Life as a Joke: A stranger's story

By Maria Koval

Embark on a transformative journey as you delve into the pages of Life as a Joke, a compelling narrative tracing the path of a young girl’s evolution into a formidable, independent, and unapologetic woman. This book is a courageous exploration of her struggles, a raw and unfiltered expression of her powerful emotions, and a testament to the liberating force of truth.

This book is a therapy session which lasted years. This book has all sets of emotions, laughter, tears, shock, depression, and happiness, it is life as we know it.

Life as a Joke reminds us that, despite life’s challenges, there’s always room for a smile. Your struggles are uniquely yours, and within them lies your worth and strength. This book is an invitation to embrace your own journey, finding inspiration and hope in every page.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Nov 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798891552234

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Copyright Information ©

Maria Koval 2023

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Ordering Information

Quantity sales: Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.

Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data

Koval, Maria

Life as a Joke

ISBN 9798891552210 (Paperback)

ISBN 9798891552234 (ePub e-book)

ISBN 9781685629373 (Audiobook)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023911926

www.austinmacauley.com/us

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers LLC

40 Wall Street, 33rd Floor, Suite 3302

New York, NY 10005

USA

[e-mail]

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It was a beautiful summer day. August. A lot of people love summer, not me. I don’t understand summer, honestly. It’s always hot, humid, sweaty, thirsty. You are constantly in and out of the air conditioning. In my opinion, cold is better. If it’s cold, put a jacket on, if it’s hot, you can’t take off your skin. Not this day though. Besides the amazing weather, fresh air, and my great mood, something else happened on this day.

I was on my way to see my friend. She recently moved to upstate, and it was my getaway weekend. I was excited. I was walking to Grand Central to catch my train, people were rushing, carrying their luggage, running. I had time to spare, I always do. I leave my house four hours in advance, for whatever reason. Forget about airports, I’m there three weeks before my flight. Hate to be late. Living in New York I have never been to Grand Central, what a shame. It’s beautiful inside. Seriously Grand. I already bought my ticket online, so all that was left to do is board the train and activate the ticket. I walked to my track and an announcement came on, the train was delayed. I found a little bench to sit on.

I love watching people. I was not on my phone; I was not reading anything. I was just sitting and watching people. Their body language, I was lips reading, I was just enjoying my free time. A girl came up to me and asked if she could sit next to me, I said of course, with a big and genuine smile on my face. I love making new friends and meeting new people. We got to talking and it turned out that we speak the same language, Russian. What a coincidence?!

We were talking about a lot of things, but I could feel the sadness in her voice, I could see her eyes tearing up. I asked her if she was okay. To which she answered no, I have a lot going on. I asked if she wanted to share her story with me, surprisingly, she answered yes. That day, I became a privileged witness to a strangers’ life.

"My life has been like a rollercoaster. I guess, just like any other family, there are ups and downs. In my family, times it by three, divide it by alcohol, add some antidepressants, and BOOM—my perfect picture of a family. Well, perfect is a funny word. Perfect is definitely not the word to use as a synonym for my family. My story starts from the ancient 1992, when I was born. I was born in a city called Kyiv, capital of Ukraine. As I realize right now, I have been blind, deaf and completely shut down. Until recently, when I found out that I, myself, should make life happen. Nobody is here to pick me up, nobody is here to show me how to live. This story is about my life and everything I have been through.

I was blessed with a good sense of humor, which helped me survive all these years. Since the very beginning of my life, I had some jokes up my sleeves. My family and people who knew me always wondered, how smart I am, how sophisticated my jokes are. I was always watching my father; he was always the life of a party. And it has been my coping mechanism, or maybe good genes, not sure. Maybe it was a defense; considering everything that is going on in the world right now, and in my family, and in my life.

I live in New Jersey, and have been living here for a bit… for seventeen years. My life was going up and down, and I had not even realized it until I woke up. I woke up and understood the meaning, the deep definition of life. The crazy consequences, the insane adaptations for situations. I was sitting in one spot for so long thinking everything is okay, completely ignoring everything that’s going on around me. Humans tend to do that often, because it’s easier, because it’s routine, because it’s life. It’s not.

