Journey Into the Dollhouse

By Aaliyah R. Wahebei

Selena White brings black girl magic to everything she does and everyone she knows; however, love is not always genuinely returned. Her battle with abuse, addiction, and depression has had her on a dark lonely road toward destruction. The will to chase her dreams won’t be easy, and her journey will become longer than she thought life intended. After childhood trauma and the unfulfilled love of a father being in her life, feelings of being used and abused will swarm her like a curse. Falling in love would not be so sweet. And her first true love, her soul mate, could be a big pill to swallow, but swallowing pills is a skill Selena has learned how to master. Hope may teach Selena that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes, things have to come to an end for something even greater to begin. A life of crime, betrayal, and death isn’t worth all the money in the world. Some things are priceless, you know.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 30, 2023
• ISBN: 9781669869177

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Copyright © 2023 by Aaliyah R. Wahebei.

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without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 08/30/2023

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CONTENTS

Inspirations of My 2023 Journey

Finding Hope in a Dark Place

In Need of a Father’s Love

A Good Girl Gone Bad

Love at First Sight: Never Knew It Really Existed

The Ending to The Beginning

Dedication to my beautiful mother Carlene Wahebei better known as Ms. Candie, my father, sisters, brother, the love of my life CJ. All the people I love that have passed away, all love was not lost, and I found happiness. I love you and I Thank you!

This story is inspired by true events.

Dear God, I first want to thank you for all that you have provided and blessed me to have, but I am at a crossroads and have begun feeling meaningless in this life. I am starting to fear the anger brewing inside me because it is causing me to want to endure evil and hurt people I once loved and even those whom I don’t know because of the pain I am constantly experiencing. I have been taken advantage of by men more times than I can count. My dearest friends and some family members have betrayed me in ways that are unforgivable, so I’ve lost those relationships, trust for people, and faith in real love. We all have a past in which we have all made choices that weren’t always the best. None of us are completely innocent in our daily decisions, but as long as we wake up another day with a sound mind, we get a fresh start to do better and be better. I have so many great ideas and ambitions in my mind, sometimes I’ve shared those ideas with others, but I have also shared them with people I shouldn’t have. I am barely surviving my depression, but I keep working to pay the bills while I just begin to lose my self-motivation daily. I am lonely and scared that no matter how hard I try, I am cursed to continue to fail at everything I work hard to achieve. I can spend my days busing my ass working hard toward doing good things, and I will run into death, violence, betrayal, heartache, and pain. I must continue going, working and finding the faith to do it as a kind, loving, respectful, and civil human being. I try not to question your words lord, but I can’t find understanding in some of the past and present events that have taken place in my life. I watch those who do so much wrong constantly succeed even when it means hurting someone else to do so. I started to wonder if the ones who seek out the devil’s ways are more fruitfully blessed in this life because we are already living in hell. I have decided to take my life because it seems as though I am not meant for this world anyways, but if for some reason after I swallow all these pills, Lord, you still allow me to live again, I promise to find meaning and make it count.

Sincerely,

Selena

(The letter I wrote to God in 2017 as I listened to Smokie Norful on my phone singing I Need You Now.)

INSPIRATIONS OF MY

2023 JOURNEY

"Selena, oh, honey, you’re absolutely beautiful! We want to thank you for having us for your seminar today and letting us tour these dollhouses, which your CA Dollhouse Foundation has been a major success, may I add. We hear you will be on the cover of Next Up magazine for their summer issue. That must be really exciting! You are such an astonishing person. The camera really hasn’t done you justice. I sure hope we capture the beautiful young woman I am here with today. I mean you were homeless, abused, assaulted by a few different men, and struggling with depression. Now you are a billionaire with a PhD in Psychology, who provides luxury shelters for thousands all over the United States. You have open six locations now. One in Georgia, California, Detroit, North Carolina and the second facility in the state of Virginia; however, this is the first facility in your hometown of the seven five seven. Wow, Selena this must feel amazing!" Carol stated. Carol is the lady to talk to if you are an up and coming entrepreneur. She hosts one of today’s best podcast but she is also humble, caring, giving, kind and funny.

