The Ghost Planner ... Book Eight ... China: THE GHOST PLANNER SERIES, #8

By Percy Stevenson

Augustus Talbot has a plan as normal, but this time is different, this is the big one and he needs his family around him, he wants to show them off to the Chinese.

Dexter and Elizabeth think that they are free on the high seas, but not so, trapped by the plans of the Sultan of Brunei, who is an old friend of Dexter, but whose plan is it really, Dexter has his suspicions and knows that the old man is pulling the strings again.

The Western world leaders in London And Washington look on in horror, for what the hell is he selling, but then they realize that he's not selling, he's giving away anything the Chinese want, all secrets are free as he gives away Theodore Smirnoffs star protection technology, or as he calls it, the line in the sand, for all to see.

London and Washington are on tenterhooks waiting for the big decision. And as always, how the hell did he do that?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Percy Stevenson
• Release date: Feb 26, 2024
• ISBN: 9798223771470

Percy Stevenson

He has lived in Loughborough in Leicestershire, UK, for most of his working life but has also lived and worked in France. Now retired and starting this new career, the stories can finally come out of friends in the trade and on the mountains of Europe who have given him some wonderful characters in passing.

Book preview

CHAPTER 2 ... Longmore House ... Kent ... England ... UK

John bumped into the old Prime Minister by accident as they walked back to the Marquee.

Sorry Ma’am.

She turned and smiled at him, How are you coping John in the new job and the new baby?

And the old baby’s still making all the noise Ma‘am, he nodded to Helen as she walked away.

Embarrassing eh John? So, who is actually running your departments these day’s?

I am, but as usual I have to put up with moronic decisions by stupid politicians, who’s stupid idea was it to send her to Russia?

She smiled at him, Possibly the same ones who want her to come to court to answer for her crimes John, she’s made lots of enemies over the years, I suppose they hoped that the Russians would do them a great big favor and kill her.

He smiled back at her, Not that easy, is it? Especially now that she’s bonded some of the specials to her in a blood tie!

What the hell’s that?

Look at her right for arm and spot the dragon burn, they all have one, that means that they are hers and part of the dragon elite, subversion I think it’s called in the military command structures, you can add that one to the list you want.

For real?

Yep, just see for yourself as you mingle.

And was all this real?

I’m not the one to ask on that question, I don’t ask what is not in my interest or my business.

Whimped out on that one then?

Safety first Ma’am you know how she is and remember that you don’t have political power anymore, also with Elizabeth gone you’re out of her loop, I suggest you try to regain her confidence if you can, I think it might be time to choose, you know, friend or foe time, she makes a very bad foe Ma’am, what with her new alliance!

Who?

Road Runner has asked her to marry him, his old Russia tart binned him, he cried on her shoulder, the rumor however is that he tried to steal from her, and she forgave him, he’ll now be running her family firm.

So, Lord Longmore is not that spotty oink any more then?

No, our William is her new man, he quit the army under a dark cloud, as you know and now, he’s going to run her life.

A strong alliance then John?

Strong and tactically aware I would say Ma’am.

And he will take up the seat in the house of Lords then?

Absolutely Ma’am, we can count on it!

So, she has no one in Parliament at the moment then?

I wouldn’t stake my life on that one Ma’am; the oink will give him his warm seat I suppose.

Any clues as to what she is up to?

He shook his head.

So, who runs Hereford now and the new Ranger battalions?

He nodded to Thomas as he and his men finished off at the grave site for the funeral people.

One of hers I assume then, dangerous?

He nodded.

She stared at him in shock.

He shrugged at her, then walked off in silence.

She stopped and walked over to them, then watched in silence, she spotted the burns on their arms as some of them had rolled their sleeves up to shovel in the soil around the coffins, the funeral director pointed for them to fill in the gaps.

She walked to the marquee following the army boys, she found her husband who was waiting for her and linked arms with him.

She whispered in his ear. On their right arms, what do you think, tattoos, or what?

They must have bloody hurt woman, a scaled burn I would guess, a branding perhaps?

Hot irons?

