Mother's Little Helper

By Lisa M McAllister

To any outsider, Lauren Anderson has the perfect life: but when her adorable four-year-old son Henry is diagnosed with autism, her perfect life cracks and she finds herself unable to cope with debilitating anxiety and increasingly frequent panic attacks.  

 

Allison Perry's life is anything but perfect. She's a th

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lisa McAllister
• Release date: Oct 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218153373

Lisa M McAllister

Lisa McAllister has been writing stories and poetry since the 5th grade. She has been published in many anthologies and literary journals, including "Big Fish," "Big Hammer," "Blue Collar Review," "Clockwise Cat," "Everyday Poets," "Gutter Eloquence," and "Women Writers." She has also won multiple regional poetry and short story contests. She lives and works in Grand Rapids, Michigan with her husband Tim and Donna the goldendoodle. In 2019, she lost her oldest son Allen to addiction. Her younger son, Will, is a special needs young adult.

Book preview

1

Lauren

I don’t think this is a good idea.

I know you don’t. You’ve said that about fifty times. Matt turned a little in his seat so he could look at his wife. But it’s time.

Lauren shook her head. Maybe after a nap…

After his nap you’ll say he needs a snack, and then there will be asomething else and something else. There’s no time like the present. Matt started to turn the car off. She put her hand over his.

Wait. Just wait. I need…

He sighed and took his hand off the key, turning it palm up so he was holding her hand. I know we moved away from a good thing in Chicago. It was stable. We knew what to expect. We had our safe little neighborhood and our circle of people and everything worked. But we’re here now and we have to start going out and learning what our place is here. He glanced over his shoulder at their four-year-old son, staring out the window. And that includes Henry.

She looked out the window at the bustling farmer’s market. Well, my mom did say this was the best place for organic produce and it is a beautiful day…

Matt turned the car off.

They got out and fell into their roles seamlessly. Matt opened the trunk and hauled out the Bugaboo stroller, Lauren unbuckled Henry from his car seat and grabbed the diaper bag.

Hey, what’s this little truck he has? she asked Matt.

What truck? Oh, the new nanny gave that to him yesterday. And it’s not a truck, honey. It’s a bulldozer.

Whatever. Boys and their trucks.

Lauren held onto the stroller while Matt settled Henry inside.

Are we all set then? Matt asked.

No. Lauren leaned against the bumper. What if he melts down? What if—

Matt took her by the shoulders. What if, what if? We’ll deal with it. Christ, Lauren, we can’t hide in the house forever.

She knew he was right, but that didn’t make her feel any less anxious. And somehow being back in their hometown made it worse. She loved the anonymity of living in a big city where no one knew her and she didn’t have to worry about what anybody was thinking. But Grand Rapids was a much smaller place. Chances were good they’d see someone they knew and they’d ask questions, questions she couldn’t answer.

Her heart raced. She took a deep breath. I need caffeine. I saw a coffee vendor that way.

Matt smiled. Lead on.

The sun was riding high in a bright blue sky, a few puffy clouds floating high in the atmosphere.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe her anxiety was just that—anxiety.

The caffeine helped settle her nerves. Just the warmth of the cup soothed her.

They moved through the market, making a couple of small purchases, enjoying the day, other people.

Matt said, Everybody’s so nice. I had forgotten about that.

Yeah, it’s almost weird, Lauren agreed.

Matt wandered off to sample some goat cheese while Lauren tried to engage Henry. Henry, this is a peach. Can you say ‘peach?’ It’s so soft and fuzzy, see? She rested it against his cheek, hoping for some reaction.

Henry stared off over her shoulder with his vacant gaze. Frustrated, she turned to pay the farmer for the fruit. When she turned back, Henry was lolling and grasping and doing everything in his power to get out of the stroller. He was making an insistent buzzing sound, Zzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzz, a violent hum that was getting louder and louder. Several people had already begun to stare. She knew it was only a matter of time before Henry really started freaking out.

Matt! Lauren hissed. Pay attention. What does he want?

