The Battlefield

By Tebogo Portia Rambau

Life is a battlefield. It does not matter whether you are ready to fight or not; you will have to fight anyway. 
I thought being an orphan with no siblings and grandparents was the hardest challenge ever. I thought nothing could come close to it, until life put me in a ring where I had to fight in order to survive. Life taught me that every single day is a challenge and you have to fight to stay on top. 
The Battlefield #Next Season details how I battled for my health, my emotions and thoughts, as well as the relationships I tried to make work.  It recounts how I tried to fit in and establish family bonds, and each time failing terribly. The book also dissects the stages of severe depression and anxiety that I went through and how I was able to survive, while battling Covid-19 which brought the country and the world to its knees. The Battlefield also revisits the brutality of the pandemic, the constant fear that came with the lockdowns, the lives lost and the impact the pandemic had on people with mental health challenges.
Last but not least, I talk about letting go of my mom and dad, accepting things as they are and putting an end to forcing people to stay in my life. Ultimately, I learnt to let go of people and things I lost, making peace with people walking out of my life and coming to accept things that I cannot change. 
This book carries a message of hope that you don't stop fighting because you are tired. You stop when the battle is won and sometimes your opponent in the ring is your thoughts.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tebogo Portia Rambau
• Release date: Jun 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223313311

Book preview

The battlefield

#Next season

TeboGo Portia rambau

Copyright ©2023 Tebogo Portia Rambau

Publisher: Tebogo Portia Rambau

First published: 2023

Print On Demand.

Editing: Thokozani Magagula

Typesetting: Sukoluhle Nontokozo Mdlongwa

Cover Design: Sukoluhle Nontokozo Mdlongwa

Painting: Mbongeni Dave Sibanda

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

ISBN:  978-0-6397-4045-6

A legal deposit of this book is available at the National Library of South Africa under Legal Deposit Act, no 54 of 1997

Printed in the Republic of South Africa

CONTENTS

BACKGROUND

INTRODUCTION

THE BATTLEFIELD #NEXT SEASON: ORIGINS

CHAPTER 1

THE PASSING OF MY MOM

CHAPTER 2

LETTING MY MOM GO

CHAPTER 3

A LETTER TO MY DAD

CHAPTER 4

MY SON’S LETTER TO HIS DADDY

CHAPTER 5

THE FATHER’S VOID

CHAPTER 6

My CHEERLEADER, MY BLESSING

CHAPTER 7

NEXT OF KIN

CHAPTER 8

SINGLE PARENTING AND RELATIONSHIPS

CHAPTER 9

SEASON OF CORONA VIRUS

CHAPTER 10

ABOUT POUM

CHAPTER 11

POUM’S ONLINE CONFERENCE

CHAPTER 12

APARTMENT SEARCHING

CHAPTER 13

DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

CHAPTER 14

MY FIRST BOOK EXPERIENCE

CHAPTER 15

NARROW ESCAPE FROM DEATH

CHAPTER 16

SPIRITUAL ATTACKS

CHAPTER 17

COVID-19 INFECTION

CHAPTER 18

REBELLION AGAINST GOD

CHAPTER 19

MY GRADUATION

CHAPTER 20

BEST YEAR BY FAR

CHAPTER 21

I TEBOGO, TESTIMONY

MY EXISTENCE

THANKSGIVING

APPRECIATION

BACKGROUND

BATTLEFIELD

L

ife is a battlefield. Whether you are ready to fight or not, you will have to put on your gloves and fight anyway.

The battlefield is about all the fights I had to be in. Every season came with its battle and I had to fight in order to win. There was no time to sleep; I had to fight. Some days I did not feel like fighting. Some days I had no strength left in me to get in the ring and fight. I got discouraged and felt faint-hearted and there were days I just wanted to throw in the towel, walk out of the ring and accept defeat.