Yep, very painful.

So, she has her own army then?

An ancient loyalty thing dear, I wouldn’t call it dissidence.

I would, it’s like a formation of a union, what if they refuse to do their job, then what?

Well, you sack them dear!

Should I inform the Queen?

She will laugh at you dear, after all she is best buds with the Dragon.

That’s why they’re burned then, Dragon burns, right?

Logically, yes dear.

Well, I don’t like it.

––––––––

Erick handed John his first pint at the bar, She wants me to come home with you John.

He took a sip, Who runs this bloody country me or her?

Erick drank his beer to cover his laughing, but the glass frothed up.

John laughed at him, So you’re her link man then?

Erick shrugged at him.

Well, your department is in other hands now yank!

I’m Canadian!

You have another woman at the helm, she’s as mean as snake and not as trustworthy as the normal viper.

So why?

It’s called leadership Erick, good or bad they have to be directed.

If she’s responsible in any way, for anything that’s affected her in doors, she will want her head on a spike.

Yes Erick, noted mate, a buffer for her perhaps? But your price of entry is as it always was, information?

Agreed, by the way where’s Mack these days?

Media Intel department, fussing round all his little boys.

What Monaco news?

Na, I have him in at the BBC but now we’re on the subject, can you get us in there by the way?

For a price boss.

Which is?

Action, I don’t want to sit at a desk John.

Will she be involved in any way?

Who?

John pointed to his wedding ring.

Erick drank his beer as he looked at John, Only in exceptional circumstances and only then as an outside one-off contractor.

Directed by you?

You’re getting me in trouble already boss, exceptional circumstances only I think.

Defense of the Realm Canadian?

Erick nodded.

Good, some work done today at least, John shook his hand.

What a wasted day then John?

I’m not into pantomimes Mounty.

You don’t believe then?

Oh, do me a favor, really, she was always going to run away, and do you know what? I don’t blame her one bit, just look at them all, murder incorporated man!

Erick caught Caledonia looking at him as she sat at a table with the women over in the pavilion.

John tugged at his sleeve, And the dragon scald scar, Canada?

Oh, come on John, keep up with her man, the bond to her, they all have one, even her in doors.

John grinned to Caledonia as she spoke to Kelly, And could be useful perhaps?

Don’t start on me John, slowly, slowly, catches the monkey man.

And you believe that crap?

Yes, and so do you, so don’t start, the Prof speaks, and we listen and learn, yes?

I have to grudgingly agree yank!

I’m Canadian!

Yes, but how long have you been living here?

A very long and interesting time John.

John turned to him and smiled, And we can talk about this at leisure, right?

Erick side glanced Caledonia watching his every move, he smiled back, Some history perhaps boss.

John looked at where he was looking and started to laugh, Well you did marry a psychopath boy, so it’s your own stupid fault.

Erick drank his beer and laughed into the froth again, I can always blame you boss.

CHAPTER 3 ... Longmore House ... Garden Pavilion

Bastard! said Caledonia in Kelly’s ear.

What? asked Kelly.

Johns signed him up again, back into the fray with the firm.

Get over there Cal and put a stop to it now!

Boy’s have to be boy’s, well that’s what my Granddad always say’s, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do, load of crap.

If you don’t like it Cal, go and tell him, now.

How did you handle it with Jon Boy?

I cried mostly, when he was away, I got him on the satellite phone and spoke to him most days, sometimes there was gun fire in the background and I hated it all Cal, it made me sick to my stomach most days.

Hard times, eh?

Yep, hard times, he’s better now he’s out of the Marines and into the political pit, all smiles and handshakes.

The greasy pole, eh?

That’s what he’s doing today, he’s taken the kids with him to Boston, its the start of the primaries and he wants to see how his popularity is, JJ is his publicity director.

I write some of his speeches sometimes, but mostly he just say’s what they want to hear, JJ even writes some for him, can you believe that, not even a teenager and he‘s writing political speeches and directing who he talks to with his daddy.

Cal laughed with her, Dexter was a good speech writer you know, my mother always liked what he wrote for her, flowery and old English, I’d call it soppy, but she liked it.