Matt sighed and turned away from the goat cheese stall. I don’t know. Maybe he’s hungry? He reached down and offered Henry a cheese sample on a water cracker. Here, buddy, want this?

Henry knocked the cracker out of his father’s hand, it went flying across the aisle, landing on the ground. A tiny wiener dog snapped it up.

I knew this was going to happen! Lauren said. I told you!

Don’t overreact. Matt gave the goat cheese lady an apologetic smile and maneuvered the family to a bench near a vegan hot dog cart.

Lauren fished a water bottle out of the diaper bag and presented it to Henry. He turned his face away, buzzing all the while.

She shook her head. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea.

Matt squatted beside Henry in the stroller. What’s up, buddy?

I don’t know why you’re bothering, Lauren snapped. He can’t understand a word you’re saying. She took a sip of her latte and tapped her foot. Let’s just go home.

Lauren, you’re totally over-reacting.

Oh, fuck you, Matt.

The vegan hot dog guy gave them a sidelong glance and shook his head. Lauren lowered her voice, barely. I said he’s not ready to go out, but you insisted.

How’s he ever going to get used to being around—

Henry’s buzzing sound had progressed into an ear-shattering keening wail, interspersed with, Zzzzzzzz!

Goddammit! What do you want? Lauren bent over and looked into Henry’s blotchy, tear-stained face.

It was a face she was supposed to love. A face only a mother could love, that was the saying. But that saying suggested an ugly child, and Henry was perfect-looking in every way. Sandy brown hair, big brown eyes, long lashes that must have come from Matt’s side of the family, a turned-up nose, even a dimple in his chin. Sometimes, in bad moments like this, Lauren thought his face was the only thing she could love about him.

Henry’s eyes met hers for a split second and Lauren had no idea what she saw there. Her own angry reflection. Confusion. Fear. But then he darted his eyes away, crying, flinging himself from one side of the stroller to the other, red welts appearing on his stomach where his T-shirt had pulled up and the buckle cut into his skin.

Lauren straightened and settled her sunglasses into her hair. She rubbed her gritty eyes. She hadn’t been sleeping well. Henry’s night terrors had them all up and down throughout the night. He had also been wandering at night, but since they re-installed the baby gate he contented himself with pacing his bedroom like a wild animal, howling and destroying everything within his reach.

She was going to start crying while the entire farmer’s market ground to a halt around their intrusive family drama.

Stricken and confused, Matt bent to unbuckle Henry from the stroller.

Lauren saw what he was about to do, but too late. Don’t—

As soon as he sensed freedom, Henry bolted into the crowd of shoppers.

Mother fuck! Lauren dropped her coffee cup and ran into the crowd after him, Matt on her heels.

#

Allie

After being cooped up all night and most of the morning in the stale hospital air, Allie walked out of work and was dazzled by the sun. Normally, she was exhausted after working a double shift, but today she felt like walking off some of the stress.

She strolled to the farmer’s market where she picked up some corn and tomatoes. She was heading toward the herbs when a small child barreled into her at top speed. She dropped her plastic bag of vegetables and grabbed the kid to avoid them both falling to the ground.

Hey there, kiddo. What’s the matter? She bent down to get a better look at the boy. His face was red and wet with tears. Where’s your mommy?

The boy refused to meet her gaze, kept looking over her shoulder and making a buzzing sound with his lips.

Are you lost? Allie kept her hand on the boy’s shoulder as she straightened up. She looked around for a frantic parent but didn’t see anyone who looked like they had lost a kid. Let’s go up to the front, okay? We’ll find your mom.

She took the boy’s hand but he pulled her in the opposite direction, wildly grasping toward something on the ground. What’s that? Is that yours? Did you lose it?

The boy grabbed the toy bulldozer on the ground and pressed it against his cheek. For a second, she thought he was going to kiss it.

Zzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

The shoppers moved around them like they were a stump in the river. Allie tentatively laid her hand on top of the boy’s head. He didn’t move or stop stroking and cooing to his toy.

