The Joy of Parenting... With Confidence: (It’s Like Having Instructions Stamped on the Bottom at Delivery)

By Howard H Smith

Confidence in parenting? Is that a joke? Nobody has much confidence in that! But why not? When the author of this book, originally written as a gift to his grandchildren so they would not forget the "why" of how they had been parented, began teaching these concepts to young parents, and a few grandparents, the most common comment was "Why didn't I know this before?" There are plenty of books and studies on "Christian" parenting, but as one pastor reader expressed, "You must publish this. I've never seen anything like this in print before!" Then the first grandchildren to have a child said they were sharing it with their friends and also mentioned how helpful it would be in book and study form. Your servant, the author, is pleased that others might prosper from this information and will be strongly successful and confident Christian parents.Within the pages of God's revelation to mankind are so many "helps" and so much "encouragement" for the parent who follows God's design, they can't help but be successful.First, this plan has been tested by the author and his wife before being presented to you. Their discovery, it works very effectively.Second, God is in charge with this style of parenting. No guesswork about what we should do, just His magnificent leadership revealed.Third, the plan is laid out by easily understood sessions, by age, by special circumstances, and finally by God's blessing.Finally, you will be introduced to how to be the agent of God's blessing to your children, grandchildren, and to those in your sphere of influence.Be confident. Parenting is a joy, under the Lord's care!Included in the pages of this book is a complete teaching outline, with suggestions for the group leader for each session.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887514079

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

A Note to Our Readers

My Dear Grandchildren

Prologue: Going Behind the Veil: Why Parenting by a Biblical Pattern Works

Going Behind the Veil

Why Parenting by a Biblical Pattern Works

Chapter 1: Overview

Chapter 2: Establishing a Firm Foundation

The First Five

Dedicated to the Lord

Be Their Example

Parents United

Discipline

Three Elements: Punishment, Admonition, and Encouragement

Punishment

Admonition

Encouragement

Chapter 3: The Exciting Time: Ages 6–12

Training in Right

Family Honor

Family Traditions

Example

Blessing for Life

Loving Relationships

Coping with Life Issues

Discipline

Types of Discipline

Choosing Responsibly

Becoming Adults

Building a Successful Adult

A Right of Passage

A Personal Responsibility

Remaining Subject to Parents

Chapter 4: The Fine-Tuning Years: (Alias Teenagers)

Truth

Manner of Life

Purpose

Faith

Love

Chapter 5: Dealing with Rebellion

Honor All Men

Love Never Fails

Fear God: The Beginning of Wisdom

The Beginning of Wisdom

Honor the King: Respect for Authority

A Personal Note

Rules for a Fair Fight

Rules for a Fair Fight

Chapter 6: Leaving Successfully

Chapter 7: The Blessing

The Blessing Defined

God Blesses Marriage

God Blesses Obedience

God Blesses Honor

Expressing God's Blessing In…

Meaningful Touch

Speaking Encouragement

Imparting High Values

Picture a Special Future

An Active Commitment

A Note to Parents

A Note to Single Parents

A Note to Grandparents

A Note to Step-Parents

Study Guide

Session 1: Going Behind the Veil, Why Biblical Parenting Works

Establishing a Firm Foundation

The First Five

Session 2: The Exciting Times: Ages 6–12

Session 3

Session 4

Session 5: Dealing with Rebellion

Leaving Successfully

Session 6: The Blessing

About the Author

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The Joy of Parenting... With Confidence

(It’s Like Having Instructions Stamped on the Bottom at Delivery)

Howard H Smith

ISBN 979-8-88751-406-2 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88751-407-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Howard Smith

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Finding the joy in parenting is as simple as finding the ultimate rules of the game laid down in Scripture.

They are our gracious gifts, giving us the greatest opportunity to be successful parents to successful children.

To my sons and daughters (that's how I think of you two wonderful ladies who joined our family by marriage).

Names withheld to protect the innocent—who knows who might see this.

A Note to Our Readers

Thank you for joining our journey into the excitement of parenting by biblical standards. This is a family journey. As my wife and I entered this journey, we had no idea where it would take us. We began only with the confidence that the Lord would guide us through His Word.

What we discovered was a confidence in parenting we never expected as we saw the strength of God at work in our family. Over the years, we saw our sons, both now pastors, raising bright, exciting, Godly children in much the same way we had discipled them.

My concern was that their children, our grandchildren, might lose some of the meaning of biblical parenting and wish to know why.

Sure enough, as I discussed the possibility of writing this book with them, one said, Yes, I would like to know why my dad did some of the things he did. Then she giggled. Their relationship was already strong.

So you, who are not immediate family, will notice some personal family references. I thought of removing these for publication but then realized; they are a part of the appeal.

This is personal. This is passionate. This is important! You will see in the personal examples and references how this concept works in real time. We are now beginning a fourth generation in biblical parenting. It works!

This writing is an attempt to show you, the Christian reading public, how amazing God is in the most practical aspects of life, parenting. He has guided us to a great success in family discipleship, and we wish to share it.

I have been encouraged by my grandchildren's insisting that their friends are interested in their parenting techniques. Some are asking how they can get a copy of this book, and we want to make that possible.

My family so sincerely hope to be a part of God's blessing to your family. In this, we hope you give us the chance.

Thank you, and may the Lord bless your family richly.

The Smiths

My Dear Grandchildren

You may not know this, but your dads were an experiment. Really.

Your Grannie and I were looking at the Landscape of Christian Parenting Conferences of the time and were uneasy.

Some, though called Christian, were based on psychological systems, rather humanistic, in their approach.