Is he still available then for contract work, we might need some.

Cal looked at her and both of them burst out laughing.

Tina and Carol were talking with Donna as John walked over to them with the tray of drinks, Gin and tonic all round girls, he slid it onto the table for them to take.

He noticed Theo and Patrick talking to Griff at the end of the other table, he smiled at them, then walked over.

How’s my father-in-law doing Patrick?

He noticed Theo elbow Patrick as he spoke to them, so he slid a chair up to them to talk.

Ok what’s happening here then, plotting a rebellion at a funeral?

Theo laughed at him, No we’re carving up the Empire.

Who’s Empire?

Mine John, I’m giving it all away, do you want a slice of cake?

That’s bribing a public servant Theodore, its’ got to be a five stretch in the choky for that, come on Theo make sense man.

It’s too big for me to handle John I need committed people to run the systems.

Your systems you mean, has he flipped his lid, Patrick?

No, he’s creating a family by sectioning all his companies up into slots and countries, he’s trying to give me America.

Fuck off you lot are taking the piss!

They started to laugh at him.

Like a kipper you bunch of bastards.

We’ve finished John, said Patrick, We are going to live our lives in a nice quiet place away from you and yours.

John laughed at them again, He didn’t tell you it was for life, did he?

We want out John, said Theo.

John grinned at them, For a so called group of smart arses, you lot are as thick as chocolate logs, it will never end, you will all be in the frame even when you are 90 years old, you’re the targets, the place they want to be, they want what’s yours, if they could peel your skin off and wear it then they would, do you get it now?.

Do we get protected John? asked Patrick.

Two choices here gentlemen, hide and be hunted down or protect yourselves as best you can, every now and again you will have to make a statement to the chasers, you will have to demonstrate your skills by downing one or some of them, do you understand, there’s no retiring in our world lads, retirement is death, get it?

As the old man often said, promote talent or you’ll have to fight them off with broom handles.

Is that what you’re doing John?

He grinned at them again, One major thing I learned with the old man is this, leadership involves leading the good the bad and the downright ugly, keeping one step ahead of them and making sure you keep your own people safe, money turns heads and hearts, so remember that one gentlemen, are we done now?

Theo laughed at him, Are we still in your loop John?

Yes, this is how we will survive gents, another lesson from the old man is this, you can be a millionaire and worm food in one second, nature laughs at us, we are nothing but food for the plants in the end, we give ourselves ego’s and spout so called wisdom but the reality is that we are worm food walking, just like old Ponsonby, one minuet a Lord of the realm and the next a stain on the barn floor.

They stared at John for his clarity.

He got up and walked back to the ladies.

He’s turned into a proper cheerful Charley eh Theo? said Patrick.

Theo stared at the back of John walking away, Reality though Bro!

So, what do we do then?

We need an army, Patrick.

Or make them think we have one Bro!

Theo looked at him and grinned.

Griff watched the brains working out what to do, he was fascinated as he listened to their conversation and their arguments as they made decisions.

He grinned at the brothers and sipped his beer watching, Why don’t we call Rufus he has loads of links in the Capital.

They turned to him and grinned, then they all turned to the bar as George caught Rufus in a headlock, but he got out of it so easily that the lads at the bar started to jeer George.

The lads started to applaud Rufus, George grinned at him and finished his drink.

Patrick waved to them to join them at the table, Rufus dragged George along.

Theo pointed to the seats next to him.

By Royal command My Lord! said George as they sat down.

The Russian slash Irish department George, do they speak our lingo mate? said Rufus as he sat down to listen to their new plan.

Well, the Irish speak a bit funny, just let me translate for you, I’m sure I can understand the blarney My Lord, said George.

Theo and Patrick were laughing at them, Griff didn’t get it and just stared at them and that made it funnier to the others.

"Monaco news Rufus, so where are we? asked Theo.

George looked around him the check where Helen was, She has her fingers in our pie mate.

Doing what?

The whispering gallery or fake news perhaps?

And can we shut her out?