Henry! A man in his mid-30s ran up and grabbed the boy in a bear hug. Don’t ever run away like that. He looked at Allie. Thank you so much.

I didn’t do anything. He found me. She looked at the man more closely now. His hair had a lot of gray now but, Matt?

Wait. Allie? He laughed. It’s been so long!

He called back over his shoulder to a woman who was still trying to make her way toward them through the crowd. Lauren! Look who found Henry!

Allie felt her stomach flutter, very small, very quiet. It had been fifteen years since she had last seen her best friend. She was shocked to discover how much she could still hurt.

Lauren looked between Matt and Allie, down to Henry, and back to Allie. What—

Allie found her voice. It’s been a long time. This must be your son.

Yes, this is Henry.

The boy was still caressing his toy bulldozer, holding it up and watching the light glint off the treads.

He really wanted that bulldozer, Allie said, releasing Henry’s hand and stepping back, suddenly conscious of how much they were blocking the walkway.

Let’s step over here. Matt noticed too and ushered them to an out-of-the-way bench next to a display of gladiolas.

Lauren looked slightly shell-shocked, probably still reeling from her son running away, but otherwise still as beautiful as ever. She wore her sleek, dark hair pulled into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck and looked chic in a belted sundress and high heels. Allie looked down at her own wrinkled scrubs and serviceable clogs with distaste.

I didn’t know you were back in town, Allie said. She couldn’t understand why Lauren didn’t pick up her son, or hug him or chastise him. She had barely looked in his direction after an initial once-over.

We got back a few months ago, actually. Matt took a job at St. Francis and I’m a project manager at Kelton and Associates. She looked at Allie’s scrubs. Are you working at the hospital, too?

Yes, I got my LPN license a few years ago.

Oh, right. I think I saw that on Facebook, Lauren said.

I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other before, Matt said. He hoisted Henry onto his shoulders, but the boy didn’t seem to notice. He kept staring at his toy, transfixed.

Are you staying with Matt’s family, or with your mom? Allie asked too politely.

Oh, no. We bought a house. Lauren named a subdivision in one on the most expensive suburbs.

Nice, Allie murmured. Of course they bought a house. Lauren didn’t do low-rent. Lauren didn’t stay with family.

And how is… and now Lauren looked embarrassed, forgetting Allie’s son’s name momentarily.

Allie let her off the hook. Ryan’s great, she lied. He’s a junior at Woodhaven Prep now. It’s challenging, but he’s hanging in there.

She didn’t feel the need to add that his grades were in the toilet and if he didn’t get his shit together he would be out of gifted and talented Woodhaven and back in public school.

Such was the nature of their relationship, dancing around each other, telling lies, superficial, like bugs landing on the calm surface of a pond.

I can’t believe he’s that old already, Lauren said.

Oh, and I got remarried, Allie said. Jim’s a police officer.

That’s great! Matt said. I know things were always rocky with what’s-his-name.

Allie nodded. She knew they knew her ex’s name, they had all partied together once upon a time. But forgetting was a civilized way of saying, We never liked that guy.

Well, we had better get this kid home, Lauren said, finally noticing her child, for what seemed to Allie to be the first time. And our stroller is still back there. Hopefully nobody stole it.

It was so nice to see you, Allie said automatically, and she might have even meant it.

Lauren gave her a one-armed hug. Let’s get together sometime.

Sure.

Wait, honey. Let’s invite her to the party.

Right! Lauren said after a brief pause. We’re having a house-warming-slash-birthday party for Henry next Saturday. We’d love it if you could come.

That was literally the last thing Allie wanted to do. Well, she said. I’ll have to check with Jim…

Please say you’ll come, Lauren said. There will be a lot of doctors from the hospital and people from neighborhood. It would be nice to have an ally there. She laughed at her own joke. Or an Allie.

Like it’s a war. It’s just a party.

Okay. We’ll come. Thank you. She pulled out her phone and they exchanged numbers.

