House of Pane

By Joseph Pane

This unsettling and challenging autobiography delves into the dark world of pornography, and the damage done by living a double-life. It articulates the pain and suffering experienced when, in the deepest clutches of despair, it feels as if there is nowhere and no-one to turn for guidance. It explores the darkest depths of the human psyche, the kind of desperation culminating, ultimately, in suicidal ideation.

But this gripping memoir shows that it is precisely in these moments, brought to your knees and overcome by anguish, that hope can re-emerge and you can be reborn. When you surrender your life to Jesus Christ, you will experience the light, the joy, and the love of God. You will at last experience freedom as you’ve never known before, and your relationships with your loved ones, with yourself, and with your creator, will be transformed irreversibly and for the better.

If you’ve begun to lose hope then this book will help you to find the peace you’ve been craving, and provide you with the tools necessary to craft and cultivate a life of truth and belonging.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Jul 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886930672

Joseph Pane

Joseph has been a born-again Christian since 2004. He and his wife, Sylvia, have participated in various ministries throughout Florida. Their calling is to help all people become healed and delivered. You will often find Joseph praying for strangers in restaurants, parking lots, and doctor’s offices. Joseph often counsels family, friends, and neighbors about various spiritual attacks, illness, worry, and sadness. Joseph has a daughter, son-in-law, one grandchild, and two cats.

Book preview

About the Author

Joseph has been a born-again Christian since 2004. He and his wife, Sylvia, have participated in various ministries throughout Florida. Their calling is to help all people become healed and delivered. You will often find Joseph praying for strangers in restaurants, parking lots, and doctor’s offices. Joseph often counsels family, friends, and neighbors about various spiritual attacks, illness, worry, and sadness.

Joseph has a daughter, son-in-law, one grandchild, and two cats.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Pastor Chris Ward, a mighty soldier in the Kingdom of God. He was an incredible teacher, mentor, and friend in my life. I would say, Rest in peace, my friend, but I know that as soon as he passed from this world, the Lord handed him a sword.

Copyright Information ©

Joseph Pane 2023

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a true account of the author’s life. Some character names have been changed for personal reasons and respect for privacy. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Ordering Information

Quantity sales: Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.

Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data

Pane, Joseph

House of Pane

ISBN 9798886930658 (Paperback)

ISBN 9798886930672 (ePub e-book)

ISBN 9798886930665 (Audiobook)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023904314

www.austinmacauley.com/us

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers LLC

40 Wall Street, 33rd Floor, Suite 3302

New York, NY 10005

USA

[e-mail]

[phone]

Acknowledgment

I would like to express my special thanks to those who encouraged me to author this book. Thank you to my precious and wonderful wife, Sylvia, who encouraged me from the beginning and helped me with my grammar and spelling and all the complicated intricacies in authoring a book. I take this one step further in giving tremendous thanks to my sister in Christ Mary, who very delicately and gracefully took over the editing, proofreading, and grammar check while I went through my surgery. Mary took on a huge task without us having to ask and we are forever grateful for her dedication and the love she poured into this book. Thank you to our former pastor’s sisters in Christ who started this journey by prophesying that there was a terrific book inside of me. Thanks to Lou Anna, who sat on our couch on a lazy Saturday afternoon and told me that I had to author a book about my life and experiences that led me to Christ. Many thanks to Heather, who spent the day at the beach with us and encouraged me to do something! Anything to get the word out about how to live and love in Jesus’ light. Thank you to Deneen and Karen, who lifted me up, time after time, and prayed encouragement over me during my worst times of demonic attack and physical pain. A special word of thanks to my brother-in-law, Tommy, who listened to my testimony and read bits and pieces of my book, encouraging me along the way. Thank you to Todd, my best friend, for his word of knowledge to finish this book as I was going through one of the most painful and discouraging times of my life. I would like to thank my brother, Vince, for his chapter and for his obedience in following the direction of the Holy Spirit. His spiritual journey was a huge contribution to my relationship with Christ. Thank you, bro!

Introduction

I am authoring this book to help anyone who is addicted to pornography and wants to be set free from a road that leads to death and destruction. You see, I was once where you are now with no hope, no purpose, and no desire to live another day. Pornography is a mechanism of behavior that will destroy your life the deeper you go. It all started for me as an 11-year boy riding with my dad to the Italian market on a Saturday morning in Detroit. We had made this trip at least once or twice a month, always anticipating the wonderful cheeses and cold cuts that awaited us. Dad pulled the ’66 Chevy Belair into the gravel parking lot and parked. As I stepped out of the passenger side, I glanced down and there was a small baseball-card-sized picture of a naked woman. Up until that day, I had never seen anything like that, and I felt a stirring of excitement as I quickly put it into my pocket before my dad could see what I was doing. That card became my prized possession. Satan had set the bait and his toehold had been established. Over the next 35 years, this toehold would gradually become a foothold and then a full-blown demonic stronghold at the age of forty-six. I would like to invite you now on a journey of the true story of my life and how I overcame my addiction to pornography through the power of the Holy Spirit and by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is my heart’s desire that this book will inspire you and help you to be set free from pornography and to live a life worthy of your calling.

Chapter 1

From Boy to Eagle Scout

My older brother, Vince, and I gave our dad the nickname of The General. Our dad was our hero.

