If It Wasn't for GOD, I Would Have No Sanity: Phase 1

By LaWanda Gray Kinds

About the Book
If It Wasn’t For GOD, I Would Have No Sanity is a Christian-based autobiography chronicling the emotional struggles of the author, growing up feeling neglected by her family and having no one close to turn to. Despite being at her lowest, despite contemplating suicide several times, it was God entering her life that allowed the author to raise her kids through her difficult life. She believes God gives His battles to the strong, and the author is a firm believer in “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” God was there for her when she couldn’t be for herself or her children. Her story is not just inspirational but marked by God to be revealed. There are others out there who experienced similar difficult paths in life but never had a voice. The author prays this book opens doors for them because it’s knowledge, and a lot of people are still on that path of life as a victim. Kinds says, “I want people to see that through it all, God was there and He’s there for them as well.”
About the Author
LaWanda Gray Kinds is the mother of four beautiful girls and one handsome boy. While many women her age may have certain perspectives on life, hers is quite remarkable. Kinds feels there’s a lot of thoughts to life and some can be suicidal. As for her, she’s come too close to that very thought in life, but God! God helped her to realize suicide was not the answer. In fact it was the worst answer to believe in because in the end, it would have been hell for her when she lifted her eyes. God also told her to look to Him, so with that she often questioned the life she was given. Believing at times that God wasn’t there, that He had left her to fight her battles alone, but then He spoke to her at a very young age. He came into her life and He never left her, even when she felt he should have. Kinds says, “I came very close to losing my mind a few times in life, but God! It is because of Him I have my sanity, so the true experiences I’m about to share may be a little disturbing or uneasy to some readers, but just imagine…you may be reading it, but I actually lived it! Glory be to God, I’m here!”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: Jun 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886044812

Book preview

Layout_1_Page_1.eps

The contents of this work, including, but not limited to, the accuracy of events, people, and places depicted; opinions expressed; permission to use previously published materials included; and any advice given or actions advocated are solely the responsibility of the author, who assumes all liability for said work and indemnifies the publisher against any claims stemming from publication of the work.

All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2023 by LaWanda Gray Kinds

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted, downloaded, distributed, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, including photocopying and recording, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented without permission in writing from the publisher.

Dorrance Publishing Co

585 Alpha Drive

Pittsburgh, PA 15238

Visit our website at www.dorrancebookstore.com

ISBN: 979-8-8860-4389-1

eISBN: 979-8-8860-4481-2

The title of my book is If It Wasn’t for God, I Would Have No Sanity. I chose this title because there were times that I wanted to die, commit suicide, and I did lose my mind a few times, but God! He allowed me to raise my kids through a tough life, but he gives his toughest battles to the strong and what doesn’t kill you makes you strong. He was there for me when I couldn’t be there for myself or my kids. I had no one pretty much growing up and it was the same almost raising my children. My family pretty much neglected me and my kids through life and I’ve always felt I didn’t belong. My story is not just inspirational but marked by God to be revealed. There are others like me who experience similar paths of life but never had a voice. I pray this book open doors for them because it’s knowledge and a lot of people are still lost on that path of life as a victim in my same situation. I wrote this book because I had to. I want people to see that through it all, God was there and he never left me. I chose to make this a Christian-based autobiography because God first chose me. This is our story, Amen!

Thoughts from the Author

When I first started writing this book, I was thirty-one years old. I had a direct concept of what I wanted to point out about my life, how I wanted everyone in the book to be seen by readers, the way I saw them in my heart. But God! He placed a situation in my path that made me change that concept of writing by converting me. God changed my mind, heart, and most importantly to me, my spirit. He even changed my vision. Jesus loves me so much and I know this because he not only tells me without sound. He shows me with his actions. I find it so hard to believe that there are people in this world who don’t believe in God, our father, nor his son Jesus Christ! Believe, though. I tell you because he is real! I’m not crazy or deranged, but I’m a firm believer of the Lord. So, with that blessing of mine, I’m glad to be able to bless someone’s life with the knowledge of God through my story! Our story! Hallelujah, amen! I pray it helps souls to not only believe in him but know he’s still in control. Keep God first, always.

Book Dedication

To my son, I’ve loved you since the day you were born, believe that! You were my first creation in life and I’m sorry that as a mother I failed you. It took me too long to see that you were my purpose in life when instead I blamed you for your own existence. There are actions I’m still ashamed of and the worse one was the neglect towards you. I carried that guilt many years of not raising you and it was God who helped me see and understand that it was His will so there was nothing I could do about it. It was bigger than me and you were the result of a sin that had to be revealed! I hold dear to my heart the belief of your understanding and forgiveness. It helps me to remain strong and know that I, too, was innocent in this life in which we both suffered from. I tried to break the so-called curse of generations that I believed in, but it wasn’t my job to begin with. That acknowledgment helped me to help myself in dealing with the acceptance of mishandling my job as a mother. I forgave myself and then I asked you and God for the same. I’m grateful for our bond. In spite of it all, we overcame and we conquered. I love you, son, still with all my heart. Stay strong!

Mommy

Introduction

My name is LaWanda Gray Kinds and I am now forty-two years of age. I am a mother of four beautiful girls and one handsome son. While many females my age may have a certain perspective of life, my perspective is quite remarkable. I feel there’s a lot of thoughts to life and some of them can be suicidal. As for me, I’ve came too close to that very thought in life, but God! God helped me to realize suicide was not the answer. In fact, it was the worse answer to believe in because in the end it would have been hell for me when I lifted my eyes on judgment day. He told me to look to him only, so with that I often questioned the life I was given. Believing at times, God wasn’t there, that he had left me to fight my battles alone. But he spoke to me at a very young age. He came into my life when I was a kid and he never left me. Even when I felt he should have. Why me Lord? I asked. Why so many bad things happening to me? Am I being punished? Is there really a purpose for me?

I asked the Lord so many questions as a Christian and he spoke to me each time with an answer. It is because of my relationship with God I chose the title for this book. It was based on his true words to me and I am alive and well because of him! He made himself known to me and he stayed by my side through many trials and tribulations