Each time I was close to giving up I would remember what was at stake, I would remember why I needed to fight, and I would remember why I fought from the beginning up to here. Whenever I recalled how I got here and how the LORD was always on my side and how He never left me, I would regain the fighting strength and courage. I would remember all the storms I faced and endured. I would remember the high mountain I had to climb. I would suddenly remember how I got here and I will immediately get into the fighting spirit again. I would remember that I am not doing this alone but the LORD is on my side.

After remembering all these, it didn’t matter anymore who or what I had to fight because I knew that the same GOD who made a way for me in the past and helped me to conquer, is the same GOD who will help me to defeat whatever was standing in front of me.

INTRODUCTION

ECCLESIASTES 3:1-14

T

o everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

⁹What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

¹⁰I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

¹¹He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

¹²I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

¹³And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labor, it is the gift of God.

¹⁴I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be forever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.

Solomon clearly states in Verse 1 of Chapter 3, that there is a season for everything. Do not curse the different seasons that you go through in your life. Every season is there to serve a purpose. Do not waste your seasons by quarrelling, mourning or even giving up. Stand firm in faith, embrace and endure the season because a great testimony awaits you which will not only impact your life, but the lives of many others.

Verse 11 says that God has made everything beautiful for its own time. You will never see the beauty of anything until its appointed time comes. God appoints the times of everything and whatever God does is final.

Every season in your life is there to take you from or through one season to the next and in the process you are elevated. Some of the seasons we go through in the present unlock the seasons we are going to go through in the future. The different seasons in our lives only make sense after we have gone through them. We get to understand why things happened the way they did.

Some people come into our lives for a certain season and some come for a lifetime. Embrace them all because all of them come to fulfil a purpose. Some people you only need for a certain time or certain tasks, and once the task is fulfilled they are gone. Some come and never leave because their mandate or task is throughout your lifespan. Embrace them all because they all come to fulfil a certain mission.

In my life I have had seasonal and lifetime friends. The seasonal friends are very important for their relevant seasons. We get too attached to them, we trust them a lot, we rely on them and they are always there when we need them until their season is over. When their season is done, we feel less attached to them and less connected to them. We end up feeling like we don’t need them, mostly we feel that way because their season has passed. It is not that they are bad people; it is just that their purpose has been carried out and their season in our lives has passed.

The lifetime friends are always there. When the seasonal friends have carried out their purpose and are gone, we are left with lifetime friends. They are the ones who will be there to pick up the pieces. They are the ones who will be there to pick us up after we have fallen.

Every season is important and nobody is designed to get stuck in one season.

Let us read Deuteronomy 1:6-8

⁶The Lord our God said to us at Horeb, "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. ⁷Break camp and advance into the hill country of the Amorites; go to all the neighboring peoples in the Arabah, in the mountains, in the western foothills, in the Negev and along the coast, to the land of the Canaanites and to Lebanon, as far as the great river, the Euphrates. ⁸See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land the Lord swore he would give to your fathers—to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—and to their descendants after them."

The Israelites found themselves camping on the mountain. They were supposed to stay there only for a season and advance into the hill country of the Amorites. Instead they camped on the mountain, they became too comfortable and attached to the season of staying on the mountain. They became too familiar with the mountain that they didn’t want to leave it. They were used to the environment and it became their comfort zone. They camped on the mountain.

Never camp in your season. Do not get too attached to your season because you will never want to move forward and take hold of the next season. The Israelites were camping in the season before the season of blessings or breakthrough. The next season after the season of staying on the mountain, came the season to advance into the country of the Amorites and possess the land which God had given them.

Never camp in your seasons because you might miss blessings of the next seasons to come. God takes us through different seasons. Some of them are overwhelming, some seasons are lonely, some seasons are painful, some seasons are very sad and some of them are joyful and peaceful. Have faith in God in every season, allow Him to lead and direct you. If God takes you into a season of leaving your comfort zone, your place of familiarity and out of your country of origin, allow Him. Some of us our destiny is not connected to the environment we are currently in or the countries we were born in.

Let us read the following scripture:

Genesis 12:1-4 New International Version (NIV)

12 The Lord had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. ² I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.

³ I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."

⁴So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran.