He was an officer in the Italian Calvary division during WWII and had experienced many hardships firsthand. He was one of five officers out of his cavalry unit that survived an ambush raid from the Nazis that killed 395 of his fellow officers. He was tough but kind, super strict, and did not put up with any nonsense. You know the drill if you were brought up in an Italian household. You had to be at the dinner table every night at a certain time out of respect and Dad ran the table. He sat down at the head of the table and my mom would serve him a steaming dish of pasta with homemade sauce as the first dish. Every meal was a five-course celebration, starting with pasta, meat, salad, and cheese, and ending with fruit and dessert. I would do anything to make my dad proud of me, so when he encouraged me to join the Boy Scouts at 11 years old, I was excited at the prospect of everything it offered. Summer camp with canoeing, winter ice fishing, and my dad spending time with me as I worked toward completing all the merit badges required to become an Eagle Scout. I watched my brother become an Eagle Scout and how proud my dad was of him, and I was all in. I became an Eagle Scout at 13 years old and my mom and dad were enormously proud of me. But something happened to me within the first six months of joining scouting that disturbed me and I never shared it with anyone. During one of the weeklong summer camps, I was walking through our campsite where all the tents were lined up. The campfire was in full mode with all the adult leaders sitting around in conversation. As I walked past this one tent, I could see, through the crack of the cloth tent doors, a line of the younger scouts my age in a line with another scout facing them. I was friends with some of the younger scouts who were standing in line, and I figured, let us see what my friends are up to. There were two older scouts; one was watching at the door, and one was inside orchestrating the activity. I walked up to the tent and the lookout scout invited me in. The two older scouts were each at least 18 to 20 years old. As soon I walked into the tent, I could sense something was very wrong. Why was this younger scout on his knees facing the other scouts in line? At that moment, the older scout came over to me, grabbed me by the arm and put me at the front of the line, and told me to open my trousers. As soon as I began to comply and start to unzip, the older lookout scout said, The scoutmaster is coming! I zipped up immediately. I had been spared from any physical contact but not the shame of being manipulated by the older scouts. At the age of 11, I had just received the first soul wound of my life. A soul wound is like a scar on your mind, will, and emotions. It is like when you have been cut and it leaves a scar. I was angry and ashamed over this event for many years and Satan used this event to torment me. I was angry at that older scout, and for many years I wanted to track him down and kill him for what he had tried to do to me. I had so much hate, anger, and unforgiveness toward him and wanted to quit scouting if this was going to be part of it. I stayed in until I received my Eagle Scout award at the age of thirteen so as to not disappoint my dad. The only thing that can remove a soul wound is the power of the Holy Spirit and deliverance. After becoming a Christian at 46 years old, it took another five years to tell anyone about it. I finally told my best friend, Todd, about it one day and at that moment, the Holy Spirit lifted that false burden and soul wound off of me. I was able to forgive that older scout and ask the Lord to forgive me for holding on to the unforgiveness, anger, rage, and murder I had in my heart. That soul wound was gone from that day forward. Thank you, Todd, for being an awesome Christian friend and brother. Satan uses soul wounds and traumatic events in our lives to keep us in bondage, shame, unforgiveness, and anger. When you keep it hidden, he keeps using it against you and torments you with it. As soon as you release it, confess it, and allow God to heal and restore you, he cannot use it anymore. The Holy Spirit removes the wound on your soul, and you are free. Satan wants to condemn you and keep you locked up in negative emotions and bondage. Christ wants you free to walk in the power and direction of his Holy Spirit. Follow Jesus on your road to complete freedom. Do not let another day go by in bondage listening to the lies of the enemy. Find your best Christian friend to confide in and get rid of your burden through confession and prayer.

Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Chapter 2

A Thief in Our Family

From the age of 13 to 16, I found plenty of ways to get into trouble. I had become very well-versed at lying to my parents over where I was going and what I was doing. My mom and dad came over from Italy (the old country) and were old-fashioned about everything. They would put me through a professional interrogation when I left the house and upon my return to the house. In my mind, I was just telling them what they wanted to hear that would minimize any further questioning. I loved my parents; they always had my best interests at heart. I had an extremely comfortable middle-class upbringing, growing up in a modest brick bungalow on Chandler Park Drive that my parents bought for $15,000 in 1961. I have many great memories growing up in Detroit. We lived a couple of blocks away from Balduck Park where we played baseball and football in the summer and hockey and sledding in the winter. I had about seven good friends in our neighborhood that I spent time with. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking, and smoking pot for the first time when I was 13 years old. I also started adding to my pornography collection by buying X-rated magazines from a lenient gas station and convenience store attendants. Some of us got in the habit of going to the supermarket and shoplifting wine in the winter and then proceeding to get drunk. We would take turns stealing bottles of wine while the others waited outside. I was 15 years old, and my luck had run out. I was with a couple of my friends, and they waited outside while I went inside to shoplift the bottle of wine. It was winter so I had one of those big heavy fur collar coats with an inside pocket I could slip the bottle into and then just walk out of the store after buying a pack of gum. This time, I got caught in the act by a manager of the store and he took me into the office. He told me, I can call the police or your parents; which one is it going to be? He asked me who else participated in stealing wine from his store and I told him I did not know of anyone else. He called my house, and my mom came and picked me up. That was the worst drive home, ever.

My mom kept screaming at me in Italian, telling me, Wait until your father gets home! as if she was doing a promotional commercial for an upcoming boxing match. Waiting for my dad to get home over the next two hours was excruciating. I knew my dad’s temper was going to explode when he heard the news. It took a lot to set him off and usually his yelling and his look would bring my brother and me in line quickly. He had never raised a hand to me up until this day. My mom made me sit at our kitchen table and wait for Dad. As soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen, my mom told my dad, Guess what Mario. I have some interesting news for you today. Then she dropped the atomic bomb and said, "WE