Squad Leader told me, a brand new Private in the Army, stationed in Fort Lewis, Washington, to sip a cup of sit-foo, I asked, Is it sweet, Sergeant? He replied, Sierra, Tango, Foxtrot, Uniform - it means, shut the fuck up! My immediate banter was, Oh, where’s the cup, SAR-GENT? Sergeant Lucas contributed to my linebacker shoulders. Back in the 1990s, Sergeants were quick to drop Soldiers as a form of punishment. It was not called punishment then. I was told it was reinforcement, akin to discipline. Toe-mah-toe, toe-may-toe, it was a punishment to me. A push-up is a push-up! One can’t say, I’m just a little bit pregnant. Pregnant is pregnant! My apologies; I digressed. When dropped, the Soldier must assume the front leaning rest position, which is spread rigid on the ground with your four points of contact ready to do push-ups. Each push-up is counted, followed by the title of the superior who dropped you. One Sergeant, two Sergeant, three Sergeant... I couldn’t wait to hear REE-COVER! The word recover is the command given to stop doing push-ups and get up on your feet. It usually came after Twenty Sergeant." After a while, push-ups were like tootsie rolls. I enjoyed doing them. Here’s a nugget for you. Sleepy? Do push-ups. Tired? Do push-ups. Experiencing anxiety? Do some push-ups. Stressed? Do some more push-ups. I guarantee you will overcome anything with push-ups. Want divorce? Do push-ups until your arms fall out, and the son-of-a-bitch will leave voluntarily after wiping your shitty-ass twice. See how that works?

Although I love flying coach, the boys hate it. My firstborn, Christian, hates flying coach because he, too, is broad-shouldered like his Mommy. We both put shame on shoulder pads. Caleb, my second born, hates it because he’s not only a linebacker, but he is also a basketball player in size. Notice I said, in size. The boy hates to sweat. I knew he was not going to be a Soldier as far back as he was four years old. He was in soccer, then football, and then basketball over the years. And what is he today? A musician! Anyhow, I digressed again. Each time I have a chance to put my boys in coach, I do it. I do it for deeper enlightenment in life. Nah, not really, just a smidgen of manly duties for their future...I do it because they are broke! And as men in training, they must learn the value of being broke. I am allergic to being broke, and so are many women out there. My boys emphatically need to be allergic to being broke as well so that they will do everything possible to earn a decent living. The word lazy is an unknown concept in my bloodline, notwithstanding the fact that my boys will grow into men and will be providers someday. As the provider in the family, they need to know how their decision can and will affect their family. Some may call subjecting my big boys in a confined space to be torturous. I call it a lesson.

I am proud to say I come from a family circle of professionals. God-fearing, demure, productive members of society are my family. The natural progression in our family after high school is college, except for me. I took a detour, and I am thousands of