Embracing Life: Understanding Fate

By Emeka Obi Anyiam

Embracing Life: Understanding Fate is an insightful book about accepting the challenges life brings and understanding that everything is part of God’s plan. By accepting things as they are, believing that it is all in God’s hands, and then taking control over negative emotions regarding difficult situations, you will become better equipped to process what you are going through and persevere.

This book will enhance your knowledge about God’s priorities and why he created us in his image. It will help you understand the difference between fate and destiny from God’s perspective and demonstrate how aligning your interest with God’s interest will produce love, joy, peace, strength, courage and endurance. Join Emeka Obi Anyiam as he continues to explore the value of recognizing the whole of who you are—the good and the bad—and how to live the life you were meant to live with God’s guidance.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798385000555

Emeka Obi Anyiam

Emeka Anyiam is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida who has been helping people embrace their best life for seventeen years. He holds an undergraduate degree in sociology, a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, and a doctoral degree in ministry. He has a thriving therapy practice, Embridge Counseling Services, in Daytona Beach.

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Copyright © 2023 Emeka Obi Anyiam.

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such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica,

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International Version" are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.®

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0053-1 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0054-8 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0055-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023911190

WestBow Press rev. date: 08/15/2023

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It is a privilege to dedicate this book to my best friend, Marian Janette

Marietta, who passed away suddenly on September 2, 2020.

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Even though you are gone, death cannot erase the marks your heart left on earth that were filled with

love, compassion, grace, and kindness. You were special to me and everyone around you. You have

tightly secured a place in my heart, and you will remain my best friend until we meet again.

RIP, best friend.

CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1    Reality of Life as It Is

Chapter 2    The Pursuit of Self-Knowledge and Self-Discovery

Chapter 3    Work Pathway

Chapter 4    Spiritual Type and Pathway

Chapter 5    Free Will: God’s Ordained Gift to Humankind

Chapter 6    Love and Relationships Pathway

Chapter 7    The Nature of the World, Then and Now

Chapter 8    Encouragement and Forgiveness Pathway

References

PREFACE

H ave you ever gone to the grocery store to buy seedless fruit, such as watermelon or oranges, but when you got home, you discovered it was not seedless after all? The sign at the store indicated the fruit was seedless. Instead of making the purchase based on your own life experiences, you figured the store must know about its product. Unfortunately, you were disappointed by the outcome.

How about the time you used a fast-food drive-up window because you were craving a particular sandwich? You knew exactly what you wanted to order and were ready for that first bite. You ordered the sandwich with only mayonnaise, lettuce, and ketchup. After you drove off, you took a bite of your sandwich—and got a mouth full of pickles and mustard. It is safe to say your meal was ruined.

Life has a way of throwing a wrench in our plans. I’ve been there, and I know what it feels like. When this happens to the important things in life, it can be destabilizing. You may wonder if you caused it to happen somehow. Self-doubt may take hold, and that can be scary. So, out of all the watermelons and oranges in that store, you picked the one full of seeds. This is a great example of fate and its unexpected effect on us all. Unfortunately, we do not have control over our destiny, even though we do have self-will, which we always should exercise. Only God has total control.

How does self-will fit into our lives? What role does it play in our day-to-day living? If we are powerless over fate, does that mean that we should ignore our self-will? Absolutely not! Self-will is the ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Our self-will could either contribute to our growth or cause our downfall. These are the minor annoyances that happen in our daily lives that leave us wondering Why me? Sometimes, we let disappointment cripple us. Instead, we should ask ourselves, Why is this happening? What is it trying to tell me? What does it mean? What is it preventing? Is it creating a pathway to a better outcome down the road?

The title of this book, Embracing Life: Understanding Fate; explains and expands on the notion that things are meant to happen in the way they are meant to happen, exactly when they are meant to happen. This book will help you understand how to effectively look at things from a different perspective, how your self-will can make or break you, and how to deal with unfavorable events in a way that helps, not hurts. By understanding fate and the power of self-will, you can live a more fruitful life, regardless of whatever gets in your way.

Sometimes, you might have to drive on a road full of potholes to get to a better destination. If you are interested in learning how life works, then you need to understand how fate (which only God controls) and self-will contribute to where you land, as well as the experiences you have along the way. All the songs selected for this book are relevant to the sections they were placed in.

CHAPTER 1

REALITY OF LIFE AS IT IS

It Is What It Is

Have you ever found a product in a store that you had to have and felt you must buy before someone else got their hands on it? Maybe it was slightly damaged, but it was the only one left. A voice told you to buy it, and that voice was so loud that your rational thoughts were pushed out of your mind. Ideas may have flooded your mind as to how you could fix the must-have item, as well as where in your house you should place it. A rational and still small voice told you this might be a bad decision, but nothing could change your mind. One of the store managers informed you that the product was sold as is and was not eligible for return. The manager further explained why another customer had returned it, but in your mind, that did not matter, even though you would have no opportunity to return the product in the future. Some problem-solving steps ran through your mind, assuring you that everything would be OK and that whatever issue it had could be tweaked, amended, or fixed.

