MARRIAGE AND FAMILY: Christian Marriage Counselling

By Rev Dr Vincent Vasudevan and Rev Dr Victoria Nair Vincent

* All pastors who have been given the sacred task of preparing members for the divine institution of marriage and family life.
*All church Leaders and elders to assist the pastors in marriage counselling
* Burden to counsel those with matrimonial problem
* Guide Singles planning to get married
* Assist parents to deal with their troubled children
* Assist troubled marriages in handling conflicts
* Promote drug awareness and prevention
* Train those who are keen in marriage counselling and to facilitate family seminars
ENDORSED BY
* GENERAL SUPERINTENDENT OF THE ASSEMBLY OF GOD OF MALAYSIA
* BISHOP OF METHODIST CHURCH OF MALAYSIA
* BISHOP OF EVANGELICAL LUTHERAN CHURCH OF MALAYSIA
* BISHOP OF ANGLICAN CHURCH OF WEST MALAYSIA
* PRESIDENT OF MALAYSIAN TAMIL BIBLE COLLEGE

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Oct 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9781543780727

Book preview

Copyright © 2023 by Vasudevan; Vincent.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

Contents

Foreword

Foreword

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Message From The Authors

Testimonies From Various Church Pastors

Introduction

CHAPTER ONE - WHY GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE

A) The Marriage Covenant

B) The Union Between Man And Woman

C) The Criteria For A Successful Marriage

CHAPTER TWO - SIGNIFICANCE OF MARRIAGE COUNSELING

A) The Necessity Of Marriage Counseling

B) Pre-Marital Counselling

C) Post Marital Counselling

CHAPTER THREE - NATURE OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES

A) The Condition Of Christian Marriages In Malaysia

B) The Condition Of Christian Marriages In India

C) What Some Couples Say

CHAPTER FOUR – OUR EXPERIENCES IN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

A) The Problems That Hinder Effective Counselling

B) Examples Of Successful Counselling Cases

C) Examples Of Unsuccessful Counselling Cases

CHAPTER FIVE – CONCLUSION

A) Informal Pre-Marital Counseling

B) Dating, Wedding And Family Life

C. Pregnancy

References And Recommended Reading

Foreword

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Bishop Ong Sek Leang

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY ~ CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING a must read for ministers who have been given the sacred task of preparing members for the divine institution of marriage and family life, all family counsellors and aspiring family counsellors. Rev. Dr. Vincent Vasudevan heads and leads the Marriage and Family Life Commission of the Assemblies of God of Malaysia.

He teaches and writes with great accuracy, passion and wisdom. The teachings in this book have been timed and culturally tested through many seminars and online teaching platforms in Malaysia and many different parts of the world. I have personally attended some of the online teaching and found them very helpful.

Dr Vincent has given us a definitive framework of God’s intention and design for an intimate, meaningful and lasting marriage and home which is especially crucial today, at a time when liberal and humanistic ideas are rampant within and outside the Church.

This book will bless all who desire to have a great marriage and home whilst grappling with issues and challenges. It will provide godly foundations, bring divine alignment, and enrich the marital couple and home.

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY ~ CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING is written by an experienced Pastor Teacher along with his beloved wife Rev. Dr. Victoria Nair Vincent who is also an experienced Pastor Teacher. It will be a great resource for any minister who wishes to enrich and strengthen the marriage and family life of their members.

Get a copy for yourself and for someone else. Immerse yourself in the teaching. You will be greatly blessed.

REV. ONG SEK LEANG

GENERAL SUPERINTENDENT

ASSEMBLIES OF GOD OF MALAYSIA

Foreword

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Rev. Dr. T. Jeyakumar

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY are, in general, having great trouble. How do I know? Well, look at the statistics below. The statistics on divorce in Malaysia are very telling.

Muslim divorce rate - March 2020-August 2021 - 66, 440

Non-Muslim divorce rate - March 2020 - August 2021 - 10, 346

(Malaysiakini, Oct 12, 2021).