I smiled so hard and replied, Yes, I am so excited to show you guys what we do here. This is a dream come true for me. I’m a woman who was once a depressed, struggling young girl from these same streets right here in the Hampton Roads. So much has been happening, and all so fast that I have not had time to blink. I could not be happier. I used to feel that I was cursed by an old archenemy of my great ancestors, but now I’m not so sure. I just feel God has a major plan for me, and only my pain could help lead me there. Well, I know we have a lot to cover, so let us get you guys set up. I have a team of staff that will be helping you all during your time with us for this CA Dollhouse grand opening. I must go attend to a few things and change before our seminar. I will see you guys in a couple of hours, but in the meantime, Kaylah will be taking over. You are in good hands. I was calm and professional but inside my head I could leap from joy. All I could hear in my head was Jay-Z and Pharrell, Change Clothes:

Ya girl is back

I know y’all miss the bounce

need to bounce for the sexy, you know

Yeah, ma, your dude is back, Maybach coupé is back

Tell the whole world the truth is back

You ain’t got to argue about who could rap

‘Cause the proof is back, just go through my rap

New York, New York, yeah, where my troopers at

Where my hustlers, where my boosters at

I don’t care what you do for stacks

I know the world glued your back to the wall

You gotta brawl, do that

I been through that, been shot at, shot back

Gotta keep the peace like a Buddhist

I ain’t a New Jack, nobody gon’ Wesley Snipe me

It’s less than likely, move back

Let I breathe Jedi Knight

The more space I get, the better I write

Oh, never I write but if ever I write

I need the space to say whatever I like, now just

You know I stay fresh to death, I brought you from the projects

and I’ma take you to the top of the globe, so let’s go

It’s just me

Uh uh uh-huh uh-huh, is it just me

And I ain’t gon’ tell you again, let’s get ghost in the Phantom

You could bring your friend, we could make this a tandem

You could come by yourself if you can stand him

Best believe I sweat out weaves

Give Afro puffs like R.A.G.E

Aw, you get if you could move it

Back it on up like a U-Haul truck

And run and tell them thugs you heard Hov new shit He and the boy [Pharrell] make beautiful music

He is to the east coast what Snoop is

To the west coast, what ‘is to Houston

Young Hov’ in the house is so necessary

No bra with the blouse is so necessary

No panties in jeans that’s so necessary

Now why you frontin’ on me, is that necessary?

Do I, to you, look like a lame

Who don’t understand a broad with a mean shoe game

Who’s up on Dot Dot Dot and Vera Wang

Ma, are you insane? Let’s just

You know I stay fresh to death. I brought you from the projects

And I’ma take you to the top of the globe, so let’s go Uh uh uh ha uh ha it’s just me

Uh uh, it’s so necessary, right?

That’s right, it’s a groove

It’s a groove, uh uh, bring it back

Young Hov’ in the house is so necessary

No bra with the blouse is so necessary

No panties no jeans

Now why you frontin’ on me?

Let’s go to my hotel ’cause this don’t go well

With them S. Dots, gotta stay fresh

Ma, I don’t shop what the rest buy

Oh no, Ma, please respect, Ma

Jiggy this is probably Purple Label

Or that BBC shit or it’s probably tailored

And y’all niggas actin’ way too tough

Throw on a suit, get it tapered up, and let’s just

You know I stay fresh to death. I brought you from the projects

And I’ma take you to the top of the globe, so let’s go

"Welcome, welcome! My name is Kaylah, and Ms. Carol I will be giving you guys a tour of the building. If anyone needs to use the bathroom during the tour there are restrooms right here in our main lobby near nurse station A. Over here in our café area, we also have free drinks and snacks available all day. You guys can walk around for a moment then we will move on to the backside of the ground floor which hosts our admissions department, administration and art therapy rooms. Once we finish on this floor, I’ll take you to the other levels of the building and then the garden. After that you can go relax in the rooms, we have prepared for you until the seminar starts. If anyone has questions, please feel free to ask at any time. We will start in twenty minutes, so go ahead and take this time to get whatever you may need. OK, is everyone ready? Let me tell you guys what we do here at CA Dollhouse and what we are all about. First, as you all should know, Selena White is the founder, CEO, and lead psychologist here in the building. She also has a private practice where she provides counseling sessions for outpatients. I would say that although she loves all her patients, her private practice takes second seat to the life-after-loss C.A Dollhouse organization because she is always at one the dollhouses working or working on more ideas to make it better for the individuals it serves. Here at the Dollhouse, we provide shelter for the homeless or low-income families while giving them a chance to experience therapy through their many talents and abilities using our nontraditional art therapy and traditional inpatient treatment needs as well. Her focus is the minority youth and adults who have been suffering from neglect, abuse, depression, homelessness, grief, self-harm, suicidal and/or anxiety with social survival stability issues.