Sometimes we take chances or risks because that’s our human nature. We have so many interests and things we value. But I wonder how much we value our own lives. From my perspective, I view life as is. Once we are born into this world, there is no return to sender.

Remember, even new products can be defective. Nobody is born perfect, as each individual has his or her own defects or deficiencies. We amend, tweak, fix, change, and adjust as we grow from one developmental stage to another.

Positive and Negative Impacts of Our Thoughts

Human beings cannot exist without thinking. If our minds are messed up, our lifestyles are messed up, and when our lifestyles are messed up, our mental and physical health suffer (Leaf 2021, 25). It is difficult not to think and worry constantly, regardless of when or where or who we are. We must deal with thinking constantly; it’s part of our living arrangement that cannot be avoided or eliminated. We start thinking from the second we wake up in the morning until we fall asleep at night. In some cases, we are even haunted by our thoughts in our dreams.

In her book The Secret, Rhonda Byrne (2006, 16) states,

Whether we realize it or not, we are thinking most of the time. If you are speaking, or listening to someone, you are thinking. If you are reading the newspaper or watching television, you are thinking. When you recall memories from your past, you are thinking. When you are considering something in your future, you are thinking. When you are driving you are thinking. When you are getting ready in the morning, you are thinking.

Our thinking could lead us to the right path or the wrong path. The law of attraction states that positive thoughts always yield positive outcomes, but negative thoughts always yield negative outcomes. Our negative thinking steers us toward the wrong paths or makes life unbearable. The more we let negative thoughts overshadow or overcrowd our minds, the more we feel overwhelmed and the deeper we dig our holes. We become emotionally paralyzed, which manifests in our physical bodies with health issues.

There is nothing wrong with processing our experiences at any given time, but we should balance our negative and positive thoughts as much as possible. In order to make better decisions or take steps that could eliminate circumstances that cause those thoughts, we must notice the types of thoughts we have. Consider the National Geographic program that showed hyenas ripping apart a living warthog—that is exactly what happens psychologically when we dwell on negative thoughts. Dwelling on negative thinking increases our stress levels and can rip us apart, just like hyenas rip apart their living prey. We might love to entertain those thoughts because that’s all we know. From my experience, just having positive thoughts is not enough. We must take necessary steps to achieve our goals and objectives. The Bible says, Faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead (James 2:17 NIV).

In her book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess (2021, 15), Dr. Caroline Leaf states,

A large part of the problem is that we’ve lost much of our ability to think deeply. We’ve forgotten the art of deep and focused mind-management. We want things fast, quick, now. We often don’t want to put in the hard work that leads to true change, or we’ve never been taught what this kind of work looks like.

Without a shadow of doubt, our efforts matter a great deal as we strive to think more positively. We also must put in the work necessary to get out of our emotional holes where we are trapped and held hostage. We cannot lay on our hands and think good thoughts only and expect manna to fall from heaven. Biblically, manna was a miraculous type of food God provided for the Israelites during their exit from Egypt. Miracles do happen, of course, but physical efforts must be applied. We cannot deny the inevitable—our thoughts. Nonetheless, it is wise and necessary to carefully process those negative thoughts and experiences and then come to terms with them by embracing the fact that whatever happened was meant to happen that way. Without acknowledgment, we are stuck and cannot move forward.

Your thoughts are like an ivy plant. They can either protect you by acting like a thermal shield, or they will poison your soul. (Anyiam 2019, 75)

Thought Management

The struggle we face is not about the good feelings but the bad ones. How do we control or manage them in order to stay afloat and to keep moving forward? In her book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess, Dr. Caroline Leaf (2021, 31) states,

I believe we live in a day where the mismanagement of mind has reached a zenith … A large part of the problem is that we’ve lost much of the ability to think deeply. We’ve forgotten the art of deep and focused mind-management. We want things fast, quick, now. We often don’t want to put in the hard work that leads to true change, or we’ve never been taught what this kind of work looks like.

I agree with her statements, and she did list steps to meet this objective. There are many ways that work, but the following strategies worked for me in the past:

1. Understand what you are feeling, and embrace or accept those feelings, as they make you whole.

2. Identify constructive activities that would help you feel relaxed.

3. Once relaxed, refocus on the positives happening right now, and then reminisce about past personal triumphs.

4. Develop a course of action to resolve the issue and stabilize your emotions.

5. Seek help immediately from professionals or healthy support systems, if needed.

Why is it necessary to embrace or lean into uncomfortable feelings?

1. It helps us think clearly or process what’s going on with us, accurately and effectively.

2. It could reduce psychotropic dependence. It’s imperative to consult a doctor regarding psychotropic medications. A lot of people do not like feeling uncomfortable. Therefore, psychotropic medications become an answer to everything, which could lead to mental destruction. Often, we do not think of psychotropic medications when we are feeling good.

3. It empowers us or keeps us in control of the situation or our thoughts and feelings.

A close friend once told me, When you’re feeling down, dress the best you can because it helps you feel a lot better. The most lethal or healthy aspects of our lives are our thoughts and what we do with them. The more we worry or obsess over our failures or circumstances, without implementing appropriate steps to guide us, the weaker we feel, resulting in our energy being distributed unequally. We could become prey to someone who will take advantage of us.

