You Were Born for More: Unpack what Holds you Back

By Samantha Bluhm

Are you inspired by greater good?

Tired of living small?

Do you find yourself in dysfunctional and energy-draining relationships that hinder your potential?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Oxford Book Writers
• Release date: Aug 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088055038

Book preview

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Copyright ©️ 2023 by Samantha Bluhm

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Book Design by HMDpublishing

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         ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

An acorn doesn’t have to try to be a mighty oak. It already contains within it the DNA to make it so.

- author unknown

Success is never achieved alone; it is the result of collabora- tion, support, and the collective efforts of many I’ve encoun- tered along this journey.

I am grateful for the following people who bring light to my darkness and embrace my kind of crazy.

To Chad Cernohous for believing in me and this project enough to challenge me when doubt set in. To my sister Tiffa- ny Cumberworth-Neppl who was a sounding board, grounding presence, and whose feedback fueled me forward. To my pre- launch team who suffered through early versions and provided honest feedback. To Tess Kania for the magic lens that creat- ed my photo. To Savannah Stern for sharing their poetry and giving permission to add it to this book. To my sister Mardy Morrow for her undying commitment to powerful perspectives. To my parents, Bobbie and Tim Cumberworth for answering a million questions and making my life possible. To my son Cam- eron Bluhm for being the initial spark and igniting something profound. To my bonus boys, Tyler, Spencer, and Conner Cer- nohous for being live testimonies to powerful perspectives. To the team of women who have held space for me and encour- aged me to pursue what I was born to do.

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CONTENTS

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INTRODUCTION..........................................................................................7

I.          THE POWERFUL PERSPECTIVES.............................................14

THE MAGICAL FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE................................14

POWERFUL PERSPECTIVES FRAMEWORK....................................16

THE AWARENESS LINE.......................................................................18

LIVING BELOW THE LINE IN EGO.................................................25

FEAR.........................................................................................................27

JUDGMENT..............................................................................................31

GREED......................................................................................................33

VICTIM.....................................................................................................36

ENTITLEMENT.......................................................................................38

LIVING ABOVE THE LINE IN POWERFUL PERSPECTIVES......40

ACCEPTANCE.........................................................................................43

APPRECIATION.....................................................................................45

FORGIVENESS.......................................................................................47

GRATITUDE............................................................................................49

LOVE..........................................................................................................51

II.       PERSPECTIVES ARE CREATED, NOT BORN..................54

SLOW, STUBBORN & SQUASHED...................................................54

BEER BONG STEVE..............................................................................59

THE GYPSY.............................................................................................65

GOD’S RED CORVETTE........................................................................71

III.    DECISION-MAKING PERSPECTIVES...................................74

KETCHUP & STEAK...............................................................................74

CRAZY IS MY PEOPLE.........................................................................83

EX-LAX.....................................................................................................89

THE MATCH AND THE FLAME..........................................................94

LAWRENCE.............................................................................................99

IV.    PERSPECTIVES ON DIVORCE..............................................104

KITCHEN TABLE CLUB......................................................................104

DIVORCE IS A DECISION, NOT A LABEL...................................107

IMPOSING FORCE..............................................................................111

V.       PARENTING PERSPECTIVES..................................................118

THE PETAL IN THE POCKET...........................................................118

KINDERGARTEN SUPERPOWER....................................................123

3000TH DAY........................................................................................126

THE FISH WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO FISH THEM................132

CRAYON-STAINED KHAKIS.............................................................136

MAD SCIENTIST.................................................................................139

VI.    EVIDENCE OF THINGS UNSEEN.........................................142

ENERGY OF AN OWL........................................................................142

WILLOW WORSHIP...........................................................................148

HOT TEA...............................................................................................153

THE WHITE BAT.................................................................................157

TURKEY TALK......................................................................................160

VII. PERSPECTIVES ON FORGIVENESS...............................166

FIRECRACKER RUN...........................................................................166

HOLIDAY ODDS..................................................................................169

THE GIANT GENE...............................................................................173

VIII.                                                                            PERSPECTIVES ON JUDGMENT & ENTITLEMENT              178

PAR FOR THE COURSE.....................................................................178

MAGGIE.................................................................................................183

HOMELESS DRUMMER.....................................................................186

COVID AT CHRISTMAS....................................................................193

WINNING V. WINNER......................................................................198

GERALD THE FISH.............................................................................205

EQUAL OR FAIR..................................................................................209

ORANGUTAN LEADERSHIP.............................................................213

UNINTENDED HARM.........................................................................216

IX.    BORN FOR MORE.........................................................................222

NEVER TOO LATE..............................................................................222

DAMAGED GOODS................................................................................227

EVERYONE WHO DIDN’T RUN.......................................................230

ZIP-LINE................................................................................................236

EPILOGUE.................................................................................................239

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We can’t hide ourselves and still be seen.