We need churches to help people stay in their marriages. We need people to take pre-marital counselling seriously. We need more senior couples who have stable marriages to come alongside the younger couples. We hope all married couples will attend seminars or courses that can help strengthen our marriages. I say pastorally that we should not wait till it is broken in order to repair. Police investigated 7468 cases of domestic abuse in our country in the year 2021. In 2020, the number of cases was 5260. It shows an increase of 42% (galencentre.org).

Non-communicating spouses and children, homosexuality, unmarried cohabitants, incest, child abuse, child dumping, and runaways from home, seem to point to the fact that, by and large, the institution of family has broken down and families are in trouble.

There is a need to help families and couples become wholesome. Wholesome families raise up individuals who are wholesome in soul, mind, will, and emotion. To be wholesome, we have to work on family life and marriage. Those families that have become unwholesome, must work harder. Those who are in denial must face the reality. Even those who believe that all is good with their family life should work hard lest they take things for granted and end up unwholesome.

In view of all the above, any help is welcome to straighten out marriages and make families wholesome. I believe the Church is in a good position to help couples and families.

I am always encouraged by Asian writers. We need Asians to help fellow Asians understand Christian marriage and family from a biblical point of view. We need Asians to help apply the word of God to the present age and culture. Asians need to remind Asians that the Bible is God’s word, and God’s word speaks to marriages and families even today. In this respect it is my prayer that the book in your hand will point you to a wholesome marriage and wholesome family.

REV. DR. T. JEYAKUMAR

BISHOP OF METHODIST CHURCH OF MALAYSIA

Foreword

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MARRIAGE AND FAMILY ~ CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING by Rev. Dr. Vincent Vasudevan and Rev. Dr. Victoria Nair is a recommended resource for premarital counselling and aid for couples undergoing difficult circumstances or challenges in their marriage. This book is the fruit of their labour and will be a great blessing to all, especially to the Asian churches.

RT. REV. STEVEN LAWRENCE, BISHOP OF THE EVANGELICAL LUTHERAN CHURCH IN MALAYSIA.

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MARRIAGE AND FAMILY ~ CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING is recommended to all pastors and marriage counsellors who has been given the secret task of preparing the bridegroom and bride for the Devine institution of marriage. We acknowledge both Rev. Dr. Vincent Vasudevan and Rev. Dr. Victoria Nair Vincent for teaching in the Bible College FAMILY VALUES to all students and pastors on the following subjects:

Marriage And Home, Pre-Marital Counselling and Kingdom Wealth Management subject introduced by them and approved by the board for B.Th (3 credits).

REV. CHRISTOPHER MUN, PRESIDENT OF MALAYSIA TAMIL BIBLE COLLEGE.

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MARRIAGE AND FAMILY ~ CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING, I applaud the effort of the authors, the Rev. Dr. Vincent Vasudevan and the Rev. Dr. Victoria Nair, for bringing together their vast experience in living and teaching on the subject of Marriage Counselling. It is a good resource, especially for those who are involved in the ministry of Marriage Counselling. The reference to biblical principles and the emphasis on the Covenant, and Jesus Christ as a template for marriage, is a solid theological principle. I recommend this book to all who desire to align their marriages to God’s will and receive His blessings.

RT. REV. DR. D. STEVEN ABBAROW, ANGLICAN BISHOP OF WEST MALAYSIA.

Acknowledgements

A special appreciation and thanks to the General Superintendent of the Assemblies of God for being our mentor and guide, and for contributing valuable insights in the foreword message of this book. We are thankful to all the denominational heads and the President of the Malaysia Tamil Bible College for their endorsements on the teachings on family. Special acknowledgements to all the authors of books referred by us for much teaching has been taken from these books and shown in the in the list of references. As participants we have attended more than twenty over FAMILY seminars facilitated by local and mainly overseas speakers twenty-five years ago. We have been equipped by these teachings and had the honour of using all the materials nationally and internationally to build the miniature church called FAMILY Our heat felt gratitude to all those who equipped us with their knowledge and experience which has enabled us to conduct effective FAMILY seminars throughout the nation and abroad including ministering in TV and radio stations and now converting all our experiences to this book which I believe is God ordained. We have read and being blessed by all the books referred. We have applied these teachings to our own lives and the lives of all church members and friends. We continue to take this teaching to all denominations in Malaysia and abroad as mentioned in this book. All the pastors and ministers who have been blessed has given their testimonies in this book.

