Am I Making Myself Clear?: Secrets of the World's Greatest Communicators
By Terry Felber
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About this ebook
In Am I Making Myself Clear?, business leader and author Terry Felber shares the secrets of the world's greatest communicators, equipping readers to do everything from participating in a meaningful conversation to successfully consummating a business discussion. Through ten essential skills, including such concepts as the Art of Unspoken Language, the Art of Encouragement, and the Art of Problem Solving, he shows readers how to achieve real communication. With its practical and easy-to-follow insights, Am I Making Myself Clear? is an invaluable resource for managers, couples, and parents seeking to improve their personal and professional relationships and chart a course for success.
"Good communication is the foundation of all healthy relationships. Am I Making Myself Clear? examines this subject in a simple and articulate fashion. This in-depth study is important reading for everyone who wants to enrich their family, social, and business interactions." ?Ron Puryear, Worldwide Group
"Am I Making Myself Clear? defines in a clear and concise way the elements that are key to successful communication. The illustrations and 'power points' in the text create an easy-to-read classic on this subject." ?Bill Britt, Trinity Motivation
Terry Felber
Terry Felber speaks regularly to business groups of 15,000 people. Felber has been on the International Board of Advisors for Amway Corporation.
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Book preview
Am I Making Myself Clear? - Terry Felber
AM I
MAKING
MYSELF
CLEAR?
AM I
MAKING
MYSELF
CLEAR?
SECRETS OF THE WORLD’S
GREATEST COMMUNICATORS
TERRY FELBER
9780849991059_INT_0003_001© 2002 by Terry Felber
All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or to reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Scripture quotations noted NRSV are from the NEW REVISED STANDARD VERSION of the Bible © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Felber, Terry.
Am I making myself clear? : secrets of the world’s greatest communicators ; Terry Felber.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-7852-6422-1 (hc)
ISBN 0-7852-6434-5 (pb)
1. Communication in management. 2. Communication in organizations. 3. Business communication. 4. Interpersonal communication. I. Title.
HD30.3.F45 2002
153.6—dc21
2002007531
Printed in the United States of America
02 03 04 05 06 BVG 6 5 4 3 2 1
This book is dedicated to my best friend, my wife Linda,
who has taught me through her love and encouragement
how to serve people through thoughtful words.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Iwant first and foremost to thank my friend John Bolin, who collaborated with me on the writing and research of this book. As we’ve worked together, he’s been a great practitioner of the communication principles underscored here. I also want to thank my friends Bill Hawkins and Paul Tsika for their valued input. There is an old adage: There is no such thing as an original idea. Certainly the axioms for skillful communication that I’ve outlined in this book, I’ve learned from the great people that God has placed in my life. And I thank them all.
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
Preface
CHAPTER ONE
The Art of Communication
CHAPTER TWO
The Art of Unspoken Language
CHAPTER THREE
The Art of Appearance
CHAPTER FOUR
The Art of Valuing Others
CHAPTER FIVE
The Art of Listening
CHAPTER SIX
The Art of Conversation
CHAPTER SEVEN
The Art of Authenticity
CHAPTER EIGHT
The Art of Encouragement
CHAPTER NINE
The Art of Problem Solving
CHAPTER TEN
The Art of NLP
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The Art of Self-Talk
Epilogue
Notes
About the Author
PREFACE
As we were both growing up, my wife Linda and I remember thinking that we wanted to live a life of significance.
We didn’t want to look back at the end of our lives, regretting what could have been. We didn’t want to pass through this life just existing, just putting in our time. Ron Puryear, a mentor to thousands in our business, calls this a life of no regrets.
It became clear to us that if we were to make a difference, it would be through our relationships with others. We came to learn that much of our fulfillment in life is based on our ability to connect with people in a real way. We have come to understand that communication skills are the key to our success in this area.
By the grace of God we became associated with Amway, owned by founders DeVos and Van Andel families. Over the past twenty-five years, this business vehicle has allowed Linda and me to interact with hundreds of thousands of people, whether through sports-arena presentations or through individual relationships. Our lives have been wonderfully enriched by the thousands of friendships that have ensued.
The following are excerpts from a letter I received not long ago:
I’m writing to thank you for the difference you’ve made in my life. I’ve never told you much about my past. As I was growing up, the other kids I was around made fun of my looks a lot and the fact that I was homely. I never had any friends, and kept to myself. My parents fought all the time and constantly criticized me. When I was a teenager I frequently thought about suicide. Things weren’t much better as I approached thirty.
Then I met you and Linda. You talked to me like you really cared about me. You encouraged me to do more with my life, and told me you believed in me. I had never heard that before from anyone. It was like walking out of a dark building into the sunlight.
I now believe I can do great things, because of your friendship. I’m forever grateful . . .
We all have the ability to make a difference through our kind words and uplifting speech. Linda and I have had great friends and mentors in our lives, such as Theron Nelsen, Ron Puryear, Bill Britt, and our pastor, Ted Haggard, who have equipped us with the tools whereby we are able to successfully develop impacting relationships. This book shares those communication skills with you in the hope that, through your successful relationships, you also will have a life of no regrets.
CHAPTER ONE
THE ART
OF COMMUNICATION
There may be no single thing more important in our efforts to achieve meaningful work and fulfilling relationships than to learn to practice the art of communication.
—MAX DE PREE, Leadership Is an Art
Abraham Lincoln is considered by many to have been the greatest American president. Winston Churchill has been regarded as the most inspiring English statesman in history. Johannes Gutenberg has been named one of the most influential men of the last millennium. And Mother Teresa is recognized the world over as an outstanding humanitarian.
What has made the lives of these individuals so different? What is it about these persons that has set them apart? Certainly it is a combination of many factors, including passion, determination, faith, circumstances, and a positive attitude.
But there is something else—a something
rare and yet available to everyone on Earth—that turned a gangly lawyer into a world leader, changed a stuttering adolescent into a catalyst for allied peace, enabled a simple newspaperman to transform the way the world thinks, and helped a frail woman give hope to thousands.
That special something
is the lost art of communication.
This is more than simply talking to another person. The art of communication is the dance that we have with others. It involves our words, our actions, and our intentions. It is a two-way dynamic that relies on our vigilantly watching and reading the other person in order to determine the next step. The individuals listed above all engaged in