- Julie Solomon

The vortex of my father’s energy had the capacity to create a dangerous situation that was difficult to escape. His anger would start with a trivial swirl and pick up steam as it spun wild- ly out of control and destroyed whatever was in its path.

I would watch in horror as the irrational side pushed my fa- ther into a physical or emotional rage. His eyes were the first to tell. His pupils would enlarge, and his focus would become er- ratic and unsteady. That would lead to him screaming and yell- ing and then escalate into him grabbing whatever was within reach and throwing it at the wall or his children.

I bear a scar on my leg from a bag of garbage he threw at me that contained a broken plate. The glass cut through the bag and sliced into my flesh, leaving a deep gash below my knee.

My dad’s lack of self-awareness and self-control showed it- self in every aspect of life.

One evening in the alley behind our house, my dad forced me to play catch to sharpen my softball skills. The drill was to throw ten consecutive throws into his glove without making him move an inch to catch it.

We started over at one if I got nine perfect throws and the number ten was too high or low. This drill went on for hours. The more he made me throw, the angrier I became. My shoul-

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YOU WERE BORN FOR MORE; UNPACK WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK

der was on fire from exhaustion, and my veins popped with ha- tred. I aimed each throw at his head, fantasizing he would miss and be knocked unconscious. I was crying and complaining about my arm, but he refused to let me quit. When the street- lights flickered on, I realized the only way to end the misery was to get ten throws.

I eventually threw ten perfect throws, but instead of feeling a sense of satisfaction, I felt pissed and powerless. In bed that evening, I prayed for lightning to strike our house and kill my dad.

The following summer, I divorced my dad and played for a different team.

I always wanted my father to learn to manage his intense emotions, but that hadn’t happened by my mid-thirties when a heated argument led him to flip me off at a family funeral.

When I arrived at my parent’s house after the six-hour trek, I could see my dad was irritable and agitated. He seemed overly concerned about my mom taking their dogs outside in sub-ze- ro temps. My siblings and I were seated at their kitchen table when he began sensationalizing that she could fall on the ice, hit her head, and die. Fortunately, it hadn’t gone completely off the rails by the time she returned indoors.

My dad has always had a flair for the dramatic and extreme. Never in my life can I recall him being late. EVER. If he says he’ll be there at six, you could bet he’ll be there at 5:45. As a child, if we went to the theater, my popcorn bucket was empty long before the feature began.

He takes great pride in this characteristic, and I’ve come to appreciate that his word means something in his world, but there is dysfunction in this habit when it becomes so rigid that it alienates and harms relationships.

I have been conditioned to be ready long before it is nec- essary, so I made a mental note when he said we needed to leave by 8:45 to arrive at a funeral the next morning. I thought it was overkill to arrive an hour early but had become accus- tomed to my father’s flair for extreme punctuality.

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As my morning coffee kicked in, I noted I had 15 minutes to spare. A Catholic mass is not known for being brief, so I thought it best to hit the restroom before our planned departure.

When my father yelled up the stairs to say it was time to leave, I was still going and yelled this fact back. A minute later, my mother hollered that Dad was in the car and ready to leave. A minute after that, he was lying on the horn. I hurried to wash my hands and got in the car at 8:40. I announced with irritation that our plan was to leave at 8:45. This fact was dismissed as he proceeded to insist that I should know how to command my bathroom functions.

His father proceeded to elaborate on his ability to go on de- mand. He seemed pleased with himself that he had acquired this skill when he was an over-the-road truck driver.

Confused about how his skill translated to me, I suggested that genetics did not pass down some things. I could hardly believe he thought it appropriate, let alone sane, to be having this conversation on the way to a family funeral.

The argument escalated, and if not for my mom’s disgust and dangerously cold temps, my dad would have stopped and forced me out of the car. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

By the time we arrived at the funeral, I had been exiled and told I would have to walk home. Happily, I screamed as I ex- ited the car. I’d rather freeze in the bitter cold than get into a car with a psycho.

