Because You Told Me To Write

By Katherine Cava

One relationship starts. One relationship ends.

The same relationship starts again.

Another boy likes me, I go after him, leaving the relationship suspended.

The boy who likes me ruined my life and took all my friends away.

I go back to the relationship on a whim.

Without a thought, I'm back again, fighting with him.

One relationship starts. One relationship ends.

The same relationship left me dead.

Together another night, the best one yet,

Because that was the time you told me to write.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889604853

Book preview

cover.jpg

Because You Told Me To Write

Katherine Cava

Copyright © 2023 Katherine Cava

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 979-8-88960-479-2 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88960-485-3 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

To my mom, who supports me even when she thinks my decision is iffy.

To my friends, who listened to me and told me I was right, even if I wasn't.

To Ms. Thomas and Mr. Spinelli, who inspired me in every way possible and appreciated whatever I had to say and create.

And to you, the person who told me to write, thank you.

preface

the introduction

yes

tough night

IP

it's never forever

fly high

alarm

delusional

confusion

text message no. 1

letters

memory

listen

for granted

wall

dark mistakes

JL

fools

indecision

lost

need

louder than words

falling from grace

creative urge

overshare

middle of starting over

hope's for suckers

overthinking

do you remember?

advice told from everyone, everywhere

hard times

my sincerest apology

effect

prequel

i remember when i was eight

ZR

living

backstabber

PTSD

voice recording no. 1

despair

judas

writer's block

backpedal

rotten

burn

karma

ladylike

trapped

war

anxious and depressed

IP part 2

terrors

frown

text message no. 2

human nature

a million things

gossip

gabriel

rules

famous

addiction

insomniac

questions

agonize

impalpable

playground

symbolism

tarot cards

love letter

regret

forever

stage fright

flu season

maze

masked

mirror

eighteen

clown

hope

the funeral

decisions

fourteen

free

relapsed

ugly girl

five o'clock

ex

smile

manipulation

obsession

OCD

the one

god

i'm stumped

nightmare

invisible people

slice

selfish

school

opinion

i'll stop

text message no. 3

dead

voice recording no. 2

romeo and juliet

voice recording no. 3

observation

indomitable

you

eggshells

love

text message no. 4

shield

the middle

head and heart

cheerleader

joker

voice recording no. 4

imagination

text message no. 5

second place

heartbroken girl

love story

JL part 2

marathon

enemy

slapstick tragedy

invasion

ailment

numb

text message no. 6

attached to imprisonment

fatigued phobophobia

anticipation

everything you told me

joke

return

romance tales

paranoia

mercy

indecisive

too bad

text message no. 7

possibilities

toxicity

examination

death date

déjà vu

mind changer

text message no. 8

angel view

too young

line

dying inside

sonnet

pretend

text message no. 9

dreamers

angel

lucid

circles

voice recording no. 5

heartbeat

text message no. 10

lonely

lying to myself

deserved collapse

calligraphy

never again

voice recording no. 6

perjury

blame

i remember when i was nine

text message no. 11

the purge

tears

unchanged

voice recording no. 7

six p.m.

child

answers

home to you

text message no. 12

my life

the third friend

gone

JL part 3

ghost

vending machine

text message no. 13

two people

time travel

stay

JL part 4

responsibility

voice recording no. 8

you and me

eating disorder

court

haunted mansion

voice recording no. 9

no identity

countdown

dramatic

multiples

voice recording no. 10

ZR part 2

text message no. 14

deservance

permanence

don't worry

disguise

text message no. 15

death of my past

told

the ending

about the author

To my mom, who supports me even when she thinks my decision is iffy.

To my friends, who listened to me and told me I was right, even if I wasn't.

To Ms. Thomas and Mr. Spinelli, who inspired me in every way possible and appreciated whatever I had to say and create.

And to you, the person who told me to write, thank you.

preface

High school. What an interesting place—a building full of new people and anticipation of new experiences. Within four years, people can thrive or hit rock bottom. Others, like me, choose to live in the middle of the two, holding on for dear life, screaming at yourself to never let go, but then you meet them: the person that makes you believe that everything will be okay, even if it only makes you hurt more.

Inside these pages, you will find implications of suicide, self-harm, and mental disorders. Some might deem these words as disturbing or uncomfortable.

However, these words are just my life.

the introduction

I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I didn't think this way. I

wish I wasn't paranoid. I wish I didn't listen to you and

believe everything you told me. I wish I didn't still miss you

and the way you messed with my head. I wish I never met

you, and I wish you never left. I wish you were still here when

I needed you the most. I wish you didn't lie, and I wish you

didn't cheat. But most of all, I wish I wasn't so weak.

I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I didn't think this way. I

wish I wasn't here, and I wish you always stayed. I wish you

didn't act that way, and I wish you weren't so annoying. I

wish we never spoke, and I wish we never met. I wish we didn't

end like this, and I wish you all the best. I wish that last

sentence was true, and I wish I didn't still feel so blue.

I wish we never met. I wish you never left. I wish you never

moved the hair from my eyes, and I wish you didn't kiss me

goodnight.

I wish I didn't feel this way, and after all this time, the only

thing I wish you didn't do was give me a reason to stay.

I wish I didn't feel like you did all this to give me a reason

because you told me to write.

yes

Sometimes