Others were presented in a very legalistic way, emphasizing rules but ignoring the value of relationships.

Of course, the most common pattern of parenting was available, even useful, to us—do it like our parents did!

Your papa's parents were wonderful parents and did a lot of things right, just because they had so much practical, common sense to impart. But my mother was a work in progress, having grown up in a tough home environment and making the decision she was going to be a change agent. The result was a great, loving home for me as an only child to grow up in.

My father, who was one of the most upright, moral men I had ever known, did not become a follower of Jesus Christ until he was sixty-two years old. At that point, I had been pastoring for several years.

So you see, since I had been discovering, in God's beautifully written love story, the practical application of life principles since I was seventeen, it only made sense to go there for instruction in parenting.

Grannie was quite a different story. She was in church before she could stay awake in Sunday School. As a pastor's kid, she felt she had no choice except a Christian family and way of life. So imagine my surprise to come home for lunch one day, when your daddies were just babies, and found her weeping uncontrollably. I asked, Who died? She now tells me she wishes she had said I did!

She had just done something she knew she had needed to do since she was a child growing up in church—and a pastor's home—she had just confessed that she had never given Christ mastery of her life. She knew more Scripture than I did, knew all the right things to say, and could pray sensitively, teach, and lived a good life; but just that day, she had trusted the Lord to be in charge, to deal with sin, to give new hope, and make her, forevermore, a child of God!

So when I asked her if she would partner with me on a biblical pattern of parenting, she agreed. We found the principles readily available, and as I said earlier, your dads became an experiment in the application of discovered principles from God to us on the raising of children.

And you, my pride, are a second generation of that biblical course of discovery. I have watched, sometimes even been asked to advise or remind, how God said to do it.

So when another pastor friend, giving us, as a family, a grand compliment, said, I have watched your boys, their wives, their children, from the time I have known you and remarked to my wife, ‘Those two have a genuine gift of God in discipling family.' You should certainly pass this on.

The related reason for writing and passing these discoveries on to you is the knowledge that anything, no matter how wonderful it begins, can fall into the trap of tradition: Well, that's just the way we do it. Then it is in such danger of being minimized as not very important, or worse, ignored and perverted through transition.

So here we go. Never has a project challenged me more nor seemed so important. Following are the biblical discoveries which allowed your fathers to find themselves as men of God, trust in Christ, and pass it on to you in such an amazing way.

It is for love of God, love of family, and the Joy of Parenting.

Papa

Prologue: Going Behind the Veil: Why Parenting by a Biblical Pattern Works

Going Behind the Veil

Why Parenting by a Biblical Pattern Works

When we first discover in seeking the wisdom of God that the Bible is not only a step into the mystery of God, His grace, and all that is good, but beyond that, He gives it to us as a practical guide to living life at its highest, we are indeed made richer.

Understanding this practical nature of the Word God has given us, it becomes imperative to mine it for great nuggets of knowledge that make life exceedingly better. So mine the Scriptures for life applications to parenting.

Here is the basis of what gave you guys such as great start in life. In the writing of Matthew, chapter 5, verses 17–18, Jesus says, Do not think that I came to destroy the law or the prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and Earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Now, we live by grace, but the law is still our guide on this amazing journey.

And the law, the writing of the Old Testament, does much to establish a biblical pattern for parenting. Also, Jesus, when he referred to children and family, referred to them in light of Old Testament principles. It is quite clear his faithful mother and earthly father would have raised Him by these principles. Can you have a better commendation than that?

The second principle, as a simple building block, is that the Hebrew family was based on this Old Testament pattern. So things we discover in study of the Hebrew laws of family still apply as functional today and were never objected to in the teachings of Jesus Christ. These truths were passed on, generation by generation, through the Hebrew family.

Remember Paul's heartfelt greeting to Timothy? After thanking God, Paul said he was greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also (2 Tim. 1:4–5).

Wow, what a legacy. Don't you wish we could be so persuaded? Why not? Our Lord gave us the pattern. We must not subscribe to a world view of parenting that is just a toss-up, you can never know.

We truly cannot control the outcome; that is why we trust in the Lord and follow His leadership. But if we truly put our heart into this, cannot we be joyful, as Paul was in his fond memories of Timothy?

This idea of Joy in Parenting piques our excitement as a family, our interest, and our direction! In the words of John recorded in 3 John 1:3–4, "For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" (emphasis mine). How much greater our joy, to know this of our own children. That is what this law of God in parenting gives us!

It does require a plan, a direction in parenting, and that is what I plan to lay out before you. Not that you can't discover it for yourselves, but my goal is to make it easier for you to develop a biblical plan for parenting.

Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren (Deut. 4:19).

So you see, we have so great an opportunity to pass it on, generation to generation. It works. Here we go.

Chapter 1

Overview

The Scripture you hold in your hand is a treasure map of information on how to be a successful parent. On a personal note, your papa began to realize parenting is great fun. Joyful. This happened when I began to trust in God's plan, follow His law, and believe He would do the work of building the lives of your fathers, if Grannie and I would only be faithful to the plan.

This is in no way a psychological study, but we have learned some things from developmental psychology, which help us confirm how our God wants us to apply His training to us as parents. We know, by this assessment of human development that by age five, the child has developed his or her basic personality. By the age of twelve, the child has formed his or her basic values for life.

Past that age, with a faith developed sense of self-determination, the child moves from childhood to formative adult, ready to make decisions and choices and spread the wings. So we look to the Lord to see what we, as parents, should be doing in each, sometimes all these phases of development.

The most outstanding guide to the overview of biblical parenting may just be Deuteronomy 6:4–9. Here