Our heartfelt thanks to the students of our family seminars who have contributed messages and testimonies, particularly all ordained licenced ministers of different churches all over Malaysia and India who has participated in all sessions of the marriage and Family Commission sessions of the Marriage and Family Commission series. They have shared their thoughts and experiences and in so doing, they share their blessings to other couples and readers of this book.

Our thanks and appreciation to Pastor Florance Jothi Angel for editing and proof-reading. Through the years of our ministry, we have spent precious time away from our two wonderful sons. Thank you, Adrian and Aylwin, for your sacrifices and unwavering support that have made our ministry possible. You are God’s gifts, and you have both honoured us greatly with your love, aspirations, and success.

Message From The Authors

It is our great joy and privilege to present this book to you. After many years in the field of marriage and family counselling, we are delighted to share the work of our lives with you. We have spent many years on the road and have journeyed with wonderful people in various congregations by God’s grace, in celebration of love between husbands and wives and within families. During this time, we have been blessed to witness healing of families, broken homes restored, and many marriages saved. Although our journey is far from over, it is time for us to change gears and start equipping younger men and women to continue the physical and practical aspects of this ministry.

One thing remains clear to us - there’s so much to be done! The enemy like a roaring lion, is increasing attacks on families to undermine the earthly expansion of God’s heavenly kingdom.

We see younger people moving aggressively into a culture of consuming, pursuing wealth, increasing dependence on digital services and social media. Families are drifting apart and away from God. According to data gleaned from the Marriage Tribunal in the Malaysian National Registration Department in 2019, on a yearly basis, financial issues come up tops as the reason marriages end in divorce.

Although we are not working with you physically, we ask the Holy Spirit to minister to you as you read our books, with the angels of God seated with you. Whether you are in need of help or whether you are seeking to help someone, we ask you to expect miracles. Our God is a miracle working God - as He has worked miracles in our marriage, he desires to work in yours, to bless you and your family. Of this we are certain and give all praise to our loving heavenly Father!

Sincerely, with our prayers and love

VICTORIA AND VINCENT

Testimonies From Various Church

Pastors

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Thank you, Dr Vincent & Dr Victoria, for spending time to minister to us during our problem years. It will always be in both our hearts, remembering the good deeds both of you have done for us. Glory to the highest God.

Kathy Wong, Willie Teh & Family.

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My church and I have been so blessed by this family seminar. Many testified that they were taught what they needed in their lives, about loving, trusting each other, trusting wives in finances, the importance of intimacy and sex. Many gave testimonies with tears that all these years they have missed a lot. Young couples made decisions to change their family lifestyle. One Pastor said that after attending this conference he is not fighting with his wife and they are loving each other so much. Rev. Prasad, India.

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I thank God for His mercy and grace in enabling us to join this marriage course This marriage course was very beneficial to us as a husband and wife, because I identified my weakness and am striving for betterment. I learned that keeping our family happy will definitely contribute to a healthy lifestyle in ministry. We have also benefitted on giving advice for new couples. God continued to remind me to focus on my family as it is an important component in ministry and to lead an exemplary life. I find the healing amazing, and having the desire to lead, guide and to strengthen families in our church. I can truly say that now we have a ‘new and improved’ marriage. Rev. Ravi, Kajang.

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I would like to share how God built my family through Dr Vincent and Dr Victoria. I met these wonderful servants of God in 1993 and I am the eyewitness for many broken families being united and re-built through prayer and teachings. My life is also a living testimony. In 1993, the devil ruined my family. Now God has rebuilt my family. I am thankful to God and praise God for Dr Vincent Vasudevan and Dr Victoria Vasudevan. Rev. Jeeva, India.

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