Great! I’ll text you the details. Now we really have to run or somebody will take off with the stroller. I had to special-order it online and it wasn’t cheap.

I bet it wasn’t.

Allie watched as they moved away, Henry’s head bobbing above the crowd.

See you Saturday! Matt called back over his shoulder.

2

Allie

Allie knew they didn’t belong here. Their ten-year-old car looked beat-up and ridiculous among the BMWs, Lexuses, and Mercedes SUVs that lined Lauren’s driveway. Everywhere she looked were the blank Stepford-stares of suburban houses with no personalities. White, closed garage doors. Boring but expensive landscaping. The soft tck-tck-tck of someone’s automatic sprinkler system.

It’s frickin’ ridiculous, is what it is. All this for a kid’s birthday. Jim broke into her reverie.

Be quiet. They were nice enough to invite us. Maybe we should have brought them a house-warming gift too. A bottle of wine? Something…

These people can buy their own wine, better shit than we can afford.

They stopped talking as soon as the door opened.

Hi! Jim said.

Hello! Allie said, praying Lauren hadn’t heard their conversation. She handed over a Disney gift bag. It was only a book, Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, but other than bulldozers, Allie had no idea what Henry liked.

Welcome, come on in, Lauren said, pretending she had not heard their conversation. Where’s Ryan?

Allie didn’t have the heart to tell her that her sixteen-year-old son would rather be anywhere than at a four-year-old’s birthday party.

Lauren took her friend’s arm. Everybody’s out back. We’re so lucky the weather’s this nice. You never know with September. She steered them down the hallway and through a pair of French doors onto a lovely slate patio.

Drinks are over here. Matt’s grilling, but there’s a buffet set up over there with salads and chips and everything else.

A small, dark-skinned man wandered over, looking like he was trying to escape the hordes of children running and screaming through the yard.

Oh, Dr. Gupta! You must know Allie from the hospital, right? Lauren said.

Allie awkwardly switched her wine glass to her left hand and shook Dr. Gupta’s hand. Well, uh, no, I don’t think we work in the same department…

A shriek and a crash from inside the kitchen caused Lauren to look around wildly and rush off. Excuse me for a second!

What’s your specialty? Dr. Gupta asked politely.

Allie turned red and took a sip of wine. I’m just an LPN, she said.

Oh, Dr. Gupta said. Well, it’s an important job. Important, he repeated.

Allie remembered Jim and decided to drag him under the bus with her. And this is my husband, James.

Pleased to meet you, the doctor said, shaking hands. And what do you do?

Police officer, Jim said.

Wonderful! Always need law enforcement.

Dr. Gupta started the slow slide that polite people perform at parties when they don’t want to seem rude, but they also have nothing else to say. It was very nice meeting you both.

After his departure, Allie and Jim stood together, surveying the party spread out on the lawn beyond them. It was an extremely normal, if a little over the top, four-year-old’s birthday party. Bright streamers hung from the trees. Tables decorated with dinosaur tablecloths and plates and cups were scattered across the yard. A few children were playing Pin-the-Tail on the Dino near an adorable teal garden shed. Another dozen or so children ran and shrieked around the backyard and behaved like normal four and five-year-olds. A couple were driving battery-powered Escalades.

Aren’t you glad we’re done with all this?

Allie shook her head, watching the kids play. Not really. I miss having a little kid.

Parents congregated on the patio, sitting at tables under large umbrellas, sipping drinks, chatting and watching their kids play.

What I don't miss is other kids' parents. This phony socializing, you know? Pretending you like these people, making small talk, all so your kid can have a play-date. I hate it.

Lauren’s husband Matt was manning the outdoor grill, serving hamburgers and hot dogs.

Are you a carnivore, herbiovore, or omnivore? He was teasing a little girl who was holding her plate up to him.

Veggie burger on a gluten-free bun for Gabriella, please! A woman, presumably the girl’s mother, called across the patio.

Jim rolled his eyes at Allie. We so don’t belong here, he whispered in her ear.

She’s my oldest friend, Jim.