Do me a favor mate! said Rufus.

I think he’s saying that we have to be very careful handling her, she’ll use it as a loudspeaker to filth her enemies, said George.

"So can I contribute to the news in any way Rufus? asked Theo.

Or American inside news for instances? asked Patrick.

Rufus grinned at them, Join the queue lads, John wants in as well, plus Elvis over in the south of France, wants to talk history now and again.

Oh, for God’s sake, Rufus, is there going to be any news at all? Asked Patrick.

Yes, our news, so what else do you want to say.

Griff laughed at then, Rich boys playing with new toys. eh?

Rufus gave him the finger.

Now listen up, David Hinkley is one of hers so be very careful lads.

So does he take news articles from other channels, the BBC perhaps?

No, the BBC are well out of his circle, all the rest, not probs but the toffs, no chance! said Rufus.

But why? asked Patrick

Rufus grinned at him, Orders from above chaps!

Who, Helen?

Na, the 27% ownership from southern France say let them eat cake! laughed George.

Patrick shrugged in not understanding the statement, Theo punched him for being thick.

Oh, understood, Menton requested it, right?

Shush you moron! George laughed and got up to walk back to the bar.

But why? shouted Patrick to the back of George.

He has the hump with them down at the old BBC for some reason and before you ask, I’m not asking him why, I do however know that he has a man within the walls of the institution.

And you know who, right? asked Patrick.

Rufus shrugged then got up and walked back to the bar.

Theo whispered into his ear, The big old lump known as Mack is one of the leaders and producers over there and also a team leader for contracts overseas.

And how the hell did you know that one?

Elizabeth and Dexter talking on the plane, I have them on the plane hard drive on the inboard systems.

And you recorded their conversations, are you mad, little man?

Security Bro!

You bloody idiot, even the old man will be mad at you,

That’s why we need to be silent.

Hold up, so why tell me?

Another piece of important information is that marvelous Mervin is Pop’s son, he and Connie had a long relationship way back when, the result is our Marvin."

Wow! And you just let that slip out then, why now?

Because marvelous will become the leader all of a sudden and take control of everything, clear so far?

Err .... no, I am not clear so far!

He inherits it all, the hotels the investments, well everything!

Shit! So, this means that the old man is going to die again, right?

Theo shrugged at him as Griff coughed in the background as he listened to them.

Patrick turned on him, So you have an opinion then smart arse?

He was here earlier Patrick, right? So, he must have a plan rolling and must mean that he might not come back from this one, understand?

Patrick’s eyes flicked from Theo back to Griff, Shit! So, what is it?

Griff drank his beer and looked at them through the bottom of the glass.

Come on! growled Patrick.

China! said Griff.

For why?

He wants to sort them out once and for all.

What, he’s going to kill the Chinese?

Griff shrugged and stood up to go to the bar for a refill.

Patrick watched him in dismay as he walked away.

Ah! said Theo, So that’s why he wanted to check on my language skills and other things.

Patrick growled at him, And?

He’s right, so he must have a major plan coming up and he wants me to be a part of it.

Yeah, what! squeaked Patrick

Theo shrugged, Not a Scooby doo, Bro! But he’ll let men know when my time comes, I think."

Shit! Here we go again little man!

The bar was crowded with the Army drinkers making good the sign which read FREE BAR FOR HERO’S

Billy pointed to the bar sign then laughed at George, well you’re going to have to pay then mate.

George gave him and the barman the two-finger salute.

Helen pointed to George and her finger curled at him, I think she wants a word George, grinned Billy.

He drank half his glass of beer in one gulp then put it on the bar to walk over to her.

Walk with me a moment George.

George walked with her waiting for the next excuse for keeping him away from the bar.

So! When is the big day?

End of June Ma’am.

And what would she like for a wedding present?

Err...pots and pans maybe Ma’am.

Helen laughed at him, Oh boy you’ve got some waking up to be done.

He looked sideways at her wondering what she was up to next.

So how is he doing with the Chinese girls?

Japanese Ma’am and I think he loves them; they’re doing the London school of economics degree courses.