I have been in my shell for so long and I needed fresh air. I needed to understand what I am doing. I needed to figure out the life that I have and realize the life that I want to have. I needed to take a good hard look at myself for my own good, for my own future. I have never thought about life in this perspective. My big brown eyes are wide open and I have opened my heart and soul to new possibilities, new experiences and new adventures. I am excited about life. I don’t think I was this excited about anything, until now. I never thought what it means to live? I never thought about what it means to me. Getting up in the morning, making coffee, and going to work pretty much summed it up for me. I always hoped that there is something better, bigger. But I never did anything about it, just moved on. Always in waiting mode, always thinking and hoping that something is about to happen, something is going to start so soon, I must just wait. There is no more waiting. There is no more hoping. There is only doing.

What changed within me that I decided to change my life? What made me take the wheel of my own car called my life? What made me think about all the possibilities in life? After sometime working from home remotely, I went to my native country for a vacation. Realizing how far it is, realizing how damaged the people are there, the life that they live. Ukraine is in Europe, from New York to Moscow 9 hours on the plane and from Moscow to Kyiv another couple of hours. The road is exhausting. Especially considering that I hate flying, the climate change, the time change, the pressure of the sky, the pressure of my native country… That was my first trip alone. Made me feel proud of myself. Proud of what? I was a 26-year-old woman.

But let me start chronologically…

Recently I found my old diary, after so many years. Not the one with the school stuff, how I was excited that the teacher is absent or how I liked lunch one day. I found my real thoughts, and my actual expressions of all the feelings that were going on in my life at the ages of twelve through eighteen, probably. I’ve come to think of it that my diary actually helped me not to go crazy. It made me realize that my life was so full of experiences and thoughts, and I had nobody to share it with. From the looks of it, I was all alone, and writing in my diary was the only thing that could save me."

She pulled out a little notebook from her purse. She was a bit shaken, but I reassured her that I am here to listen. Just to listen and understand. From the looks of it, she was nervous telling me her story, but she wanted to. She wanted to share. She was tired of being alone, and lonely all the time. I could hear it in her voice, I could see it in her eyes. She was tired. She was tired of everything that has happened to her, and me, being me, wanted to hug her, and tell her that everything will be okay, and that she is not alone, and I’m here, but I also realized that I am a stranger to her, just like she is to me. I was very surprised that she wanted to talk to me about her life, usually people don’t trust others with their secrets. But I am so glad that she did. She trusted me.

"I wrote pages and pages on how I liked a boy, and could go on and on about my friendships but at the end of almost all my posts, I had a note: ‘My parents are drunk, I hope I’ll be okay.’ Reading my diary right now really makes me realize that my sense of humor brought me back from so many situations. One of my favorite jokes were: ‘I hope my dad doesn’t take my pocket money, I really want those shoes I saw.’ When my parents got sober, one of the things they used to nag me about was food, because I used to buy Chinese food from the local store, it was only $5 at the time, but that’s all I could afford for a meal. One time my mom said: ‘You couldn’t get me anything to eat!’

My reply was to my diary: ‘I barely scrambled enough money for one portion, how do you expect me to get you something?’ My survival skills are up to the task. Honestly, right now I am proud, proud that I was able to pull myself out of this whole mess, with my parents, with myself. I am proud that I am not under the bridge doing heroin, I am proud that I was able to survive my life. I am just happy that I didn’t give up, and kept on crawling through life.

We had so many problems, with money, food, not to mention mental and physical health problems. I had to manage my own life, had to find a way. Sometimes, I ate at my friends’ house; sometimes, I ate whatever I could find in the fridge. Back in the day, Chinese food only cost $5, so, sometimes, I had a feast and could afford that. There were also times, where I was feeling generous, and bought pizza for my whole family, it was $10 for a pie for pick up. Considering that, I was a teenager, my life was supposed to circle around me, my life was supposed to be my life. It never was. I was always in the shadows of my parents. I grew up fast. I grew up and had to take care of my mom when she was out of her mind, drunk, had to talk to my dad when he was trying to throw a tantrum. All of this has a long history, even prior to us coming to the US.

***

In my family there are three of us: my mom, my dad and me; there is also my extended family: my grandma, and uncle, and their family, but all of them are back in Ukraine. For a long time it was only one, only me. The bond was broken a long time ago. I had to take care of the bills, call the landlord and beg not to evict us, call the cell phone company to ask for an extension on our bill. I can’t even remember how many times our TV services were disconnected;