Our treatment is not just traditional treatment, but we host a wide range of artistic therapeutic activities and sports to conquer while living here and working on getting better. We believe that healing is first in one’s mind and heart. We treat each case and individual, individually to his or her skills, problems, and fears. As you will notice the doors and hallways are color coordinated depending on the level of treatment needed as well as the level of freedom given. We give free group and individual sessions weekly. The Dollhouse has a scholarship program that provides based on your income assistance, which includes access to everything including our tutoring, career build skill center, résumé guidance, and supply access such as books and computers in our facilities. It also offers therapy through arts and crafts, such as a full art studio, music studio, dance studio, boxing gym, and water aerobics. The gym has a full boxing ring with gloves provided, punching and kicking bags, matted flooring throughout, and fifteen state-of-the-art exercise machines. We have a basketball court and Olympic size swimming pool. We have yoga mats for meditation, and the gym, garden, and dance studio all make for great areas to do so. We have a garden; and most of our spices, fruits, and vegetables are hand grown right here by the staff and residents. We have a full-fledged cafeteria where we provide three full buffet-style meals per day. The café provides free coffee, juice, and water machines twenty-four hours a day, plus snacks. But as you guys saw most of our housing quarters have their private kitchenettes, so people have the choice to cook in their own homes. We also provide care for a lot of families who have been struck by natural disasters. They’ve lost their homes with everything in them from hurricanes, floods or fires. However, some people come to us who have just found themselves unable to provide a stable life. It may be a young mother and her three kids leaving an abusive father, a single father and his child without enough income to keep their home, or a young adult aging out of the foster care system. We also help individuals with criminal backgrounds who have a hard time starting over. The CA Dollhouse Foundation is trying to give them the chance to still have the sense of their home away from home even in a treatment facility because Selena believes it helps to heal our spirit, which is most important part of healing the mind, PTSD or all other mental health illnesses her patients may suffer with. We learned a lot of the homeless community and poverty population suffers from some form of mental illness. A lot of individuals are struck by a traumatic event, which sometimes is the reason behind someone becoming homeless. Yes, we believe in modern medicine. However, we know that it doesn’t always take medication to help treat and manage people who suffer from illnesses and problems such as the individuals we will house here. This is only to be a temporary living facility until the individuals are rehabilitated enough to stably live in the world on their own, then we help find them stable permanent housing. Women and men that have fled from abusive homes also get a sense of comfort in having that privacy while receiving safe shelter, treatment, and counseling. Most people when dealing with tragedy leave situations and/or places without anything, even transportation, which plays a bigger part in surviving in today’s world. We can’t afford to buy everyone a car, but we provide twenty-four-hour car service—to be picked up and dropped off at important appointments, jobs, schools, events, or even to shop. We work alongside other non-profit organizations, health care facilities and the local social services departments. We are both government and privately funded. Carol, we have set aside two rooms for you and your staff to get settled, change, and enjoy some refreshments. We have fully stacked each of your rooms with food and drinks. Selena will be back down shortly to do the ribbon cutting and begin the seminar, before I leave do you need anything else or have any questions? Ok, well then we will see you all in a the next hour.