Abraham was called out of his country of birth at the age of 75. No one would want to go and start life afresh, leaving his environment and country, at the age of 75. But Abraham did because this is where God was calling him. He obeyed without questioning the commands of God. The new country which God was calling him to was connected to God’s blessings upon his life, and it was in the Promised Land where the promises of God upon his life came to pass. Sometimes our comfort zones rob us of our blessings. Don’t be afraid to start over, especially if God is the one leading you. Step into every new season which God is calling you to; He is directing you and leading you to your destiny.

THE BATTLEFIELD #NEXT SEASON: ORIGINS

T

he battlefield #Next Season is a continuation of Never Shaken.

I would advise you to get a copy of my first book which is titled Never Shaken. Read it first then you will be able to understand and relate to Next Season better.

I have always had a desire to write books. It started when I was 17 years old. At first I didn’t think I could do it. But the passion became deeper and stronger as I grew older. I didn’t think I had it in me to start and finish a book. The desire and the passion didn’t just go away because of the wall of limitation I built up around my thoughts.

My destiny was forever calling me; I always had the right words to say to people. I would type long emails, long WhatsApp texts and make long posts on Facebook. Some of my colleagues and friends used to complain about my long texts on WhatsApp and my long emails which took forever to read. This was when I realised that I couldn’t keep things short. I always have a lot of things to say whenever I start typing, so I am a Writer!

I took my calling seriously and started to write a book. I had the title and I had the story. I wrote about my life and I titled the book Never Shaken. Never Shaken means that throughout the storms and trials I faced in life, my faith in God was Never Shaken. I always had hope and believed that God will see me through and He did.

It took me a long time to finish the book – more than two years. I was either too busy or too tired to finish it. It became a burden as I was procrastinating all the time, until one morning when I woke up and committed myself to finishing the book. I felt like the Lord ignited the passion in me and I was more than determined to finish it. I wrote and finished it and I was excited and relieved at the same time that what I procrastinated for years had finally been done. You know that feeling you get after being done with a huge project? That was the feeling I had.

It took a lot of my time and I was glad that finally the book was done. One day after I was done with the book, I remember so clearly, I was in the bathroom and the Lord said to me: Next Season is the new book’s name. I got excited, very excited for someone who never thought of writing a book ever again. After Never Shaken, I was drained and I never wanted to write another book again. Unfortunately, God had other plans and when He said it, I was overjoyed.

I started writing four days after the LORD had pronounced on it. The night when I started with the book, I couldn’t even sleep – that is how excited I was about writing Next Season. Maybe it was because this was my second time writing a book and I knew exactly what lay ahead. I knew what to expect unlike the first time when everything was new to me. Or it most probably was because the LORD was taking me to a Next Season.

Next Season takes you through the different seasons I was in, in a short space of time. It is more about what happened later after Never Shaken.

CHAPTER 1

THE PASSING OF MY MOM

I

was 27 years old with a five-month-old baby when my mother died. I still needed her. I couldn’t even cry for her, mourn or grieve for her properly. They kept telling me to wipe away my tears because I was not supposed to cry as I was breastfeeding at the time.

There were people everywhere and I couldn’t actually find time to let those tears run down my cheeks. There were relatives, friends and neighbours in every corner of the house. There was no alone time to close yourself away and be vulnerable.

I kept my emotions inside. I kept the tears in my eyes. I kept the pain in my heart. There was also a lot to be done – organising everything with the funeral parlour, Home Affairs for the death certificate, the church, the community and to organise with the people who are in charge of the graveyard. I also had to organise food, transport, tents, chairs and everything else that was needed for the whole week of the funeral.

I was the Jack of all trades. I had to make sure that all of these things were organised and ready. There was just no time for crying and falling apart. Everything else was on my shoulders. I had to suppress those emotions and stand up tall in order to organise a dignified funeral for my mother. Everything else depended on me. Everything else depended on me keeping my head up high. There was no one to organise this funeral but me.

I summoned up the tough me and muted the weak me and the latter was out there doing what needed to be done for her mother. I was