When my sister arrived, she sensed the tension even before I shared my version of the messed-up morning. I could see my dad watching me from across the room as I vilified the crazy man we called our father.

I’m not proud that I refueled the feud or labeled another human harshly, but I never expected my dad to flip me the bird at a family funeral.

Shocked by this gesture, my heart fell, my jaw dropped, and my eyes swelled with tears. I felt like I was being suffocated by his hate.

I excused myself to a private place, where I proceeded to bawl like a child. I realized that no matter how old or young,

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YOU WERE BORN FOR MORE; UNPACK WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK

our parents influence our hearts in areas reserved especially for them.

Most of my childhood resembled these interactions and shaped the belief that I was unworthy of love, joy, and respect. I was reminded that I could be tossed out to the curb, much like the garbage he threw out years ago.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family stifled my confidence and impacted my ability to forge healthy relationships.

I had worked through some of it in therapy, but threads lin- gered.

On the drive home, I thought about the circle of life and how brittle relationships can become when they are misunderstood or operating from a place of fear.

I pondered the frailty of life that had become evident, par- ticularly with the cumulative losses he and my mom had faced in their years. They’ve lost family, friends, and neighbors. Their parents were gone, and they moved up the generational lad- der to take their place as grandparents.

I forced myself to step into my father’s shoes and realized he was the by-product of his parents’ parenting, just as I am the by-product of his. I thought about my son and how he is a by-product of mine, and I quivered at the idea that I held within me the genetic matter and parenting patterns to cripple his sense of self-worth and belonging.

This realization planted the seed for change. I vowed to do better for myself and my son.

I went on a quest to seek understanding and committed myself to break the cycle of family dysfunction that caused unnecessary pain.

That seed is the motivation behind this book.

For the better part of my life, I functioned as if the best I could hope for was survival. I folded inward, closing off anything vul- nerable to keep it safe, to survive. This approach protected my fragile ego but produced a victim mentality that clouded every

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judgment, action, and perspective I made from that closed-off space.

Living in survival mode is a dismal approach that leads to more of the same fragility and fear that keeps people stuck in shame and pain. It validates the lie that we aren’t lovable, ca- pable, or worthy. Living like that doesn’t lead to joy, freedom or happiness. It leads to more of the same dismal existence that fears perpetuate.

I blamed my parents for being inept at parenting in my early years. In early adulthood, I accused my ex-husband and sub- sequent partners of not seeing the real me. In my career, I blamed every lousy boss I ever had (which was most of them) for not inspiring my greatest potential.

In my late thirties, I hit a dead end. My heart was hidden; my light was dull. I was living in constant stress and anxiety, void of joy and purpose. But it was clear I had no one left to blame.

That brokenness and desire for more made me examine my life and write my stories, regardless of how dark.

The process of sharing the pain that hurt my heart helped the harm begin to heal. Along the way, I discovered that many of us have challenging histories, some of them darker and deeper than mine.

I noticed that as much as our stories matter, what we do with them matters more.

Our lives are stories formed by our beliefs and created from our daily perspectives. The stories can be written through the lens of powerful perspectives or the lens of pain.

Our choice is our power.

We can’t change the past, and we don’t always have the freedom to dictate our circumstances, but we do have the power to choose what has meaning and what difference it can make on our journey.

When we take the time to examine our stories and the belief systems (perspectives) that shape them, we have the power to decide whether we continue to hurt or whether we choose to

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YOU WERE BORN FOR MORE; UNPACK WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK

heal. That power opens doors to new ways of being that were previously hidden.

Whatever lens you’re using to view your childhood, mar- riage, family, career, community, or the world, your story mat- ters. Your perspectives matter. If you’re reading this, your story is still evolving, crying out for your attention and intention.

Your story is your soul speaking, nudging you toward the awareness and truth that,

You were Born for More.

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Perspective. The illusion of depth is created by a frame— the arrangement of shapes on a flat surface. Perspective is necessary. Otherwise, there are only 2 dimensions.

- The Handmaid’s Tale.

The Magical Flight Of The Bumblebee

y son and I spent each night before bedtime journaling and reading. Each of us had a journal and a box of colored pencils. We would draw, write, or tape our favorite quotes or pictures, allowing the journal to be a safe space for processing our thoughts and ideas. It was also an opportunity for me to understand what was important to my son. We had one rule

- whatever we put in our journals couldn’t be judged or criti- cized, and there were no mistakes.