*    *    *

The crowd had already begun to grow outside before Selena could even come back downstairs. The music was bumping, and the sun was shining. It was time to cut the ribbon and let the people inside of the building. Selena finally arrived. Hello everyone, hope everyone is doing well today! I want to thank you all for joining us here at C.A Dollhouse Foundation 2023 grand opening seminar. I will talk a little about who we are and what we do as well as the journey that led me to be the founder and CEO. Carol, I also want to thank you and your film crew for joining us and documenting this day. I cherish every one of you and hope that I can help you or inspire you in some way before you leave here. I know this is a two-hour seminar which may feel like forever to most of us, but I promise you will enjoy it, and hopefully gather something from what you hear. We will have a break time to move around and mingle amongst one another with finger foods and drinks. Everyone will leave here with something today because we’re also handing out gift bags. Well let’s cut this ribbon so you guys can all come on in. Selena spoke into the microphone to the crowd of people. The crowd cheered as the big red ribbon was cut. Okay everyone that is here for the seminar please go ahead and take your seats. We are about to start, Kaylah announced. Selena and Carol took their seats on the prepared stage. Selena began to talk. "I get people from all over the world coming to live in my shelters, and I’m thrilled about this. It is great for the youth, single men and women, and parents to have that support behind them through some of the toughest moments of their lives but still have a sense of independence. I think that having some form of independence makes a big difference in one’s happiness throughout life. We are neither like most shelters nor are we like any other residential psychiatric centers. We thrive on finding your difference and embracing it in a positive way with medications, meditation, counseling and creative arts. Things I learned really helps with the day to day coping of mental health illness, but I had to learn this from the hard streets of Virginia and a long road to recovery. Growing up I always went to music, writing, dancing, and creating whenever I was sad or angry. Those were the things that brought me happiness and peace. I thought I just loved to hear music, write songs, or dance, but I now know I was expressing myself in every part of me with no fear. I was getting my feelings out, and I was healing myself. Now if I could find a way to use those things to help other people learn how to cope and manage their mental and physical well-being with as much ease as possible, I realized I wanted to try. I didn’t know what I was going to do as far as a career even though I thought I did for years. It wasn’t until 2014 when I suffer another heartbreak that I began to see myself for who I really was and started my journey of finding true purpose in life. God had a bigger plan for me!

"I believe we all share a little fear of the unknown, and most, like me, never even realize it, never admit to it, or would rather live in the fear of the unknown than live in the happiness of discovering something new. There are a few famous quotes about the unknown that stuck with me such as ‘Do we really want to be rid of our resentments, our anger, or our fear? Many of us cling to our fears, doubts, self-loathing, or hatred because there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain. It seems safer to embrace what we know than to let go of it for fear of the unknown’ (Narcotics Anonymous author). This quote plays over and over in my head and is also a major factor in so many of our lives today—from the people we call our friends to the ones we call our lovers/partners, from the companies/employers we work for or the stores that we shop at. We will keep them in our lives even after events that should have caused us to walk away and never look back because they’re conveniently familiar. We become comfortable with the familiar. How many of us stop short of success on purpose? How many of us sabotage our own happiness because failure, while misery, is a fear we’re familiar with? Well, according to WHO, approximately one million people commit suicide each year worldwide—that is about one death every forty seconds or three thousand per day. For each individual who takes his/her own life, there are at least twenty attempts to do so. Suicide has a global mortality rate of sixteen per one hundred thousand as of (September 10, 2011, www.cnn.com). Just something I thought I would share with you because not living a happy life can become deadly. Just look at how bad things have gotten around the world since 2010 until now. Success, however, and dreams come true are a whole new kind of terrifying an entirely new species of responsibilities and disillusions, requiring a new way to think, act, and become. Is this why we really quit on ourselves when chasing our dreams? Because it’s hopeless? Or because it’s possible? This is a quote from Jennifer DeLucy. All my life, I’ve wanted to be someone who successfully gave back to the world in some way, while making my own dreams come true. I always wanted to start with my family and my loved ones whether blood related or not.