And you got them legal status to stay as long as they like?

Student status, great workers Ma’am, an honor to know them, very polite as well.

I like them George in fact I like them so much I want you to be neighbors to them, she passed him some keys.

The other penthouse is now yours George a wedding present from our family for all of your service over the years.

His mouth was open, but no words came out as he stared into her eyes for reality.

Keep him alive George that’s all you must do, just keep him out of trouble and alive, got it? Pots and pans my arse George, she giggled as she walked off to mingle with guests.

He stared at her in silence gulping air and looking at the set of keys now and again.

Theo looked at George as he gulped air, What the hell has she told him Patrick, look at him, he’s seen a ghost.

Well, he will, won’t he?

What?

Well, she’s just given him the keys to the tower of London, he obviously has to lock up at night mate, and that’s a bloody scary place Bro!

Theo screeched out laughing.

Brenda had never seen him like this before, a tear dripped down his face, she was suddenly very scared of what was going to happen and was at his side in seconds, What’s up George, what has she done?

He held out the new keys.

Yes, understood so far, keys, lucky keys, right?

Very lucky love, to our penthouse apartment in Chelsea, her wedding gift.

Rented right? Well, we could never afford a place like that George, look, just give me the keys and I’ll hand them back to her and I’ll be ever so polite, ok?

She doesn’t rent out her properties love.

But that place must have cost a bloody fortune?

Ten million, easy love, perhaps more with it being a penthouse.

Ten mill? she squeaked, then turned to see Helen looking at them, she held her glass in the air to congratulate Brenda.

But that’s far too much for a wedding present George, what’s the catch, so who does she want killed, the Prime Minister or something?

For my services and loyalty over the years, that’s it!

Brenda wanted to climb into his brain and find out what he was thinking, she snatched the keys off him as he walked off to the bar, he needed a drink and bullied his way to the front to get served but looked around to see Brenda on the move, he wanted to stop her from starting a war but he was too late, the pint was placed in front of him but he was too panicked to drink.

She took the keys and marched over to Helen.

Helen felt the turf move underfoot as Brenda marched towards her, she gave her a smile in welcome.

Brenda realized that she had been a bit too aggressive in her march and cooled down to talk calmly with Helen, she didn’t want a war, but she was ready to protect her man at any cost, she held the keys out and smiled.

This is far too much Ma’am, far too much, we are just little people in your world.

Helen smiled, and handed her a glass of white wine, she watched Brenda calm down after she took a drink.

Well not any more dear, this is the big league that you are entering, and our George is one of the stars of the circus, the old man called him an MVP, that’s the most valuable player and he is, he knew his value and so do I, clear?

I don’t understand the deal here Ma’am.

It overlooks my nephew’s apartment, his job is to keep him alive, that’s it really.

And my job Ma’am?

Keep the morons alive, your man and Rufus, just protect them when ever.

"But I’m just.......

A woman dear and we are the real power, look, in 90% of the animals on this planet the female is more powerful and more ruthless than the male, its pure nature despite us generally being smaller in statue.

That’s my job?

That bauble is not picked at random, a high rise, easily protected, the Chinese girls seem to be doing ok with Rufus and you have to do the same, clear?

Japanese Ma’am?

Are they really? Well good for them, eh?

So, I just have to keep them alive, yes?

Alive dear, you look to have volunteered for this job in marrying one of our finest, so get it into your brain, you are now entering the black world where no rules apply, survival is all that counts.

But Ma’am, I have no training in this thing.

You will have dear, I’ve taken an interest in you, and you will be brought up to speed, any questions and I’m on the end of the line for advice, clear so far?

I thought you wanted him to kill someone.

Well, I do normally but not today dear, a little busy as you can see.

Brenda burst out laughing at this mad woman who had just jumped into their life.

Ok, go and talk to George and please get him away from the bar before he starts a fight dear, she leaned in and gave Brenda a kiss on the cheek.

But I like that about him Ma’am, after all he is an animal.

Helen burst out laughing then whispered, Yes, so do I dear and you seem to be of the same stamp am I right? And if he betrays you with another woman?