I know, honey. It’s all bullshit, you know?

She sighed. I know.

I mean, how much do you think they spent on this shindig, anyway? And for what? To impress a bunch of preschoolers?

Exasperated, Allie put her hands on her hips. I don’t know, Jim. You want me to ask her?

Lauren led Henry out on the patio. And here’s Henry, the birthday boy! He was struggling in her grasp, but she held firm.

He was small for his age, but very cute, with big brown eyes and longish brown hair that curled around his ears. It was obvious from the way he squirmed that he did not like all eyes on him.

Happy Birthday to you. Lauren started singing, and the rest of the crowd joined in. Henry began hitting himself on the side of the head with the hand that wasn’t being held.

What the hell is he doing? Jim whispered again.

Allie bit her lip. I don’t know. Something’s obviously wrong.

The song mercifully ended, and a young woman, the nanny, Allie assumed, appeared and spirited Henry away. He was crying and still hitting himself but when the nanny held him close and whispered in his ear, he seemed to calm down.

Jesus Christ, Al. What the hell was that?

Allie kept her eyes on Lauren, who was moving around the party, stopping to speak to people, filling wine glasses, making sure everyone was happy and having a good time. When she came near, Allie hissed, Lauren!

Lauren smiled and came over. Everyone seems to be having a good time, right? She gestured toward the kids in the backyard, seemingly oblivious to her own son’s absence.

Allie grabbed Lauren’s hand. What is going on with Henry?

Lauren’s smile faltered and she looked around for someplace else she needed to be. She had a look on her face that said she would not break down at Henry’s party. Would not.

Not now, she said. Please. Not now.

Allie looked into her friend’s eyes, squeezed her hand once, and let her go.

The party broke up an hour or so later, parents carrying exhausted, over-sugared, over-stimulated children away and tucking them into SUVs and minivans with the highest safety ratings money can buy.

By this time, Allie had taken up her usual, favorite party position, in the kitchen, washing dishes. The nanny, who introduced herself as Amber, picked up a dish towel and started rinsing and drying platters and serving spoons as Allie pulled them from the soapy water.

They worked in silence for a moment or two, until Allie couldn’t take it anymore. Amber? Can I ask you a question?

Of course, Mrs. Perry.

Is there something…wrong with Henry?

Amber looked away, rubbing the platter in her hand much harder than was necessary to dry it. I’m not sure I’m the right person to…I’m not a doctor…

"No, but you’re with him every day. What do you think?"

Amber met Allie’s gaze with brown eyes that glistened with tears. I’ve only been working for them for a couple of months, but I’ve been thinking something’s not right for a while, she said in a soft voice. And today, with all these kids, it was awful. She set the platter down carefully. He was so miserable.

Allie knew, or thought she knew, what was going on. Have they had him tested?

Amber shook her head. Dr. Anderson wants to, but…

She trailed off as Lauren came in, carrying a bowl of fruit salad.

I think everybody else is gone, Lauren said, rooting around in a cabinet for a storage container. Thanks for sticking around and helping out, you guys. I really appreciate it.

Allie turned from the sink and wiped her soapy hands on a towel. Lauren—

Amber set the dish towel on the counter. I’ll go see if Henry is ready to get up from his nap.

I know what you’re going to say, Lauren said after the swinging door closed. But he’s still so young. I think it’s that he’s always had a nanny. If he had gone to daycare, he’d have much better social skills.

Allie nodded slowly, considering. But Lauren—

We had him tested for the physical stuff. We thought he might be deaf. Lead poisoning, genetics testing. Nothing.

Allie opened her mouth to speak.

Don’t! Lauren said sharply. Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. We don’t know anything right now.

But you have to know—

Matt’s a doctor. Of course we know. I just…I just want to have my son a little longer, the way he is.

The way he is, hitting himself, miserable, isn’t a way to be. He needs help, Lauren. Doctors, a counselor, therapy, school maybe. You can’t pretend like this isn’t happening.

Lauren poured the left-over fruit salad into the storage container, watching as