When I was five years old, no one could tell me any different. I was determined to become a famous pediatrician who saved children all over the world. Then I would have a wonderful husband and a house full of children who adored one another dearly. They say that when we are born, we don’t know the different ways of the world, right or wrong, bad or good; but we are taught about it by our parents, guardians, family members, friends, teachers, mentors, and peers. I was a very confused child, as I would like to call it; however, some may say I was just spoiled and bad as fuck. I’m not absolutely sure if the abuse that took place in my home between my mother and father during my infant and toddler years played a major part in it, but I would believe it did. My mother and father were a piece of work, I have to say, but through it all, they loved each other very much and us children even more. My dad was very protective of his kids and believed that a man is the provider/protector and the woman a nurturer for the family who stays home with the children. I was a very energetic, adventurous, observant, and loving child. Bold and carefree is what I liked to call it; however, some may say I was just given to much freedom and fast for my age. Crazy how only my mom truly noticed how sensitive, shy and emotional I was. I don’t remember much of my life back then, sometimes I wish I did, others I’m glad I don’t. My mom always filled us in with lots of stories both good and bad, though I needed more because life wasn’t ever how outsiders perceived it to be. I do remember, however, my life from around the age of at least seven, and it was complicated, but I was happy and loved. I didn’t know how to handle the sadness mentally, so I was a menace at times. My mom was a beautiful person in every way possible, a true goddess but something inside of her always seemed to be sad behind all her big smiles. I mean ‘will give you her last dollar and go hungry for you’ type of love. She deserved to see all the beauty in the world, but we sometimes gave her hell, and I could be the worst. We were kids and didn’t understand the true struggle of life, especially our mom’s. Mommy never really had it easy, not as a child or an adult. She always said she was too much like Cinderella. My grandmother had too many kids then she knew what to do with and because my mom was the only girl, grandma decided she’d be the one to go live with someone else to take care of her. Whenever we watched Cinderella together, she would say, ‘Just like her, I too was forced to live with an evil woman’-whom we knew as her aunt-and her two wicked daughters, mommies’ cousins. Mommies aunt forced my mom to become their maid and mommy waited on them hand and foot. She was left home to do chores while they went off to picture shows and fancy restaurants as if she had been a bad or disrespectful child. They gave her the food they didn’t want, worn-out hand-me-down clothes and shoes that hurt her feet. She started working faster and harder on her housework and schoolwork so she could do work for the neighbors on the side and buy herself nice things too. They would try to take it from her and try to accuse her of stealing, but my mom wasn’t having that. She would fight them and prove that she did work and earn the money, so they couldn’t take shit. This didn’t make things easier for my mom, but she was strong. Whenever she talked with me about this it always made me sad, and I would go to my room just to cry. I started to gain a little dislike for her side of our family, but I saw how much she loved them so I couldn’t help but to love them too. I still questioned so much about things that seemed to never get talked about when we were all together. Mommy always said I was her problem child-that I was different-those were the words she liked to use when it came to my not so positive traits. What she should have also said is I cared what other people thought, I didn’t scare easily, and I was too smart for my own good, others just like to call me bad. She also said she wanted to give us a life she never had. I grew up spoiled rotten. I had every toy I wanted as a child doctor kit’s, roller skates, baby dolls, bikes and even a toy horse that I could ride. I would put my effort into people pleasing, hanging out with friends and my appearance, thinking I could make my own decisions in life. I wanted to be seventeen going on eighteen so badly that at the age of twelve I started teaching myself how to do teenage and adult hair styles on my own head. I wanted to be able to go to the eighteen and up clubs with Sky and her friends. Instead of utilizing my intelligence in bettering my writing, dancing or education. Sad, I know! Momma had already been through so much, and the way she busted her ass for us to have a good, fun, and safe life I should have done anything she needed me to. Me, yes, me! I’m the one who screamed at her and told her no. I wasn’t doing something that I should have just respectfully done when asked. I did things such as kicking her seat in the car while she was driving my friends and me to places because she didn’t want to agree to take me to certain places or do something exactly how I wanted it done. I blamed her for ruining my life when all she tried to do was make it great. How dare I do such terrible things to my own mother? This woman carried me, gave me life, and cared for me in every way a mother should despite her own losses. I was angry for so much and didn’t know how to talk about it or express it in a healthy way. Well, please don’t think I was one of those kids who didn’t get beatings or punishment. Oh yes, she beat us. And we got all kinds of whupping, switches, belts, shoes, anything you can think of, she did it—and nothing worked. The beatings you get used to, then you get strong enough to take the things away from them that they try to beat you with. And yeah, there was punishment, but you can’t watch over your child twenty-four hours of the day because then you’re not doing the things you need to do as the parent to provide for them or yourself. I did not understand the blessing I had so I constantly threatened to run away as if the love I was receiving wasn’t good