I’ll beat his scull in with anything to hand Ma’am!

Helen burst out laughing at her.

Brenda grinned before walking away, back to talk to George.

He was at the tent doorway worried as she walked back to him, Sorted Bren?

A woman thing, I love her George, what a woman, what a leader, she’s a monster, fantastic, and I love her to bits.

Got the right woman there Bren?

Helen watched them as they talked, she sipped her wine and smiled at George who was now in a panic wondering what had been said between them.

She turned to see Tolly taking a large drink of Erick’s beer, he gave her his toothy grin as she waved a fist at him.

She couldn’t help but laugh at her monster, Tolly had the power, and she knew it.

Little Augusta walked around holding a tray of drinks for the ladies and listened to the conversations with interest, Helen watched her, knowing what she was doing.

Learning the trade eh darling?

Augusta turned to see her Nana looking at her, Helen thumbed to Tolly to get him away from drinking her daddy’s beer.

Hey! screeched Augusta, Tolly, you are too young for drinking alcohol!

Helen watched Tolly’s face change, having been caught by his guard sister, he took another swig, just to irritate her before she ran over and tackled him, but Erick snatched his glass back.

Tolly decided then and there, that he didn’t like the taste of beer.

CHAPTER 4 ... The South China Sea

They felt the heat as the yacht came closer to land, Shall I drop the main sail, Dex?

No keep on this reach I’ve got a quiche Lorraine in the oven if you alter course now it’ll flop to one side, he shouted back to her from the galley.

Hey Dexter, what happened to the hard drinking jock, with attitude?

He got hungry on cabbage leaves and nuts woman.

She laughed as she changed course just for fun.

He ran up on deck and put his hands on his hips, Well I hope your satisfied because it’s now ruined.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

He laughed at her then noticed how close they were to the docks, Shit, the sails need to be down, he pressed the roller reefing button to bring in the main sail, Oh bollocks it’s stuck, he jumped onto the forward deck and desperately undid the rope and let the sail drop, suddenly it all fell onto him with a crash, he lay still underneath it all.

Liz couldn’t see him and started to worry with the sudden silence, so she flicked the auto pilot on to keep parallel to the coastal course and then jumped up after him.

She lifted the sail cloth to find him when suddenly he grabbed her ankles and pulled her over, she squealed as she fell, he pulled her under the sail cloth as she screeched at him, then the screeching changed to her giggling, then silence.

A Malaysian customs cutter came along the side of the yacht with an almost silent bump, the sudden whoop of its siren brought their heads out from under the sail to see what was happening.

Customs and excise Skipper, said the smart young man in the white naval uniform,

We’re just checking all boats coming into the harbor for guns and drugs, sorry to disturb you, are you having problems sir?

Just with the wife son, she can’t tie a knot to save her life, so this is in the way of a punishment exercise!

The young man’s grin widened as he watched them getting dressed under the mainsail.

What is the reason for your visit sir?

Visiting family Lieutenant.

Malay’s sir?

Yes, the ex-wife and my two Daughters.

Could I see your pass ports please sir?

The lieutenant giggled as Dexter stood up and walked towards him, he was only wearing the pink frilly chef’s apron and as he turned to go below the Lieutenant had his eyes full of hairy backside with dangly bits swinging around.

Liz was laughing at him as she watched the young man, Don’t worry son, he’s not got much to declare as you can see.

He stared at her familiar face as she smiled at him, Not many women have haircuts like yours around here madam.

She scratched her spiky head that was now so full of short stubby grey hair, Easy to wash and go, it cuts out all that washing time.

He gulped because his mouth had blabbed, before his brain had kicked in, Sorry Madam I didn’t mean to pry I’ve just realized that you probably thought that I was questioning the state of your health, err, no such questions were intended to ask embarrassing questions.

Err......no son I don’t have cancer, I just have a husband who is useless at hair cutting,

He smiled at her in embarrassment and looked to the hatch for the captain to hurry up and save him from his big mouth.