In his book Anxious for Nothing, Max Lucado (2017, 5) states, Anxiety takes our breath, for sure. If only that were all it took. It also takes our sleep, our energy, our well-being. The amount of energy we invest in our past negative experiences could be invested in our present and future to stay afloat in life.

A friend once confided in me about his mediocre life and how much he hated waking up in the morning—that was the time of day when he was flooded with his failures and other life challenges. He explained that the time between 6:00 a.m. and 8:30 a.m. was a full-blown psychological battle for him. It was when he did his devotions and completed other morning tasks before heading out to work for the day. He despised that time because his type of work barely paid his bills. While doing his usual morning duties, his mind was flooded by despair to the point that he was emotionally crippled, as if he were paralyzed.

As I listened to him, I related what he was saying to what Britt Frank (2022) said in her book The Science of Stuck:

Stuck in the I should spiral of self-judgment. Stuck in the family pressure. Stuck in the shutdown mode, unable to make the leap between what you know you should do and what you actually do.

My friend was constantly behind on his payments, resulting in those bills being sent to collections. There were many failed promises made to his fiancée, and he felt like a complete failure. He did not disclose these psychological battles to her because he did not want her to worry, to see him as vulnerable, or to break up with him. He kept borrowing money from colleagues without any assurance he could pay them back. As a result, he could not even leave his house to spend time with friends and family. He specifically listed some of his struggles, such as feelings of loneliness, even though he had a fiancée and was planning to get married. Nothing mattered to him other than being able to independently support himself and his future wife. He said he constantly worried, and he prayed that his circumstances would change for the better, but he could see no light at the end of the tunnel. He also shared that he had dreams many times in which everything he dreamed for came true, but then he woke up to find it was just an empty dream.

Sometimes, he questioned his existence, causing him to feel even more depressed and wondering if he would ever escape from the traps of his circumstances. He pushed through every day but wished that 6:00–8:30 a.m. could be eliminated from his life. His main desire and battle were about his need to make ends meet.

It is beneficial to show your vulnerability to the ones you love, as suffering alone is lonely and could be lethal. You should not feel alone.

Every one of us has a storyline, and regardless of what we do the majority of the time, we can pass through each storyline at any moment. Some of those storylines appear to be awful. Fate may sneak in at any time to tweak or reshape our plans and objectives. The reasons may be shady or unclear at the beginning, and they may not make any sense. This may or may not lead you back to the drawing board. In his book, Essays on Fate and Illusions, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, Fate involves melioration (2010, 32). This means that when fate acts, it is not necessarily bad but could be a way to advance you.

Regardless of on which side of the bed we wake up, we are made to keep planning and moving forward; that’s our human nature. We must refuse to settle with our difficult circumstances. We are human, and we are allowed to process those challenging circumstances. We, however, cannot unpack and settle in them. Alan H. Cohen states in his book, Why Your Life Sucks: And What You Can Do about It, If you settle for less than what you really want, you will get exactly that. If you expect your life to suck, it will (2002, 18).

Fate and Unexpected Circumstances

My understanding of fate is that it is the outside force, over which we have no control, that establishes our preordained paths in life. Only God has that control.

One of my morning duties is to take a walk. While I was walking one day, I saw a friend and stopped to chat with him. We discussed a whole spectrum of topics within a few minutes, but one that stood out to me was his story of a fishing experience. He described how excited he was to catch two big fish, but he could not take pictures because his phone camera wasn’t working. It had been working earlier but refused to work at that particular moment. It was clear he was not too happy about it. He also told me, however, that he moved to a different spot, caught two bigger fish, and was able to take their pictures. So his camera would not work at the first spot but worked at the second spot. As he shared this information, my thought was simply, Fate at work. I offered my two cents by letting him know it was not meant for him to take pictures at first, but it was meant for him to take the pictures after he moved to a different spot. I did not know why his phone camera didn’t work at first, but that was the way it was meant to work out that day.

That is exactly how fate works. When we play rock-paper-scissors, we do not know who will win, but we get the result right then and there. With fate, it is impossible to know. Our circumstances do not own us, but we own our circumstances, good or bad. Our need and drive to survive and succeed and the ability to manage the resources we have at each juncture matter a great deal. Expect changes and tweaks, however, along the way.

Fate can go in several unexpected directions or come from different angles. Fate is that part of life circumstances that plays an invisible role that we do not perceive, think about, or make room for in our daily living and plans. Fate is always out of mind, and its role is so sophisticated that it is impossible to detect. Each morning, when we wake up to face the day, there is always a coded message to decipher or a clue or a puzzle, which may or may not make sense, that we may need to put together out of nowhere. Since it is unexpected, it becomes urgent or an emergency. Sometimes, those coded messages or hidden clues are made somewhat visible, even though they could seem blurry at times, but we either choose to brush them off, ignore them, or take them for granted.

Have you ever gotten out of bed, thanked God for being alive that day, completed your morning duties and devotions, and