enough. I never went far from our house, mostly just walked around our neighborhood lugging a big bag full of my belongings including my old ABC blanket or sometimes I’d just go into our backyard and make a fort. Then one day around the age of thirteen, Sky and I ran away together. Mommy was always changing over the years and so were we, but her way of changing was always religion. She was Muslim, Baptist and now becoming a Jehovah Witness. Life had become difficult for us once mommy begin studying the truth with so many changes that came with it. The random people started to be in our home all the time for bible studies. The way they were forcing her to take things away from us that we had known all our lives, things like celebrating our birthdays or watching certain movies was hard to understand at that age. I always claimed I was leaving and never coming back. Sky teased me about it and always said I should go look for my real family because I was adopted anyway. My dream was to run away to Paris, but I can’t even speak French. When Sky and I ran away, we actually left and stayed gone for about four or five days which was so dangerous. My mom was so hurt by us, but I know she had to be angry as well. She never showed anger, though, only concern. We must have driven Mom crazy doing that. I don’t remember exactly what it was that caused Sky and I to run away that day however I do recall us saying if we had to do something we were not coming back. Whatever it was she wanted us to do must have really upset us as children because we really left home with nothing. Mommy knew we were okay because she was talking to us on the phone, but she didn’t know exactly where we were staying. She stood her ground and said, I’m not fighting with you guys. You’ll be back, and I’ll see you when you get home." She never even called the police, but she said if we didn’t come home soon, she would. Other than that I can’t truly remember what happened the day we left or why we would put her through that. I never asked Sky about it either. There isn’t a good reason in this world I could think of now. I guess our frustration from being restricted from so many things as small as watching certain movies or TV shows and big as not being able to go over our family members house for special occasions, like Christmas or Thanksgiving became overwhelming. Mommy did however teach us growing up to celebrate everyday like it was special, so we did things all the time that other people only did for the holidays. We were restricted from a lot in life because of her deciding to become a Jehovah’s Witness. Mommy was so adventurous and resourceful with the cards she was dealt in her game of life. I learned a lot from my mom in the short time I had with her, more than she probably could have imagined for me. She didn’t teach me hate or evil, she taught us love, kindness, honesty, principles, morals, faith and resilience but self-loathing, doubt and fear is something I unknowingly borrowed. We learned from what we were exposed to through our senses, taste, touch, sight, and so on. We are born with the natural abilities to love and be kind, but then we are exposed to the world and the people in it and with that we begin to develop into ourselves and what kind of individual we will become. The influences we have around us play a major part of the outcome but not the only part, then sometimes we just are who we are. No matter how loving or positive our role models try to be for us some individuals are just not good people, and some suffer from a mental illness which causes them to need more help than others. We need love from the moment we are born, such as the warm loving touches and gently spoken words of our loved ones, our parents, or guardians as we develop from their actions toward us and others. And as children, we are normally taught to want the best and do our best, but how do we decide what the best is and what is best for ourselves? How do we decide what the best is and who it is best for? Do we base our decision on ourselves as individuals only or include the ones close to us in our lives as well? Well, if so, if these are the people and ways we are to adapt and figure out, this thing called life. How do we determine what is truly the correct way for our species to live? I thought I had no learned reasons to be as troublesome as I was during my youth, but I did. Why? Could the trauma of events I barely remember affect me just as those traumatizing events that I do recall? I am now reading the Bible regularly, ironically the same Bible my mom had eventually come to live by, the Jehovah’s Witnesses New Translation of the King James Version and I love studying it. A Christian Bible however many don’t believe that it is. I sometimes understand the things I’m reading clearly as clear as the cleanest oceans but then others have me feeling like I don’t understand God’s will at all but who am I to judge. I mean the stories about multiple wives and slaves bother me, but I get it, with God in our lives we can change things for the greater good. I’m still imperfect, and I have flaws because of my years of adapting to adversity; however, I am discovering faith in life. I have questioned myself extremely at times as well as my faith; although I do not live by all God’s commandments, I do trust in him more than any human being. I trust that there is a higher being than all of us in physical forms of life. I believe that he is Lord and savior and that he gave his only son Jesus Christ for our sins. The reason I personally believe in his word and do call upon him and thank him each day is because of my everyday life situations. The trauma that I sustained could have broken me. It was only God’s love that could have gotten me through it all. The love of God fills me inside. He is always blessing and protecting me. Even through the hard days when I denied my love for him, he lifted me up. He lets me know of his presence, and I can feel that loving spirit around me. For the things I did that could have landed me in jail or dead, I didn’t face any charges or serve a minute behind bars, and I’m still here today fighting to be a better person each day. God knew I would do something amazing if