Dexter came back on deck holding the wonky quiche, It’s one of my specialty’s lad, just try some, go on take a slice, it might be a bit warm still so don’t let it burn your mouth.

Liz watched the lad’s hesitation so she pushed in and took a slice then filled her mouth with it, Umm, I hate it, can I have another bit because mine was burnt.

And who’s fault was that then? I might call it the ski slope quiche, what do you think son?

He looked at the crazy people and smiled, Dexter nodded to the piece he had in his hand, so he took a bite and chewed.

Well? squeaked Dexter.

Err good, is this normal English food sir?

Yes! said Dexter.

No, said Liz, It normally has onions and bacon in it, what the hell’s in this numpty?

Well, the last of the spuds and some green stuff and all the garlic and bits and bobs.

I like it! The bland taste is right, yes? said the Lieutenant.

Dexter grinned at him then gave him the passports from under his arm pit.

The lieutenant took the slimy little books and opened them one by one, Sir, it says here that your name is John and not numpty, are you this person?

It’s her pet name for me, you know what women are like?

Ah, I see sir, and what name do you have for her? he smiled at Dexter as he waited.

Well, I call her Lilly but not at the moment well you can see why?

Both men looked at her reddening face.

But her names Elizabeth Talbot sir, it say’says here!

Dexter snatched the booklet off him, Hey where’s your proper passport woman?

I only have the one moron, so why ask me?

He looked at the Lieutenant in embarrassment, I brought the wrong one with us son, that’s her old one before we were married.

This is a Muslim country sir unmarried couples living together are very much frowned upon, you won’t be able to stay together in any of our hotels sir, we are very strict about such matters.

Liz ignored them and climbed onto the upper deck then started to wave at a passing boat.

Who’s that Liz?

It’s the Sultan Dex, she screeched out to him and waved.

The man steering the boat waved back at them.

So how many names do you have sir, John, Numpty, Dex, which one do you use, and which one is real?

Hey, Shit head! shouted the man on the other boat.

You see that’s another one sir!

Oi! Boris come and give us a hand could you mate! shouted Dexter to the boat.

The boat came over to them and bumped into the customs cutter, the Lieutenant shouted at the boater, That’s government property sir, if you’ve damaged it, you will bloody pay for it, understand?

I understand young man and you are?

A working Customs officer so please get out of my way as I continue my inquiries.

Dexter leaned into him and whispered, Bad news son, the bloke you’re shouting at is the Sultan of Brunei.

The lieutenant took at second look at the boater then stood to attention, Sorry Your Highness I mistook you for an ordinary boat boy.

Ewe... lad! said Dexter, Now that didn’t go down well, let’s see if I can help, eh?

There’s a bit of confusion Boris, the lad thinks I’m a drug smuggler, tell him could you mate?

He’s a white slaver Lieutenant the woman with him is my long-lost love could you pass her over to me please, so what was my name again Dexter?

Your Highness please tell him my old name, could you?

So what name is on his passport lieutenant.

Err.... John Smith, Your Highness.

The Sultan started to laugh, the people on his boat laughed with him, Liz started to laugh, only Dexter and the lieutenant stood with glum and confused faces.

Should I arrest him Your Highness?

So are you going to continue calling me that name Dexter or are we coming to terms on a long and forgotten deal made in the heat of that sweaty jungle.

Dexter growled at him, then razed his right arm, The name will no longer need to be used by me in reference to and an old bet made in the jungle, I will now call you by the name you choose for me to call you.

The Sultan gave him the wide grin, Ok you can call me Handsome, when you talk or refer to me yes?

Dexter gritted his teeth and growled, Ok you Highness.

Tut, tut, Dexter?

Ok Handsome I will refer and call you that until you give me permission to call you something else, ok?

Now isn’t that better dear one, now we don’t have that nasty streak of Scottish ness, taking the piss every five minutes?

Sorry Handsome but I thought that we were friends.

We are Dex but only until I win your wife off you at cards.

Liz laughed at him.

The Lieutenant looked at the faces of them all in turn and then realized that he was in the wrong company, "May I leave now and get on with my work please your