On good days, I would write poetry or short stories; on other days, I would doodle or draw. Several journal entries featured black funnel clouds, tornadoes, or volcano eruptions to repre- sent the energy of that day.

One night, my son spent a lot of time drawing a lovely gar- den with colorful flowers, green grass, puffy white clouds float-

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THE POWERFUL PERSPECTIVES

ing past a bright sun in the upper corner of the page. He was proud of his work. However, as he was putting the finishing touches on the picture, he accidentally made a black squiggle mark across half of the page. Thinking his picture was ruined, my son burst into tears. I could feel his suffering and my heart hurt for him, but instead of fixing it for him, I reminded him of our one journal rule – there were no mistakes.

He stared at his picture for a long time as I continued to jour- nal. I forced myself not to solve his dilemma.

Suddenly my son’s tears dried, and his body language shift- ed. He grabbed his yellow and black pencils and went back to work.

When he finished, he showed me the tiny yellow and black body with wings he added to the end of the squiggle. He ex- plained that it was a bumblebee, and the black squiggle was the bee’s flight pattern. It’s the magical flight of the bumble- bee, he said. My mistake made my picture better, mama.

In that moment, The Powerful Perspectives were born.

Witnessing this powerful shift in perspective, I realized there was magic sauce in how we perceived ourselves and our work. By accepting the squiggle he thought was a mistake, my son enhanced his picture beyond what he originally thought possi- ble. He went from defeat to triumph.

My son’s experience inspired the creation of The Powerful Perspectives and urged me to consider what difference it makes when we approach every experience and interaction with an open mind and heart. What would emerge as an op- portunity to make our pictures (lives) better.

Whether in parenting, policy, family, leadership, or your world, The Powerful Perspectives encourage us to examine our beliefs, reshape our stories, and transform thoughts, feel- ings, and actions into perspectives that lead to possibilities.

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YOU WERE BORN FOR MORE; UNPACK WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK

Awareness precedes choice, and choice precedes change. -The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

Powerful Perspectives Framework

The Powerful Perspectives framework invites you to embark on a profound journey of self-discovery, connection, and inner growth. Drawing from ancient wisdom and contemporary spir- itual practices, it provides a pathway to explore and cultivate your spirituality in a way that resonates with your unique be- liefs and values.

The Powerful Perspective approach encourages you to nourish your soul, expand your consciousness, and embracing the deeper aspects of your being.

At the heart of The Powerful Perspectives coaching frame- work is the belief in the inherent potential and agency of hu- mans. It is the recognition that we have the capacity to create meaningful change in our lives and the world around us. It is the belief in the greater good that can manifest in various aspects of life, such as ethical leadership, healthy relationships, envi- ronmental stewardship, and expansion of Authentic Selves.

We will unpack the pieces of the Powerful Perspectives model to explore each component individually to understand their significance and how they contribute to the overall frame- work.

The Powerful Perspectives framework takes shape with three key concepts:

1.     The Awareness Line, in the center of the model.

2.     The block representing the ego and human expression, be- low the awareness line.

3.     The Powerful Perspectives block representing spiritual principles, above the line.

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THE POWERFUL PERSPECTIVES

THE AWARENESS LINE: The AWARENESS LINE is where

transformation begins. When we are aware, we listen, watch, or consider something or someone carefully. We are attentive, taking heed, and giving close and thoughtful attention.

THE EGO: In this model, the EGO is the compilation of ac- tions interested in the survival of the self. This model assumes those attributes below the line are rooted in darkness.

POWERFUL PERSPECTIVES: A POWERFUL PERSPECTIVE

is considered a perspective that leads to personal power and outcomes rooted in the desire to serve greater good. Powerful Perspectives enable us to navigate challenges, make informed decisions, and cultivate a sense of purpose and fulfillment that leads to positive change in our own lives and create contribu- tions to better our world.

By adopting a Powerful Perspective, we transcend fear and transform our mindset, unlocking our full potential. This leads to a meaningful and impactful existence.

This model assumes those attributes above the line are rooted in light.

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YOU WERE BORN FOR MORE; UNPACK WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK

THE AWARENESS LINE

WORKING DEFINITION OF THE AWARENESS LINE

In the Powerful Perspectives model, being aware means being informed and actively engaged in the conscious realization of the circumstances of our lives or having conscious knowledge of our own character, feelings, motives, circumstances, and de- sires.

The term awareness can be interchanged with:

 Gets